Adapting to Change

If I had to pick one word to summarize my feelings these days it would be 'change'. Change comes in all shapes and sizes, it can be loud or quiet, and it can be invited or it can barge in on you. It can be anticipated and welcomed or it can be overwhelming and scary.

The thing is we can sometimes have control over some changes like getting healthy or being a good communicator. Other times change is forced upon us, often without notice like a sickness or a car accident. But like anything else in life we cannot control everything. We can't control the weather; the hurricanes, the tornados, or the earthquakes. We can have a voice, but can't always steer the direction of a relationship that is breaking, a job that is about to be lost, or even a political situation we're unhappy with.

When change stares you straight in the face and gets so loud that you want to put in ear plugs to drown it out it means you are allowing the change to consume you. I often stay awake at night just listening to all the voices in my head and replaying every negative thing that happened, every nasty word that someone shared, every belittling attempt that I came across online whether in a news article or a Facebook post.

Everyone has an opinion about everything, including myself. The challenge is sharing opinions without being a bully and seeking a 15 minute platform. Sometimes the only thing we can constructively do is work with what we have. We have the choice and the ability to re-evaluate our situation. We don't have to be on board or even like or approve of the change we're facing, but we do need to find a way to adapt to it. 

Some changes are good and we can't wait to embrace them and move forward in a positive way. Other changes, not so much. Sadly, that's just how life is. It's not always happy or pretty or wrapped nicely with a perfect bow on it. Sometimes change takes a lot of work and grit and time and energy and creative solutions and sleepless nights. In the end YOU still have a choice of whether you allow it to consume you and in what way.

A friend recently shared a beautifully written post with me about HOPE. A couple of lines stood out to me, but I will paraphrase. '... sometimes in those seasons of life that ache beyond words, we just want to hear that it's okay to not feel okay.' Any emotion is a real emotion and in my opinion is valid. Someone who is going through a rough patch doesn't need the pressure when asked how they are doing to say the obligatory, "I'm fine." They need to know it's okay to say, 'You know it's been a really bad week that just won't end." Give the people you come across the freedom to be truthful, but also help them to move forward. As the writer said, "We can sit in the tension of reality together." But then we can get up and try to be productive in whatever small way we can.

This isn't a post about politics - politics are everchanging and someone will always be happy and someone else will not. There are other blogs for that topic. These ramblings are about all the other changes we face daily. Wanting a relationship to work to when not everyone is on board. Wanting to accept the health and weight we are at and make the best of it. Learning to navigate our future alone after the loss of a loved one. Wanting our confidence to grow and be able to feel proud of what we have achieved even if it took us longer to get there. Being able to objectively evaluate where we are in our lives, where we long to be, and learning what hard work will look like to get there.

What change have you been dealing with?

Is it a welcome change? Or not?

Are you allowing it to define you or are you finding a way to adapt to it?

Are you feeling reenergized?

It's safe to say that spring is finally here. No more snowfalls. No more cold nights. The grass is getting greener by the day, the flowering trees are budding out, and the daffodils are standing tall. According to the outside, it has switched seasons. But what is your mind saying?

The warmer temperatures may mean lighter jackets and maybe even no socks. That's a great recipe for lifting your spirits. Spring is a good time to think about getting outside, talking to your neighbors, taking walks, and often planning ahead for what to do next. Many people start prepping their gardens and yards. Others will start making plans for vacation getaways.

Where do you feel you left off after a several months of winter? When you're stuck inside and it gets dark out by 5:00 p.m., you fix dinner, maybe read a book or watch some TV, and then go to bed. Motivation to do more tends to shift backwards (of course, not for everyone). You may have headed into March feeling a bit stuck; not wanting to do much. Then April comes and the time changes and suddenly you're coming home after work and you've managed to stop off at the grocery store, fix dinner, clean the kitchen, and discover it's still daylight out.

I'll be honest, the last blog post I wrote was in January and we started the new year. Suddenly I found that three months had flown by and I hadn't written a single word. I didn't sit around doing nothing. I read books, I painted a few pictures, met with friends, went to work, etc. I wanted to blog, but found myself wondering what life-changing words could I possibly share? I felt a little stuck. I wondered this week what exciting things I could write about that others would find encouraging or uplifting. Then I realized I didn't need to put that pressure on myself. Maybe just being honest about where I was at could be enough. Maybe there would be someone else that could relate and we could bond over NOT having a current plan. 

Sometimes it's enough to just be okay. Sometimes it doesn't matter that you don't currently have a magnificent goal or obstacle to conquer. You can still be motivated and happy and driven with the season you are currently in. People aren't always like a calendar telling us what day or season it is and how we should be feeling. Maybe we just need a little more time and aren't quite ready for a big change. Changes (good or bad) are inevitable and will come when they're ready. When that happens we'll just deal and learn to roll with it better. 

