Remembering 2021

This is the time of year when we either recap our year or make resolutions (or some may say 'empty promises') for the upcoming one. For many, either task can be daunting. But looking back at the last 21 months in general has been an overall dud with Covid and the many changes it brought into our lives. If we look hard enough though amidst the chaos there will always be the pearls of goodness mixed in, those are the things we need to focus on.

I can certainly acknowledge the loneliness, sickness, lack of financial security, relationship strains, and uncertainties that came with Covid for many people. There's no denying the by-products brought on by the pandemic. But there has also been goodness. There's been in an increase in quality family time spent together, dinners and conversations together around the table, new found hobbies, clean closets, and probably an increase in the sales of sweats and yoga pants.

What did my 2021 look like? That's a tough one. I witnessed a lot of loss this year for myself and others. I lost a neighbor at my office (the one who brought me tomatoes and flowers from his garden), I lost a dear friend from my small group who always lifted our spirits, I lost a long time co-worker who was a friend and a fill-in father figure, I lost a brother-in-law who always let me sample the turkey first on Thanksgiving and sneak veggies onto his plate, my mother passed a few weeks ago, and most recently a family friend ... two of these were as a result of Covid. Neverless Covid did dictate to us how and when we were allowed to grieve.

Amidst the unexpected sadness that came each time, 2021 was also the year I completed three paintings and started a fourth, completed reading 14 books (a big accomplishment for me), had a healthy flower garden, welcomed a beautiful, healthy grandson into our family, and worked harder than ever to keep my head and my heart in a good place. 

It's been a year of changes and challenges for a lot of people. Will I make any resolutions for 2022; lose that dreaded 10#, travel more, start writing my book? Definitely not! I will, though, try to continue to build on the foundation I have been slowly building for myself; one that includes taking better care of myself, both physically and mentally. After that, who knows. Maybe 2022 will bring an end to Covid, a delayed family reunion, a little more writing, and better sleep. Whatever comes my way will be a blessing and I will embrace the opportunities for what they are.

How about you?

How would you summarize your 2021?

Do you make any resolutions and if so, what will you hope to accomplish in 2022?

A Reflection of 2020

2020 has been unique in many ways. It definitely has not been the year to say you achieved this goal or that goal; took the vacation you wanted and planned for, got the new job or promotion you were working toward, or now have the new relationship you were hoping you'd have (unless you managed to pull off an outdoor Covid wedding).

Looking back as we get ready to close out 2020 you'll see it has been a year when we learned to appreciate the milestones. 

• Working from home and adapting to a new schedule that involved virtual learning for your children or working at your office (often alone) and finding ways to accept the new sense of loneliness.
• You mastered zoom meetings and online family gatherings.
• You learned not to take time for granted, but appreciate the moments more.
• You may have realized and had to accept some friendships/relationships for what they were and more importantly what they weren't.

2020 has been the year when I learned to paint, people found and invested time in new hobbies, and we arranged garage and backyard socially-distanced small gatherings. Many people learned to look beyond themselves and do things not just for themselves, but for the greater good of those around them. We learned to deal with our sense of patience and understanding (or lack of) when we discovered we had to be more creative in the ways we saw and did things.

Maybe we will look back at 2020 as a year filled with self-discovery; a time when we what saw what depths of strength we really had.

Flipping the calendar to 2021 won't change life overnight - it won't eliminate any losses we've faced, lessen any grieving, or miraculously make things 'normal' again. It will be a sign that we are survivors and ready for a new year, hopefully one filled with newfound hope, resilience, and a renewed faith.

What is something you discovered about yourself during 2020?

Can You Keep A Secret?

Can you keep a secret? How many times have you heard those five awful words? I say 'awful' because those five simple words have the power to put enormous stress into relationships, increase anxiety, and mess with people's demeanors and their ability to trust.

 

There are different kinds of secrets; some good, some not so good. There are the secrets like 'will you keep Billy's party a secret until next Friday so we can surprise him?' Those secrets are harmless and worth the temporary deceit. There are harder secrets like sharing a confidence with someone who is being verbally or physically abused. They ask you not to tell anyone because they are afraid of their well being as well as yours, yet they NEED someone they can confide in. Hopefully being there for them as a support system will give them the ability to gain clarity and feel safe about making a plan to get out of the abusive relationship. Sharing a secret like this needs to come with understood boundaries though. You will keep their secret 'temporarily' as a show of support UNTIL they can resolve the issue themselves, however IF you feel the need to step in and share the secret in order to protect them then you will. They will be stronger for it if they can be the one to reveal the truth with you by their side.

