Protecting Your Spirit

We are now twelve days into a the new year. Many have successfully set goals for themselves. Many have already broken their resolutions. Where do you stand? Are you starting out the year knowing what you want and where you want to be?

Each year I begin by hoping for clarity; trying to decide exactly where I see myself and most importantly, what will it take for me to get there. What kind of effort and commitment will I need to garner up? Do I see myself ten pounds lighter? Do I see deeper and growing relationships with my friends? Do I see new projects on my horizon?

Lately, what I've been striving for is reclaiming my strength. I see myself stronger; in body, mind, and spirit. That's no easy task, for sure. It's a very complicated process. I need to take better care of my body. I need to succeed more at reducing stress. And most importantly, for me, is learning to nurture my spirit. My spirit is what drives me more than anything else. It's that voice inside of me that pushes me to try harder, to walk further, to be more creative, and to learn to trust my instincts more. There are always going to be more voices telling us why we can't or shouldn't do something, that we aren't good enough, and that we don't have anything valuable to offer. We need to learn to drown those voices out more with the voice of strength that lies inside each one of us. Some days the voice of my spirit is nothing more than a whisper, but some days it wants to shout loud enough to shake the walls. Those are the days when I have to stop and pay attention.

It's okay to try to achieve things that other people think are silly or impossible. It's okay to go after what makes you happy and whole. I'm learning that sometimes it's even okay to put yourself first.

Putting yourself first ... that's the trickiest of them all, especially if you have relationships with other people. Being a wife - I try to be supportive to my husband. Being a mom (and it doesn't matter how old your kids are) - we worry about them. Being part of a care giving team - there are always lots of unexpected stresses. Being an employee - you try to always put your best effort forward. There are always the same number of hours in a day, but sometimes the demands we're dealt exceed the amount of time we have, leaving nothing left over for us. Our spirit needs to be supported as well; I'm discovering that the weaker my spirit is, the less I have to give to everyone else.

So ... my goal for this year? To improve my body, challenge my mind, and protect my spirit.

How are your goals going so far? 
Anything I can do to be supportive?

What would you tell yourself?

I took some time off this week for some prescribed R&R. That, I'm founding out, is a tough nut to crack. I am more used to being on the go; being productive, tackling my To Do lists, and planning ahead ... always planning ahead. I've tried to do a little reading, have watched more episodes of Fixer Upper and Property Brothers than I care to count, and having been watching You Tube videos of some of my favorite songs. The last part has been fun; I listen to the music and then pull up and study the lyrics, breaking them down to their foundation. Gosh, I LOVE when people write great songs!

This afternoon's favorite selection? Dear Younger Me by Mercy Me. The song talks about reflection and the wisdom that can only come with time and experience. The question that comes to my mind though is what would you do with the wisdom you've acquired IF you had a choice? What would you want to share with the younger version of you?

Would you tell the younger you all you think you did wrong to save yourself the pain and the struggle OR would you tell the younger you to embrace the struggles and the challenges because you know they will build your character? Yes, these are the tough questions. Would you go back and try to smooth the way for yourself or would you encourage yourself to fight the big fights and take on the big challenges?

Everyone's answers to these questions will most likely be different; not because our views are necessarily different, but because our pasts and our challenges are personal. They run deep to our core. Sometimes we don't even share them with our friends, let alone our younger selves.

What nuggets of wisdom would you share with the younger you and why?

Tipping The Scale

Life is all about balance, or at least that's what most of us strive for. We wake up in the morning and we anticipate what our day will bring. What will our To Do list look like? How much will we actually accomplish? What relationships will take center stage today and need our attention? What unexpected drama will we be faced with? Who will push our buttons and allow us to feel stressed? Or will we get through our day and feel accomplished and at peace?

Whew ... that's a lot of what ifs and scenarios that will most likely get played out in a 12-14 hour period of time. 

On our best days we think we'll be able to tackle anything that comes our way. Everyone faces unexpected bumps in their path, but it is how we are able to deal with them that matters most and defines our character and our strength. While I feel it is good to start our day with a general plan and a goal, it would be unrealistic to think that plans can't and won't be changed (whether we are in agreement with them or not). To ultimately get through any day we need to be able to go with the flow and tell ourselves that it is okay if we don't get through the daily list because tomorrow is a new day and we can try again.

We try to keep a handle on life and we try to keep our heads above water. Some days we are able to succeed better than others. Some days we are weary from treading. 

What tips the scale for you? What throws you off balance and challenges your strength?

• a lack of sleep? (I totally get this one. I am an insomniac most nights.)
• a crying baby in public that distracts you from your moments of peace? (The grandma in me wants to go and help, but sometimes it is wise not to butt in.)
• a honking horn from an impatient driver while sitting in traffic?
• politics and the media? (in general)
• people who swear in public?
• people who smoke outside, but directly in front of a door to a restaurant or business that you need to walk through to get to your destination?

