Where Did You Find Your Happiness in 2022?

It's that time of year when many set goals for themselves, define their vision for the new year, or even make their proverbial resolution. Is that what you do? I used to, til I decided I was putting way too much pressure on myself and basically setting myself up for failure. Our mindset going into a new year should be a positive one, not one filled with unneeded stress.

So what will my approach be this year? Great question. I think I will begin by simply reflecting. What positive (and negative) things were in my life during the last 12 months? What things kept me up at night with worry or what things did I find myself looking forward to for the next day? I dealt with the death of a parent, my routines as a caregiver changed, my goals changed, and some of my priorities. I will always be about lists, and adding more to my plate, raising money for causes that mean something to me, and trying to create a better life balance. Like every other year some things I succeeded at and some times I failed miserably. But with every failure is the reminder that I put myself out there and I tried. With every failure also comes knowledge and growth.

For today I will reflect on what things made me happy during 2022. I had meaningful conversations with both of my adult children, I hugged and played with my grandchildren, I took walks and held hands with my husband, not to mention our cheap date nights when we got a carryout and ate McDonalds in a parking lot and just enjoyed each other's company and talked about our day. I found time to work in my flower gardens, paint my pictures (adult PBN, I think I'm addicted), and read a lot of books from the library. Sure there will always be things I wish I had done differently, like not dwell so much on the past and what could have been or let people get under my skin over things that I just found irritating.

Going into 2023 I will continue to strive for a healthier life balance. We are true empty nesters now after 30+ years and that takes getting used to. What we always did in the past for holidays is now just that; the past. Going forward it's about finding what works in any given year. I need to learn not to have things so set in stone in my mind, but rather be more open and accepting to the ways things are now. Traditions can be difficult sometimes; maybe it's about developing new ones but still keeping a few of the old.

Where do you stand today as you reflect on 2022?

What were some of your highs and lows?

Where do you see yourself heading in 2023?

It's A New Year

So here we are; a couple of weeks into a new year. Does 2022 seem any different to you so far compared to 2021? Not too much, huh? We made it through the Christmas and New Year's holidays. Hopefully you had a little down time, some family time, some time to recharge and re-evaluate, and some time spent just for you. 

New Year's is a good time for reflection. How did you fare in 2021? Did you accomplish some of things you set out to do? Did you do some planning for your future; perhaps some career goals, relationship goals, or health related goals? Realize that any goals you set for yourself are long-term. We're only 2 weeks into the new year, don't expect to have set the world on fire just yet. Allow yourself some grace (or maybe a lot). Goals are journeys and journeys are achieved one step at a time. Don't be in a rush. Don't think that just because we put a new, clean calendar on the fridge that we should have everything done or on its way. We have lots of time ahead of us. Take your goals and chop them up into smaller goals; less pressure and more achievable.

Maybe 2022 won't be the year you get the promotion you were hoping for, or win the lotto, or start the new business you've been dreaming about ... but that's okay. Maybe 2022 will be the year the Covid pandemic finally ends, maybe we'll quit using the term 'getting back to normal' (since many of us have forgotten exactly what that was), maybe we'll decide on a new normal that we like better - one that has a better life balance, maybe we'll plan the family reunion that kept getting postponed ... lots of maybes.

It's only January, perhaps our focus right now should just be about discovering our course and taking the first step - whatever that looks like for you.

I wish you a new year filled with less stress and anxieties, better sleep, some home cooked meals, and more time with family and friends (whether that be in-person or phone calls or texts). Find what works for you right now but make an effort to stay connected. One of the worst side effects of the pandemic that I've seen has been self-isolation. We want to be smart, we want to be careful, but we also can't get too comfortable being alone. It's human nature to need other people. When someone invites you to lunch, go! You can pick a time that is less crowded and still be smart and careful about it. We have to remember that we still need to live. We still need to nourish our souls with companionship and laughter. We can be serious and human at the same time. It's all about good choices and balance.

I say GO FOR IT! Make 2022 the year that you want or 'need' it to be.

Any plans you want to share? Might inspire the rest of us.

Remembering 2021

This is the time of year when we either recap our year or make resolutions (or some may say 'empty promises') for the upcoming one. For many, either task can be daunting. But looking back at the last 21 months in general has been an overall dud with Covid and the many changes it brought into our lives. If we look hard enough though amidst the chaos there will always be the pearls of goodness mixed in, those are the things we need to focus on.

I can certainly acknowledge the loneliness, sickness, lack of financial security, relationship strains, and uncertainties that came with Covid for many people. There's no denying the by-products brought on by the pandemic. But there has also been goodness. There's been in an increase in quality family time spent together, dinners and conversations together around the table, new found hobbies, clean closets, and probably an increase in the sales of sweats and yoga pants.

What did my 2021 look like? That's a tough one. I witnessed a lot of loss this year for myself and others. I lost a neighbor at my office (the one who brought me tomatoes and flowers from his garden), I lost a dear friend from my small group who always lifted our spirits, I lost a long time co-worker who was a friend and a fill-in father figure, I lost a brother-in-law who always let me sample the turkey first on Thanksgiving and sneak veggies onto his plate, my mother passed a few weeks ago, and most recently a family friend ... two of these were as a result of Covid. Neverless Covid did dictate to us how and when we were allowed to grieve.