Maybe this April I am just a self-proclaimed 'late bloomer'. If that's it, I can be okay with that. After all, not every tree or bush has bloomed yet. Some are taking their time and will be just as beautiful when they're ready.

What to do now? Are you still feeling a bit stuck; maybe not physically, but emotionally? Is this a season of transition for you?

Maybe get back to me when you're ready. I'd love to know where you are at and how you're doing.

January Doesn't Have To Be A Let Down

I'm embarrassed to say it's been a few months since I've shared anything. The autumn leading into the seasonal holidays is always busy. The leaves turn orange and yellow and red. The air starts to get cooler. We celebrate Thanksgiving and then start decorating for Christmas. We hang the outdoor lights, begin our holiday shopping, and fill our calendars with social events. Many people are so anxious and busy preparing for the festivities that they're exhausted when the month of December actually arrives.

Where I live in Michigan we generally anticipate having a white Christmas; fresh snow and crisp air. It adds something magical to the season. Christmas of 2023 arrived with cloudy skies, rain, and foggy air ... then gloomily stuck around through New Year's Day.

Usually by the time we get through New Year's people are packing away their holiday decorations and gearing up for a quiet January, which usually includes a feeling of things being quiet and a bit slower. Some people have a hard time dealing with the drastic change. No more nostalgic music on the radio, no more twinkling lights on the trees, and for many no more happy visits with friends and family dropping by. January can be sad for some; they're looking for something to lift their spirits.

Here we are, half way through January and the snow and cold temperatures have finally arrived for my area; only a few weeks late. One of our state's universities had an exciting end to their football season when they ended up the champs! Go Blue! Our NFL team has made it to the playoffs, something I'm not sure I thought I'd ever see. There's literally a football frenzy in the air; excitement and joy everywhere.

January is turning out to be anything but quiet or boring. I've started reading a new book for a book club. I'm finishing up a winter painting. I purchased a new BIG canvas for an upcoming project (trust me, that's a big leap of faith).We're meeting up with friends for our monthly dinner and conversation. And we're making an effort to get out and use some of our restaurant gift cards (the pile was starting to get pretty big).

Sometimes life deals us obstacles we have no control over, but sometimes life can be what we make of it. For me, I'm making this January a fun one. I'm not sitting back and letting it pass me by.

What are you doing this January to make it fun?

What is your current season?

It's nearing the end of September; the kids are back in school, summer feels like it is winding down, and you can start unpacking your sweaters. Weather-wise, we're finishing up summer and gearing up for autumn. The leaves will soon be changing colors, some people have already been putting up their Halloween outside décor, and your favorite hobby stores are beginning to  display their Christmas stock.

Calendar seasons are one thing - just follow the dates posted on your fridge. I'll admit I'm not ready for colder weather, but I am ready to pull the summer flowers (all the red and pink and purple) and replace them with colorful mums! I am ready for oranges and yellows. I'm ready to walk in the crisp air and stop by the cider mill. But I also don't want time to go too fast because we all know that after autumn comes cold and snow and sometimes ice!

There are also the different seasons in our lives, depending on our ages. There's our teenage years, there's the college days, and the years of independence. For many there are the years of parenthood, the years we spend building our careers, and the years we work toward empty nests and retirement. There were the years we were caregivers to our mothers or fathers and all that it entailed. 

If someone were to ask me what season I am currently in I would have to say the season of floundering and discovery. I've always been the type of person to work toward the future, to make lists, and plan ahead ... often forgetting to savor the moments of today. My heart knows I need to find a better balance, but my mind tends to get in the way and make things more difficult than they need to be.

My husband and I are parents to two adults and grandparents to four awesome grandkids, we're empty nesters, we're no longer caregivers, and we both still work full time. Somehow we're just as busy now as we always have been, but we do try take some time for ourselves. We each have hobbies that we find intriguing, creative, and relaxing to us. But truth be told some times we can go weeks before we are able to carve some time out of our responsibilities to make time for ourselves. That is my goal for this week. We both had a really busy month of August and so far September hasn't seemed to slow down any. You get to the point that you're not just physically tired, but you're also mentally drained.

I am finally taking a couple of overdue days off. Of course I plan to finish cleaning out my summer flower gardens and get into the autumn spirit with fall décor including mums and pumpkins. I always try to do the MUST DO'S first so I won't feel guilty about doing the WANNA DO'S. Pathetic I know. My fun plans? Some reading, some shopping, and some painting. Hopefully a little ME time will get me back on track and feeling re-energized once again.

Hopefully my season of floundering and feeling a little lost and off kilter will lead the way to a better season filled with hope and joy and rest and contentment.

What season do you find yourself currently in? 

Is it what you thought it would be or is it different somehow?

