Ringing In A New Year

2020 was a year so different than any I remember in my lifetime. It was a year filled with fear, anxiety, a pandemic, uncertainties, inconveniences, hatred from strangers (and people we knew), a nasty election (well that part wasn't so different, they usually resume every four years), lots of worries, and searching for answers. It seemed like everyone was ready in full force to be done with 2020 and start fresh with a new year. I am on board with that notion, not because I know that switching the calendar to January 1st will necessarily change anything overnight, but mentally I am ready to start fresh with the HOPE of better things to come with the new year.

I asked readers what they were looking forward to in 2021 and got answers like 'some sense of normalcy', 'being able to see family and friends more', 'scheduling some of the events and activities that we cancelled last year'. It's normal that we miss being in church (and yes, I know that some churches have been meeting anyway; a service for maskers and one for non-maskers - that's a little hard for me to wrap my brain around). People miss gathering in groups larger than 2 or 3. We miss going to lunch with people outside our own household and talking for hours. We miss going to a hockey game or a baseball game. We miss going to a movie theatre and having more than a few people there and being able to purchase overpriced snacks while we're there. We miss travelling and planning our next adventure.

Me? I miss wearing lipstick! I miss seeing my small group in person on a regular basis. I miss the hugs. I miss eating a meal out. I'm tired of ordering a carryout when the order is wrong 50% of the time. I miss the human contact. I miss seeing smiles, or frowns (any sort of visual communication).

Usually on January 1st I'd write about what my goals are and what I hope to accomplish in the coming year. Today feels different. Instead, I have been reflecting on 2020 and thinking about how I reacted to the obstacles. Did I handle things well or could I have done better? What did I learn about myself that might help me be stronger in 2021?

I spoke with someone the other day and they reminded me that as busy and as different as life has been this past year, that I matter too (something I tend to forget too often). It's my nature to be the caregiver, the organizer, the mediator, the one who puts out potential fires, and the good listener. I have 57 years of experience of putting other people's needs first. That needs to change. I spent so much time in 2020 putting myself in overdrive to accommodate everyone else, that I let a part of myself slip away. The ironic thing is that very few people even noticed because their needs were being met so they just assumed I had it all together, Truth be told, none of us have it all together, some of us are just really good at hiding it. This year I need to let some things go. I need to ask other people to do their share, rather than taking it all on myself. I need to speak up more for myself. If I don't like what I see or hear, I need to worry less about people's reactions to my opinions. Why should everyone else get to voice their thoughts, but I feel like I just have to play along? I've never liked conflict and usually avoid it all costs. I've learned that when you hold parts of yourself back for too long, then those parts will either overflow into a noisy messy situation or they'll dissolve along with a part of what makes you who you are.

Let 2021 not be all about making more money or losing more weight. Let it be the year that you fully examine who YOU are and embrace it. If by doing so it causes a little discomfort with people in your life, then that's okay. You can't do everything for everybody else forever. Maybe by me learning to stand up more for myself, other people in my life will learn that they're capable of standing a little stronger as well.

How are you feeling about 2021?

When You Take Things For Granted

The world is a busy place. Just look at the traffic, the long lines at the gas station and grocery store, or my daily To Do list. Often we find ourselves tackling our lives and our schedules as if we were on autopilot. Sometimes we don't even think about what we are doing or how we are doing it ... we just do what needs to be done. It's very easy to take things for granted; a computer or car that works when we turn them on, the lights turning on when we flip the switch, or the fridge having food in it when we go to make our lunch.

This week I have been sorely reminded of something I clearly took for granted; having two hands that work. My life is usually pretty busy - sometimes too busy. I've trained my body to get by on little sleep. Sometimes (actually more often than we'd like to admit) we find ourselves not having as much control as we would prefer. 