Amidst the unexpected sadness that came each time, 2021 was also the year I completed three paintings and started a fourth, completed reading 14 books (a big accomplishment for me), had a healthy flower garden, welcomed a beautiful, healthy grandson into our family, and worked harder than ever to keep my head and my heart in a good place. 

It's been a year of changes and challenges for a lot of people. Will I make any resolutions for 2022; lose that dreaded 10#, travel more, start writing my book? Definitely not! I will, though, try to continue to build on the foundation I have been slowly building for myself; one that includes taking better care of myself, both physically and mentally. After that, who knows. Maybe 2022 will bring an end to Covid, a delayed family reunion, a little more writing, and better sleep. Whatever comes my way will be a blessing and I will embrace the opportunities for what they are.

How about you?

How would you summarize your 2021?

Do you make any resolutions and if so, what will you hope to accomplish in 2022?

Ringing In A New Year

2020 was a year so different than any I remember in my lifetime. It was a year filled with fear, anxiety, a pandemic, uncertainties, inconveniences, hatred from strangers (and people we knew), a nasty election (well that part wasn't so different, they usually resume every four years), lots of worries, and searching for answers. It seemed like everyone was ready in full force to be done with 2020 and start fresh with a new year. I am on board with that notion, not because I know that switching the calendar to January 1st will necessarily change anything overnight, but mentally I am ready to start fresh with the HOPE of better things to come with the new year.

I asked readers what they were looking forward to in 2021 and got answers like 'some sense of normalcy', 'being able to see family and friends more', 'scheduling some of the events and activities that we cancelled last year'. It's normal that we miss being in church (and yes, I know that some churches have been meeting anyway; a service for maskers and one for non-maskers - that's a little hard for me to wrap my brain around). People miss gathering in groups larger than 2 or 3. We miss going to lunch with people outside our own household and talking for hours. We miss going to a hockey game or a baseball game. We miss going to a movie theatre and having more than a few people there and being able to purchase overpriced snacks while we're there. We miss travelling and planning our next adventure.

Me? I miss wearing lipstick! I miss seeing my small group in person on a regular basis. I miss the hugs. I miss eating a meal out. I'm tired of ordering a carryout when the order is wrong 50% of the time. I miss the human contact. I miss seeing smiles, or frowns (any sort of visual communication).

Usually on January 1st I'd write about what my goals are and what I hope to accomplish in the coming year. Today feels different. Instead, I have been reflecting on 2020 and thinking about how I reacted to the obstacles. Did I handle things well or could I have done better? What did I learn about myself that might help me be stronger in 2021?

I spoke with someone the other day and they reminded me that as busy and as different as life has been this past year, that I matter too (something I tend to forget too often). It's my nature to be the caregiver, the organizer, the mediator, the one who puts out potential fires, and the good listener. I have 57 years of experience of putting other people's needs first. That needs to change. I spent so much time in 2020 putting myself in overdrive to accommodate everyone else, that I let a part of myself slip away. The ironic thing is that very few people even noticed because their needs were being met so they just assumed I had it all together, Truth be told, none of us have it all together, some of us are just really good at hiding it. This year I need to let some things go. I need to ask other people to do their share, rather than taking it all on myself. I need to speak up more for myself. If I don't like what I see or hear, I need to worry less about people's reactions to my opinions. Why should everyone else get to voice their thoughts, but I feel like I just have to play along? I've never liked conflict and usually avoid it all costs. I've learned that when you hold parts of yourself back for too long, then those parts will either overflow into a noisy messy situation or they'll dissolve along with a part of what makes you who you are.

Let 2021 not be all about making more money or losing more weight. Let it be the year that you fully examine who YOU are and embrace it. If by doing so it causes a little discomfort with people in your life, then that's okay. You can't do everything for everybody else forever. Maybe by me learning to stand up more for myself, other people in my life will learn that they're capable of standing a little stronger as well.

How are you feeling about 2021?

A Fresh Start

It's a new year; a time for planning, hoping, and maybe a little strategizing. At the end of the year we don't just pack away the holiday decorations to make the room look clear and organized again, we also put up a fresh calendar. We like starting with a clean slate; at least I do. New year ... new hopes ... new ideas ... new plans of attack on how to hopefully accomplish them.

We all have our share of challenges, anxieties, pressures, and responsibilities. Many of us will probably look back at 2019 and think, 'Wow! How did I get through that?' But guess what? If you're reading this, then you did. Don't be so surprised; you're stronger than you give yourself credit for. I know that 2019 was pretty rough for a lot of people; illnesses, finances, relationships ... you name it and I probably know someone who's been dealing with it (or for that fact, still is).

The thing is is that the challenges and the pressures won't always change or go away or even get temporarily resolved, but HOW we choose to deal with them can. We can decide to not let 'it' consume us, whatever IT is. We have the choice to make a change or take a different approach. We get to start fresh if we want to. Every month or every day if necessary.

Who doesn't like the occasional fresh start?

