Why Didn't I Hear Back From You?

Communication is a funny thing. It takes a commitment from both sides. If you ask someone a question whether in person, by text, by email, or in a letter you hope for a response. That's seems pretty natural and not asking too much. Some people see the effort you put in to the question or conversation and respond accordingly; others will almost always leave you hanging. Why do you suppose that is?

 

I'll admit, by nature, I am a detail oriented person. Whether it's a personal email or a work-related one, if I make an inquiry or extend an invitation or even just start a conversation I hope for a timely response (I suppose it would be too pushy of me to expect it?). Some people I know see the effort that goes into things and they respond, others for whatever reason don't bother. I certainly understand the demands of busy schedules; my calendars and To Do lists would be mind-boggling to some.

 

To say that how people respond (or don't) could be correlated to being a generational thing, to me, is just an excuse. Some people (young or old) are quick to ask a question, but when you reply, they leave it at that. They don't comment, they don't respond; basically they leave you wondering if they even received your response or if they did are they upset or just being nonchalant about it. If you follow through on it you may eventually get caddy responses like: 'Sorry, I'm just so busy, you wouldn't understand' or 'I thought you'd know.' Really? Are we suddenly expected to be mind readers? I don't know about you, but my crystal ball is a bit cloudy. Perhaps we didn't give them the response they were hoping for so they've simply moved on.

 

Should we have to ask people to be courteous? Must we include disclaimers in our messages like, 'Please respond so I can get a proper head count for the event', 'Please respond so I know whether to keep time open in my afternoon for you', 'RSVP', or 'Please confirm that you received my response'? I can see some of those being appropriate if it's work-related or you're trying to meet a deadline, but on a personal basis it would seem petty. But then, if we're being honest, many of us wish we could be more blatant and say what we are really thinking. Of course, lol, if you're a blogger you've created a platform for yourself to be able to say things without really saying them. Kind of like a subliminal message that works IF the right people take the time to read it.

 

So what has been your experience? Are you good about responding to people in a timely fashion? Do you consider the value of the other person's feelings or schedule? Do you experience people not responding to you? How does that make you feel?

It's About More Than Chicken

This past week my husband and I celebrated 34 years of marriage. Our children are either married or away at college so we are still adjusting to the empty nest syndrome. We threw caution to the wind and left for one night away at Frankenmuth, MI (Little Bavaria as it's commonly referred to). If you've never visited Frankenmuth you really need to Google it and then go for a visit. There's the traditional homemade chicken dinners with yummy sides of buttered noodles, mashed potatoes with the occasional lump just so you know it's real, stuffing, veggies, soup, assorted salads and breads, and then finally you top off the meal with a small dish of soft serve ice cream, but always topped with a plastic camel, mermaid, or figurine rather than a cherry. It's a time-honored tradition.

On this visit we had a terrific waitress named Jan. She was strong (especially when she lifted the heavy trays), but a real people person. We were one of her final tables for the night so we weren't in any sort of hurry. We started chatting about life, people, problems with the world, and ways the world could be a better place. Jan is not just a waitress at the world famous Zehnder's restaurant, Jan is also an 8th grade U.S. History teacher at an inner-city school. She is passionate about her job and really wants to make a difference; one student at a time. As we chatted we discovered she'd had one student who was 15 years old and was being tried as an adult for murder. She also had a student who was finding his way out of his predetermined life and was receiving a full scholarship to MSU. Jan had seen the full scope of possibilities and downturns in this school district, yet she is still driven and passionate about making a difference; one student at a time. Along the way she teaches life lessons; what is acceptable and what's not, manners, and respect. You need to take pride in whatever you do and give it your all. You will never be given respect if you don't first respect yourself.

