Protecting Your Spirit

We are now twelve days into a the new year. Many have successfully set goals for themselves. Many have already broken their resolutions. Where do you stand? Are you starting out the year knowing what you want and where you want to be?

Each year I begin by hoping for clarity; trying to decide exactly where I see myself and most importantly, what will it take for me to get there. What kind of effort and commitment will I need to garner up? Do I see myself ten pounds lighter? Do I see deeper and growing relationships with my friends? Do I see new projects on my horizon?

Lately, what I've been striving for is reclaiming my strength. I see myself stronger; in body, mind, and spirit. That's no easy task, for sure. It's a very complicated process. I need to take better care of my body. I need to succeed more at reducing stress. And most importantly, for me, is learning to nurture my spirit. My spirit is what drives me more than anything else. It's that voice inside of me that pushes me to try harder, to walk further, to be more creative, and to learn to trust my instincts more. There are always going to be more voices telling us why we can't or shouldn't do something, that we aren't good enough, and that we don't have anything valuable to offer. We need to learn to drown those voices out more with the voice of strength that lies inside each one of us. Some days the voice of my spirit is nothing more than a whisper, but some days it wants to shout loud enough to shake the walls. Those are the days when I have to stop and pay attention.

It's okay to try to achieve things that other people think are silly or impossible. It's okay to go after what makes you happy and whole. I'm learning that sometimes it's even okay to put yourself first.

Putting yourself first ... that's the trickiest of them all, especially if you have relationships with other people. Being a wife - I try to be supportive to my husband. Being a mom (and it doesn't matter how old your kids are) - we worry about them. Being part of a care giving team - there are always lots of unexpected stresses. Being an employee - you try to always put your best effort forward. There are always the same number of hours in a day, but sometimes the demands we're dealt exceed the amount of time we have, leaving nothing left over for us. Our spirit needs to be supported as well; I'm discovering that the weaker my spirit is, the less I have to give to everyone else.

So ... my goal for this year? To improve my body, challenge my mind, and protect my spirit.

How are your goals going so far? 
Anything I can do to be supportive?

The Battle Of The What Ifs

With everything that is going on in today's society; competitive job markets, political unrests, health scares, economic statuses ... it is no wonder that the average person is left to deal with worry and anxiety. Stress isn't a new word, by any means. People, young and old, have been dealing with it for generations. People worry about their their incomes, they worry about the rising costs of a college education for their children, they worry about the price of health insurance, utilities, about the strength of relationships, and about practically everything else.

It was only a week ago that my pastor targeted his sermon about worries. How by worrying about tomorrow today, we were basically wasting our time because God had a plan and there was enough worry for today without worrying about the future too (I'm paraphrasing, of course). I find comfort in knowing that God has a plan for my life and those I care about, but He also made me the way that I am. He gave me a set of gifts and talents, which I attempt to use as wisely as I can. But I am also a natural born worrier, a mediator, a wanna-be Wonder Woman who seems to think it is expected for me to have answers and solutions to everyone's questions and problems at any given time. With that self-imposed responsibility, though, comes tension headaches, stiff shoulders, countless sleepless nights, worry lines around my eyes, and bouts of unexplained tears. I want to convince myself that I am strong and can deal with anything (and most times I can), but sometimes I am humbled and reminded of my humanness. No one else expects me to have it ALL together ALL of the time, well some may, but I am only one person.

I have a tattered small piece of paper taped to the rim of my computer screen at work that says '...God will never give me more to handle than he knows my shoulders can bear.' I read it several times a day to try and help me keep an even perspective.

Most days I am a 'glass is half full' kind of gal, but we all have our moments of doubt when the WHAT IFS start creeping their gloomy heads in to our days and dreams at night. What if our friend loses their job? What if the college students we know don't get jobs after graduation? What if we don't meet our deadlines and quotas at work? What if the price of health insurance continues to rise more than it already has, HOW will be be able to pay for it? Worse, what if someone gets sick and we actually need to USE the insurance, how will be afford to pay the deductibles?

Trying to keep the glass half full is a lot of work; it is no wonder we have sleepless nights, nauseous stomachs, and headaches. Study after study has shown that anxiety can give us physical symptoms; being 'sick' of the stress and the worry is more real than you know.

So, what's the perfect answer? I wish I knew. Continue to take life one day at a time, I suppose. Continue to do the best that we can using the tools we presently have. We'll never be able to get 30 hours in a day or 8 days in a week. We need to be able to slow down long enough to hear ourselves think; to temporarily block out all the things that may be overwhelming us. We need to set boundaries for ourselves and pray that people will respect them for what they are. We need to find an inner peace that allows us to take the 'being perfect' pressure off of ourselves. We need to trust God more that He really won't give us more to handle than He knows we can deal with.