No Place For Judgement

Has anyone ever accused you of being judgmental? Have you ever inadvertently shamed someone? Everyone, including you, has feelings. Many people will try to hide their emotions; others display them front and center for the whole world to see. Do they really want everyone's input or do they just like the attention they get? Good or bad, maybe they need the attention to feel validated or noticed.

I know this is a big topic and can cover a pretty broad scope of situations. Let's break down a few examples. 

• Have you ever had someone point out something you're wearing and suggest that it might not be appropriate? Unless you're required to wear a uniform for your profession or you have an expected written dress code, then their opinion of your attire may be just that ... their opinion.

• Have you ever felt 'shamed' by things people have said to you for being too tall or too short or too heavy or too skinny? Or too emotional? People don't need to point out you're too old or too young for this or that; that's your business. Often our ages are just numbers on paper; if your mind and body tell you that you can still do something, then do it. Dance like no one is watching!

• If you're like me you may find that you judge the people driving on your right that speed up and then wait til the last minute to merge left into your lane in front of you (like they didn't see the sign with the arrow a block behind you). I don't know their story. I don't know if they didn't see the sign or never drove on that street before. But I can assume and that what gets me in trouble.

I have a fear of going to the dentist. It's a legitimate anxiety; my heart races, my skin gets very blotchy, and I get clammy. It only takes one bad experience for anyone to develop a fear of something. Maybe a dog bit you when you were six and were getting off the school bus; it would be legitimate for you to feel uneasy around dogs you don't know. It certainly doesn't help when a dog's owner belittles your fear by saying, 'Oh, don't be afraid. Fido never bit anyone. He's very gentle with most people.' The fact that Fido weighs 100# and is straining his leash while barking at you might be deterring you from believing them.

My dentist retired a while back and I needed to find a new practice. I finally took the step and made an appointment with a new one. It went fine, mostly because they didn't judge me for not having been to a dentist in a while. They acknowledged my fear for what it was and tried to support me so I could have a better experience. It doesn't mean my dental anxieties have magically disappeared, but it was a good first step toward regaining some trust.

The thing is that we should do things that are positive because they are right. We don't walk in other people shoes and we certainly don't know everyone's back stories. If someone asks for help, do what you can but don't judge or shame them for being in a position where they needed to ask for help. Maybe it took them a week to work up the courage to ask for help or maybe it took them a year and half to make the dentist appointment. 

Unless you wear a black robe and sit in a judge's chair and have a gavel in your hand and the law on your side, you really don't have the right to judge anyone.

Choose your actions and your words carefully. What's the saying about a tube of toothpaste? Words are like toothpaste, once they're out you can't put them back in the tube.

Just something to think about?

When have you felt judged or shamed?

How did it make you feel?

Who gets to define 'older'?

I'm probably showing my age a little bit, but I remember being in elementary school and thinking that all of my teachers were old. In reality they weren't, but they dressed older and very conservatively. So not having any real concept of time and age I thought they were all in their 60s and that seemed ancient. Wow, how times have changed. Styles have changed and people have more choices now in their hair color and clothing styles, not to mention people are living longer and doing more. Nowadays if you are smart you will never try to guess someone's age.

When my kids were in school the teachers all got younger. For that fact, so did the policemen, the firefighters, and the doctors. Maybe it's partly a new reality and partly perception. People seem more active now than when I was younger.

What do they say? 80 is the new 60, and 60 is the new 40? I can't tell you how often I hear people say their age may be one number but in their mind they're still 20 years younger. When I was young the only activities I saw my parents partake in was playing cards. I never saw them do anything active or break a sweat. My mother did play the piano, but always with grace and dignity.

I recently just turned 60, but don't feel like it. My friends say they would never guess that was my age if I didn't tell them - but maybe they're just being nice.

A friend told me a funny story the other day that she was somewhere trying to get some records and a stranger made a comment to her that birth certificates are only online going back a certain amount of time. He said he'd been around a LONG time and knew this for a fact. She asked when he was born and he replied, '1981'. OMG! Seriously? That's the year I graduated from high school. I have news for him, records go back a bit longer than that, lol. He was defining 'older' in a whole new way.

So WHO exactly gets to define 'older'? And who gets to categorize people and label them and what makes them feel qualified to do that? I certainly wouldn't want that responsibility. I'd like to keep my friends, thank you very much.

Do you feel age is just a number? 

Do you let your age define you by someone else's definition?

How do you measure time?

There are many ways to measure time? Maybe you have a techy calendar on your phone or a paper one on your refrigerator. These will certainly help you keep track of birthdays, vacation days, and upcoming appointments. But what about remembering the seasons of your life? Remembering when you experienced the highs and lows?

People experience different levels and stages in their lives. Maybe you're at the place where you measure your life by everything that happened before and after retirement. Before you had a family to raise or when you started re-experiencing life with an empty nest.

