When It Feels Like Groundhog's Day

Groundhog's Day this year will be on February 2nd; only a few weeks away. It's been a long standing tradition to watch for the groundhog and determine if he has seen his shadow; forecasting whether or not we will have six more weeks of winter. When I think of Groundhog's Day I think of the 1993 movie starring Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell. In the movie Bill Murray's character was stuck in time. Every morning his alarm would go off and he would re-live the SAME day over and over and over. After everything many of us have gone through in 2020 and now heading into this year it's no wonder some people feel like they have been living through a similar scenario.

The Covid pandemic has taught us to wear facial masks, social distance by six feet, and have many of our family gatherings virtually. Everyone has experienced the last 10 months differently. Some have been homeschooling their children or supervising their virtual studies. Some have been working remotely and gotten extremely comfortable working in sweats and slippers; many haven't worn 'real' clothes in months. Some have gone out to work every day, but with their environment feeling extremely different and a lot quieter and lonelier.

It's gotten to the point for a many people where the awkward silence follows the automatic questions of 'What did you do yesterday?' or 'How are you?' Every day seems to run into the next. I've had some people tell me when I call them, 'Sorry I haven't called, I just don't have anything new to say.' Not a good situation to be in, for sure.

When I don't feel like talking either I try to keep busy with something else. Over the last several months I have indulged in 'hobby' time more than any other time in my life. If more than three days goes by and I haven't worked on a painting, I purposely add it to my To Do list. Taking time for myself has become a necessary priority. Trying to keep my mind focused and busy helps me to not feel like I am slipping down into an unwanted rut.

Try not to dwell on all that has changed around us and what uncertainties lie in front of us. Focus on the here and now. It may not seem like it some days, but we really have come a long way. We will tackle whatever we are faced with because we have to. We are resilient that way.

What have you done to take care of yourself?

Ringing In A New Year

2020 was a year so different than any I remember in my lifetime. It was a year filled with fear, anxiety, a pandemic, uncertainties, inconveniences, hatred from strangers (and people we knew), a nasty election (well that part wasn't so different, they usually resume every four years), lots of worries, and searching for answers. It seemed like everyone was ready in full force to be done with 2020 and start fresh with a new year. I am on board with that notion, not because I know that switching the calendar to January 1st will necessarily change anything overnight, but mentally I am ready to start fresh with the HOPE of better things to come with the new year.

I asked readers what they were looking forward to in 2021 and got answers like 'some sense of normalcy', 'being able to see family and friends more', 'scheduling some of the events and activities that we cancelled last year'. It's normal that we miss being in church (and yes, I know that some churches have been meeting anyway; a service for maskers and one for non-maskers - that's a little hard for me to wrap my brain around). People miss gathering in groups larger than 2 or 3. We miss going to lunch with people outside our own household and talking for hours. We miss going to a hockey game or a baseball game. We miss going to a movie theatre and having more than a few people there and being able to purchase overpriced snacks while we're there. We miss travelling and planning our next adventure.

Me? I miss wearing lipstick! I miss seeing my small group in person on a regular basis. I miss the hugs. I miss eating a meal out. I'm tired of ordering a carryout when the order is wrong 50% of the time. I miss the human contact. I miss seeing smiles, or frowns (any sort of visual communication).

Usually on January 1st I'd write about what my goals are and what I hope to accomplish in the coming year. Today feels different. Instead, I have been reflecting on 2020 and thinking about how I reacted to the obstacles. Did I handle things well or could I have done better? What did I learn about myself that might help me be stronger in 2021?