For about a year I have been attending a weekly Zumba class at my local parks and recreation facility. At first I was leery about joining. I am in my middle 50s and am pretty mobile and active (if working and running errands count). I like to garden, take walks, and do sidewalk chalk drawings with my granddaughters when I can. But would I be up for the challenge of a weekly fitness class? Would I be able to keep up and learn the routines? Not to pat myself on the back, but I think I've done pretty well and been able to hold my own. I look forward to the weekly class, not just for the exercise, but also because it allows me to take one whole hour a week for myself. I actually turn my cell phone off and leave it in my locker.

This week at class, I had a less than graceful moment. My foot stayed in one spot and chose not to follow when the rest of my body went forward with a step in the routine. In a matter of seconds I found myself going down ... HARD ... and landed with an awkward thud on the floor on my arm. But being the trooper that I am, I got up and tried to shake it off (I'll admit I was partially motivated by embarrassment). I managed another 10 minutes and only gave in to the idea of an ice pack at the 'unofficial' water break.

Fast forward to a quick trip to urgent care and a temporary soft cast for an acute intra-articular fracture of the distal radius. Of course as Murphy's Law would have it, it's my right arm and I am right-handed. Next week I will get a new hard cast and I'm not sure yet for how many weeks. Since it's my first cast in 56 years I am hoping I at least get to pick a pretty color.

I can openly say that I never knew how much I needed two hands until I temporarily lost the use of one. Performing my full time job will be slow and frustrating since I work on a computer most of the day. Going grocery shopping and cooking one-handed will be a challenge. Blow drying and styling my hair ... can you say hat? Today I am giving myself permission to wallow in my self-proclaimed pity party. I will get over it. I tackled and beat cancer, so I know that I can conquer this too. I do have perspective - I know there are people dealing with far worse things than my 4-6 week inconvenience. I understand that. Sometimes we need to take the time to show ourselves a little grace.

Was this life's way of giving me a reality check?

Is this God's way of telling me to slow down?

Just Taking A Break

You may or may not wonder where I've been lately. Just taking a break, I suppose. This time last month I was getting pretty enthused about writing more consistently on my blog. I was working on themes for different days ... a favorite recipe day ... a funny story day ... a serious topic day ... etc. Then my motive got tripped up - well actually it wasn't my motive, but me. In one of my less graceful moments I tripped and broke my ankle. Not just any ankle, but my right ankle (meaning that I have had certain restrictions these last few weeks). Restrictions like I can't drive, I can't go down my basement stairs as often or as quickly (which makes using my home computer difficult), etc.

I'm gonna be fine, but like many situations in my life I've tried to find the positive aspects of this one. Let's see ... people have opened doors for me like they did when I was 8 months pregnant, my husband and daughter offer to clean the dishes after dinner (assuming that I've actually cooked), I've heard some great 'punny' lines, and oh yeah ... I've even been driving the motorized scooter at the grocery store. When I told my mom I was going to drive one she said 'seriously?' and I said 'Uh, yah!'

No matter how much a situation can sometimes inconvenience us it's important, sometimes even vital, to try look at the glass as being 'half full' rather than 'half empty'. I know some people who can't even manage to view the glass as 'half empty' ... they can only see it as 'half empty & there's a whole in the bottom!'. I mean come on ... take a look around us - I look at the recent political happenings on the other side of the world, the tornados in the southern U.S. states, the earthquake in Japan, and any number of the local news stories and I have to stop and think 'Wow, what am I cranky about - all I have is a broken ankle. A mere temporary inconvenience'. My ankle will heal, hopefully the sky will soon turn blue again and perhaps even the sun come back out. I guess I, along with a lot of others, have a great deal to be thankful for.

I won't worry. I'll get myself back on track with my blog, hopefully start taking some outdoor walks soon, and perhaps even get outside and start working in my flower garden in a few weeks (providing I get the fasionable boot off). Minor inconveniences sometimes have a way of getting us back on track when we need it. Whatever your minor inconvenience of the day is: lack of time, motivation, sleep, whatever it is ... well I hope you can look at your glass as half full and get yourself back on track.