Our parents and grandparents may refer to how life was before or after a war. 

A patient may define their journey as before or after their medical diagnosis. 

A young adult may label their accomplishments as before or after their college graduation.

Whatever category you find yourself in it's interesting to understand the perspective you bring to the table. What situations or life events altered your journey?

Almost anyone these days could measure family gatherings or vacations as before Covid complicated life or now when people have resumed many of their activities.

How do you measure your life; what you've accomplished or what your current goals are? 

What stage do you find yourself in?

Show The Real You

You've probably heard the phrases, "Put your best foot forward" and "You only get one chance to make a first impression". They sound simple enough, but are they? They sound like a whole lot of pressure to me. Most people want to do their best and act their best and look their best. Those are things we strive for, but not necessarily how we are on a daily basis or even at a moment's notice.

We fail and try again and again until we get where we want to be. It's important that we let people see both sides of us; the times when we struggle and the times when we achieve. Blend the two sides of ourselves together and we hopefully get a better and balanced (real) version to share. That's the person we want others to see; the relatable and approachable version, the version that is honest.

Sure we all want others to like us, to approve of the things we say and do, and to admire our efforts. But if we're play-acting and putting on a façade we aren't being honest with them or ourselves. Good or bad, weak or strong it's important to just keep it real.

Do you feel comfortable or vulnerable exposing the real you?

It can be daunting at times, but weighs a lot less on your shoulders than putting yourself on a pedestal. There's another saying, "The higher your pedestal the further you have to fall." That doesn't sound fun. My suggestion? Be real, be honest and just be yourself. That's the person you want others to see and admire.

Do you feel you're sharing the real you? What's been your biggest hurdle?

Where Did You Find Your Happiness in 2022?

It's that time of year when many set goals for themselves, define their vision for the new year, or even make their proverbial resolution. Is that what you do? I used to, til I decided I was putting way too much pressure on myself and basically setting myself up for failure. Our mindset going into a new year should be a positive one, not one filled with unneeded stress.

So what will my approach be this year? Great question. I think I will begin by simply reflecting. What positive (and negative) things were in my life during the last 12 months? What things kept me up at night with worry or what things did I find myself looking forward to for the next day? I dealt with the death of a parent, my routines as a caregiver changed, my goals changed, and some of my priorities. I will always be about lists, and adding more to my plate, raising money for causes that mean something to me, and trying to create a better life balance. Like every other year some things I succeeded at and some times I failed miserably. But with every failure is the reminder that I put myself out there and I tried. With every failure also comes knowledge and growth.

For today I will reflect on what things made me happy during 2022. I had meaningful conversations with both of my adult children, I hugged and played with my grandchildren, I took walks and held hands with my husband, not to mention our cheap date nights when we got a carryout and ate McDonalds in a parking lot and just enjoyed each other's company and talked about our day. I found time to work in my flower gardens, paint my pictures (adult PBN, I think I'm addicted), and read a lot of books from the library. Sure there will always be things I wish I had done differently, like not dwell so much on the past and what could have been or let people get under my skin over things that I just found irritating.

Going into 2023 I will continue to strive for a healthier life balance. We are true empty nesters now after 30+ years and that takes getting used to. What we always did in the past for holidays is now just that; the past. Going forward it's about finding what works in any given year. I need to learn not to have things so set in stone in my mind, but rather be more open and accepting to the ways things are now. Traditions can be difficult sometimes; maybe it's about developing new ones but still keeping a few of the old.

Where do you stand today as you reflect on 2022?

What were some of your highs and lows?

Where do you see yourself heading in 2023?

Why is it so hard to be still?

Have you noticed all the noise currently in the world? It's Election Day here for us which means our last days and weeks have been filled with a lot of hatred and arguing; it's everywhere. It should be a sign of democracy working, but instead it's become about who can spread more negativity. It's in the yard signs, the television ads, the billboards, the Internet, the news, the memes, and social media. Whatever happened to people respecting each other's differences? That seems to be a concept that has been lost amidst the chanting of 'I'm right, you're wrong'.

Somehow I think I have gotten way off track. What I wanted to write about today was discovering why it is so hard to be still. When we're still, we can appreciate the quiet; we can hear our inner thoughts better, we can let ourselves just be and get physically and mentally recharged. But some of us, myself included, have a very difficult time being still. We feel like we always need to be doing something; that if we allow ourselves to be still we are acting as though we've finished everything and have completed all of our responsibilities. It's like in order to be still, we have to give ourselves permission to be lazy. In actuality, being still is a good thing.

