Moving Into 2020

Well, I'm back; although it has been a few weeks again. In my last post I pondered over what direction my 2020 would take. I decided, after much reflection, that more than a resolution or a specific goal I needed to focus on a word that would help keep me on track for the new year. I chose the word BALANCE. Why? Mostly because I am the first to admit that I can easily get overwhelmed or off track or out of sync if I let obligations and responsibilities take over my life. I have a difficult time saying no to anyone when they ask for help; heck sometimes I don't even wait for them to ask for my help - I just offer it up like it has instantly become my sole responsibility to help them, make things easier for them, or help them to stay on track. 

But should I be doing that? If I do, am I helping them or enabling them? By me helping am I giving them the easy way out? Shouldn't they own up to the responsibilities that are solely theirs? It's usually at this point that my life gets out of balance. I become stressed and consumed over things and situations that affect other people more than myself. Why do I do this to myself? That's the million dollar question. I don't think I do it on purpose, but I've grown up my entire life playing the self-imposed role of the mediator, the organizer, the task master, the list maker, the worrier, and the sleep-deprived person. I look at what I think the result should be in the end and I do what I can to help it get there. I don't settle for good enough; that's always been unacceptable to me. I tend to care too much sometimes; but that's on me. Can you see why my word for 2020 is BALANCE? I clearly need more of it in my life.

I need to know that I can help, assist, care for, worry about, and be concerned for other people in my life without letting it become all-consuming. At some point the scales with the ME side of the equation will be out-weighed by the magnitude of everything else. That's unfortunate, but also unhealthy. It's when I can make this clear observation and own it that I hope to be able to learn something beneficial from it.

I want to move into 2020 like there are no set limits. I want to feel unstoppable. I want to feel deserving of my successes. I want to hear the sound of my own voice and know that it matters (not just to me, but to others as well). So how do I go about accomplishing this?

If I need a space where I can clear my head, then I need to make it or at least clean up the one that I have. If I don't have the tools I need to be the kind of success that I want, then I need to get what I need in order to do that. I need to make the effort because I care as much about me and my needs as I do about everyone else's. I need to be my own best advocate and stop being my own worst enemy. I need to convince myself that looking out for what's best for me doesn't have to make me a selfish person. There will always be those voices in your head that say, 'Now isn't a good time.' 'Maybe next year would be better for everyone else.' But that's the thing, there will always be other reasons and more excuses. Maybe it's the fear of failure. Maybe it's the fear of commitment. Maybe it's the fear of insecurity or being judged. There will always be fears that can talk you out of anything. That's when the hopes need to take the forefront and outsize the fears. Listen to the hope in your heart; the hope that tells you that you have what it takes to succeed, that you deserve to be happy, and that you have what it takes to make a bigger difference in the world.

How are you doing so far with choosing your word for 2020?

Are you getting on track with your goals and dreams or do you feel stalled?

Let us know what's going on ... we are all here for you.

What Do You Daydream About?

There is a journal type of book called, "300 More Writing Prompts". My son and daughter-in-law gave me a copy of one larger book, then my daughter gave me this second one. The books are full of ideas, questions, and prompts to get a writer's mind going. A question will be presented followed by plenty of room to journal and jot down creative thoughts and answers (or at least that is the goal, lol). It's a nice tool to get my thoughts brewing.

I recently started scanning through the pages and came across this little nugget to ponder over ... 

'When you close your eyes, 
what do you daydream about?' 

I had to stop and think about this one for a while because, truth be told, my mind is usually on overload. I always have enough going on in my brain; responsibilities, calendars, schedules, stresses, and worries. Sadly, I don't often give myself permission to daydream. But this time I did. What did my daydream look like? Well, I felt an amazing sense of peace. I could hear the soft rumble of the waves on a shore or my wind chimes were gently singing in my backyard. A window was open and a gentle clean breeze was coming into the room. I think I was barefoot, lol. My shoulders felt light, my neck wasn't stiff, my head didn't hurt, and things felt slow ... just sort of relaxed. My mind was clear; I wasn't thinking about anything in particular or planning anything. Hmmm, either that was one heck of a daydream or I had died and gone to heaven. The only thing missing was a puppy or a horse. 

Life can be busy enough all by itself; agendas being dished out to us, deadlines getting moved up, adding a page 2 to our To Do lists, bills coming in the mail that need to be paid, people that need our care, lawns that need to be cut ... you name it. We can easily get so busy or even overwhelmed that we feel we don't have any time leftover to actually go places or do things, but we shouldn't be too busy to at least daydream. Going to that fun, quiet, or energetic place in our mind that makes us smile on the inside costs nothing and doesn't even need to be added to the schedule. Daydreams are free, flexible, and can be just the invigoration we need to get ourselves over the next hurdle or around the next bend in the road.

I'm still feeling the relaxing effects my wind chimes and bare feet had on me when I thought about them.

When you close your eyes, what do you daydream about?

How Do You Rank Yourself?

