When 'Feeling Tired' Doesn't Even Begin To Describe What You're Feeling

I haven't blogged in a few weeks; I just didn't know what else could be said. I try to share insights that are generally encouraging and uplifting (it makes me feel like I'm more a part of a solution than the problem), but life seems to feel more and more like Groundhog's Day every day. The routine has become the same (and often mundane). The warnings to wear a mask, use hand sanitizer, and socially distance six feet are the same. In Michigan we're still in the same phase of the Stay Safe plan. It's still pretty much impossible to find Lysol or Clorox wipes on the store shelves. The political ads are ramping up in full force. The name calling and lines drawn in the proverbial sand are becoming very apparent. And people are still overwhelmed, confused and tired.

Five months ago people were worried about staying home and staying safe and not catching Covid-19. Now people are still worried, but their worries are evolving. Now people are worried about the flu season overlapping with Covid still out there. People are worried about their jobs and either continuing to work from home or having to go back to their offices. Parents are worried about their children starting the new school year virtually as much as others are worried about sending their kids back to school. They are worried about the potential child care they might need. Teachers are worried about trying to be all things to all people. Basically a lot of people have a whole new set of worries.

Do you mail in your absentee ballot and hope it gets turned in and counted in November or do you brave it and plan to vote in person for the election? Do you eat inside a restaurant or continue with carry outs (it's okay to admit that some nights you just don't feel like cooking)? Do you feel angry when you wear your mask to go in a Home Depot or drugstore and walk past people who appear to be completely healthy and don't wear one? Do you feel cheated? There are enough unanswered questions these days to make anyone's head swim. We're used to controlling what we can, making our To Do lists, and planning for our own futures. But truth be told, some days you just get tired of it all; the hoops you're jumping through, the doubt you feel with your decisions, and the guilt you put on yourself if you try to take a momentary break from it all.

What is the answer? Gosh, how I wish I knew. I am trying so hard to hold on to any sense of balance.

What has been your biggest concern or worry lately?

How have you been able to make time for yourself?

Do you spread yourself too thin?

We all have things that we wish we could improve upon; the way we eat, the way we exercise, the way we handle stresses, maybe the way we react in relationships, or the way we do our jobs. At the same time, we all have some things that we do really well. Maybe you're great with your hands; saving you money on household or auto repairs (that's a HUGE thing, I know because my husband is great at making repairs around our house). Perhaps you are great with little kids. I know people who have a green thumb and have glorious gardens that show off their dedication. I know people who are musical, artistic, make others laugh, or are great listeners.

Sometimes being good at something can cause you to spread yourself too thin. Maybe people know how great you are with little kids so they're always asking (or expecting) you to babysit theirs. Maybe you have a hard time saying no, so you always say yes to help them out, but find that you don't have a lot of time left over for the things you want or need to do. 

My son used to have a pick up truck, which often led to people wanting him to tow things, move things, etc. for them. It became more of an expectation, rather than a friend helping out another friend. He had a big heart and always wanted to help everyone else so he would say yes, but when he needed something suddenly they were too busy to reciprocate. 

Sometimes people are great at their jobs; some people even make things look easy. How often does someone at your job ask you to cover for them and do a project because they know you'll get it done faster? Have you ever had someone in your department out sick or on vacation and suddenly others think they'll just drop all of that person's work load on to your desk to do besides your own? That can be really frustrating and overwhelming at the same time. It's great that think you're more than capable, but would also be helpful if everyone worked as a team and divided up the tasks more evenly so that no one person felt that way.

There are a couple of basic questions to ask yourself ...

1) Are you good at something and want to share it with others? There's certainly nothing wrong with that. It's good to find joy in giving our time and talents to others.

2) Do you have a hard time saying no to people? Is it because we want people to like us or appreciate us? Do we sometimes feel that if we say no, maybe they won't?

3) Do you set boundaries for yourself? Do you make sure you leave enough time for yourself?

It's great to have a talent. It's good to want to share that talent to help other people. It's wonderful to have a giving heart and think of the needs of others. But you don't want to spread yourself too thin. If you don't carve out some time for yourself at the same time then you can't give your best to anyone. The biggest thing to remember is to create a healthy balance. If you do that then there will be enough of you to take proper care of yourself and still have enough left over to see to the needs of others.

Where do you find in your life that you spread yourself too thin?

Taking Time To Enjoy The Holiday

It's that time of year, just before Christmas, when it's very easy to get stressed. Some would say that the holiday season has snuck up on them and they aren't prepared. They haven't had time to shop or bake or write out cards or decorate their tree. Funny thing is that Christmas comes at the exact same time every year. I'm not sure why people act surprised that's it's only a week away. It's not like those birthdays that fall in the few first days of the month and you accidentally forget about them until you flip your calendar page over for the next month. No ... Christmas falls on the 25th of December, just like it did last year and the year before that and the year before that. 

