What Should I Write About?

What should I write about? Some days that is a really big question. I like to try to keep my posts as motivational, uplifting, and inspiring as possible. But, like you, I am human. There are times I have A LOT on my mind and would love to tell everyone exactly what I was thinking, but those posts would ultimately be considered a rant. Rants are never healthy; for the writer or the reader. I always talk about the power of words. Even the simplest of words have enormous power; to build people up or tear them down. You can give people hope with kind and generous words, just as you can break someone's heart or belittle them with harsh ones.

Every time we open our mouths we should consider the responsibility that we have. We should choose to use our words for good; to better ourselves and those around us. Whenever we spew ugliness for the sake of trying to get our viewpoint across or to make ourselves feel better at the risk of making someone else feel worse, we are making a bad choice ... a sad choice.

Words, whether spoken or written, carry consequences. In today's world we see and hear it every day. For every good word spoken there are bound to be five that are not. I've said it before and I will say it again ... words, once they are out, cannot be taken back. You can say you're sorry to someone. You can tell them you didn't mean to say the ugly things you did, but the truth of the matter is all you can do is continue to try to win someone back over and hope for forgiveness. You'll never be Harry Potter or a magician. You will never be able to fully take back the ugly things you've said. It just doesn't work that way.

There is the saying that 'actions speak louder than words'. That is often true, but whether we are speaking aloud or sharing our words on social media or acting out what is in our hearts we ALL need to take a step back and ask ourselves, 'Is this worth it?' 'Is this going to help or make things worse?'

I listen to the news, I read the online headlines, I observe people, and I feel sickened; by the things I hear, by the things I read, and by the things I witness. I am not one to judge what is right and what is wrong. I have to hold on to my faith that a higher power will make that judgement. I read some online comments and am disheartned by some of the things that I read. People will respond to a story or a Facebook post in the ugliest of ways. They will quickly get off topic and try to throw in their own agenda. They will suggest they are smarter and wiser and better than everyone else and therefore entitled to their disruptive opinion. That's the beauty of America. Everyone IS entitled to their own opinion, but too many people hide behind Amendments and use them as a shield to do or say irresponsible and disruptive things. That is the really sad part. People fought for the rights that others choose to take for granted.

Do I have all the answers of how to make the world a better place? Absolutely not, but I sure wish I did. I'll bet we all wish we did. So what can you and I do? We can start with us. We can't make decisions and choices for other people, but we can choose what our reaction will be and how we will deal with the unpleasantness. We have the ability to choose not to make things worse by adding fuel to the fire. We can think twice before we speak.

What Is It About Change?

For every person who talks about change being a 'good' thing there will be someone standing right next to them who claims that change is 'bad'. So we ask ourselves, 'What is it about CHANGE that intimidates us? Or excites us? Or scares us? Or invigorates us?'

Change and transitions could be considered the same. We all have different seasons in our lives. Nothing is ever the same forever, and I'm not sure that I'd want it to be. There are those changes that we can predict and count on; growing up and growing older, growing wiser through experience, perhaps getting married, or even becoming a parent or a grandparent. These are all good changes. But you can take any good change and either embrace it or run from it. Most changes will come with choices. We always have some level of choice; how we want to interpret things and how we want to handle them.

 

I read a devotional the other day on the topic of change and it mentioned there being changes that make you want to shout for joy and other changes that make you want to run and hide. So, yes, I suppose some change can be good and some can be bad, BUT even the bad can contain some good. Ask anyone who has battled an illness or a breakup or has a lost a job. It may have been a devastatingly bad change at a particular time in their life, but time heals many wounds. Over time people may have become smarter or wiser or stronger because of what they went through. Life teaches us lessons if we are willing to be the student.

 

Whatever you do, don't let someone else define what change is for you. Only you can decide if it'll be good or bad. Only you get to decide how it will shape you and what you will take away from it.

 

What's been a recent change in your life? Did you get engaged? Did you become a parent? Did you become an empty nester? Did you change careers?

 

How's it going?

To 'Friend' or 'Unfriend'

I am not sure how many of my readers are active on Facebook; although to read my blog you obviously have at least Internet access. On Facebook you have the ability to create a personal page; people can request to follow you by being your 'friend'. Within the lapse of a second and the mere click of a mouse you can now increase your 'friend' base. The next question would be how many of your Facebook friends do you actually know? Are all 272 or 843 (which is possible if you're a college student) of them actually friends, merely acquaintances, or perhaps just friends of friends. The thing about being friends with someone on Facebook is that while they will see all of the well thought out posts, funny anecdotes, and whimsical pictures you've posted on your page ... you also get to see EVERYTHING that they post on their page. And there can lie the dilemma.

 

To 'Unfriend' someone also only takes a click of the mouse. If they're busy they won't even know you dropped them - they won't get a warning announcement, there will be no bells or whistles, or visible smoke signals outside their window. In my Facebook lifetime of a few years I can only remember choosing to 'unfriend' someone a handful of times. Naturally I felt uneasy about it, a bit guilty, and very judgmental, BUT it was my choice. Of course, I am not naïve enough to think for even a second that someone hasn't 'unfriended' me along the way.