What if we could say NO once in a while when we were asked to add something to our already overflowing plate? What if we forced ourselves to take 20 minutes out of our already busy day to focus on us? What if  we learned, a little at a time, to trust that everything could turn out okay? What if we packed the Wonder Woman lasso and golden cuffs back into the Halloween dress up box and stopped thinking that we needed to wear them every day?

Personally, I'd love to try focusing on these WHAT IFS instead. 

*Disclaimer ... this blog post is my twenty minutes of ME time for today. Trying to use my own advice. 😉

Do you wear blinders?

I've been doing a lot of people watching & listening lately. I read Facebook postings to see what is new with the people I know, I listen to conversations to hear who could use my support and prayers, and I observe people's reactions and behaviors to see what their priorities are. I've become more aware recently that a lot of people seem to wear blinders (metaphorically speaking). While many people are fully aware of their surroundings, a lot of people seem to look past (intentionally or not I wouldn't begin to assume) what and who is around them.

My church recently held a volunteer food packing event. My daughter took a donation bag to school to see if anyone would want to donate to the cause. The students in one of her classes were watching a documentary about a past tsunami and how it devastated the area and the survivors. She took the opportunity to ask her teacher if she could speak to the class about the upcoming food packing event, to which he said 'yes'. She explained the concept of packing the food and how it could get shipped to areas of disaster where it was needed most. While some students donated their leftover change from lunch, a few students were dumbfounded and responded with replies like 'isn't that like volunteering?' and 'you mean you actually give up time to volunteer?' as if to say 'what's in it for you?' My daughter had a mix of emotions ... thankfulness to those that had donated, anger to those that mocked her efforts, sadness to those who were oblivious, and disappointment for those that didn't seem to care one way or the other.

Last week I was speaking with some adults at a school function. We were discussing the differences and options between fundraising for groups and the possibility of just charging larger amounts to the parents for their student's involvement in the program. There are a lot of opinions on that subject, so I'll save that topic for a future blog entry. Some parents like the fundraising aspects because it's a way to unite the families that are involved, while some parents would prefer to write a check. No one approach is right or wrong or better than the other. The part of the conversation that surprised me was when one parent (who I like) suggested that she didn't understand why everyone wouldn't just want to write a larger check and be done with it. She suggested that we lived in nice area and she couldn't believe that not everyone would have the money available to them to do it. My input was that perhaps she wasn't seeing the whole picture. I mentioned that I knew of people who had 2 income households and after one or both of them had lost their job they were doing their best to maintain their home and lifestyle. If we really look around us we will see that some households are doing fine, some are tightening their belts, some are re-prioritizing their needs and wants, and some are experiencing the possibility of losing it all. The teacher that was present even suggested (to her surprise) that our own high school was considered in need (not sure if that is the correct term) because a large enough % of the students qualified and received free school lunches.

The point is that when you walk down your street and criticize someone because their grass is getting a little tall for your liking, maybe you should ask yourself why. Have they taken on a 2nd job recently and haven't been home all week to cut the grass? Is the house in foreclosure? Did the homeowner suffer a heart attack last month and isn't able to handle the maintenance just now?

If we don't make the effort to interact with our neighbors, friends, and even strangers how can we truly expect to see the big picture? How can we know what is needed or how we can help?

Let's Go Back and Review

I like to write on my blog, but believe it or not there are also blogs that I like to follow. One blog had an entry last week that was directed to fellow bloggers. It suggested that during the holidays when we're busy with demanding schedules that include work, family, shopping, baking, card writing, gift wrapping, etc ... we should keep something in mind. This author suggested that while we might feel a commitment to our readers to post something new and festive during the Christmas season, that we should give ourselves some grace and try something different for a week or so. He suggested that we go back into our 'blog archives' and choose some entries that were some of our personal favorites. Depending on when you started following this blog, these entrys may be new to you. I'm going to give it a try, but I promise to post some NEW stuff before 2011 is complete.

***** (from October 2009) *****

‘Turn your ear to listen to me … Be my rock of protection, a fortress where I will be safe.’

~ Psalm 31:2

Autumn is officially here. The trees are slowly displaying their brilliant shades of oranges, reds and yellows; and yes … I think it may be nearing the time to turn our furnaces on (if you haven’t already). Autumn is a good example of the changing seasons, but it can also be a reminder for us of how our lives (like the weather) also change throughout the year.