I took some time off this week to assist someone who needed a hand for a few days. I thought I could help by doing some of the routine things for them that they shouldn't do. The balance of the time we find ourselves sitting on the couch feeling like we should be doing something. We've watched some British Baking, some Pixar short clips, caught up on last week's episode of Survivor ... we even went so far as to start rewatching the very first episode of Survivor from over 20 years ago. We've tried to distract ourselves with things so we won't do anything physical, therefore encouraging rest and healing. We may be letting our bodies rest, but our brains are putting in overtime. We both did an absentee ballot for today so we wouldn't wouldn't miss out on that responsibility, but life still goes on outside the four walls of where we are.

This morning I awoke to total quiet, and not wanting to disturb anyone else I just sat still and listened for over an hour. There was the banging noise of the garbage truck emptying the dumpster in the parking lot at 6:00 a.m. and the automatic cat feeder dispensing at 7:00 a.m. But I did have time to think and reflect on some things; the healing for the person I am staying with, the many people we've lost this past year (relatives and friends), and the process and effects connected to our election today. Being still can be as simple as trying to look past everything that is being thrown at us and allowing ourselves the freedom to choose what we want to focus on for the day. Yes, it can be hard to be still, but so worth it if you can actually achieve it.

How are you at being still? Are you good at it or do you fight it, tooth and nail?

What's the last self-discovery you made when you were still?

Taking A Break

Often we can feel overwhelmed and tired. Sometimes we feel there just aren't enough hours in the day. We all have responsibilities; can't think of anyone I know who doesn't. We make lists and we prioritize because we know we'll never get it ALL done in a day and sure enough we'll forget to do something. So we rewrite the list the next morning and start fresh. It's an inevitable cycle; one that is hard to avoid. But there are times when either our mind or our body says, 'Hey, that's enough. I need a break.' That's when we need to stop and listen. Our mind and body are strong enough to get us through each day, but they're also wise enough to tell us when we need to slow down and recharge.

It's difficult to just flip a switch and say 'I'm off til Wednesday'. How many times have you been on vacation and it's literally day two or three before you start to relax and enjoy the moment? The first few days are about packing, unpacking, making plans, getting to your destination, etc. Day three rolls around and you sleep in a little and start to feel relaxed. Hopefully your vacation is at least 5 days so you can enjoy it.

I realized the other day that it's been two months since I blogged. Shame on me, but I don't blog to fill a quota. Sure, I set goals for myself but in the end I blog when the feeling is right and I can be present in the words. The last two months have been filled with work, gardening, weeding, watering the garden, cleaning up the garden, etc. You get the picture. Writing, like anything else, has its seasonal moments. When we have more daylight in the summer months I don't hang out in the house much unless it's raining or a grey day. Now it's nearing the end of September and I have the itch to clean out the gardens and put the mums and pumpkin decor out. October will fly by and then we'll be decorating for Christmas and trying to get the outside lights up before it snows. Time just moves by too fast these days. Someone just informed me that Christmas is three months from this Sunday! Please don't shoot the messenger.

This week though I am taking a break. I'm cutting myself some slack and giving myself grace. Do I already have next week's To Do list set? Mostly, lol, but at least I'll feel better equipped to handle it. I'm going to take a few days and recharge (mentally and physically). 

When's the last time you gave yourself permission to take a break?

Were you successful in feeling recharged and motivated?

What does your happy place look like?

Everyone needs a happy place. A place where you can find peace and relaxation. A place that brings back fond memories or makes you smile. A place that lowers your blood pressure. For some people their happy place might be an exotic destination that they travel to, their cozy home that makes them feels safe, or heading to their cottage up north. A happy place doesn't even have to be a 'place', it could be more about the scenery or activity.

For some it might be reading a good book by the pool, drinking their morning coffee on the deck while the birds sing, or weeding in their garden where they visibly see the results of their efforts. It could be taking a walk in the evening or listening to your favorite throwback music and dancing around in your living room. For me that would be anything disco! Don't judge.

For some taking a drive with no particular destination in mind could be relaxing and adventurous. How about going to a theatre to watch a movie that takes you to another place and through someone else's story?

Yes, everyone needs a happy place. More importantly, everyone deserves a happy place.

For me, I love going to Mackinac Island. As soon as I have locked my car and set foot on the ferry and the island is in my sights I begin to feel at ease. When I arrive at the dock it's all about the sights, and smells, and the feeling that I get. For a couple of days I will walk and walk and walk. There will be no stop signs or flashing stop lights. There will be no cars with honking horns. There will be lots of people watching and horse watching and dog watching. There will be strolls on the waterfront and looking for interesting rocks. There will be a picnic lunch on the lawn at the park staring out at the marina. There will be breathtaking sunsets and taps played at 10:00 p.m. from the fort on the hill. And I will wake up in the mornings with the window open and the sounds of horse's hooves clip-clopping on the street.

What does your happy place look like? 

Are you being still or doing something?

How does it make you feel?

Is it summer yet?

