What Is Your Purpose?

 

Life is full of transitions. We grow up. We grow older. Hopefully in the midst of it all, we even grow a little wiser. We face challenges and battles; some expected and some not. I often wish I had a crystal ball that could clue me in on what I am supposed to be doing, when I should be doing it, and what the ultimate goal and outcome will be. It's mind-boggling when I think of the time and effort I put in to projects, never knowing if I am ultimately making a difference or even on the right path.

 

I know many people who have struggled after a divorce or the death of a loved one. They felt lost for a long time and tried to figure out what their new identity looked like now that they were 'one' instead of  'two'. I've seen some college graduates wander aimlessly after graduation, with their diploma in hand, trying to discern what they would do next and where they would go. Life is full of questions.

 

We look around. We assume we know what direction we are heading. We hope we know what our future holds. Sometimes, though, what we are meant to do finds us when we aren't looking for it. We're so busy focusing on the bigger picture that sometimes we don't see what is right in front of us.

 

We should ask ourselves WHY we think we want something. Is it our head or our heart leading us? Maybe we should be more open to the possibilities. Life is full of them. The right job, relationship, and project will come along. By nature, we are impatient. We want to know the WHO, the WHAT, the WHERE, the WHY, and the WHEN. We don't like to wait and we certainly don't like to guess what is coming next. How can we be expected to be ready or do our best if we are surprised?

 

So what do we do? We hold on to hope and faith. The hope is something that gives our mind reassurance. The faith is something that reassures our heart and soul. Ultimately God knows the plan and will clue us in on the details when the time is right. Knowing that we are never alone is reassurance of the biggest kind, that's where we'll find our drive and our strength to face the uncertainties.

 

How do you stay focused and on track with your goals and clarifying what your purpose is?

It Takes Time For A Change To Transition Into A New Norm

Right now we are in full swing of the holidays. We've shopped, we've wrapped, we've stood in lines, we've baked and cooked, and we've socialized. We've made it through Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and now it is the morning after. We're relaxing, we've attempted to tidy up our houses to regain a little bit of order. We will undoubtedly eat leftovers for the next few days until the time comes when someone cries out, 'I need a hamburger; no more ham, PLEASE.'

During the holidays, including up through New Years, we try to catch up with friends and neighbors, and have family gatherings. For some, the holidays have looked a little different this year. I know it has in our house. We had a wonderful Christmas Eve dinner, if I do say so myself, but it was still different. In years past we played host to a larger extended family or close friends, but this year it was just 3 of us. We prepared the same dishes, decorated the house, went to a candlelight worship service, and watched Christmas movies on the couch. We missed having our whole immediate family here with us, but we understand that life changes; kids get married, start families of their own, and start new traditions (that perhaps do not mesh with ours). A family member passed this year and wasn't part of our holiday routine, and another family member is now in a nursing care facility which created yet another change.

The 3 of us slept in on Christmas morning and went through the rest of our day at a slower, more meandering sort of speed. Now it is Monday and we are all feeling a little lost. We have a couple of days off and want to make the most of them, but also aren't sure what to do. I do not have the desire, nor the energy yet today, to go shopping. I may do a little bit of Internet research for the best way to spend a gift card and perhaps venture out on Wednesday, lol.

The thing is, there is A LOT of hype that gets us up to the holiday (holiday music on the radio for one), but nothing that tells us what to do the 'morning after'. This morning my husband told me he saw one of our neighbors already taking their outdoor lights down. What? Seriously? I'm not ready to go that far. We have an entire year in between the holidays; meaning that a lot of change can take place during those 12 months. Relationships can change, for good or bad. Families can become bigger; we may have added spouses or new babies. As our small corner of the world changes, so do our traditions and the way we do things to make life special. Changes can happen literally overnight, just ask someone who has lost someone unexpectedly. In order for changes to become the new normal, though, we will need time. Thankfully, there is no time limit for a change to transition into a new norm. It won't happen over night. We'll have old memories to consider and new memories to create.

So, first off, how was your Christmas? What made it special? What was new about it? What, if anything, changed for you?

What are you doing today on this 'day after'? What does the rest of your week look like? Anyone that knows me well knows that I am a planner, a scheduler extraordinaire. I worked at a frenzied pace the entire week before Christmas and now I have a little time off. I could be curling up with a book, watching a movie, or sitting in my retreat room facing my laptop (oh wait, that's exactly what I'm doing right now). The point is I still feel a bit lost. When you're always used to your calendar being full you suddenly aren't sure what to do with an open slot; sorry if that sounds as pathetic as it presently looks on my laptop screen.

