What do you do when you're disappointed?

What disappoints you?

The weather? The ending of a movie or book? Your finish in a race? A meal at a restaurant? Politicians; or just people's behavior in general?

 

How do you react when you're disappointed? If you're like most people you run through a whole mix of emotions. You may feel sadness, regret, anger or bitterness, or even a bit of guilt. The first reactions are to be expected, but why do we sometimes feel guilty? We may wonder if the person or situation that has disappointed us could have been avoided. Was it because of something we did or perhaps didn't do? Is the situation or outcome potentially any fault of ours? We'd be naïve to think that we're completely blameless in some situations. Choosing to eat that heavy dessert after dinner may not have been the wisest decision, so we need to accept some of the blame when we don't feel well later. But people are different, they definitely aren't a dessert that we chose to over-indulge in.

 

People are complex, and YES, people can make choices. If you feel disappointed by the behavior of someone step back and take an objective look before you start blaming yourself. It's fine to accept some of the blame at times, but I don't think we should automatically think their behavior had anything to do with us. Everyone has the ability to make a choice, but in doing so we should also accept responsibility for any outcomes related. If someone behaves poorly or out of character, maybe there's something else going on. Before we automatically think, 'Oh, I'm sorry. Did I do something to provoke their behavior?' perhaps we should take a deep breath and ask ourselves, 'I wonder what THAT was all about?'

 

It's normal to be disappointed; in others' behavior as well as our own. Maybe it would be more constructive and beneficial to find out the 'WHY something happened' rather than the 'WHAT happened'. We cannot change the choices people make, only our own. We may never uncover, or even understand the 'why'. We need to cut ourselves some slack. I know, easier said than done. It's hard not to want things to go smoothly or even nicely. It's disappointing when we witness people behaving in selfish or vicious ways. People will always do and say things they regret, but actions AND words have the ability to be hurtful and cannot be taken back. Someone can acknowledge what they've said or done or sometimes what they haven't (but should have). That moment can be crucial and life changing, but it's their moment to take ownership of - not ours.

 

Be supportive, be a good listener, but never allow yourself to be a doormat.

Everything Has A Cycle

Have you ever tried to run an annual program or event and noticed that some years you had more success than others? This can be true on a larger business or school scale, but also on the smaller family scale. Maybe you've always had a summer BBQ for the employees or carnival for the kids or big fundraising event. Maybe you've tried devotedly to plan a family reunion. Some years the logistics will fall into place and seem effortless. Perhaps it's the weather or the season or maybe it's just the cycle of life. For every good year, though, there's undoubtedly going to be a down year. But don't give up.

 

When your children are younger it's easier to just pack them into the car along with the blanket and cooler and make it to the family picnic, but then something happens. They grow up. They get married and have new family responsibilities. They get jobs and have schedules. Not too worry. I have faith that everything happens for a reason and every life has its seasons. But like seasons ... they will return. We just need to be patient and wait. Yes, it can be frustrating when you believe you're the only one who thinks an event is important enough to pursue, but often it's just about the timing. People will say how busy they are, but then you need to remind them that 'everyone gets busy'.

 

I think it's more about reminding ourselves of what's really important. We can plan all we want for the future and be busy, busy, busy right now. But what if something unforeseen happens? What if someone gets sick? What if someone loses a job? What if someone gets a new job and their schedule gets busier? We ALL get busy. We ALL have responsibilities. None of us are any busier than someone else. No one person's time is any more valuable. I think we all need to give a little, be a little more flexible, and make some choices.

 

Go ahead and plan that event. Plan the vacation. Plan the reunion. Set the date to get together for lunch with friends. Not everyone will be able to make it to everything, but be thankful for the ones who make the effort and feel it's important enough to be there. Sure, some obstacles are unavoidable and understandable, but sometimes we just need to make the big choices and decide what's important. Remember though ... just because something is important to you doesn't mean it'll be equally  important to someone else. That's o.k. Everything has a cycle and if meant to be everything will come back around in time.

 

What have you had trouble planning lately? What have your biggest obstacles been?