Are Good Manners A Lost Cause?

Whenever writers blog, at least speaking for myself, we tend to have certain topics that we're passionate about (good or bad) and ironically we find ourselves talking about topics we've already written about before. Not sure exactly what that conveys about the topic or even myself as a writer. I've written about etiquette, my views on morals and values, and about choices having lasting effects.

I feel that one of the necessary qualities for anyone hoping to be a good writer is to be a good observer. If you are a good people-watcher and a good listener it could make for better real-life observations and add more truth to your writing.

Case and point; this weekend I went to a local eatery with my husband. We were there for approximately 45 minutes. During that time I watched and I listened. I observed some strangers being polite and personable. I also observed people discarding trash from their car doors into the parking lot. I saw people drive into the parking lot going way too fast and park diagonally across 2 parking spots. And upon my exit I had a young man walk directly in front of me, open the door and let it go in my face only for him to exit the 2nd outer door and thank the stranger who held it open for him. Both the stranger and I looked at each other and said, 'Seriously?'

I am not naive enough to think that our world is perfect, nor do I believe that everyone has the same ideas about morals. So what do we do when we see common manners falling by the wayside like a lost art form? Do we judge? Do we put blame on the parents who raised them? The people I observed were mostly early 20 somethings. They weren't 12 or 15 or even 18. These were young adults; our future.

I'm certainly not suggesting that everyone in their 20s is rude, because that would not be true at all. But I am wondering what future generations will look like, because if we lead by example and we teach what we know is there a point where it becomes too late for some to learn?

What do you think? The media is generally all too quick to point out the negative stories. What have you observed to be some positive situations where you think our young generation has hope?

Who Do You Want To Impress?

There's a saying when someone has a new TV box out at the curb that says they may be 'trying to keep up with the Jones'. When one neighbor has a great looking lawn we could find ourselves inspired to spruce our own up a bit. Call it inspiration or our competitive sides showing up, either way it can be just the motivation some of need to get us moving.

 

Do you find yourself wanting to get a new car because your friend got one last week or wanting to grab a girlfriend and go shopping because you saw someone at the grocery store with a great new spring outfit? My question for you is who do you want to impress (if anyone)? Do you do what you do for yourself or to impress those around you? Do you care what others think about your style, your language, your behavior? Sometimes I wonder what people think and why they do the things they do. Tonight I was in a parking lot when two young ladies (19ish) walked to their car - laughing, smiling, talking loudly, and swearing up a storm. I get the whole 'freedom of speech' thing and 'being in public places and wanting to express yourself', but when it came down to it I really had to wonder if there was even room for me in 'their bubble' OR if they even knew (or cared) HOW they were being perceived by those they were passing by. I decided they clearly must not have.

 

When you're at work or volunteering are you giving your responsibilities a 100% because you're proud of what you're doing or do wish deep down someone would notice and say 'hey, nice job'? Whatever you do, whatever you say ... keep it pure, keep it respectable, keep it worthy of notice by the only One that really matters.

Keeping It 'Old School'

I'm all for improvement and change ... when it's needed, but sometimes I think 'old school' is still best. So, what do I mean by 'old school'? Well, let's see. There are classic cars, simpler and quieter times, less technology, better made products, and even manners and etiquette. I'll admit that I sometimes get a bit frustrated with all of the rush and chaos of today's world. Everyone seems to be in a hurry and often times it seems people act as though they're in their own little bubble where nothing can touch them.

Every day I witness people cutting others off in traffic, honking their car horns because other people choose to obey the speed limits, and then not using their turn signals (as if the rest of us are just supposed to guess that they planned to suddenly turn left).

With time comes progress and technology, and yes even change. We see change everywhere ... in our schools, in our jobs, and in our grocery stores. It seems just about everything these days comes with an 'app'. Everything is supposedly made easier, where with the click of a few buttons you can order your dinner, renew your license plate tabs, pay a bill, or do your Christmas shopping. But I have to wonder ... with 'progress' supposedly making our lives easier do we sometimes forget the things that really matter?

I think some students learn better by actually taking notes in class with a pen and paper rather than just recording a lecture. I think some children are able to show their creativity better by coloring in books with old-fashioned Crayola crayons rather than using Paintbrush on a computer screen. I think some people retain more of what they read by turning the paper pages of a book. I'm not suggesting that all technology is bad. As much as I love the feel and smell of an actual book I would still like to someday have a Kindle - they're small and efficient and save A LOT of space. I imagine they would be wonderful for traveling.

Then there's my memories of 'old school' manners, the kind I grew up with. When I was young I learned the importance of writing thank you notes. My mother always said, "If someone takes the time to buy you a gift, you should take the time to properly acknowledge them." The progress in that today could easily be sending a thank you 'text' or 'email', which is fine. It's the acknowledgement that matters, but many times people just seem to expect gifts they're given (which I think is sad).

To me there's something to be said for still having a landline phone, or playing records on a record player, or being respectful and polite. It's so refreshing when a young person actually takes the time to hold a door open for a stranger. To call any of this 'old school' isn't progress - it just means the world has gotten too busy. If we could all take some time to remember the things and behavior that made us who we are and pass on those good qualities ... that would be progress.

Etiquette: A Lost Art Form?

Just the other day I took my mom to a local hospital for some routine blood work. I was pushing her in a wheelchair to eliminate a lengthy walk to the lab. When leaving the admittance desk I pushed her wheelchair away from the desk and immediately put the guest chairs back in their proper place. The admittance clerk responded with, 'That's so nice of you to put the chairs back. Most people don't even bother.' I replied, 'My mom taught me when I was growing up to always put things back the way I found them.' I guess it always stuck with me. I laughed and told my mom, 'Ha! And you thought I didn't listen to you.' It made her smile.

Growing up, my mom always insisted we learn and practice the most common forms of etiquette. We should say 'please' and 'thank you', never leave the dinner table until we'd either finished our meal or at least asked permission, and always try to write a hand written thank you note whenever possible. She used to say that if someone went to the trouble to pick out and give you a special gift for your birthday, then you should always acknowledge their effort with a proper thank you, otherwise she would say you were acting as though you thought it was owed to you.

More often than not I look around now and wonder if proper etiquette has become a lost art form. On a daily basis I witness people speeding through my subdivision at unbelievable speeds, people swearing in public, people zipping from lane to lane on the freeway without ever bothering to use a turn signal (as if we should all just get out of their way and read their minds about where they're going to choose to go next), and people vandalizing other people's personal property with graffiti. Don't even get me started about young guys wearing their pants down so low it's a miracle they don't trip themselves ... seriously I REALLY don't want to know or care about what boxers you're wearing.

Today my husband and I went for a leisurely lunch at a restaurant after church to watch the Lions football game. It was to be our hour to unwind, eat some lunch, and watch some football. Unfortunately the 2 ladies in the next booth carried on a conversation with voices so loud we could no longer hear the TV, much less concentrate on the game. My husband and I just looked at each other in disbelief. At one point one of the ladies was talking about something and saying, 'I just can't remember the name of the place. Gosh that bothers me. WHAT IS the name of that place?' It took every ounce of restraint for us not to get up and walk over to their booth to tell them the name of THAT place. There should be some proper level of volume that's considered acceptable in a public place, don't you think?

All is not lost though. Just when I think no one remembers what proper etiquette is I'll walk through a door that is being held open by a 10 year old boy with freckles on his face. I'll say, 'Thank you very much.' and he'll say, 'My pleasure.'

 

What do you think? Is etiquette a thing of the past or can it be salvaged for future generations to come?