Truth be told, for me, it's not the holiday itself that gives me stress. I started my shopping this year way ahead of time, so I could do it in small increments. I bought my Christmas cards in October and had them written out, stamped, and ready to mail before December 1st. With Thanksgiving coming a little early this year we had our outdoor lights up (thanks to Mother Nature being reasonable) and our indoor tree up and decorated by Thanksgiving. I was feeling ahead of the game. No last minute holiday scrambling for me this year, lol. 

For me it's the other 'stuff' that gives me the stress. I try to be proactive and handle it the best I can; some is avoidable and some is not. I have certain things to take care of for my mom who's in a nursing home (her Christmas open house, her holiday shopping for the nursing staff, and her annual paperwork needed for the State). It's the extra work load at work trying to plan ahead and do 2 1/2 weeks of work in one week so that I can be home between Christmas and New Year's. Things still need to get done; other people rely on it, but it also makes for a lot of long hours. 

Every year I find myself feeling overly stressed and tired around the holidays, but it's not usually because of the holidays. Every year I seem to need my mammogram at the end of the year, but this year decided to postpone til January, along with my annual physical. Mammograms aren't always a big deal, but when you're a breast cancer survivor who was originally diagnosed during the holidays it's always stressful.  Right now, though, I am carving out this little bit of time for myself to sit on the couch with my laptop; no TV, no music, the tree lights are on illuminating the room ... just me and my thoughts and a plan to put them into words. Trust me, I have enough on my mind as it is without storing up blog post ideas, too!

How do you handle the holiday season? Is it all twinkle lights and Christmas cookies, or do you just want to go to bed early some nights so you can store up the needed energy to get through the next day? Is your plate overflowing with responsibilities? Do you feel a bit sad or overwhelmed? Whatever you are feeling, it's perfectly okay. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. Don't put any unneeded pressure on yourself. Do what you can when you can. If something doesn't get done, that's okay. It'll be there when you're ready to get back at it.

Try to put your own needs at the top of the list when you can, even if it's only for a night. Fix yourself a cup of tea and turn on a Hallmark movie (don't judge me, Hallmark always helps me disengage from the responsibilities of life and escape for 2 hours ... if I'm lucky enough to fall asleep I don't even mind because I know all Hallmark movies will have a happy ending).

As the Christmas holiday quickly approaches my hope for you is that you find contentment, you spend time with friends when you want or need company, but always make time for yourself to be quiet when that's what you need. Sometimes the festivities can help us feel social, but other times it can be overwhelming. I hope your holidays are all that you want them to be.

Are You Evolving?

I never pretend to be an expert on anything and I am ALWAYS open to suggestions, whether that's on how to best prepare a recipe or how to be a successful parent. My husband and I have been married for 35 years, a great accomplishment (we think). We've both grown A LOT over the years. We've made mistakes and we've done a few things right. We've been supportive and we find that we are always evolving.

Together, over the years, we've built a home. We've had careers (a few different ones along the way). We've battled a disease. We've cared for our parents and we've suffered some loss. We also managed to establish a strong family unit. We have two amazing kids and have supported their interests, their hobbies, their goals, and their relationships. We served in school PTOs and marching band organizations. We've coached roller hockey and science olympiad. We've chaperoned field trips and we've transported mini fridges and 'stuff' to multiple dorm rooms and apartments. We've encouraged our children as they found their way and established careers. Being a parent has always been a big part of our identity.

We enjoy celebrating their milestones; the graduations, their musical performances, their jobs, a wedding, our 2 beautiful granddaughters, when the son who is a high school chemistry teacher by day and a woodworker by night sells a custom dining room table, and when the daughter who is establishing herself in her first big post-college job gets a box of personal business cards and can't wait to show you.

Yes, we love our kids, our daughter-in-law, and our granddaughters. We love encouraging them and watching them navigate life in their own way. We've also discovered a few things about ourselves and where we are in our own journey in life. We've gone from being a young married couple, to being parents, to being caregivers for our parents, to being almost empty-nesters, to being grandparents. All along we've run households and businesses. My husband and I love where we are in our lives and wouldn't trade it for anything.

We also try to keep a balance though, which on many days can prove to be challenging. We make our choices and we're happy with them. We also try to remember what our own hobbies and interests are. It's not that we've given anything up, we've just rearranged our priorities. Family and responsibilities will always come first; always have. I'll admit, some days we find it is harder to be selfish and more difficult to carve out time for us and our own interests. Don't get me wrong, I will always find a way to plant flowers in the summer and in the winter months when there is less outdoor projects I will make sure my husband finds time to work on his train layout. 