What is my big point today? Only that if you've experienced a big change this year (or even a small one) that has you feeling a little out of sorts and a little lost, that's okay. Take as much time as you need to face those changes head on, to try to understand them better, to appreciate and digest them, and to learn to accept them for what they are (or aren't). Given the right amount of time, your changes will transition into your new norm. Your holiday, this year or next, can be whatever you want it to be.

When It's Okay To Let Go Of A Friendship

Generally at this time of year I find myself blogging about the holiday season; the twinkling lights, the decorations, the hustle and bustle, and the real reason for the season. I try to keep my topics positive and uplifting; there's enough sadness and chaos in the world as it is. 

I recently asked my readers online for some topic ideas. I wanted to get a feel for what people were dealing with, besides the obvious holiday things. I inquired about traditions and things they looked forward to this time of year. My sister replied that each year she tackles a 1,000 piece puzzle. She starts it at Thanksgiving and tries to finish it by New Year's. It's a goal she finds relaxing.

By December 1st I try to have my Christmas cards written and in the mail. People joke that I am usually ahead of the pack; but, truth be told, no matter what day I send mine out on I will always get one from a previous co-worker first. Darlene beats me every year! That's become our tradition.

For me, writing out my Christmas cards can be both good and bad. The good part is I enjoy it; at least the part that involves reconnecting with family and friends with pretty and festive cards. The bad part comes when I look at my last year's list. I review it and add in the change of addresses, changes in names because someone has gotten married or worse someone has died, and then there is the issue that presents itself ... friendships that have changed.

Friendships can be tricky, because they can often be seasonable. The thing about friendships is while we hope that they will be honest and true and last forever, they can also be outgrown. For friendships to work in a healthy way, there needs be some give and take. They need to be 2-sided and there needs to be growth. I've experienced friendships that were great for literally years. We were there for each other, we supported each other, we cried together, and we talked ... a lot. Then one day out of the blue something ugly and unsuspecting happened with one. It hit me like a 2x4 between the eyes. My first response was, 'What did I do wrong?' All communication came to an abrupt halt only to leave behind unanswered questions and 'what ifs'. Years later this friend approached me out of the blue and asked to meet. We did and we talked. Turns out they had had personal issues they were dealing with that they had never been able to share. They apologized and proceeded to fill in all the blanks. We don't talk much now, but at least we have clarity and they know that I am here for them IF and when they are ready.

I had another friend, who was a very dear friend for more than 20 years. One day, their life changed, and apparently they no longer had room in it for me. Unfortunately, there hasn't been the clarity of an explanation; I believe they just outgrew our friendship. Perhaps we just didn't have things in common anymore. Perhaps it was a work in progress and I missed the signs. Clarity gives us closure. Without it we tend to speculate and place blame, sometimes in the wrong spots. A true friendship takes work, genuine effort, communication, and honesty. When even one piece is missing the friendship can take a serious hit.

I may be a little older and a bit wiser now as I sit here and reflect, but I'm not too old to not still wonder what happened? or what might have been? I am aware enough that I can see many people struggling with friendships; from the young ones all the way up to aging parents.

Yes, friendships can be great, but they can also be stressful and hurtful. They can be the cause of some serious reflection. Do we want to put in the work to fix the broken friendship? Do we want it so bad that we're willing to let ourselves be manipulated? The truth of the matter is, in my humble opinion, that people change. Sometimes they grow, they mature, their wants and needs change, and often times they're just looking for convenience or something new. Sometimes the novelty of the friendship wears off. If it never truly meant much to them to begin with then they won't feel the need for remorse or any pain. But while they may not feel it, the other half of the friendship may. You may be the one who is left asking the questions of what changed or who? When did you no longer become important enough in their life to matter? When did your feelings no longer count? At what point did they think it was okay to treat people with such little respect?

It's been said that time reveals all truths and time heals all wounds, but that doesn't make broken friendships any less hurtful or disappointing; especially during the holidays.

People change ... every where ... every day, you and I included. Sometimes friendships will be lost. It may be difficult, but it also may be necessary. In the long run it is probably better for us to see people for who they really are.