Technically summer doesn't begin until June 21st, but how do you gauge the seasons changing for you? Does it feel like summer because yesterday was Memorial Day and near 90 degrees? Is it because the kids are getting anxious for school to be ending soon? Do you have your pool prepped for the warm weather? Are your flowers planted? Did you get your first taste of a sunburn this past weekend trying to do it all?

My kids are no longer in school, but I did play outdoors and take a sunny walk with my grandchildren. I did outdoor work and got some sun on just one side of my body (I guess I was facing the shrubs longer than I thought with the sun settling on my shoulders). I watered my flowers, read a bit on my patio, listened to an outdoor band, and took a slow walk on a board walk by the water in St. Clair, MI.

Suddenly the month of May has gone by in a blur and tomorrow will be the start to the month of June. In my mind the summer consists of three short months (June, July, and August). Why is it though that back in the winter it seemed like it would take forever for summer to arrive? Now that it's here it will fly by just as fast as spring did. Is there a way to slow down the clock? Oh, there are some days when I wish that were possible.

What are your plans for the summer? Sadly if we don't make the plans now it'll be September in the blink of an eye and once again we will miss out on all those wonderful summer events and outings we thought we would participate in. Make the time! Take the walk outside after dinner. Read on your patio instead of on the couch. Take the trip you've been thinking about. Visit the parks, the lakes, the train depots, the gardens that inspire you, and your family. You can't get the time back once it's passed you by so make the most of it now.

I know it's hard. There are always schedules, work responsibilities, and To Do lists; but the truth of the matter is that those things will never go away. There will never be the perfect time. There won't always be a next year. Just listen to news. As difficult as it sometimes is, try harder to live in and appreciate the present. I know this is hard for me, but I'm realizing that it's time to appreciate and value the present even more.

Is it spring or not?

I feel like we've had several seasons of weather over the past week. We had two days on the weekend that were near 80 degrees. We had blue skies and sunshine. I'm back to wearing socks today as it is currently 45 degrees. We are at the end of April and we're ready for a little consistency here. The flower bulbs are up and standing tall; the daffodils and the crocuses. The buds are popping out on the flowering trees. People are out taking walks and just this afternoon our resident Canadian Goose in the parking lot at my office hatched four eggs. Many of the signs of spring are here, but just not all on the same day.

I don't know about you, but not only am ready for some warmer temperatures in the 60s and 70s but I am also mentally ready for some positive signs that the seasons are moving forward and not just teasing us with their brief presence.

Spring brings a sense of rebirth, rejuvenation, motivation, inspiration, and sometimes freedom. The freedom to venture outside and take a walk and talk to your neighbors again. The cold and drab weather of the winter tends to keep us harbored up inside our warm and cozy homes. It's time to get back out there and reconnect; with nature and with people.

How does spring inspire or motivate you? 

Do you like to ride your bike on the trails at the park? 

Do you like to work in your garden? 

Do you enjoy drawing chalk masterpieces on the driveway with your grandkids?

Spring will finally show us all its glory and then suddenly it will be summer. I'm not in a hurry, but I certainly wouldn't mind more than two consecutive days of warmth and sunshine. Not wearing socks or a jacket can do wonders for our mental health.

What's your wish?

I had a birthday this week. With that celebration came the annual ritual or option of blowing out a candle and making a wish. I thought about it for a moment and figured, why not? Suddenly the candle is being set into the frosting and the lighter is getting prepped. Instantly all kinds of thoughts swirled through my head. Is this wish supposed to be for something serious; good health, financial security, an end to pending wars and Covid? Or should it be more lighthearted and for something fun? Should I wish for good things for those around me for things they've been working towards OR should I allow myself to be selfish and think solely of me? 

I know; you're probably thinking 'it's your birthday, of course it should be about you'.

Does this wish have to compare to a New Year's resolution? Probably not, because resolutions require goals and agendas and motivation and usually A LOT of hard work.

A wish should be more of a gift, perhaps a gift you simply give to yourself. Maybe you'll get what you wish for and maybe not, but nothing ventured nothing lost. Maybe it's simply about giving yourself permission to think outside of the box, to step out of your comfort zone, and to simply GO FOR IT ... whatever IT is for you.

In that split second that seemed to drag into ten in slow motion, I decided to wish for something different. Nothing tangible or measurable; but something more like courage. I wished to tap into my inner creativity and challenge myself to try something new. Something I had thought about and envisioned doing, but then my head would overthink each step. I wished for the courage to just let myself try. If I fail that's okay, at least I tried. But if I don't try how will I ever know whether or not I was capable of doing it?

What is IT for me? What was my wish about? I'm not sure I'm quite ready to share that part. I will give it a try and then share my results; good or bad.

What will you be wishing for when it's your turn?