Everyone has their triggers; the things that tip the scale for them and throws them off their stride. When that happens ... and it will ... what do you do to regain your balance? Do you choose to ignore whatever inconvenienced you? Do you immediately become defensive? Do you respond or choose to keep quiet and keep your feelings to yourself?

There is the old saying that we should think before we speak (sort of a take off of 'measure twice, cut once'). Always best not to react right away; but rather observe, then think, then decide if you want to fight that battle. I've always stressed that once words are out (good or bad), you cannot take them back.

The next time your scale has been tipped and you find yourself off balance, take a deep breath and think about the most constructive way to get back to where YOU want to be. Be part of the solution rather than a new problem for someone else.

What motivates you?

What is your current goal? What is your long term goal? What makes you finally define something as more than just a passing thought, but rather as a goal (which requires commitment)?

Do you want to lose 10# to wear that special dress to a wedding at the end of the summer? Are you interviewing for your first post-graduate job? Are you trying to save money to tackle a certain project that's been on the back burner for too long? Do you want to finally get your life (and basement) organized?

Why do you want to achieve whatever 'it' is? Will accomplishing 'it' make you feel more fulfilled?

What will it take to make you succeed? Your passion? Your unbelievable drive? The potential end result? Will it be your amazing support system or giving yourself a deadline that will help you succeed?

There are self-help books on the market. There are motivational tapes you can listen to (if you still have access to a Walkman). There are life coaches and fitness trainers who will help you stay on track.

I'm not talking about the achieving the predictable New Year's Eve resolutions or the 'it's time to get back into the summer swimsuit challenges'. I'm talking about conquering your fears in the here and now. What is it you REALLY want to do? Why do you want it so bad that you're willing to put yourself in a vulnerable position to go after it? Who is in your corner to support you? How will you feel when you get to the top of YOUR mountain? What will your mountaintop view look like?

I know what MY current challenges are and why I want to overcome them; I want to lose the nagging 5-10# that will never go away, I want to sleep through the night more than two nights in a row, I want to spend more time with my granddaughters, I want to be able to give myself permission to carve out the occasional ME time and not feel guilty for doing it, and I want to learn how to forgive and move on. I am a work in progress, but that's okay ... at least if I am in progress I must be moving forward.

How about you? 

What are your current challenges and how can I help you over come them?

What Do People See?

Christmas was about many meaningful things, lots of time for reflecting and making memories, and if you're like me ... watching as many Hallmark movies as possible. Sure, we all know they will have a predictable ending, but that's o.k. With all of the surprises and chaos life can sometimes throw at us a little predictability can be a good thing.

There was one movie that was about 2 young people competing for a job at a department store as window dressers (not sure if that's the appropriate professional term or not). Decorating store windows can be the deciding factor of whether someone enters a store or not. It's meant to grasp their attention. Holidays tend to make good themes ... spring & autumn, Easter & Christmas, back to school, etc. But trust me, it's not an easy job. You've got to have a high level of creativity and be able to think of and understand what strangers will like. Store windows are merely facades. If done well they will tell a story and entice the customer to go in to see what comes next.

Here's a little known fact that may or may not surprise you. When I was in high school I was offered a full 4-year free ride to a design school. You've probably guessed by now that I didn't take it. Why? Because when the school's rep came to see me I learned that it was in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. For someone like me who had never been north of Cheboygen I had no idea just what their winters were like. When I looked at the housing brochures I didn't understand about the snow tunnels and the need for exit doors on the second floors. When she explained the concept and the amount of snow they got in the winter I had to accept the fact that I was not up to the challenge of becoming a Yooper (no offense to anyone who has thicker blood than me).

Yes, I was of the creative type. I had dabbled in many art styles and was bound and determined to become a highly respected store window designer. Life challenges us and sometimes we just need to decide which route is best for us and how we want to tackle the challenge. I've done many things so far in my life. Have I dressed any big store windows? No, but I have done a enormous amount of successful, creative wall displays and bulletin boards for my children's teachers (just ask them). Instead I tell my stories through words. I've written newsletters and had articles published. I've written speeches and I write a blog. Some day I may even write and illustrate a children's book. We will have to wait and see.

When have you ever been presented with a challenge that seemed bigger than you and did you decide to take a different route to achieve it?

Do You Rise To A Challenge?

We all face challenges every day. They come in many shapes and sizes, often disguising themselves as opportunities. Somehow an opportunity sounds much more positive than a challenge; an opportunity sounds doable. A challenge sounds mysterious, dark and full of obstacles; it suggests that it may be harder to achieve. No matter what we call them or how we perceive them, it’s how we rise to a challenge that defines us.