• a new house
• a new job
• an improved body or mindset
• a new haircut
• a new hobby
• a new challenge
• a new goal

Pick the one that speaks to you and choose to start fresh. Start small and test the waters or be bold and jump in with both feet and arms flailing. What have you got to lose? Absolutely nothing.

How am I starting fresh this year? I'm trying to be more diligent with my blogging. I hope somewhere, someday someone reads one of my posts and is impacted and shares it or shares a positive comment. But if they don't that's okay too. I'm blogging for myself and some days that's more than enough. It's my voice, my thoughts, and I can actually hear myself think as I type. That's worth it in itself.

What does your fresh start look like?

Are You Ready For 2020?

First, let me re-introduce myself. My name is Jennifer and I haven't written a blog post in more than a month. Why? Because LIFE took over. There was a fractured bone in my right arm at my wrist joint which resulted in 6 weeks in a brace (and yes I am right handed). There's been 5 weeks of PT twice a week. There was 4 weeks of Advent preparation at the church where I work (my full time day job). There was a lot of prepping for Christmas (writing out cards, shopping, wrapping, cleaning my house, and prepping for a Christmas holiday hosting my kids and three granddaughters). Needless to say, it didn't leave much time left over for me or my blogging.

Today is a new day. Christmas Day has come and gone. Presents were unwrapped. Meals were prepped and eaten. Conversations and laughter abounded. Memories were made. Now it is December 28th. I am sitting on my cozy couch with my laptop and watching the Survivor Finale on TV that I missed prior to Christmas. I think my husband and I were hosting our small group dinner at our house the night the finale was on. Better late than never - although I did sneak a peek on social media a week ago and already know who won (oops). But that's okay - sometimes it's not so much about the end result, but more about the experience and what took you to the end.

2019 had a lot of ups and downs for a lot of people that I know. There have been health concerns for many, relationship issues, job insecurities, and enough layers of stress to fill an offsite storage container to the brim (isn't that where many people stash either their unwanted stuff or the stuff they can't find time to deal with?). There have been positives as well though; a beautiful third granddaughter in my family, answers to questions and doubts that have been haunting friends for months, and for some a certain degree of growing clarity that should help propel them into a positive 2020.

New Year's Day is only a few days away; a time when many people will start throwing out resolutions and goals for the upcoming new year. But first, it's a time for reflection. What did your 2019 look like? Was it everything you thought it would be? Did you accomplish everything you pushed for? Did you set yourself up to continue your efforts in 2020 and finish what you may have started?

If you had to sum up your dreams, your hopes, and your aspirations for the new year in just one word, what would that one word be? What word will keep you focused and driven for the next twelve months? My word is going to be BALANCE; something I tend to lack from time to time (and not just when I am in my Zumba class and stumble and fall on my wrist, leaving myself with a directive to slow down). I am truly seeking that sense of balance in my own life; a balance where I can separate my work, my hobbies, my friends, and my home life. There will always be times when all the elements of our lives intertwine. But if you find yourself staying awake most nights dwelling and overthinking different aspects of your life, you will come to the realization that you are off balance in some way. Trust me, I don't need to fall again (physically or metaphorically), so for me 2020 is about finding the BALANCE that works best for me. It will be about re-determining what my priorities are and what parts of my life have been on hold on the shelf for way too long and need some attention.

I'd love to know where you are at. 

What is your ONE WORD for 2020?

Re-envisioning Your Goals

We all have hopes and dreams; things we've thought about maybe since we were little kids ... getting married, becoming a doctor or an astronaut or an artist or a musician. But how many of us have seen those goals become realities? Some accomplishments are easier to achieve; others require a lengthy journey. When the process takes longer we sometimes need to remind ourselves over and over exactly what we are working towards. Our reasons for wanting to accomplish a certain goal will probably evolve over time and that's okay. The want or need may still be in our heart, but the desire and importance will change as we grow and reset our priorities. When we finally achieve our goal it will be all the sweeter.

Are you still working toward winning the marathon or having your photos displayed in a gallery? Are you still dreaming of finding the 'one' that makes you feel whole? Are you painstakingly working toward getting your own place or establishing your business? Do you continue to strive to raise a family? Do you still desire to write or paint or sing, reaching total strangers with your talents?

Don't give up. Goals don't have deadlines or expiration dates (unless we put them there). If you hope to lose weight before you turn a certain age, that's a good start ... but don't give up if you are 3# short. Re-envision your goal, celebrate what you have accomplished so far and set a new goal. Keep pushing forward. Keep being creative; finding new ways to get there. Hold on to the hopes and dreams you have on your heart. They belong to you and no one can take them away from you.

Life will surely throw us curve balls and try to steer us off course, but it's up to us alone to get back on the horse or the bicycle or the track (whatever works for you). So what if our goals get temporarily postponed? The important thing is to NOT give up on them. Sure, we can make excuses and convince ourselves 'it's just not the right time' or 'some day I will make it happen'. But we can also tell ourselves 'maybe today is the day I take the big step' 'maybe today is the day I have faith in myself and make it happen'.

What is the goal you won't let go of?

What is holding you back from completing it?

Are you ready for the next step?

Life is full of changes and challenges; for sure it never feels like you are gliding smoothly down a lazy river. But that's okay; challenges build character, right? Although, some days I wish I had a little less character, lol.