 

Then there are secrets that, in my opinion, are simply NOT okay. The secrets that are harmful to relationships and make it difficult to be able to trust and believe. It's never good when someone starts a conversation with, 'I don't want (fill in the blank) to know this, BUT ...' or 'I don't want to tell (fill in the blank) this because I know they'll have their feelings hurt or they'll misunderstand.' IF a person begins their conversation with you in this way STOP and see the warning signs. You are about to hear gossip. You are about to be pitted against someone else, whether you approve or not, because this person doesn't want to give you a choice. I know people like this and deal with them every day. When they start a sentence with, 'I shouldn't say anything ...' I immediately stop them and say, 'Then don't. If you don't want them to know, do not tell me. Don't put me in a position I don't want to be in.' If the sentence starts in a different way such as, '(fill in the blank) doesn't want you to know this, BUT ...' I stop them before they can go any further and say, 'Then don't tell me. If they want me to know something it's up to them to tell me, not you. I don't want to know.'

 

Unfortunately some people thrive on secrets; on sharing them AND being the recipients. Though many don't seem to fully comprehend the concept. Secrets are not to be shared; hence they are a 'secret'. How do we handle those who behave like a kid in a candy store when they have a secret and are about to burst because they just can't hold it in? How do we reign them back in to focus on the part where they gave someone their 'word' that they wouldn't tell? How do we re-enforce the need for keeping our word, maintaining our integrity, and being worthy of people's trust?

 

I don't pretend to have the answers. I am still a work in progress, but I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Reunions Can Be Tricky

Relationships come and go. When you're in high school you think it'll be the absolute end of the world when everyone leaves for a different college town. You tell everyone at graduation that you'll keep in touch, but rarely do. You get busy at college, you make new friends, and your life moves forward. You find that if you do get together with some of the 'old gang' everyone just talks about the big game, the prom, the marching band, and that unforgettable trip to Cedar Point. You don't have as much in common anymore because you have a new life. And that's okay. They probably do too.

 

You make new friends in college; you broaden your horizons. You have common interests because of your major or minor. You have four, maybe five, years together. You're older now, and hopefully wiser. You make relationships based on more than living down the street from one another or having a nearby locker. Surprisingly you'll make those one or two friendships with people that you knew before college but didn't travel in the same circles back in the day. With all of the drama and cliques removed you now have a fresh start. Then there are those who take a different path and go to work or get married or enlist in the Armed Forces.

 

Suddenly your five and ten year reunions roll around and you have to ask yourself the BIG question; 'Will I go? Should I go?' At my earlier class reunions everyone seemed to do one of two things; either relive the past or try to out impress each other. Needless to say my ten year reunion was the last one I went to. I had an opportunity to attend my 30th, but reluctantly passed on it. Between Kindergarten and 12th grade I had attended six different schools. I moved a lot and therefore had a hard time feeling like I ever belonged in any one place. I seriously thought about attending my 30th reunion but wondered if too much time had gone by. Many of my classmates had known each other their whole lives; many had gone off to college together. Would anyone even remember me? I was the editor of our yearbook; the first issue to ever have a senior section printed in color ... we were so ahead of our time, lol. But would that be enough for people to remember me by? Perhaps, since a lot of people would undoubtedly dust off the old book just to brush up on names and faces before the big event.

 

I now have an opportunity to attend my 35th reunion later this summer. Again the BIG question; 'Should I go?' Since the 30th I've reunited with a few classmates via Facebook. Some seem very genuine and we appear to have a lot in common. We are all scattered now over various parts of the U.S. and the state. Should I take the risk of going this time and feeling like a wallflower? Should I take a leap of faith that I could have a wonderful time? Perhaps I should; nothing ventured nothing lost. I'm older and wiser now. I have thicker skin, so my feelings shouldn't be hurt as easily. I have the opportunity to not dwell on the past, but rather take a chance on making some friendships stronger.

 

What would you do?