I spoke with someone the other day and they reminded me that as busy and as different as life has been this past year, that I matter too (something I tend to forget too often). It's my nature to be the caregiver, the organizer, the mediator, the one who puts out potential fires, and the good listener. I have 57 years of experience of putting other people's needs first. That needs to change. I spent so much time in 2020 putting myself in overdrive to accommodate everyone else, that I let a part of myself slip away. The ironic thing is that very few people even noticed because their needs were being met so they just assumed I had it all together, Truth be told, none of us have it all together, some of us are just really good at hiding it. This year I need to let some things go. I need to ask other people to do their share, rather than taking it all on myself. I need to speak up more for myself. If I don't like what I see or hear, I need to worry less about people's reactions to my opinions. Why should everyone else get to voice their thoughts, but I feel like I just have to play along? I've never liked conflict and usually avoid it all costs. I've learned that when you hold parts of yourself back for too long, then those parts will either overflow into a noisy messy situation or they'll dissolve along with a part of what makes you who you are.

Let 2021 not be all about making more money or losing more weight. Let it be the year that you fully examine who YOU are and embrace it. If by doing so it causes a little discomfort with people in your life, then that's okay. You can't do everything for everybody else forever. Maybe by me learning to stand up more for myself, other people in my life will learn that they're capable of standing a little stronger as well.

How are you feeling about 2021?

A Reflection of 2020

2020 has been unique in many ways. It definitely has not been the year to say you achieved this goal or that goal; took the vacation you wanted and planned for, got the new job or promotion you were working toward, or now have the new relationship you were hoping you'd have (unless you managed to pull off an outdoor Covid wedding).

Looking back as we get ready to close out 2020 you'll see it has been a year when we learned to appreciate the milestones. 

• Working from home and adapting to a new schedule that involved virtual learning for your children or working at your office (often alone) and finding ways to accept the new sense of loneliness.
• You mastered zoom meetings and online family gatherings.
• You learned not to take time for granted, but appreciate the moments more.
• You may have realized and had to accept some friendships/relationships for what they were and more importantly what they weren't.

2020 has been the year when I learned to paint, people found and invested time in new hobbies, and we arranged garage and backyard socially-distanced small gatherings. Many people learned to look beyond themselves and do things not just for themselves, but for the greater good of those around them. We learned to deal with our sense of patience and understanding (or lack of) when we discovered we had to be more creative in the ways we saw and did things.

Maybe we will look back at 2020 as a year filled with self-discovery; a time when we what saw what depths of strength we really had.

Flipping the calendar to 2021 won't change life overnight - it won't eliminate any losses we've faced, lessen any grieving, or miraculously make things 'normal' again. It will be a sign that we are survivors and ready for a new year, hopefully one filled with newfound hope, resilience, and a renewed faith.

What is something you discovered about yourself during 2020?

How will you keep calm today?

Today in the U.S. it is election day; a 2020 presidential election while still coping with a Covid-19 pandemic. This one will definitely be one for the history books (for many reasons). I didn't sleep much last night. I often find it difficult to shut my brain off with everything that has been going on lately. I tend to think too long about too much; so I finally decided to just get up, especially since I had set my alarm for an hour earlier so that I could stand in line and vote before going in to work. It was a brisk morning, but the skies were clear and everyone standing in line outside the precinct was friendly and orderly. All good things for sure. Hopefully the rest of the day goes as smoothly for the rest of the voters.

As if many people haven't been stressed and feeling anxious enough lately about the pending election, now we get to feel anxious about the results. It goes without saying that half of the voters will be saying, 'Woohoo! We won.' and the other half will be accusing the other party of cheating. After everything I have witnessed about humanity in recent months I have come to expect nothing less. In the next few days there will be celebrations by some and accusations by others. There will be gloating and there will be hurt feelings. For today people will share their voice and vote. For today people will talk about peace and the need to be kind. But what happens tomorrow? How many of those same people will forget today's words of unity.

I wish I knew the right words to share that would instill confidence and hope for everyone. I wish my magic wand didn't have years of dust on it and with a simple wave through the air would create an instant and lasting sense of calm.