Sometimes we all have crazy weeks. Okay ... sometimes those weeks can drag into months. We aren't unique though. We may be running low on sleep, energy, or even motivation. Our lists may be long and the needs many, but we're driven so we learn to prioritize. Maybe you're working with deadlines. Maybe you're working towards a goal and wonder if you've plateaued. Maybe you feel like you're mostly moving backwards instead of forward. You are most definitely not alone. We ALL have days when we feel like the fan has been turned on and the proverbial crap is flowing.

So, how do we cope? Take a step back and take a deep breath. We go into a closed room and have a minor meltdown. We shed a few tears when someone asks how we're doing because we are feeling overwhelmed. However we respond, it's okay. Why? Because we're human and these are all real, raw human emotions. Sure, we can try to brush off our super powers. We can build our protective walls a little higher and a little thicker, but in the end they will most likely come crashing down.

I am notorious for talking about 'lists'. Lists for shopping, lists of projects to get done, things we aspire to do, goals we want to tackle, places we want to go, and things we want to see ... the lists are endless. Then reality hits. We only have 24 hours in a day and seven days in a week. How can we possibly get it all done if we want to do it all well? I heard someone say the other day, "There are people who can't help but give 100% and then there are people who don't know how to give a 100%. I prefer to surround myself with the people who can't help but give 100%." On one hand, it's a complicated quote. On the other hand, it couldn't be any clearer.

If we're going to do something, we should want to do it well. Overextending ourselves doesn't help anyone. At some point we need to add taking care of ourselves to our lists. The question is, "Where do you rank yourself on your lists?" Too often we push ourselves to page two - or even the bottom of the list. How can we realistically tackle #1-10 if we are #11?

Today's lesson? It's all about finding a balance and it's okay to put yourself toward the top of your list.

Taking A Mental Break

Does your daily routine and lack of a good sleep pattern have you concerned? Do you currently have a lot on your plate? Today's world keeps us more than busy with jobs, responsibilities as  a parent, and the stresses of caring for our homes, our spouses, our children, and for many - our aging parents.

Do you take the time to notice the signs that you need a break? Perhaps you're feeling overworked. Perhaps you have a difficult time turning your brain off at night to go to sleep. Perhaps your eating patterns are off. If you're like me you know you have too much going on when you're using a Sunday night at 8:00 p.m. to clean your house and catch up on paying bills. You might ask yourself, 'Where did the rest of my week go?'

I don't always mean to fill up my days with 28 hours of 'stuff', but LIFE happens and as a result best intentions for a calm and peaceful week can get postponed.

Here's what I think (for what it's worth) ...

• We need to notice the signs that we're overworked or overwhelmed.
• We need to be willing to acknowledge that we need a break; at least a mental break.
• We need to grab the opportunities that present themselves to us to take that needed break.

The opportunities are there and they can be pretty simple, but at the same time pack a great punch.

• Take a 20 minute walk in the park.
• Stop for a cup of coffee or iced tea and don't drink it at your desk or in your car.
• Play hooky and eat lunch someplace other than your desk; although many forget to even eat lunch.
• Give yourself permission to go see a 2-hour movie. Seriously ... it's just 2 hours, but will allow your brain an opportunity to think about something different for a change.

A mental break is not just important, but it's beneficial. It recharges your spirit. It can lower the height of your shoulders by an inch (if you're like me and tend to keep them raised up around your ears most of the time). It can help you sleep, help you think more clearly, and perhaps even make you laugh or smile.

What do you do for a good mental break? Do you find that it helps? Do you find yourself feeling guilty (like I do) when you finally take it?

Just be YOU!

Many people find it difficult to create a balance these days, and NO, I'm not referring to your checkbook. I'm talking about your life. We all wear many hats in our daily lives. We're someone's wife or husband, we're someone's mom or dad, we're someone's brother or sister, we're a son or  daughter, perhaps we're a step-parent, we're an employee, we're a caretaker, we're a financial provider, and hopefully we're a child of God. We're many things! And, truth be told, we're often exhausted.

 

We also tend to be perfectionists; we want to be our best and we want to be all things to all people. But last time I checked there were still only 24 hours in a day (expect this past weekend when we lost one). We don't allow ourselves to take a 'pass'. We don't say, 'On Monday I'll be your daughter and on Tuesday I'll be your wife and on Wednesday I'll be your employee and on Thursday I'll try to squeeze in being your mom.' No ... we try to wear ALL the hats simultaneously and we try to keep the balance and the momentum going. Undoubtedly there will be days when adding even one more description or role becomes too much. We don't want to do one thing not as good in order to make more time for something else, but I can almost guarantee there will be days when you need to stop and just be YOU.

 

So what do we do? How do we find the right balance when our lives become overwhelming? There is no right answer except that we need to be aware when we're reaching our temporary limit. It's o.k. to say you need a break, you need some help, and you need to regroup and reprioritize. Guess what? We're all human. Needing to stop and breathe is NOT a sign of weakness ... I think it's a sign of maturity. After all, we cannot be all things to all people all of the time. It's great to be selfless and always wanting to think of others first, but if you can't take care of yourself as well you won't be any good to anyone else.

 

I may not be able to help you wear your 'hat' of the week, but I can certainly listen if you're feeling overwhelmed. Email me, I'm good with listening.