Dilemmas Come In All Shapes And Sizes

Dilemmas can be overwhelming - and sometimes full of drama. A dictionary defines a dilemma as a situation in which a difficult choice has to be made between two or more alternatives, especially equally desirable ones. Although in my opinion not all choices are desirable.

When you have to make a tough decision, how do you choose? Do you make a list of the pros and cons? Do you toss a coin? Do you ask someone you trust for advise? Do you put on a blindfold and throw a dart haphazardly at the choices pinned to a board?

Sometimes we simply have to make choices of what we are going to do next or how we are going to handle a situation ... it's not always as easy as picking between 2 new blouses to decide which one we will wear the next day. Sometimes we may be choosing between 2 job offers. We may be deciding if we're going to accept a marriage proposal or worse, get a divorce. We may need to decide if we are going to move and if so, where. So many decisions that need to be made are bigger than we are. The choice we make may not only affect us, but others as well. Wow, if that doesn't add another layer of pressure I don't know what does.

If you are like me (and I hope you aren't, lol) you play through all the possibilities and scenarios in your head ... over and over ... in 3D ... and in living color ... sometimes into the wee hours of the morning. Because who needs sleep anyway? Right?

I often wish I was more laid back like some other people I know. I wish I could ease up on the self-induced pressure and say, 'whatever happens will happen, we'll just wait and see'. Sadly, it's not in my DNA makeup to do that. No, instead I will analyze and play out all the 'what ifs' and then weigh the options and hopefully make a sound choice.

The process in itself can prove to be a dilemma. Dilemmas come in all shapes and sizes. Some we bring on ourselves; and others are dumped in our laps.

What's been your experience with getting through or over a stressful dilemma?

Any successful approaches you would like to share?

What do you notice?

Noticing something is a way of acknowledging that something or someone exists. We don't always do things to be noticed, but it's also nice not to feel invisible. Acknowledgements go a long way to establishing our level of self-confidence, building our character, and defining our personality. Sometimes a mere acknowledgment lets us know that we are on the right track and doing something right. We don't necessarily need a big, flashy billboard saying 'WELL DONE!' ... a smile or a gentle pat on the back works nice too. It can give us the encouragement we need to keep moving forward.

But acknowledgements can be tricky; sometimes they are positive and can build us up, just as sometimes they can be negative and tear us down.

What do you tend to notice?

Do you tell your children, 'I noticed you did a nice job making your bed' or 'I noticed you got a good grade on your book report'?

Do you tell your employee, 'I noticed you worked late last night and have been putting in a lot of extra effort'?

Do you tell someone, 'I noticed you got a haircut. It looks very flattering.'?

Or do you only seem to point out the negatives?

'I noticed you didn't wipe off the table after dinner.'

'I noticed you didn't cut the grass.'

'I noticed your bedroom looks like a tornado hit it.'

Sometimes I think that the things we choose to acknowledge and how we say it can say more about us than what or who we were noticing in the first place. I know someone who every time I get my hair done will tell me that it looks nice, but that they really didn't like it the last time. Ironic, because they said the same thing last time which either means I am always improving OR they never like it anyway, lol. I think it says more about the person than it does about my hair, but that's just my personal opinion.

So what kinds of things do YOU notice? 

Are you, by nature, a positive or negative thinker?

More importantly, what do you do then? How do you choose to share what you notice?

Is Your Summer Half Over?

There's that old controversy 'Is the glass half empty or half full?'. It doesn't just pertain to attitudes; being an optimist or a pessimist. Many people are lighthearted and full of optimism; they see the good in us and themselves (that we can't always see). Others (and I know many specific cases) will be negative about EVERYTHING; the weather, the economy, their relationships, their health, and any other little thing that crops up on any given day. Is being an optimist in our DNA? I'm not a scientist (nor have I played one on TV, lol) so I really couldn't say, but I do think most times it is a choice. 