For now to maintain some sense of focus through the rest of my day I will take my boss's puppy outside for a few walks (it's a perfect day for puppy therapy!). I promised myself that if I even turn the TV on tonight it would only be to start binge watching another season of the British Baking Championship. I just finished season one on the weekend. The LAST thing I need tonight is to start watching election results where every news station will want to be the first to get the scoop and declare a winner with only 1% of the votes having been tabulated. By voting this morning I've done what I can to be part of the process. Hopefully the results will be the voice of the people, will be accepted as that, and people will remember tomorrow the words of unity that they spoke of today.

Have you voted yet?

How will you stay calm as you await the results?

A Fresh Start

It's a new year; a time for planning, hoping, and maybe a little strategizing. At the end of the year we don't just pack away the holiday decorations to make the room look clear and organized again, we also put up a fresh calendar. We like starting with a clean slate; at least I do. New year ... new hopes ... new ideas ... new plans of attack on how to hopefully accomplish them.

We all have our share of challenges, anxieties, pressures, and responsibilities. Many of us will probably look back at 2019 and think, 'Wow! How did I get through that?' But guess what? If you're reading this, then you did. Don't be so surprised; you're stronger than you give yourself credit for. I know that 2019 was pretty rough for a lot of people; illnesses, finances, relationships ... you name it and I probably know someone who's been dealing with it (or for that fact, still is).

The thing is is that the challenges and the pressures won't always change or go away or even get temporarily resolved, but HOW we choose to deal with them can. We can decide to not let 'it' consume us, whatever IT is. We have the choice to make a change or take a different approach. We get to start fresh if we want to. Every month or every day if necessary.

Who doesn't like the occasional fresh start?

• a new house
• a new job
• an improved body or mindset
• a new haircut
• a new hobby
• a new challenge
• a new goal

Pick the one that speaks to you and choose to start fresh. Start small and test the waters or be bold and jump in with both feet and arms flailing. What have you got to lose? Absolutely nothing.

How am I starting fresh this year? I'm trying to be more diligent with my blogging. I hope somewhere, someday someone reads one of my posts and is impacted and shares it or shares a positive comment. But if they don't that's okay too. I'm blogging for myself and some days that's more than enough. It's my voice, my thoughts, and I can actually hear myself think as I type. That's worth it in itself.

What does your fresh start look like?

Moving Into 2020

Well, I'm back; although it has been a few weeks again. In my last post I pondered over what direction my 2020 would take. I decided, after much reflection, that more than a resolution or a specific goal I needed to focus on a word that would help keep me on track for the new year. I chose the word BALANCE. Why? Mostly because I am the first to admit that I can easily get overwhelmed or off track or out of sync if I let obligations and responsibilities take over my life. I have a difficult time saying no to anyone when they ask for help; heck sometimes I don't even wait for them to ask for my help - I just offer it up like it has instantly become my sole responsibility to help them, make things easier for them, or help them to stay on track. 

But should I be doing that? If I do, am I helping them or enabling them? By me helping am I giving them the easy way out? Shouldn't they own up to the responsibilities that are solely theirs? It's usually at this point that my life gets out of balance. I become stressed and consumed over things and situations that affect other people more than myself. Why do I do this to myself? That's the million dollar question. I don't think I do it on purpose, but I've grown up my entire life playing the self-imposed role of the mediator, the organizer, the task master, the list maker, the worrier, and the sleep-deprived person. I look at what I think the result should be in the end and I do what I can to help it get there. I don't settle for good enough; that's always been unacceptable to me. I tend to care too much sometimes; but that's on me. Can you see why my word for 2020 is BALANCE? I clearly need more of it in my life.

I need to know that I can help, assist, care for, worry about, and be concerned for other people in my life without letting it become all-consuming. At some point the scales with the ME side of the equation will be out-weighed by the magnitude of everything else. That's unfortunate, but also unhealthy. It's when I can make this clear observation and own it that I hope to be able to learn something beneficial from it.