 

In the grand scheme of life there are those things I can control and then there are the endless things I know I cannot. I can choose, however, how I want to live my life; what influences I want to knowingly subject myself to, what decisions I hope to make, what goals I want to set for myself, and what kind of example I want to be for others. When it becomes clear to me that certain influences are no longer favorable (for my life), whether that be the language people choose to use or the pictures they choose to post to their Facebook pages, then I can choose not to subject myself to it. I do not wish to hear stories of drunkenness,  read colorful language filled with useless 4-letter words, or see photos of new tattoos that are in places that can not be shown at work or in public restaurants, etc.

 

I will not judge people for their choices because they are different than mine. I am not going to put myself on a pedestal to say that my choice is right and theirs is wrong, BUT I can choose not to subject myself to it. I have enough to deal with on a daily basis living with the consequences of my own decisions.

 

This past weekend I chose to 'unfriend' 2 people. My choice. One was actually a business page that I felt no longer had anything to offer to me and the second was a young woman I met a year ago. We were never anything more than acquaintances who had a few things in common. Perhaps I felt maternal toward her or it was a woman-to-woman bond, but in the last year I've read about her journey and viewed her photos showing choices she made and I felt ... saddened ... perhaps even disappointed. I do not really know her nor does she know me at all. We've never even had a sit-down one-on-one conversation. I know I would never have any kind of influence on her life, so it was time for me to disengage. Again, my choice. There's something to be said for not standing by and watching an unstoppable train speed down the track knowing that there's nothing you can do to prevent it.

This post isn't meant to judge anyone or change anyone, it's only meant to point out that we do have choices that involve our own lives. It's meant to suggest that we should fill our lives with more positive influences.

Have you ever made the BIG decision to 'unfriend' someone? Was it easy or was it hard?

How do you use your time?

This has been an unusually busy week for me. I've spent time at work, I was video taped for a public service announcement for the American Cancer Society, I've trained for a Making Strides walk this weekend, I took my daughter to dinner last night, I've cleaned house, I've run errands, I'm at the library blogging, and I almost forgot ... earlier today I mended an injured decorative pillow for my couch.

 

Time is something that flies by too quickly, as well as being a commodity that I seem to run short on. If I could only figure out how to add an extra hour or two to my day or better yet, make time stand still or at least slow down I'd be a happy camper. Somehow I don't think any of these options are likely.

 

How do you fill your time? Time isn't just the hours and seconds that fill up our days - it's the area of our lives where we try to fit in as much as we can. On any given day we'll try to carve out some 'work time', some 'play time', some 'family time', some 'quiet time', perhaps some 'nap  time', a 'meal time', some 'relaxation time', some 'exercise time', a little 'me time', some 'God time', and hopefully some 'quality time'.

 

No matter what you're doing it's important to be on time and hopefully not a waste of time. It's also important to create a balance. No matter how we attempt to allocate our time we're always going to run short. So, what do we do to get the most out of our time? We set priorities and we make choices. Sometimes we may need to give up a little time in one area of our lives to make room for something else we feel is more important. The priorities and choices will undoubtedly change on a daily basis and that's o.k. We can't possibly do it all. For me it's hard to give up my lists. Sometimes I'm so busy I find out that I'm human ... imagine that. I find out that I don't have a flashy red & blue super hero costume in my closet with a shiny golden belt. Guess my bubble has now burst. I'm not Wonder Woman. Some days I look around and see what's been put on my plate for the day and I realize something is going to have give. The house may not get cleaned for a few days or I may not have time to run for groceries after work so we change our priorities and I pick up a carryout pizza. Guess what? When that happens the world does not stop rotating and lightning does not strike. The only thing that changes is my priorities. Isn't it amazing that while we don't have the ability to stop or slow down time, we do have the power to make of it what we choose.

 

How do you manage to budget your time? Better yet, if you had an extra hour in your day or even your week ... what would you do with it?

What Do You Make Of Your Challenges?

Life throws us many challenges, and as we all know, some can be difficult. Some challenges are tough, but when we achieve what we set out to do, we can be all the stronger for it. Some challenges are of our own making and choice, while others are dealt to us. Those are the toughest ones. Those challenges could be the loss of an income, the death of a loved one, a new job, or bad health. Some challenges are short term and others unfortunately are not.

Yesterday was my anniversary (30+ years). My son called me in the morning to wish my husband and I well. In the afternoon our daughter called from college. Her anniversary well wishes surprised me, to say the least. She said, "Thank you for staying together all these years. It means a lot to me." I suppose it surprised me because we'd NEVER toyed with the idea of a divorce or separation. I reiterated this to my daughter and she responded with, "I know, but so many of my friends and kids I meet ... well, their parents aren't together anymore."

Marriages and relationships take work. I'm not one to judge whether couples should stay together or not. I came from a divorced family, so I understand that sometimes it's the right thing to do. But marriages and relationships (with spouses or children or friends or co-workers) take work. Like life, they can be challenging. I'm glad I've learned to take the good with the bad, and the lucky with the unlucky. It's all part of life. While we don't always have a choice with regards to the challenges we face, we do have choices everyday as to how we will respond, what we will make of the journey, and what we will learn from the experience.

What have been some of your toughest challenges?