Most of us always have things on our 'list'; whether that be dreams and goals or things on our bucket list we always wanted to do ... at least once. To stay stagnant in the exact same place can get boring, if not predictable. Maybe you're thinking of committing to a relationship, moving into your own place, starting a career, or even beginning a new creative hobby. If you give it a try, will you fail? Maybe. But then you won't know unless you try. You know the saying, 'Nothing ventured, nothing gained'?

There will always be the fear of what will happen next, but we can't let that stop us from trying. We'll continue to wonder if we will be able to accomplish what we want. We'll still ask ourselves, 'Will anyone like what I've created?' 'Will anyone hire me and give me a chance?' 'Will I be good enough?' 'Will anyone appreciate or even understand my art?' 'Will they love me back?' 'Will anyone ever read what I've written?'

Oh how I wish my crystal ball wasn't covered in dust. I wish at times that I had a guarantee that things would work out as I planned if I put in the effort. But life doesn't come with guarantees; never has, never will. Still I keep making my lists. I continue to fine tune my dreams and aspirations. I continue to keep trying. Challenges and setbacks may slow me down and get me rethinking and recalculating, but they don't deter me. If I let that happen, I'd be giving in and ultimately giving up. I'd be losing my voice in my own future; something I am not willing to do.

Are you ready for the next step? 

Are you willing to give it everything you have to make your dreams and goals take hold? 

Are you willing to make the necessary sacrifices and not allow challenges or people to tell you your dreams are too big for you?

Are you ready for your voice to be heard?

Personally, I think you have it in you to keep trying. I think you can make it happen. Now ... you just need to believe it.

What's been on your back burner that you still want to make happen?

Protecting Your Spirit

We are now twelve days into a the new year. Many have successfully set goals for themselves. Many have already broken their resolutions. Where do you stand? Are you starting out the year knowing what you want and where you want to be?

Each year I begin by hoping for clarity; trying to decide exactly where I see myself and most importantly, what will it take for me to get there. What kind of effort and commitment will I need to garner up? Do I see myself ten pounds lighter? Do I see deeper and growing relationships with my friends? Do I see new projects on my horizon?

Lately, what I've been striving for is reclaiming my strength. I see myself stronger; in body, mind, and spirit. That's no easy task, for sure. It's a very complicated process. I need to take better care of my body. I need to succeed more at reducing stress. And most importantly, for me, is learning to nurture my spirit. My spirit is what drives me more than anything else. It's that voice inside of me that pushes me to try harder, to walk further, to be more creative, and to learn to trust my instincts more. There are always going to be more voices telling us why we can't or shouldn't do something, that we aren't good enough, and that we don't have anything valuable to offer. We need to learn to drown those voices out more with the voice of strength that lies inside each one of us. Some days the voice of my spirit is nothing more than a whisper, but some days it wants to shout loud enough to shake the walls. Those are the days when I have to stop and pay attention.

It's okay to try to achieve things that other people think are silly or impossible. It's okay to go after what makes you happy and whole. I'm learning that sometimes it's even okay to put yourself first.

Putting yourself first ... that's the trickiest of them all, especially if you have relationships with other people. Being a wife - I try to be supportive to my husband. Being a mom (and it doesn't matter how old your kids are) - we worry about them. Being part of a care giving team - there are always lots of unexpected stresses. Being an employee - you try to always put your best effort forward. There are always the same number of hours in a day, but sometimes the demands we're dealt exceed the amount of time we have, leaving nothing left over for us. Our spirit needs to be supported as well; I'm discovering that the weaker my spirit is, the less I have to give to everyone else.

So ... my goal for this year? To improve my body, challenge my mind, and protect my spirit.

How are your goals going so far? 
Anything I can do to be supportive?

It's Okay To Push Yourself

Sometimes our lists of things to do can be daunting. There's always outdoor work that needs to be done at home. There's an  'IN' box at work that is almost always full. Even the magnetic notepad on the side of the fridge for the next trip to the grocery store ALWAYS seems to have something written on it. There are days when you might want to just collapse when you get home and say 'enough is enough', but then you push yourself to do one or two more chores before you call it a night.

Why do we always have something to do? Great question; probably because we write our own To Do lists (at least that's been my problem). I am a glorified, semi-professional list-maker! I always have things to tend to (but who doesn't?). My problem is that I need to trust myself to keep track of it all and hopefully not let anything slip through the cracks of a busy day. I trust myself to do my best to get everything done (in a reasonable amount of time), but I can admit that I am human. On a busy day my memory isn't going to be fool proof ... so I make lists. If I don't get something done today I will revise my list this evening and it will be there tomorrow as a reminder that it hasn't gotten done yet. And that's okay. 

We all have busy lives; whether we are young parents juggling jobs and chauffeuring little ones or whether we are older and juggling jobs, a home, and caring for aging parents ... we ALL have things that require our attention. But the truth remains the same; there are still only 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week. We will still only accomplish as much as time and ability (and sleep) allows for. My husband and I have been in the midst of a month-long backyard landscape overhaul. Out with the old and in the new; twenty years in a house will do that. We looked at the next step in our project and realized we had a small window of non-90 degree weather for a 48 hour period, so we tackled planting 19 shrubs! Trust me there were moments when we looked at each other's sunburned faces and dirty knees and thought, 'We're done! We can't do any more today.', but then we pushed ourselves and got it done and guess what? Today the temperature is back to 90 degrees and this stage of our project is complete.

