What do you do when you're disappointed?

What disappoints you?

The weather? The ending of a movie or book? Your finish in a race? A meal at a restaurant? Politicians; or just people's behavior in general?

 

How do you react when you're disappointed? If you're like most people you run through a whole mix of emotions. You may feel sadness, regret, anger or bitterness, or even a bit of guilt. The first reactions are to be expected, but why do we sometimes feel guilty? We may wonder if the person or situation that has disappointed us could have been avoided. Was it because of something we did or perhaps didn't do? Is the situation or outcome potentially any fault of ours? We'd be naïve to think that we're completely blameless in some situations. Choosing to eat that heavy dessert after dinner may not have been the wisest decision, so we need to accept some of the blame when we don't feel well later. But people are different, they definitely aren't a dessert that we chose to over-indulge in.

 

People are complex, and YES, people can make choices. If you feel disappointed by the behavior of someone step back and take an objective look before you start blaming yourself. It's fine to accept some of the blame at times, but I don't think we should automatically think their behavior had anything to do with us. Everyone has the ability to make a choice, but in doing so we should also accept responsibility for any outcomes related. If someone behaves poorly or out of character, maybe there's something else going on. Before we automatically think, 'Oh, I'm sorry. Did I do something to provoke their behavior?' perhaps we should take a deep breath and ask ourselves, 'I wonder what THAT was all about?'

 

It's normal to be disappointed; in others' behavior as well as our own. Maybe it would be more constructive and beneficial to find out the 'WHY something happened' rather than the 'WHAT happened'. We cannot change the choices people make, only our own. We may never uncover, or even understand the 'why'. We need to cut ourselves some slack. I know, easier said than done. It's hard not to want things to go smoothly or even nicely. It's disappointing when we witness people behaving in selfish or vicious ways. People will always do and say things they regret, but actions AND words have the ability to be hurtful and cannot be taken back. Someone can acknowledge what they've said or done or sometimes what they haven't (but should have). That moment can be crucial and life changing, but it's their moment to take ownership of - not ours.

 

Be supportive, be a good listener, but never allow yourself to be a doormat.

What Is It About Change?

For every person who talks about change being a 'good' thing there will be someone standing right next to them who claims that change is 'bad'. So we ask ourselves, 'What is it about CHANGE that intimidates us? Or excites us? Or scares us? Or invigorates us?'

Change and transitions could be considered the same. We all have different seasons in our lives. Nothing is ever the same forever, and I'm not sure that I'd want it to be. There are those changes that we can predict and count on; growing up and growing older, growing wiser through experience, perhaps getting married, or even becoming a parent or a grandparent. These are all good changes. But you can take any good change and either embrace it or run from it. Most changes will come with choices. We always have some level of choice; how we want to interpret things and how we want to handle them.

 

I read a devotional the other day on the topic of change and it mentioned there being changes that make you want to shout for joy and other changes that make you want to run and hide. So, yes, I suppose some change can be good and some can be bad, BUT even the bad can contain some good. Ask anyone who has battled an illness or a breakup or has a lost a job. It may have been a devastatingly bad change at a particular time in their life, but time heals many wounds. Over time people may have become smarter or wiser or stronger because of what they went through. Life teaches us lessons if we are willing to be the student.

 

Whatever you do, don't let someone else define what change is for you. Only you can decide if it'll be good or bad. Only you get to decide how it will shape you and what you will take away from it.

 

What's been a recent change in your life? Did you get engaged? Did you become a parent? Did you become an empty nester? Did you change careers?

 

How's it going?

Choices Matter

Every day we are faced with choices and decisions that need to be made. What should you order for breakfast? Should you wear the red tie or the blue tie to the meeting? Should you give your mother a call today or wait until tomorrow?

You may not realize it at the time but ANY one choice can ultimately change your path. Good decisions OR bad; they all make a difference. You may ask yourself … ‘What would my life look like today if I had accepted that other job right out of college? What if I’d said yes in high school when that one person asked me to the prom? What if I’d accepted that job that wanted me to relocate my family?’

None of us have a crystal ball. We can’t predict our futures; only God knows what is in store for us. If you did know now what your life would OR could look like in 5 years or even 10 would you do anything differently today? Do you make your decisions in the ‘here and now’ or do you tend to look ahead at the big picture?