I can get up any morning to listen to the weather report and decide right then if I'm going to let the fact that it may be hot and humid outside ruin my day. Will my hair get frizzy, yet flat on top? You bet it will, although you would think that combination wouldn't even be possible. I have choices. I can wear a scarf or a hat or wear a headband. I can make the best of the situation and laugh about it with everyone else I see that isn't having their picture perfect day either. We are never truly alone.

If we start out our day with the mindset that it's going to be disappointing or a complete let down, then chances are we've already set the stage and nature (and life) will just take its course and follow. We always have a choice when it comes to our attitudes. I know there are A LOT of very real things out there in the world that I have no control over. I can't control how other people drive. I can't control when something will or won't happen. Just as I can't control when God is going to send someone my way at just the time when I need them most. 

I know one rather negative person who I always joked and said, 'Thier glass isn't just half empty, to them it also has a hole in the bottom.' They choose to look for the bad and then somehow make it bigger or worse. I don't know that I could live that way. It would be too sad and too lonely, but everyone has to make their own choices.

So, as I sit here at my computer and glance at the calendar I notice that we are past the half way mark in the month of July which could mean either ... your summer is half over ... OR you have half of your summer yet to look forward to with anticipation and thankfulness.

What's your outlook? Are you looking at Labor Day as being the end (of whatever that means to you) or are you looking at today as being the start of another great day full of opportunities.

Hmmm, I think I will be optimistic that today's humidity won't be TOO bad and look forward to all that is yet to come.

What's on your horizon for the next six weeks?

What do you do when you're disappointed?

What disappoints you?

The weather? The ending of a movie or book? Your finish in a race? A meal at a restaurant? Politicians; or just people's behavior in general?

 

How do you react when you're disappointed? If you're like most people you run through a whole mix of emotions. You may feel sadness, regret, anger or bitterness, or even a bit of guilt. The first reactions are to be expected, but why do we sometimes feel guilty? We may wonder if the person or situation that has disappointed us could have been avoided. Was it because of something we did or perhaps didn't do? Is the situation or outcome potentially any fault of ours? We'd be naïve to think that we're completely blameless in some situations. Choosing to eat that heavy dessert after dinner may not have been the wisest decision, so we need to accept some of the blame when we don't feel well later. But people are different, they definitely aren't a dessert that we chose to over-indulge in.

 

People are complex, and YES, people can make choices. If you feel disappointed by the behavior of someone step back and take an objective look before you start blaming yourself. It's fine to accept some of the blame at times, but I don't think we should automatically think their behavior had anything to do with us. Everyone has the ability to make a choice, but in doing so we should also accept responsibility for any outcomes related. If someone behaves poorly or out of character, maybe there's something else going on. Before we automatically think, 'Oh, I'm sorry. Did I do something to provoke their behavior?' perhaps we should take a deep breath and ask ourselves, 'I wonder what THAT was all about?'

 

It's normal to be disappointed; in others' behavior as well as our own. Maybe it would be more constructive and beneficial to find out the 'WHY something happened' rather than the 'WHAT happened'. We cannot change the choices people make, only our own. We may never uncover, or even understand the 'why'. We need to cut ourselves some slack. I know, easier said than done. It's hard not to want things to go smoothly or even nicely. It's disappointing when we witness people behaving in selfish or vicious ways. People will always do and say things they regret, but actions AND words have the ability to be hurtful and cannot be taken back. Someone can acknowledge what they've said or done or sometimes what they haven't (but should have). That moment can be crucial and life changing, but it's their moment to take ownership of - not ours.

 

Be supportive, be a good listener, but never allow yourself to be a doormat.

A New Year Brings A Fresh Start

It's the first week of January. It's not just a new month, it's a new year. You've undoubtedly heard people already talking about their goals and New Year's resolutions. People will want to quit smoking, lose the same dreaded 5 or 10 pounds, get that new job, further their relationships, put some money in the bank, or perhaps strengthen their faith journey. But what if the new year wasn't just about what you want to be doing or where you want to be? What if it could be more about how you want to feel at the end of 2016 or how you want to be thinking? This time next year what do you want to be thankful for? What do you want to have been your most shining moment of the year?