It's okay to push ourselves when we're close to giving up; when it's the last two miles of a marathon, when three out of four walls are freshly painted, when we only have one more store to go in to finish up the Christmas shopping, or when you only have a week left of a medical treatment. When you set your goal and you see the finish line on the horizon, dig deep and just go for it. You are almost there! You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. 

When is the last time you pushed yourself to accomplish something big? 

What was it and how did it go?

How do you view your successes?

Many people do things to get recognized: movie stars, pop stars, people that want reality TV shows, and people with a YouTube audience. I suppose it goes with the territory if that's the business you're in. If people don't know who you are then they won't follow up on you to see what you're planning next. It's a clear case of supply and demand. Other times people do things for the sole sake of doing something positive for their community (not for the notoriety); they run non-profits, they volunteer in their neighborhoods, they plant beautiful gardens for people to visit, or they help the elderly man who lives next door.

We all have goals and dreams of what we would like to accomplish in our lifetime. Maybe we want to run a marathon (just once), maybe we want to have more people read what we write or listen to our music. I think if we're being honest, when we're passionate about something that we do we want people to notice, we want them to be as excited about our work as we are. It's validating and we want to know that we aren't alone. 

Sure, I can tell you that I write for myself, because it helps me to process my life and all that I see in our world (good or bad) everyday. But I would be kidding myself if I didn't admit that I would also love more exposure with my writing, to be able to reach a larger audience ... not because I have a big ego and think that I'm all that and more, but because I feel so strongly about what I do. When I write it feels like I am allowing myself to be vulnerable and sharing a piece of myself, that alone can be a scary feeling. What if people don't like what I write about? What if no one cares? But we can't dwell on the negative 'what-ifs'. If we did that we would never get anywhere. 

We need to keep our goals personal; do what we do for the right reasons. If we do that, only good things can happen. People will notice; they'll be intrigued and they'll ask questions, they'll talk about it with someone else, they'll SHARE a Facebook post or a website, and people will start to notice the genuineness of your work. It won't happen over night. There are no easy routes or short cuts. Hard work, diligence, honesty, and integrity in your work are what will get it noticed.

As busy as our world gets and as busy as we each get dealing with the responsibilities of our own lives, we need to remember that life is a two-way street. If we want people to support what we pour our hearts into then it's only right to know that we need to return that favor. Start to pay attention more to the young mom who is standing in line with three little kids; open the door for her and tell her she is doing a great job. If you have a good waiter at a restaurant, don't take them for granted. Make conversation with them as 'the person they are' and let them know you appreciated their good service. When you hear someone playing the guitar or singing in church on a Sunday morning, tell them afterward how good their music made you feel. When you read something online (Facebook, Instagram, etc), LIKE someone's post and most importantly SHARE it. That's the only way their work will spread.

What is your passion that you're trying to share with the world?

How can we help get the word out?

Clear To Move Ahead

Every where you look on the roads there are orange construction barrels; obstacles at almost every turn. You try to get from point A to point B, but have to be creative with your routes, as well as your time. Obstacles, though, aren't just on the roads. They seem to present themselves in our daily lives too.

If you're like me, you have goals and well thought out plans of how to get there ... or so we think. It's become almost expected that a plan B should be in your back pocket (just in case). A portion of nearly every Saturday for my past few months has been spent working on a specific project; not a project I choose or enjoy, but one that needs to be done every year regardless. Everything else gets put on hold until 'the project' has been completed. Today is that day; the day I get the 'all clear' to move ahead. The moment I get to see the light at the end of my proverbial tunnel.

This week, for me, is all about feeling like I am finally moving forward. Four weeks ago today I had surgery. Life has returned back to normal, but in some ways my plans were put on hold. Having the energy I needed to get through my days ... on hold. Wanting to exercise and take walks because the spring weather has been starting to show its face ... on hold. Feeling motivated ... definitely on hold. Today has been a good day; the day I feel like the flight attendant has just announced 'you are now free to remove your seat belt and move around the cabin'. I must admit that it's a good feeling; a feeling that is overdue.

What projects have had you feeling weighed down?

Have you been able to conquer them?

What would you like to do now with a your spare time?

Dreams Don't Expire

It's Never Too Late

For more than the last week I have been watching bits and pieces of the 2018 Winter Olympics. Like anyone else, I have my favorite events to watch; snowboarding, skating, and downhill skiing. Some events I pass on; not because they aren't interesting, but because I just don't get them, lol. I don't understand the logic or the thrill the athletes get. But that's the thing. Who am I to judge whether something is good or bad, when my ONLY expertise is that I know nothing about it? I would never say it's stupid or a waste of their time, just because it isn't something I would want to do. If they have the talent and the desire I would encourage them to keep going.

Dreams come in all shapes and sizes and they don't come with an expiration date. Is there something you've always wanted to do or accomplish, but it hasn't come to fruition yet? What is holding you back? Is it timing? Is it not having enough time? Is it financial backing? Is it motivation? Is it because you have other responsibilities to take care of?