I suppose there’s not really a right or wrong approach other than knowing that all of your actions and behaviors and choices and decisions all matter and all carry a great deal of weight. You are probably the best person to decide what is right for you, but know that your choices all have consequences. Will you wake up tomorrow or even next month and be happy with the decisions you made today? Something to think about.

Have you made any choices that you maybe regretted later; just as well have you made any choices that you were absolutely content with and wouldn’t have changed for anything?

Integrity: It's Not Just a Word

To some ‘Integrity’ is just a word, to others it’s a creed to how they live their lives; how they think and choose to behave. The dictionary defines ‘Integrity’ as the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; a consistency of actions, values, methods, expectations … Regardless, ‘Integrity’ is a BIG word with BIG implications.

I’ve noticed that the word is thrown around, sometimes carelessly, when naming companies or often when used by politicians and other professionals. It can be a big part of advertising to make you think the company (or individual) has morals above reproach, that they’re honest, reliable and trustworthy. Search the Internet and you’ll see companies using the word to name their operating systems, banks, staffing companies, and even office supplies stores.
 

We all know that using specific adjectives in marketing and advertising is all part of the business. They’ll use certain words, certain colors, certain music scores to target certain demographics. That’s common, but don’t be swayed. Don’t fall for the bells and whistles, the glitz and the confetti. Think for yourself and let people (professionals and businesses alike) know that if they’re going to market themselves using ‘Integrity’ as a ploy, they’d better be able to back it up. If you’re like me you’re probably starting to see a lot of political signs on the roads and getting assorted handouts in the mail on an almost daily basis. It’s as good a time as any to sharpen your skills and stay alert.

Hang in there; we're in this together!

Who Do You Want To Impress?

There's a saying when someone has a new TV box out at the curb that says they may be 'trying to keep up with the Jones'. When one neighbor has a great looking lawn we could find ourselves inspired to spruce our own up a bit. Call it inspiration or our competitive sides showing up, either way it can be just the motivation some of need to get us moving.

 

Do you find yourself wanting to get a new car because your friend got one last week or wanting to grab a girlfriend and go shopping because you saw someone at the grocery store with a great new spring outfit? My question for you is who do you want to impress (if anyone)? Do you do what you do for yourself or to impress those around you? Do you care what others think about your style, your language, your behavior? Sometimes I wonder what people think and why they do the things they do. Tonight I was in a parking lot when two young ladies (19ish) walked to their car - laughing, smiling, talking loudly, and swearing up a storm. I get the whole 'freedom of speech' thing and 'being in public places and wanting to express yourself', but when it came down to it I really had to wonder if there was even room for me in 'their bubble' OR if they even knew (or cared) HOW they were being perceived by those they were passing by. I decided they clearly must not have.

 

When you're at work or volunteering are you giving your responsibilities a 100% because you're proud of what you're doing or do wish deep down someone would notice and say 'hey, nice job'? Whatever you do, whatever you say ... keep it pure, keep it respectable, keep it worthy of notice by the only One that really matters.

Living in a World of 'What If?'

Do you ever play out scenarios in your mind? Some might call it day dreaming. Perhaps you’ve played out a scene from your favorite movie while you were sleeping or dreamt that you played through a hockey game where you scored the winning goal? We’ve all done it at one point or another. My husband once had a dream so vivid that he literally kicked me in the leg; when I asked him about it the next morning he claimed that he was ‘doing karate’. Dreams are generally make believe, but what if they were real?

 

Analyzing the ‘what if’ of every situation could drive a person crazy. What if you knew right away whether or not you were going to get the job you just interviewed for? What if you knew that the driver of the oncoming car was going to run the red light and hit you? What if you knew when a deer was going to run haphazardly out into oncoming traffic? What if you knew you were going to have a heart attack next Tuesday? What if you were gossiping about someone and didn’t know they were standing right behind you and could hear every word you were saying?

If you could answer all the ‘what ifs’ ahead of time would you live your life differently? Would you eat healthier and exercise more to avoid next week’s heart attack? Would you be a more cautious driver and try to anticipate the behavior of the other drivers? Would you stop and ask yourself if you should really gossip about someone before you said anything?

We may never know the answers to the ‘what ifs’, but maybe we should try living our lives as if we could. What do you think? Would you do anything different? Have you ever had a pivotal moment in your life when you wished you would have know the answer to the ‘what if’ first?