I ended my 2015 by beginning a new, healthier lifestyle. I'm already on my way by laying the groundwork. I'm not where I want to be quite yet, but I am making strides and heading in the right direction. My first goal will be to stay focused and to stay on the path that I've already chosen.

My second agenda item (I hate setting too many goals, lol) will be to start listening more to myself. Every year I seem to hear the same little voice in my head that always repeats itself, 'don't forget to make more time for yourself', 'simplify your life', 'slow down a bit', 'try living more for today' ... You'd think I'd recognize the voice by now and pay more attention to it, but I suppose I'm a creature of habit. I'm great at talking, but not always at listening. It's okay - I can admit my shortcomings. It's how I grow.

Setting our entire next year in motion clearly isn't simple enough (or neat enough) to fit in the tidy perimeters of just one blog post. Our goals will change, as will our desires and aspirations. Our momentum will be like the speed of a roller coaster; it will go up and it will come back down as it twists and turns and leaves us dizzy, but exhilarated. In spite of our good intentions, our year ahead is a mystery at best. We'll be able to predict the outcome about as good as the weathermen predict the first snowfall (and I'm not bashing the profession of meteorology). I am merely suggesting that life can be unpredictable at times.

So go ahead and make some goals. Think about where you'd like to see yourself, but be open to change and spontaneity. It can make for a more interesting and eventful ride.

The Choice Is Up To You

Making choices is tough business. It doesn't matter if you're 12 years old and trying to choose between a sleepover at Suzie's house or going to the movies with Debbie. Someone will undoubtedly have their feelings hurt. Then you get a little older and perhaps you're dating that special someone or you're newly married. The holidays roll around and you're torn whether to be with your family or your new extended family. Perhaps you're from a divorced family and now you have even more families thrown into the equation. You want to please everyone, but that's nearly impossible. Maybe you're an adult and trying to choose a career path; do you stay with the steady and reliable or do you go out on a limb with nothing but faith and a gut instinct to try something new? If you're in high school or college you may be faced with social choices every day. Do you follow what everyone else is doing or do you hold on to your values?

 

There are so many choices these days. Sure, there are the less stressful choices like what to have for breakfast and which clothes to wear to work. You probably won't lose any sleep making those decisions, but with other choices you will. A lot of us, these days, have to make the BIG decisions. There are relationship choices, financial decisions, care options for our parents, etc. No one ever said life would be easy, but it's still worth it. Just remember, while YOU ultimately need to make your own choices - that doesn't mean you can't bounce ideas off of other people. Sometimes just hearing yourself talk through the different scenarios will help you come to your own conclusion.

 

Good luck! And if you need a good ear to listen, you know where to find me.

Who Sets Your Priorities?

Everyday we live our lives with a TO DO list a mile long. We have things we have to get done, things we should get done, and things we'd like to get done. Every night we look at our lists again and say, "There just aren't enough hours in the day." Realistically we'll never get every thing done so we do the only thing we can. We prioritize our list. The thing about priorities, though, is they are always personal and we always have a choice.

Priorities are different for everyone. Every one of us gets to choose what we feel is important and what isn't ... well, most of the time anyway. We can't always choose the number of hours we work for our jobs or the deadlines that we're given, those are given to us. We can't choose how many hours in a day our children attend school. But we do get to choose, to some extent, how busy our lives get. WE get to choose whether or not we go to church, whether or not we play sports, how often our kids go to dance class, whether or not to create time for our family, and when and if we carve out time to socialize with friends.

We can complain all we want that we don't have enough time for things, but would that be accurate? Only WE can decide what is most important to us. For example, family meals have always been a priority in my family. We choose to make that happen as often as possible. Our schedules may get crazy, but my husband and I have always felt that family dinners were important. It's when we can all talk and catch up for a few minutes before we run off to our next scheduled event. Sometimes it's a home-cooked meal, sometimes it's carry-out, and sometimes we meet at a local Little Caesars for a $5 Hot-n-Ready. What we eat doesn't matter, it's the sitting down and talking part that does.