Are there people who try discourage you? Do you they give you comments like, 'You're crazy to do that at your age? 'Why would you want to do that?' or 'You know, 9 out of 10 people fail at that so why would you even bother?'

To succeed at anything we need to push ourselves and not give up. We need people to support and encourage us (even if they think we're crazy for trying). Don't let other people determine your successes and failures; it's YOUR future. What's the worst thing that can happen? You try to achieve your dream and it doesn't pan out quite the way you always imagined? But guess what? Succeed or not, YOU have to live with your own conscience. YOU will be the one that knows whether you gave up because it was easier not to try. YOU are the one that will need to live with your choices. 

Yes, whether you succeed or not isn't the real issue; the issue is that you shouldn't give up on yourself. You shouldn't let society dictate to you what is an acceptable goal and when we are allowed to pursue it. If you're married or single, have kids or not, have a job or are currently unemployed, you still have every right to pursue your dreams. Sure, there are times in our lives when we're younger that perhaps we may have more energy to try something super athletic, but in 2010 I attempted to walk in a 3 day 60-mile fundraising walk. I was in my middle 40s at the time, did months and months of training, and was passed up many times by people on the route who were 30 years older than me. The didn't give up. They inspired me to push harder and instead of thinking, 'Can I do this?' I started to think,  'I CAN DO THIS!'.

What is your dream? Are you still trying to grasp it? How can we help you get there?

When You View A Talent As An Obstacle

Those that know me know that it is in my DNA to be organized, a list-maker, and a planner. I cannot help it, it is what I do. I've always been about being on time (although for me to be early is to be on time and to be on time is to be late, lol). I think and over think about lists, deadlines, and the consequences. I have a sense of tunnel vision; I look at deadlines as the big picture and everything that must be accomplished in order to get there. For years though I looked at my skill set as being a weakness.

I've had previous bosses come to me with a vision, a project, or a goal. Their gift was to be the visionary, have the idea of what they wanted to achieve. My gift was to look at all the details and things that would need to be done in order to make it happen. But as soon as I would start to remind them of the deadlines they would say, 'Whoa, you need to relax and learn to just go with the flow.' What? Were they really serious? Did they have a magic wand that I was unaware of? Would the results they were expecting mysteriously just fall in to place without any effort? Highly unlikely. 

After dealing with several bosses that thought that way I started to think there was something wrong with me; something wrong with my desire to get results. But guess what? There wasn't anything wrong with the way I thought or my process. Without my skill set a lot of their visions wouldn't have come to the fruition they did and the goals would not have been met when they wanted. I am all about being part of a 'team'. A good team sees and appreciates the strengths and skills of each member. A good team is a puzzle, but when a piece is missing it is not complete.

I spent a lot of time soul searching, looking at my skills, and finally being able to appreciate them for the asset they are. The way I see it, God made me the way that I am. He gave me the tools I needed to do the things I do and the desire to want to use them for good. I decided it was wrong for anyone to have a God-given talent and then to waste it. 

Learn to embrace your character and your talents. Everyone's are different which is what helps make the puzzle complete. We need each other. We need to appreciate each other's talents. There are things I know I cannot do at all and then there are tasks that although I try I can admit I am not very good at, which makes me appreciate other people's talents that much more.

What is one of your strongest talents? 

Do people appreciate it or make you feel weird about it just because it is different than theirs?

A Fresh Perspective For The New Year

Most every writer feels compelled to write something about New Year's Eve at the end of December; including myself. But what can we write that is new and hasn't been said before? There are only so many ways to talk about resolutions and goals and dreams for the new year. Whether you will bunker down for the night with a book or a movie and a bowl of popcorn OR whether you will get dressed up and venture out to celebrate midnight and the 'dropping ball of lights' with friends. 

The last week, for many, has been a long one. With the Christmas and New Year's holidays falling on weekends many people had the week in between off of work or school, giving many of us a much needed break. A lot of people spent weeks preparing for Christmas; the cooking, the cleaning, the shopping, and the entertaining ... that when December 26th hit most of us could be heard letting out a big sigh. Don't get me wrong, I looked forward to the holiday like everyone else, but then there's a point where you long for 24 hours with absolutely nothing to do. For me, that will most likely be tomorrow; New Year's Day, lol.

This morning my pastor asked how many people planned to make a resolution for 2018. The raise of hands was about 50/50. Many people will make a resolution that they will lose the same 10# as last year, or try to get more organized, or start the dreaded exercise program, or finally begin that special project that is always sitting on the back burner waiting for 'some day' to arrive. The others will not commit to a goal because for some reason they are never quite able to achieve what they set out before them. Perhaps the goal is too redundant or just out of reach, or they have to overcome road blocks that get thrown in their way. Maybe they just need to take some time to reflect and focus on something new.

Personally I don't make New Year's resolutions anymore, not because I always fail (sometimes I actually succeed) but because I like to take the pressure off myself to start over every January 1st. See, that's the thing; a new season can start whenever you choose for it to. Maybe on February 17th you'll have an epiphany that it's the right time to tackle your goal. Perhaps on June 1st you'll decide to make an important choice about the direction of your future.