Time For A New Normal

This week marks two years since our lives and how we lived them took a drastic turn due to Covid. For twenty-four months we've masked and unmasked, had the option to vaccinate or not, lost loved ones from either Covid or something else, or felt sheltered and isolated. We had to change how we lived our lives. We had to make some pretty tough choices.

For two years we've heard people say, 'I can't wait til things get back to normal'. For some scenarios that would be nice, but I think we've all changed a little during the last two years. Some have dug their heels in, some have isolated themselves even more than what was necessary. Some reached out and made more phone calls to family and friends. Many families have had more meals together.

Pre-Covid many people I knew were always busy, too busy for family, too busy for friends, too busy to stop and say hello, too busy for game nights and BBQs. As we're now adjusting to taking our masks off more and sitting next to people in church and restaurants and movie theatres, we need to take a minute and reflect. As we move forward now with baby steps it's a golden opportunity to decide what we want our lives to look like. Do we want to go back to the old NORMAL when we always found ourselves too busy and packing too much into our days? Do we want to make sure going forward we incorporate more ME time into our schedules? 

If I've learned nothing else during the last two years it's that it is very easy to get overwhelmed, overworked, and overstressed. I need to make sure I don't ignore the mental health signs and put myself right back on the treadmill of life that I so desperately wanted a break from. Now I will make sure I make time for reading the new library book, painting the new canvas, and listening to a new playlist. I'll continue to reach out to my kids and grandkids more often whether by texting or calling or driving out for the monthly outing filled with hugs and new memories.

What have you discovered about yourself over the last two years? 

Something new that calms and rejuvenates you? 

Something you didn't make enough time for before but will now?

Can you repeat that?

Are you more of a talker or a listener? Whichever makes you feel more comfortable is fine, as long as you're doing it for the right reasons. Some people are gifted listeners, they're able to serve as a sounding board for other people. Sometimes people are trying to work through something, whether it's a situation or a problem they're trying to solve or they're in a creative mode. Often they need to talk through the scenario to get their thoughts out and get them organized. They may not need you to give them the answer, they may already have it; but listening to them can help them through the process.

On the other hand some people prefer to do all the talking and don't really want to hear any other opinions, especially when they may differ from their own. These people are usually convinced that everyone else agrees with them and if they do enough of the talking and no one can actually answer they must be correct, right? Well, not always.

Are there times when you're not happy with a situation or an outcome? Do you wish things would have gone differently? The big question is, did you ever speak up and voice your opinion? The thing is that no one can speak for you with generic statements like, 'Nobody does that anymore,' 'Everyone prefers it this way.' Just because someone makes a statement like that doesn't make it true. 

If you disagree with someone or a situation you need to find your voice and then be brave enough to put it out there so it can be heard. If you don't you'll continue to be bothered by choices that others make on your behalf. Openly disagreeing with someone else can be hard, especially if you're someone who doesn't like conflict or needless drama.

Don't like a political candidate, then make sure you exercise your right to vote during a next election.

Don't like an idea someone is presenting, then step up and join a committee so you can be part of a solution or a compromise.

Dig deep and find your voice and then make it known. Who knows, maybe someone will listen and say, 'That sounded interesting, can you repeat that?

When is the last time you voiced your opinion and had a positive response?

It's A New Year

So here we are; a couple of weeks into a new year. Does 2022 seem any different to you so far compared to 2021? Not too much, huh? We made it through the Christmas and New Year's holidays. Hopefully you had a little down time, some family time, some time to recharge and re-evaluate, and some time spent just for you. 

New Year's is a good time for reflection. How did you fare in 2021? Did you accomplish some of things you set out to do? Did you do some planning for your future; perhaps some career goals, relationship goals, or health related goals? Realize that any goals you set for yourself are long-term. We're only 2 weeks into the new year, don't expect to have set the world on fire just yet. Allow yourself some grace (or maybe a lot). Goals are journeys and journeys are achieved one step at a time. Don't be in a rush. Don't think that just because we put a new, clean calendar on the fridge that we should have everything done or on its way. We have lots of time ahead of us. Take your goals and chop them up into smaller goals; less pressure and more achievable.

Maybe 2022 won't be the year you get the promotion you were hoping for, or win the lotto, or start the new business you've been dreaming about ... but that's okay. Maybe 2022 will be the year the Covid pandemic finally ends, maybe we'll quit using the term 'getting back to normal' (since many of us have forgotten exactly what that was), maybe we'll decide on a new normal that we like better - one that has a better life balance, maybe we'll plan the family reunion that kept getting postponed ... lots of maybes.

It's only January, perhaps our focus right now should just be about discovering our course and taking the first step - whatever that looks like for you.