 

I never pretend to have everything figured out, but I think the key is that we remember not to judge other people and their priorities. What I think is important for my family may not be a priority for someone else. Never confuse someone else's choices with your own. I make my own choices and I have to live the consequences that they some times bring. Never set priorities for someone else, that isn't your right. You aren't in a position to judge or critique anyone else's life. Take a good look at your own and put your energy and focus on that. Think long and hard about what is important to you. Don't see enough time in your day for it? Maybe something in your schedule needs to be tweaked. That's the beauty of it. It's your life and you get to make those choices.

 

What's something you feel is so important to you that it remains at the top of your priority list? What do you choose to give up so that it can stay there?

Choices Matter

Every day we are faced with choices and decisions that need to be made. What should you order for breakfast? Should you wear the red tie or the blue tie to the meeting? Should you give your mother a call today or wait until tomorrow?

You may not realize it at the time but ANY one choice can ultimately change your path. Good decisions OR bad; they all make a difference. You may ask yourself … ‘What would my life look like today if I had accepted that other job right out of college? What if I’d said yes in high school when that one person asked me to the prom? What if I’d accepted that job that wanted me to relocate my family?’

None of us have a crystal ball. We can’t predict our futures; only God knows what is in store for us. If you did know now what your life would OR could look like in 5 years or even 10 would you do anything differently today? Do you make your decisions in the ‘here and now’ or do you tend to look ahead at the big picture?

I suppose there’s not really a right or wrong approach other than knowing that all of your actions and behaviors and choices and decisions all matter and all carry a great deal of weight. You are probably the best person to decide what is right for you, but know that your choices all have consequences. Will you wake up tomorrow or even next month and be happy with the decisions you made today? Something to think about.

Have you made any choices that you maybe regretted later; just as well have you made any choices that you were absolutely content with and wouldn’t have changed for anything?

How Reliable Is The Internet?

There are some people who think technology and the Internet are the best inventions since Swiss Cheese; which is a good comparison if you like Swiss Cheese, but then again Swiss Cheese is full of holes. I'm all for progress and improvement but sometimes I wonder how far is too far. Technology is a growing concept with a lot of great things going for it; research, inventions, progress, and sometimes making life easier. Then again ... sometimes it makes me want to beat my head against the wall (or at least my computer screen).

I've known some people who have taken the Internet way too seriously and believed in absolutely everything it says. I've heard of people not going to the doctor because they self-diagnosed themselves through Web MD (often times incorrectly because while they did have certain similar symptoms their cause turned out to be something entirely different). Although I once got a 2nd degree steam burn on my wrist on Christmas Eve and was able to give myself some immediate attention because of the Internet.

Just about any time I use Map Quest it either gives me incorrect directions to my destination or takes me in such a roundabout way I may as well add an extra 30 minutes to my travel time. Just ask my family about the time we drove 4 hours to meet some friends at a brand new Cheesecake Factory in Dayton, Ohio and ended up in downtown Dayton at a field. We were definitely on the right street, but definitely no Cheesecake Factory. It finally took a mailman who knew the area to give us reliable directions to the new outdoor mall a few exits further down the freeway. Fortunately our friends were still waiting for us.

There's a certain State Farm Insurance commercial that I've seen on TV where the young lady insists the scraggly looking guy with the polo shirt and fanny pack is a French model only because 'she saw it on the Internet so it must be true'. It's a funny commercial but also makes a great point. That perhaps people should learn to better use the tools the Internet has to offer, rather than become dependent on them. And certainly to realize that behind every computer screen there was a real live human being entering in the initial information. Guess what? Last time I checked humans still make mistakes and that's o.k., but for some reason there's a part of us that still expects a man made machine to somehow be perfect and flawless. Imagine that.

So ... how reliable do you think the Internet is?