Your life is YOUR own journey. When and if you succeed in climbing your personal mountains will happen when it is right for you - not when the calendar says it's the day to do it. No two people are alike, making it reasonable that everyone's journeys won't always align on the same days.

Don't set yourself up for failure. Don't try to force your life to match up with everyone else's. Instead, use this New Year's holiday for reflection. Think about the direction your life is currently going and think about whether or not you'd like to see something change. Maybe there is a part of your life that needs some work or to be strengthened. Those are questions only YOU can ask. The answers are at your fingertips just waiting for you to grab hold of them. Give yourself all the time and grace you need. You are worth it.

In the mean time I wish you lessons learned as you look back at 2017 and the courage you need to make your life what you want in 2018.

What motivates you?

What is your current goal? What is your long term goal? What makes you finally define something as more than just a passing thought, but rather as a goal (which requires commitment)?

Do you want to lose 10# to wear that special dress to a wedding at the end of the summer? Are you interviewing for your first post-graduate job? Are you trying to save money to tackle a certain project that's been on the back burner for too long? Do you want to finally get your life (and basement) organized?

Why do you want to achieve whatever 'it' is? Will accomplishing 'it' make you feel more fulfilled?

What will it take to make you succeed? Your passion? Your unbelievable drive? The potential end result? Will it be your amazing support system or giving yourself a deadline that will help you succeed?

There are self-help books on the market. There are motivational tapes you can listen to (if you still have access to a Walkman). There are life coaches and fitness trainers who will help you stay on track.

I'm not talking about the achieving the predictable New Year's Eve resolutions or the 'it's time to get back into the summer swimsuit challenges'. I'm talking about conquering your fears in the here and now. What is it you REALLY want to do? Why do you want it so bad that you're willing to put yourself in a vulnerable position to go after it? Who is in your corner to support you? How will you feel when you get to the top of YOUR mountain? What will your mountaintop view look like?

I know what MY current challenges are and why I want to overcome them; I want to lose the nagging 5-10# that will never go away, I want to sleep through the night more than two nights in a row, I want to spend more time with my granddaughters, I want to be able to give myself permission to carve out the occasional ME time and not feel guilty for doing it, and I want to learn how to forgive and move on. I am a work in progress, but that's okay ... at least if I am in progress I must be moving forward.

How about you? 

What are your current challenges and how can I help you over come them?

What Is Your Purpose?

 

Life is full of transitions. We grow up. We grow older. Hopefully in the midst of it all, we even grow a little wiser. We face challenges and battles; some expected and some not. I often wish I had a crystal ball that could clue me in on what I am supposed to be doing, when I should be doing it, and what the ultimate goal and outcome will be. It's mind-boggling when I think of the time and effort I put in to projects, never knowing if I am ultimately making a difference or even on the right path.

 

I know many people who have struggled after a divorce or the death of a loved one. They felt lost for a long time and tried to figure out what their new identity looked like now that they were 'one' instead of  'two'. I've seen some college graduates wander aimlessly after graduation, with their diploma in hand, trying to discern what they would do next and where they would go. Life is full of questions.

 

We look around. We assume we know what direction we are heading. We hope we know what our future holds. Sometimes, though, what we are meant to do finds us when we aren't looking for it. We're so busy focusing on the bigger picture that sometimes we don't see what is right in front of us.

 

We should ask ourselves WHY we think we want something. Is it our head or our heart leading us? Maybe we should be more open to the possibilities. Life is full of them. The right job, relationship, and project will come along. By nature, we are impatient. We want to know the WHO, the WHAT, the WHERE, the WHY, and the WHEN. We don't like to wait and we certainly don't like to guess what is coming next. How can we be expected to be ready or do our best if we are surprised?

 

So what do we do? We hold on to hope and faith. The hope is something that gives our mind reassurance. The faith is something that reassures our heart and soul. Ultimately God knows the plan and will clue us in on the details when the time is right. Knowing that we are never alone is reassurance of the biggest kind, that's where we'll find our drive and our strength to face the uncertainties.

 

How do you stay focused and on track with your goals and clarifying what your purpose is?

The Hamster Wheel

Often, in life, we make comparisons. It helps us to visualize an outcome or a process. Life goes by pretty fast as it is and often we can feel overwhelmed. Think of a hamster on a wheel. He gets a lot of exercise and generally has a clear view of where he is going without any obstructions; yet most likely he will get tired trying to get there.

Ironically, I see a lot of similarities between the hamster and myself. I have goals. I have dreams. I think I know what it will take for me to get there. I try to get things accomplished at a frantic pace, but often feel like I am going and going and going and never quite reaching my destination.

Like the hamster, I know where I want to be, yet will find myself getting tired and never quite get there.

So what is the answer? Great question. Continue to get the daily exercise of running on the wheel that never ends? Perhaps good for my calf muscles, but not so much for my brain. There are days when I swear my mind works faster than the hamster's little feet. The hamster, though, does have one characteristic I lack. He is forever focused and driven. If I weren't afraid of falling off of the wheel I would probably wander off after one distraction or another.