I want to move into 2020 like there are no set limits. I want to feel unstoppable. I want to feel deserving of my successes. I want to hear the sound of my own voice and know that it matters (not just to me, but to others as well). So how do I go about accomplishing this?

If I need a space where I can clear my head, then I need to make it or at least clean up the one that I have. If I don't have the tools I need to be the kind of success that I want, then I need to get what I need in order to do that. I need to make the effort because I care as much about me and my needs as I do about everyone else's. I need to be my own best advocate and stop being my own worst enemy. I need to convince myself that looking out for what's best for me doesn't have to make me a selfish person. There will always be those voices in your head that say, 'Now isn't a good time.' 'Maybe next year would be better for everyone else.' But that's the thing, there will always be other reasons and more excuses. Maybe it's the fear of failure. Maybe it's the fear of commitment. Maybe it's the fear of insecurity or being judged. There will always be fears that can talk you out of anything. That's when the hopes need to take the forefront and outsize the fears. Listen to the hope in your heart; the hope that tells you that you have what it takes to succeed, that you deserve to be happy, and that you have what it takes to make a bigger difference in the world.

How are you doing so far with choosing your word for 2020?

Are you getting on track with your goals and dreams or do you feel stalled?

Let us know what's going on ... we are all here for you.

Are You Ready For 2020?

First, let me re-introduce myself. My name is Jennifer and I haven't written a blog post in more than a month. Why? Because LIFE took over. There was a fractured bone in my right arm at my wrist joint which resulted in 6 weeks in a brace (and yes I am right handed). There's been 5 weeks of PT twice a week. There was 4 weeks of Advent preparation at the church where I work (my full time day job). There was a lot of prepping for Christmas (writing out cards, shopping, wrapping, cleaning my house, and prepping for a Christmas holiday hosting my kids and three granddaughters). Needless to say, it didn't leave much time left over for me or my blogging.

Today is a new day. Christmas Day has come and gone. Presents were unwrapped. Meals were prepped and eaten. Conversations and laughter abounded. Memories were made. Now it is December 28th. I am sitting on my cozy couch with my laptop and watching the Survivor Finale on TV that I missed prior to Christmas. I think my husband and I were hosting our small group dinner at our house the night the finale was on. Better late than never - although I did sneak a peek on social media a week ago and already know who won (oops). But that's okay - sometimes it's not so much about the end result, but more about the experience and what took you to the end.

2019 had a lot of ups and downs for a lot of people that I know. There have been health concerns for many, relationship issues, job insecurities, and enough layers of stress to fill an offsite storage container to the brim (isn't that where many people stash either their unwanted stuff or the stuff they can't find time to deal with?). There have been positives as well though; a beautiful third granddaughter in my family, answers to questions and doubts that have been haunting friends for months, and for some a certain degree of growing clarity that should help propel them into a positive 2020.

New Year's Day is only a few days away; a time when many people will start throwing out resolutions and goals for the upcoming new year. But first, it's a time for reflection. What did your 2019 look like? Was it everything you thought it would be? Did you accomplish everything you pushed for? Did you set yourself up to continue your efforts in 2020 and finish what you may have started?

If you had to sum up your dreams, your hopes, and your aspirations for the new year in just one word, what would that one word be? What word will keep you focused and driven for the next twelve months? My word is going to be BALANCE; something I tend to lack from time to time (and not just when I am in my Zumba class and stumble and fall on my wrist, leaving myself with a directive to slow down). I am truly seeking that sense of balance in my own life; a balance where I can separate my work, my hobbies, my friends, and my home life. There will always be times when all the elements of our lives intertwine. But if you find yourself staying awake most nights dwelling and overthinking different aspects of your life, you will come to the realization that you are off balance in some way. Trust me, I don't need to fall again (physically or metaphorically), so for me 2020 is about finding the BALANCE that works best for me. It will be about re-determining what my priorities are and what parts of my life have been on hold on the shelf for way too long and need some attention.

I'd love to know where you are at. 

What is your ONE WORD for 2020?