We couldn't help but ask why, after a long stressful day at school, she was moonlighting at a very busy restaurant in the evenings. The answer was clear; one that we hear way too often in today's society. The teachers in her school district had taken a 9% pay cut to help with a budget deficit. There are often many misconceptions about teachers. Sure there are some who've been in the system long enough that they are making decent money, but many teachers today (with both bachelor and master degrees) are not making a fraction of what they should. Of course, people will say it's an EASY job and you get summers off. Sure an average teacher has 6-8 weeks off during the summer, but many teach summer classes, continue to tutor, take on outside summer jobs, coach sport teams, teach driver's education, etc.

 

In Jan's case she took on the 2nd job year round as a waitress so she could still keep up with her mortgage. My son and daughter-in-law are also teachers. I know MANY teachers that attend my church. Teaching is a job that demands respect; they have a great deal of responsibility in helping to raise our children. We've been blessed to have had some amazingly devoted teachers pass through our children's lives over the years; teachers that made a HUGE impact.

 

So how did we leave the evening? We'd gained some insights into a common problem, we listened to someone else's perspective that we didn't know, and we left a sizable tip as a thank you (that sparred a whole new conversation). Jan didn't take anything for granted and was extremely thankful.

 

Not every blog post will have the promise of a hidden gem of intuition that is priceless, but that's life ... no guarantees. I write about real life ... my life. I write about what I know and what I observe and hope that others can connect to it. The moral of this post? When you take pride in yourself and your work, the respect will come. Do the right things first and foremost for yourself and hope that others recognize your diligence.

What Are Your Gifts?

You may be familiar with people talking about their 'God-given' talents and their gifts. Perhaps I hear the phrase a little more often because I work in a church. There are scriptures (like 1 Corinthians 12) that discuss it in great detail; what gifts and talents there were and why they were assigned to different people. In every day terms we could look at those around us and observe that some people have a giving spirit, some have the gift of patience, some sing with a heavenly voice, some have a welcoming personality that puts others at ease, and others have a gift of praying for the sick. The list of possible gifts and talents is surely endless; each one unique to its recipient.

Having a talent or gift, though, can be a journey in itself. First, we must recognize what our gift is. Next, we must learn the best way to use it so that it benefits those around us. And lastly, we must understand the depth of our gift and how special it truly is. Each of us has a gift that is part of us, but we must also understand (and respect) that no two gifts will be the same. Because we see our gift  as something natural (and easy for us) to use, we need to be clear and understand that the same gift may not be as easy for someone else to use. In a group of 20 adults one person may feel very comfortable praying out loud and do it profoundly and with confidence, where the other 19 may pray just as beautifully but prefer to pray privately. The one who prays well in front of others shouldn't think that it is easy and that any one can do it - it is clearly a gift that they possess.

I am the first to admit that I would make a lousy nurse. My heart is compassionate for those in pain or sick, but I don't have the knowledge and would often lack the patience to deal with crisis situations on a daily basis. I have the utmost respect for those who can do that, but at the same time I've had some nurses tell me 'exactly what they think I need to do and that it's easy' ... easy for them, perhaps, but not for me.

With any gift or talent there lies a responsibility that can be as big and as important as the gift itself. Knowing how to utilize your gift with a sense of humbleness and grace and strength and timing is all part of the journey. Like many journeys, they aren't always direct and often come with obstacles - but hang in there. Your 'gift' is worth the effort.

Do you have a special gift that you've been blessed with?

Doing The Right Thing Because It's The Right Thing

How many times do you find yourself observing mankind's behavior and then thinking, "Seriously, has everybody gotten lazy?" For me that happens at least a few times a week. There's the usual scenarios: the people who speed up on your left side when the flashing arrows to merge to the right have been seen for more than a block. Is their time somehow more precious than yours? The people who take clothing into the fitting rooms only to discard their unwanted leftovers in a pile on the floor waiting for someone else to magically pick up after them? That seems to happen A LOT at JCPenneys and Kohls. I feel sorry for their employees having to constantly clean up the mess. The people who will throw their cigarette butts and trash out their car windows as if the rest of us don't mind living in their littered world.