Challenges can be things we take on by ourselves and others are handed to us unwillingly on a platter; they may come in the form of an illness, grief, an abusive relationship, or a career change. Challenges have no guaranteed outcomes, but I for one would rather attempt and fail than not try and never know if I could have succeeded. I could fail, but so what? I’ll still get up tomorrow and I’ll probably try again. Failing doesn’t make me a loser or a quitter – it makes me persistent. Sure, some will attempt a given challenge and fail and decide they’ve had enough and ultimately not try again, but that just means that ‘they’ve’ made a decision. Never let someone else dictate the outcome for you. Always make sure your voice is heard.

I’ve had challenges in my life when people have told me ‘don’t bother’ or ‘you won’t make a difference.’ I suppose I was stubborn and pig-headed because I never listened. I can’t stand the thought of someone else defining my future. Have you ever faced a challenge and come out on the other side stronger for having endured it?

‘You may not realize it when it happens, 

but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.’  

 ~ Walt Disney

Challenges are very real and can be life-changing ...  they can also be a really big topic – too big for just one blog post. Stay tuned and next time we’ll dive in to how we might support each other with our challenges so that we never have to feel alone when we tackle them.

 

Make The Most Of Your Challenges

Challenges come in all shapes and sizes, some are good and some we could do without. Many challenges we bring on ourselves by the choices we make; new jobs, furthering our educations, and succeeding at a relationship. Others are thrown on us, often against our will - companies downsizing, accidents, and health scares.

Often we will look at people and situations as being challenging, but with every challenge there are still elements where we have input. We have the ability to make our own choices and manage our attitudes. There are those who will always see the glass as half empty, but I've never been part of that group. Like many, I've been dealt my share of challenges, but I've also overcome them. That doesn't mean it will always be easy, because that generally never happens. But lessons learned and growing stronger aren't things that can just be handed to us on a platter. We need to take ownership of them and work for them.

Try taking a different perspective. Don't look at a change or a challenge as necessarily being a bad thing. Look for the good that can come out of it, learn from the situation, and become stronger because of it. Years later you'll look back at the obstacles you overcame, the cancer that you beat, the skill that you mastered, and the lessons you learned as being good things.

 

What's been one of the biggest challenges you've learned from or overcome?

What Do You Make Of Your Challenges?

Life throws us many challenges, and as we all know, some can be difficult. Some challenges are tough, but when we achieve what we set out to do, we can be all the stronger for it. Some challenges are of our own making and choice, while others are dealt to us. Those are the toughest ones. Those challenges could be the loss of an income, the death of a loved one, a new job, or bad health. Some challenges are short term and others unfortunately are not.

Yesterday was my anniversary (30+ years). My son called me in the morning to wish my husband and I well. In the afternoon our daughter called from college. Her anniversary well wishes surprised me, to say the least. She said, "Thank you for staying together all these years. It means a lot to me." I suppose it surprised me because we'd NEVER toyed with the idea of a divorce or separation. I reiterated this to my daughter and she responded with, "I know, but so many of my friends and kids I meet ... well, their parents aren't together anymore."

Marriages and relationships take work. I'm not one to judge whether couples should stay together or not. I came from a divorced family, so I understand that sometimes it's the right thing to do. But marriages and relationships (with spouses or children or friends or co-workers) take work. Like life, they can be challenging. I'm glad I've learned to take the good with the bad, and the lucky with the unlucky. It's all part of life. While we don't always have a choice with regards to the challenges we face, we do have choices everyday as to how we will respond, what we will make of the journey, and what we will learn from the experience.

What have been some of your toughest challenges?

Transitions Aren't Always Easy

Do you ever feel like a sailboat that has a ripped sail? One minute you're smoothly gliding along the water with the sun gleaming down from overhead and then next minute you have a rip in your sail and your boat is forced to switch directions? Whether you have a boat or not, just about everyone experiences that feeling at one time or another. The bigger question is: How do you handle it? Do you go with the flow (pardon the pun) and be adaptable or do you let the obstacle stop you dead in your tracks?

Not all transitions are going to be smooth. Life throws us all kinds of challenges every day. If they were easy and avoidable they wouldn't be called challenges. We're all human and we experience things like separation, sickness, loneliness, debt, stress, and doubt. I like to think that God never gives me more than I can handle. Obstacles and challenges can often be thought of as character tests. Maybe God is testing our faith or maybe we're testing our own strength and character. Maybe we need to dig deep and see just what we're made of.

Whatever your challenge or transition is today how are you coping with it? Are you making progress? Do you need some help or someone to talk with? Maybe your week is going great (and I hope it is); but take a minute and look around you. How is your spouse or your child or your neighbor getting along? Do they seem to be mulling something over? Maybe just asking them how their week is going is all they need to let them know they're not alone.