It used to be that there were lots of people who were older than me and who knew so much more than I did. Nowadays, it seems like there are so many more people younger than I am. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like I have near as much wisdom as my elders seemed to have had when I was 10, 20, 30 or even 40. There is a small group of people that I do go to for advice – my husband, my sister, a co-worker, and a few select friends who will always remind me that they are merely ‘a phone call away’. In my current season (or this stage in my life) I often find myself just wanting to say what’s on my mind. I’ll convince myself that I’ve thought the situation through and the possible solutions. I’ll even convince myself that I have all the answers and don’t need anyone’s advice. The results, however, never seem to be what I thought they would. I find that what I really needed was the opportunity to talk with someone else … or better yet ‘VENT’. I’ve learned that most people will be willing to listen to your problems or concerns for a while, but eventually when your problems become repetitive they’ll unintentionally tune you out. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve known people in my life who when I saw them coming I would try to avoid them or discourage their conversations, because I either felt uncomfortable listening or just didn’t have the time or desire to listen to their newest variation of their woes. They are good reminders to me about keeping my own attitude and conversations positive.

But while it may be important to try and keep a positive outlook, it can also be just as important to have that safe opportunity to talk to someone you trust and be able to vent (without the fear of being judged over how you might be feeling). Venting, however, should NEVER be used as a ploy to try to persuade your ‘listener’ to go along with your argument or way of thinking. There should always be mutual respect. My favorite listeners are my husband and a few special friends. If God gave out gold stars for good deeds, these people would have plenty.

I came across a health website this week where a woman’s blog was being featured. She was a fibromyalgia patient who talked about the need to be able to vent when she wasn’t feeling well. She needed to be able to openly admit that she hurt and was in constant pain, without someone telling her that she was complaining.

I don’t think anyone would disagree that this past year has been a rough one for many people. We all know someone (if not ourselves) who has had to deal with something big this year. For some it’s been their health, losing or trying to hold on to their job, personal family struggles, finances, or yes … even their faith.

Each of us needs to be able to vent when we need it. More importantly we all need to have someone who is willing to listen; someone who won’t judge us, try to tell us what is right or wrong, how we should be feeling, how we should act or what we should say. A good listener won’t give you preachy advice. They won’t say ‘I know how you feel’. Mostly they will just listen, really listen. They will ask you just enough questions to get you to open up about what’s really on your mind, and then they’ll let you do all the talking. In return, when they really need to talk, we can try to do a good job in the reversed role and be just as good and patient at listening, always remembering the mutual respect.

My advice to you … find a few good listeners with whom you can feel safe to let things out. Have a private conversation. Then, return the favor. I certainly don’t mean to sound like Pollyanna, but if I’ve learned one thing as I’ve gotten older it’s how to be a better listener. When you really stop to think about it, isn’t that what every human being wants … to be listened to and affirmed?

Thanks for listening.

‘Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others.’ ~ Proverbs 12:15

How much time should a parent invest?

Are you a parent? If not I'm sure you know someone who is. I am. My husband and I have 2 great kids ages 16 & 25, one is a boy and one is a girl. Both are very similar in a lot of ways, but on the other hand at times could not be more different. My question to you, as a fellow parent, is 'how much time should a parent invest' in their children? In today's society children are expected to go to school, be involved in various co-curricular activities, do community service ... everything from t-ball, dance classes, soccer, girl and boy scouts, piano lessons, school clubs, the church youth group ... and the list goes on and on. As parents we're expected by society to keep our children busy with activities, keep their minds challenged, and keep them out of trouble.

When our son was in high school we would drive him to band practices, science olympiad tournaments, and hockey games. Then we drove our daughter to music lessons, dance classes, and now marching band and symphony rehearsals. Of course there was a point in time when our son started driving himself to all of his 'things', but we would still show up to support him at every single game or concert (sometimes as a spectator and sometimes as a volunteer coach). Our daughter's current schedule is very similar and soon enough she will be driving herself to her part time job and band rehearsals as well.

Last night I attended her high school music booster monthly meeting. With 100+ students in the program there were probably less than 20% of the families represented by a parent. To some 20% may not sound like many and they would be right. On the other hand, it was a HUGE increase from when I attended for my son 10 years ago.

I remember when my son went off to college 8 years ago. I had a hard time at first, I'll admit I was missing him. I remember my boss telling me it was 'time to cut the apron strings'. Wow ... easy for him to say. Not always easy to do. The day we moved our son into his dorm, we were instructed to pull our vehicle up to a designated spot, unload his stuff onto the lawn, and then go park. Curb space was obviously limited. His 'stuff' could sit on the lawn as long as was needed in order for us to get him moved in. But you would be surprised at how many parents would unload their child's belongings and then just leave. A few of the students were left standing there alone on the lawn with their stuff. I even heard one parent say 'You're 18 now and on your own'. The mother in me wanted to walk over and give the kid a hug. I mean 'seriously?'