OK, so now you're probably thinking that I'm on my soapbox and beginning a well-executed rant. Perhaps you would be right. We are ALL busy, but that doesn't give any of us the right to be lazy or disrespectful to those around us. I constantly find myself straightening a pile of clothes on a display table or putting that falling shirt correctly back onto it's hangar. Why? I'm not sure. I've never worked in clothing retail so I don't have old habits. Perhaps I'm OCD. Perhaps I just don't mind taking the extra second or two to make things nicer for the next person that comes along.

However, I do smile when I see a person actually slow down and open a door for someone else or see a person offer to get something off a high shelf. In reality it doesn't take any longer to be respectful and do something nice than it does to be lazy and have disregard for others.

In the words of Clint Eastwood, "Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that's real power."  

So ... my suggestion for you today is to take the time to observe; the behavior of those around you as well as your own. Don't like what you see? Make a change. Now that can be empowering!

Life's Report Card

I often find myself jotting down a little nugget or two while listening to a Sunday sermon at church. I make a few notes and then find them an hour or even a week later. I'll look at them again and think about how they may apply to my life just then or even just life in general. What was today's nugget that got me thinking? It was about whether or not you live your life with a report card.

 

Thinking back to when you were in school and got your report card, did you do just enough to get the passing grade or did you really apply yourself in hopes of learning something and being able to apply it later? What is your approach with how you live your life? Do you do good deeds because you think you'll make bonus points on your heavenly report card? Do you do barely enough and just what's expected  - doing just enough for the passing grade? Or do you not care about the report card and do what's right because it's what's right and good? There is no score chart or report card for getting through life. We should live each day trying our best to respect each other, treat others the way we would want to be treated in return, and lending a helping hand whenever possible.

 

What's your approach and how are you doing?

Etiquette: A Lost Art Form?

Just the other day I took my mom to a local hospital for some routine blood work. I was pushing her in a wheelchair to eliminate a lengthy walk to the lab. When leaving the admittance desk I pushed her wheelchair away from the desk and immediately put the guest chairs back in their proper place. The admittance clerk responded with, 'That's so nice of you to put the chairs back. Most people don't even bother.' I replied, 'My mom taught me when I was growing up to always put things back the way I found them.' I guess it always stuck with me. I laughed and told my mom, 'Ha! And you thought I didn't listen to you.' It made her smile.

Growing up, my mom always insisted we learn and practice the most common forms of etiquette. We should say 'please' and 'thank you', never leave the dinner table until we'd either finished our meal or at least asked permission, and always try to write a hand written thank you note whenever possible. She used to say that if someone went to the trouble to pick out and give you a special gift for your birthday, then you should always acknowledge their effort with a proper thank you, otherwise she would say you were acting as though you thought it was owed to you.

More often than not I look around now and wonder if proper etiquette has become a lost art form. On a daily basis I witness people speeding through my subdivision at unbelievable speeds, people swearing in public, people zipping from lane to lane on the freeway without ever bothering to use a turn signal (as if we should all just get out of their way and read their minds about where they're going to choose to go next), and people vandalizing other people's personal property with graffiti. Don't even get me started about young guys wearing their pants down so low it's a miracle they don't trip themselves ... seriously I REALLY don't want to know or care about what boxers you're wearing.

Today my husband and I went for a leisurely lunch at a restaurant after church to watch the Lions football game. It was to be our hour to unwind, eat some lunch, and watch some football. Unfortunately the 2 ladies in the next booth carried on a conversation with voices so loud we could no longer hear the TV, much less concentrate on the game. My husband and I just looked at each other in disbelief. At one point one of the ladies was talking about something and saying, 'I just can't remember the name of the place. Gosh that bothers me. WHAT IS the name of that place?' It took every ounce of restraint for us not to get up and walk over to their booth to tell them the name of THAT place. There should be some proper level of volume that's considered acceptable in a public place, don't you think?