Sometimes, we just need to remind ourselves that it's just as important to make time for us, so that we can be in a better place when we make time for others. My husband and I belong to a small group. There are nine of us who gather once a month for dinner and conversation, we've done this for a number of years. Truth be told, it's one of our best nights of the month. We share a meal and stories of our kids, our grandkids, and remember back to how it used to be when we were all a little younger, lol. Just this week, one of the ladies in our group came home from teaching school that day (bless her for teaching kindergartners!) and fighting a cold and feeling a little worn out and opted to go back out in the rain to meet us for dinner. She said she reminded herself that she needed to 'make an effort to be social', but in the end was glad she did. She made a choice, one that was healthy for her.

Yes, I will never pretend to be an expert on anything (because I am not). I will readily admit that I am a work in progress and most likely will be for many years to come.

Where are you currently in your life journey?

Tipping The Scale

Life is all about balance, or at least that's what most of us strive for. We wake up in the morning and we anticipate what our day will bring. What will our To Do list look like? How much will we actually accomplish? What relationships will take center stage today and need our attention? What unexpected drama will we be faced with? Who will push our buttons and allow us to feel stressed? Or will we get through our day and feel accomplished and at peace?

Whew ... that's a lot of what ifs and scenarios that will most likely get played out in a 12-14 hour period of time. 

On our best days we think we'll be able to tackle anything that comes our way. Everyone faces unexpected bumps in their path, but it is how we are able to deal with them that matters most and defines our character and our strength. While I feel it is good to start our day with a general plan and a goal, it would be unrealistic to think that plans can't and won't be changed (whether we are in agreement with them or not). To ultimately get through any day we need to be able to go with the flow and tell ourselves that it is okay if we don't get through the daily list because tomorrow is a new day and we can try again.

We try to keep a handle on life and we try to keep our heads above water. Some days we are able to succeed better than others. Some days we are weary from treading. 

What tips the scale for you? What throws you off balance and challenges your strength?

• a lack of sleep? (I totally get this one. I am an insomniac most nights.)
• a crying baby in public that distracts you from your moments of peace? (The grandma in me wants to go and help, but sometimes it is wise not to butt in.)
• a honking horn from an impatient driver while sitting in traffic?
• politics and the media? (in general)
• people who swear in public?
• people who smoke outside, but directly in front of a door to a restaurant or business that you need to walk through to get to your destination?

Everyone has their triggers; the things that tip the scale for them and throws them off their stride. When that happens ... and it will ... what do you do to regain your balance? Do you choose to ignore whatever inconvenienced you? Do you immediately become defensive? Do you respond or choose to keep quiet and keep your feelings to yourself?

There is the old saying that we should think before we speak (sort of a take off of 'measure twice, cut once'). Always best not to react right away; but rather observe, then think, then decide if you want to fight that battle. I've always stressed that once words are out (good or bad), you cannot take them back.

The next time your scale has been tipped and you find yourself off balance, take a deep breath and think about the most constructive way to get back to where YOU want to be. Be part of the solution rather than a new problem for someone else.

Where Do You Fit Compassion In?

Compassion is a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering; at least according to dictionary.com. Compassion is about remembering other people's feelings and taking them into consideration. It's about being mindful and aware and hopefully respectful. Showing compassion in all that we do can sometimes be tricky. In our hearts and minds we feel empathetic, but if we have to answer to someone else there are things like policies and procedures that can get in the way of doing what's morally right.

 

Whatever you do professionally or personally, whatever your role is and your responsibilities are it's important to TRY to keep compassion in the equation. I see paramedics, policemen, and firemen show compassion a lot while still doing their job. I understand that getting the right balance can be difficult, but it's worth the effort when you consider the person you're trying to help.

 

If you are a boss and are about to lay someone off from their job, do it with compassion. See them as more than 'the bottom line'. Be prepared to give them a good referral or advice of who to contact for a new job.

 

If you're a doctor and are about to give a patient some bad news, keep in mind that they are a human being with feelings and not just another billable patient. I've known some amazing doctors over the years whose one-on-one communication skills are top notch.  If I have to wait for an appointment because my doctor is running behind I can only hope it's because he's taking the time needed to deal with something or someone important.  You never know when YOU might be grateful that the doctor spent a few extra moments with you.

 

In today's human race there are many moments where compassion seems to be missing. Some days I feel like the world is about nothing more than crime, politics, policies, deadlines, and bottom lines. So many bad people, bad decisions, and bad ideas. Sure, it's easier to just go with the flow and assume that everything in life is black and white, right and wrong, profit and loss, etc. But why settle for the easy way?

 

Some people may consider me a Pollyanna, but I don't care. I would much rather walk around reminding people of morals and values, and pose questions to them like, 'Is there another way we can do this?' 'Do we have any other options?' 'What can we do to make the situation a little better?' 'How can we show some more compassion?'

 

You remember the saying, 'No pain, no gain'? Well here's another one ... 'If you don't ask, you'll never know.' Maybe there's a better way out of your situation. Maybe there's light at the end of your tunnel that you just can't see right now because of all the obstacles.

 

Hang in there, wherever 'there' is. And remember that what goes around comes around. Start showing more compassion in your life and hopefully it will be returned to you tenfold.