I wish you a new year filled with less stress and anxieties, better sleep, some home cooked meals, and more time with family and friends (whether that be in-person or phone calls or texts). Find what works for you right now but make an effort to stay connected. One of the worst side effects of the pandemic that I've seen has been self-isolation. We want to be smart, we want to be careful, but we also can't get too comfortable being alone. It's human nature to need other people. When someone invites you to lunch, go! You can pick a time that is less crowded and still be smart and careful about it. We have to remember that we still need to live. We still need to nourish our souls with companionship and laughter. We can be serious and human at the same time. It's all about good choices and balance.

I say GO FOR IT! Make 2022 the year that you want or 'need' it to be.

Any plans you want to share? Might inspire the rest of us.

Remembering 2021

This is the time of year when we either recap our year or make resolutions (or some may say 'empty promises') for the upcoming one. For many, either task can be daunting. But looking back at the last 21 months in general has been an overall dud with Covid and the many changes it brought into our lives. If we look hard enough though amidst the chaos there will always be the pearls of goodness mixed in, those are the things we need to focus on.

I can certainly acknowledge the loneliness, sickness, lack of financial security, relationship strains, and uncertainties that came with Covid for many people. There's no denying the by-products brought on by the pandemic. But there has also been goodness. There's been in an increase in quality family time spent together, dinners and conversations together around the table, new found hobbies, clean closets, and probably an increase in the sales of sweats and yoga pants.

What did my 2021 look like? That's a tough one. I witnessed a lot of loss this year for myself and others. I lost a neighbor at my office (the one who brought me tomatoes and flowers from his garden), I lost a dear friend from my small group who always lifted our spirits, I lost a long time co-worker who was a friend and a fill-in father figure, I lost a brother-in-law who always let me sample the turkey first on Thanksgiving and sneak veggies onto his plate, my mother passed a few weeks ago, and most recently a family friend ... two of these were as a result of Covid. Neverless Covid did dictate to us how and when we were allowed to grieve.

Amidst the unexpected sadness that came each time, 2021 was also the year I completed three paintings and started a fourth, completed reading 14 books (a big accomplishment for me), had a healthy flower garden, welcomed a beautiful, healthy grandson into our family, and worked harder than ever to keep my head and my heart in a good place. 

It's been a year of changes and challenges for a lot of people. Will I make any resolutions for 2022; lose that dreaded 10#, travel more, start writing my book? Definitely not! I will, though, try to continue to build on the foundation I have been slowly building for myself; one that includes taking better care of myself, both physically and mentally. After that, who knows. Maybe 2022 will bring an end to Covid, a delayed family reunion, a little more writing, and better sleep. Whatever comes my way will be a blessing and I will embrace the opportunities for what they are.

How about you?

How would you summarize your 2021?

Do you make any resolutions and if so, what will you hope to accomplish in 2022?

How do you deal with life?

It's the beginning of November; I could be blogging about the easy topics like 'should they be playing Christmas music on the radio yet?' or 'is it too soon for Hallmark Christmas movies?'. But that would be too easy. Tomorrow we change our clocks back 1 hour for Daylight Savings Time. The stores are decorating for Christmas sales even though it's not Thanksgiving yet. For some of us our internal clock starts ticking away that we need to start our holiday lists, write out our Christmas cards, and begin planning our social get-togethers.

Somewhere in the midst of all that we also need to deal with our life today; the ups and downs, and dealing with the lingering questions we're seeking answers for. My question for you is 'how do you deal with life'? Do you talk to other people about what's on your mind or do you hold it all in because you don't want to bother anyone? I think I tend to hold things in (with a few exceptions). When you're in a group conversation I sometimes feel like I don't want to change the subject or interrupt. There's always a part of me that wishes someone else would break the ice for me with something like, 'What's new?' Those two simple words can be the door that opens or the easiest way to start a conversation. But know that if you express those two words you need to be prepared to stick around long enough to hear the answer. When you don't and they are just two words that flow as an automatic response, you're not doing anyone any favors. Trust me, it's easy to tell when someone means them versus when someone asks you but they're also already two steps away and have moved on to something or someone else. This is the time to not just talk the talk, but also to walk the walk. You know the old expression that 'actions speak louder than words', right?

Do you feel comfortable reaching out to people when you need a sounding board or just to vent? That can be a tough one. No one wants to appear vulnerable, but we also can't always figure things out on our own. Sometimes a fresh objective view is just what we need.

I'm no expert, but I know what it feels like to have heavy shoulders. It's important to lighten the load when possible. If you don't have that special person (a spouse, a child, a parent, a friend, or a therapist) that you can bounce ideas off of, then you need to find that go-to person - even if it means you have to take the first step. People can be pretty good listeners when they know they are needed, but they also are not mind-readers. Give yourself and them a chance. You may be surprised.

Who has been your biggest supporter and best sounding board?

Something else to keep in mind ... don't expect others to be there for you if you can't make the time to be there for them. Life is a two-way street.