All is not lost though. Just when I think no one remembers what proper etiquette is I'll walk through a door that is being held open by a 10 year old boy with freckles on his face. I'll say, 'Thank you very much.' and he'll say, 'My pleasure.'

 

What do you think? Is etiquette a thing of the past or can it be salvaged for future generations to come?

What Exactly Is A Deadline?

What exactly is a deadline? Obviously it's a given date or time when something is due or when a task should be accomplished. But it's more than that. It's a acknowledgeable statement of respect. It says 'Your time means something and I respect that.' It's a sign of values and integrity.

When I get a bill in the mail it tells me the amount I owe for a product or a service and tells me the deadline (when the bill is due). I acknowledge that, but why is it when the shoe is on the other foot and a credit needs to be issued to my account it can take days - even weeks. Suddenly my time isn't valued as much as theirs. Hmmm ... a double standard? Or is it 'just business'?

When you're given a deadline, whether it's a bill to be paid or a task that needs completing, do you try to meet the deadline? Sure ... things happen (to everyone) and sometimes deadlines get delayed, but do you try to meet your deadline? If you can't meet it, do you let someone know things will be delayed? Or do you just go on about your business and say 'Oh well'?

I think that when you give your word, shake a hand, or make a promise - you commit yourself. It should mean something. So why am I frustrated? Because I see people not use turn signals, not stop at stop lights, text when driving ... as if laws are an inconvenience for them, like they're too busy and too important to follow the same rules the rest of us are expected to follow.

I deal with paying a bill on time, check my bank records to see when the company cashed my check and then get a letter in the mail two weeks later saying I'm behind. Then I take the time to call to have them tell me, 'We show we received your check and your account is paid in full, so what's the problem?' 'What's the problem?' I reply. The problem is one department doesn't know what the other is doing and you act as if it's my fault for meeting my deadline! That's the problem.

So where do we go from here? I understand we're all human beings and we all make mistakes and miss deadlines. Do I lower my standards to meet others, so I don't get disappointed when people fall short? Or do I continue to care about what I do and how I act and just lower my expectations that respect should be a two-way street but the respect won't always be returned? Good question.

When was the last time you were disappointed in human nature and how did you handle it?

What kind of message do you send?

Today I'm going to take a stand and share something that bothers me. Today's society seems to encourage just about every kind of techy device you can think of ... Blackberrys, I-Phones, regular cell phones, lap tops, cell phones with Internet access ... you name it and we've probably seen it. The thing that I think people forget is that there is a time and place for everything. Don't get me wrong, a lot of these gadgets are great and some of us would be lost without them. My pet peeve is when people (of ALL ages) lose sight of the time and place part. One would think that some of these devices are joined at their hip, because they are really reluctant to put them down. In a day and age when many people take their work with them outside of a traditional office space, it's not uncommon or even wrong to see someone standing in a lobby or sitting in their car retrieving their emails or voicemails. I mean, people do need to work and the 9-5 scenario working in a bank or a cubicle isn't the norm for everyone.

Family and people (even strangers) are important, but that's not the message you send them when you talk, text, and play Angry Birds or Family Feud on your cell phone in front of them when they're trying to talk to you. The message you're telling them is 'You're important, but you're not 'put your cell phone down' important.' I've sat through many family gatherings where I've tried to talk to nieces and nephews that I don't see often only to have them never make eye contact and play on their phones in front of me. I mean, come on ... seriously? I've seen teachers and youth directors try to have discussions with students only to have kids send texts to the person sitting 2 feet away from them.

I'll admit I've pulled up photos on my phone to show my sister and niece while sitting in my mom's apt. only to have my mom say 'Can't you girls put those things away?' My resolution is to start being more aware of my own actions from now on. I can see how much  it bothers me so I can only imagine how I must look to someone else.

Time is the most expensive resource we have. We can't continue to steal it from others. We need to spend it wisely.