Okay, so this blog post probably contains too many metaphors, but that's the irony of it. Our lives can be just like the hamster's. We have self-proclaimed routines. We know there's always a chance we'll be rewarded for our efforts, so we keep trying. The hamster never hits a brick wall; the shiny silver wire wheel always provides a clear view and an open road. It always has the hope of possibilities. Maybe some day the wheel will stop. Maybe we will wear it down. Maybe we will see something beyond the wheel. Maybe we will discover why we aren't reaching our goal and we'll get off the wheel and choose a different path, one with a more direct route. It is possible. 

With hope, all things are possible.

Do you see yourself as the hamster? Where are you trying to go and, more importantly, what is stopping you from getting there?

What are your six words?

Last week I was meeting with a group of women. We were given the task of describing our life in just six words. The six words could be random, descriptive words OR they could be placed strategically together to summarize your life.

Could you do it? What six words would you use?

 

Sometimes I think too much, too hard, and definitely for too long (lol, now you know a little more about me). When I was given the opportunity, six words instantly swirled around in my head and formed an idea ... drum roll, please ... A NEVER ENDING JOURNEY OF CHANGE. Yep, those were my six words.

 

In an ideal world I would always have a plan, a To Do list with a place for neat little check marks, and I would always feel like I was doing my best, being super-productive, and always, always getting the job done. Ha! Then reality hits my ideal little corner; my protected bubble of space where I imagine nothing bad, or inconvenient, or uninvited will ever work its way in. Indeed, my illusions are shattered almost daily.

 

Life happens. People get sick and require your help. Co-workers leave their positions and your assistance is needed during the transition. Outside obstacles get dumped directly in your path of things YOU want to accomplish. It doesn't mean your dreams and goals always get squashed, but it's not unheard of that they will temporarily get delayed or even postponed for a little while.

 

When this happens, what can you do to not lose sight of your plans? How do you be what everyone else needs you to be and still remain true to yourself? That would be the million dollar question; one that if I had the answer to it I could help A LOT of people. There are some simple things we can do, like make an idea board. Create something visual so that every time you look at it you can't help but be reminded of what your goal is. Perhaps keep a journal; remembering what you are working towards, what is getting in your way, and what you can do to still move forward (if even in baby steps). Moving forward is always better than moving backward. It's not about the size of step, it's more about the direction that you are going.

 

I've had more than my share of CHANGE in my lifetime. I've had dysfunctional family relationships to overcome, I've battled a disease, I've invested my heart and soul into a solid marriage, I've raised two great kids (with my better half), I've been on financial roller coasters over the years thanks to the economy and change, and the list goes on ... but I am here now and I'd like to think that I am strong enough to overcome whatever life deals me. What are my goals and dreams? That's a funny thing. I have them now, but they look a lot different than they did 10 or even 20 years ago. Most likely they will look even more different in another 10 years, but I will keep facing forward trying not to worry so much about the slow pace.

 

I'd love to know ... what would your six words be?

The Year Is Winding Down

Tomorrow is the LAST day of the year. 2016 will soon be nothing more than another chapter in our life book. Surely, there were high and low points; no one's life stays on a constant horizontal balance 100% of the time. As New Year's Eve draws nearer it would be customary for people to talk about resolutions and goals; some undoubtedly will revolve around diets, relationships, jobs, and finances (they always do). Maybe what is better to think about is how did you do with your resolutions and goals from one year ago? Did you pick a goal that was repetitive? Have you been setting yourself up to fail? 

A year ago I got the news that my cholesterol was higher than I would have liked. My weight wasn't exactly where I wanted it to be. My overall attitude needed some adjustments. I sincerely needed to find better ways of dealing with anxiety and stress. So, here I am one year later and it is time for a progress report. My cholesterol has gone down and is still improving. I made some lifestyle changes and without any dieting I am down 22#. My attitude, like anyone else's, remains a constant work in progress. But on some days, I am proud to report, I feel like I am doing a little better.

I don't like picking resolutions on demand at the end of year with a party horn in my hand, they feel too forced for me. Goals can be a good thing, as long as they are reasonably attainable. For me, I would rather reflect on where I am today, think about what is working and what is not, and think about whether or not I can do anything at all to improve it.

If you check dictionary.com synonyms for the word 'resolution' include determination, perseverance, strength, and fortitude. I sincerely like the sounds of these words. They all suggest positive images and success. Rather than saying you want to lose 20#, tell yourself that when the end of the year comes you want to be a healthier you (whatever that looks like). Rather than saying 'I want a new job', pray for a sense of commitment, respect, and accomplishment in whatever you are doing. Rather than saying you want to be in a certain place in a relationship, work toward being in a healthier and stronger mindset - the rest will come when it is the right time.

I had a lot of highs and some lows in 2016. I stepped out of my comfort zone, tackled ballroom dancing and raised a lot of money for a great cause. I played with my granddaughter whenever I could. I added some flowers to my garden. I bought my first-ever pair of straight leg skinny jeans (and wasn't embarrassed to wear them outside of my house). On the downside, our family lost someone special, I have learned more about elder care and being a power of attorney than I ever wanted to know, and I still have moments when I deal with anxiety and insecurities (but who doesn't?).

So, what has been great for you in 2016? 

What's been not so good? 

Where do you see yourself one year from today?

How do plan to get there?