It doesn't matter how old my kids are - they are still my kids. I still care about how their day went and what their plans are. I will always be there to support them in things they are doing and will always help them in any way that I can.

So, as a parent, how do you manage? How do you not worry? I'm sure it'll get easier - that's what I've been told anyway.

It's not all about you!

I've come to realize that while my life and schedule are extremely busy and important (at least to me) ... that it's not all about me. Yes, I have responsibilities and agendas and hopes and dreams, but then so do a lot of other people. Mine certainly aren't any more important than theirs are. Of course, I'm sure there are times when all of us (if we were to be completely honest) think that the world revolves only around us, that what we do is most crucial, that our time is more valuable that anyone else's and that what we think and have to say is always right. Wow, is it just me or does that last sentence sound really selfish and perhaps even delusional? We've all experienced people like these.

Only this week I was sitting in 'clearly marked' construction where signs indicated for a good 1/2 mile that the 'left lane would be closed ahead'. While I sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic in the right lane patiently waiting my turn (or at least I'd like to think I was patient), car after car sped by me in the left lane thinking that there was no need for them to wait their turn like everyone else, that it was perfectly acceptable for them to suddenly cut me off and merge into my lane ... AS IF their time was somehow so much more valuable than mine or everyone else who was sitting in the right lane. I tried to show them some grace ... I swear I looked for the flashing lights on top of their car to indicate that they were a police car or an EMS vehicle on their way to saving someone's life, but try as I might I just didn't see those flashers. Go figure! So what is my point with all of this, besides the clear disregards for other people's time? My point is that we need to look outside of our own little bubbles sometimes. We need to make a bigger effort to support other people, whether that is through everyday courtesies to total strangers (in the backed up traffic lane, in the cashier's line at the grocery store, or merely opening up the door for a young mother who is struggling to push the stroller all while holding the hand of a distracted 4 year old). Sad to say but we shouldn't even have to think twice about the situations above. These should be natural instincts.

But we can take it a step further and put more effort in to it. There are so many ways to support the people around us. We just need to slow down and observe, take the time to really pay attention. Look around you and take note ... what are your friend's or family's passions and interests? Go to your 8 year old nephew's baseball game. Cheer him on. It doesn't matter if he's the MVP or the bench warmer. Cheer his name, let him know you're there for him. Trust me, after YEARS of attending hockey games, dance recitals, school concerts, half time shows, and charity fundraising events people welcome the support. I remember years ago when my husband was coaching the high school's roller hockey team. I would sit in the bleachers (at EVERY game) and cheer for EVERY boy on the team. I know that schedules can get demanding, but it was sad to see a 16 year old boy score a goal and look into the stands for his parents (who weren't there). That's why I made the effort to know the name of each player on the team and cheered for every one of them. See, it's not all about me or my son. Of course I should probably add a disclaimer that lets you know that I am one of 'those' fans ... the kind that scream and cheer and stand for most of the game. I'm not an athletic person, but have ALWAYS loved high school sports. At one high school football game I was cheering and carrying on after the home team scored a touchdown when another parent said 'Wow, you sure are a proud parent. What position does your son play?' I just laughed and said, "Oh I don't have a son on the football team, my son is in the drum line with the marching band!' The look are the parent's face was priceless.

There are so many ways to show your support. Your gesture doesn't have to big, just letting someone know that you're paying attention can be huge. This week I attended my first garden walk. It was amazing. This couple had beautiful gardens at their home. They'd obviously spent a lot of money and time planning, planting and pruning their plants and flowers. It was well thought out and just plain beautiful. The fun part was watching how excited they were to talk about what they had accomplished and how they'd done it. While they appreciated the support, I enjoyed the view!


This morning started the 2011 Susan G. Komen Michigan 3 Day Walk for breast cancer. I walked in the event last summer, but was unable to participate this year. I know several of the walkers who are out there walking or volunteering today. As a past walker, I KNOW first hand the impact the enthusiasm from the cheering stations has on the walkers. It's what they need to keep going as they walk 60 miles in 3 days in the hopes of making a difference for research and for finding a cure. If you should see a walker out there today or in your town, make a friendly sign, honk your car horn, wave to them, give them sandwich bags filled with ice cubes, anything ... but show them some support!

In any of life's situations, a little show of support can go a long way!