So, as you send out your Christmas cards this year or birthday cards or anniversary cards, know that it's always okay to try one more time. Sometimes we're lucky enough to know what is going on in people's lives, but more often than not we don't and can only speculate. Go with the spirit of the Christmas season; try again, be forgiving if you can, show grace when you can, but know that you deserve two-sided friendships. You are a strong individual. You get back what you give. If you put effort and honesty in, you can hope to have it returned, but if it isn't then it's okay to accept it for what it was and allow yourself to move forward toward something better and deserving.

That is my Christmas wish for you.

Reunions Can Be Tricky

Relationships come and go. When you're in high school you think it'll be the absolute end of the world when everyone leaves for a different college town. You tell everyone at graduation that you'll keep in touch, but rarely do. You get busy at college, you make new friends, and your life moves forward. You find that if you do get together with some of the 'old gang' everyone just talks about the big game, the prom, the marching band, and that unforgettable trip to Cedar Point. You don't have as much in common anymore because you have a new life. And that's okay. They probably do too.

 

You make new friends in college; you broaden your horizons. You have common interests because of your major or minor. You have four, maybe five, years together. You're older now, and hopefully wiser. You make relationships based on more than living down the street from one another or having a nearby locker. Surprisingly you'll make those one or two friendships with people that you knew before college but didn't travel in the same circles back in the day. With all of the drama and cliques removed you now have a fresh start. Then there are those who take a different path and go to work or get married or enlist in the Armed Forces.

 

Suddenly your five and ten year reunions roll around and you have to ask yourself the BIG question; 'Will I go? Should I go?' At my earlier class reunions everyone seemed to do one of two things; either relive the past or try to out impress each other. Needless to say my ten year reunion was the last one I went to. I had an opportunity to attend my 30th, but reluctantly passed on it. Between Kindergarten and 12th grade I had attended six different schools. I moved a lot and therefore had a hard time feeling like I ever belonged in any one place. I seriously thought about attending my 30th reunion but wondered if too much time had gone by. Many of my classmates had known each other their whole lives; many had gone off to college together. Would anyone even remember me? I was the editor of our yearbook; the first issue to ever have a senior section printed in color ... we were so ahead of our time, lol. But would that be enough for people to remember me by? Perhaps, since a lot of people would undoubtedly dust off the old book just to brush up on names and faces before the big event.

 

I now have an opportunity to attend my 35th reunion later this summer. Again the BIG question; 'Should I go?' Since the 30th I've reunited with a few classmates via Facebook. Some seem very genuine and we appear to have a lot in common. We are all scattered now over various parts of the U.S. and the state. Should I take the risk of going this time and feeling like a wallflower? Should I take a leap of faith that I could have a wonderful time? Perhaps I should; nothing ventured nothing lost. I'm older and wiser now. I have thicker skin, so my feelings shouldn't be hurt as easily. I have the opportunity to not dwell on the past, but rather take a chance on making some friendships stronger.

 

What would you do?

What Will Your Holidays Look Like?

Holidays come at the same time every year, just like seasons. You can pretty much predict when they will arrive and what they will look like, but often things like 'life' get in the way and change things for us. 

Just like the weather can be unpredictable, things can happen in our lives that will change the flow from what always was to what will be now. Some events are glorious and what we've always dreamed of and others are unexpected and unfortunate.

We remember holidays as being times when families get together; there is tradition and laughter and food and card games ... times to make memories that we will always be able to hold on to. My holidays this year and for some people I know are changing. I know people whose adult children have married or relocated; the scenario of every other holiday will now begin. It's not a bad thing, just a new thing. Then I know families who have lost a loved one this year and their holidays have unwelcome adjustments. Their days will be different; they might be lonely or quiet. For some it will be hard to get into the festive spirit. Things will get better with time, but it will be a process - one that will require patience and optimism.

What will your holiday season look like this year? Will you have additional guests at your table? Will you have the sounds of new little feet running through your house? Will you have a quietness that is deafening? Remember that Christmas is the season of giving. Give of your heart. Give of your time. Give extra hugs whenever needed. Whatever your holidays look like make the most of them. Create new traditions for yourself and your loved ones and you will have a multitude of memories for years to come.

Autumn: Enjoy The Reason For The Season

There's something to be said for having 4 seasons. Spring, summer, autumn, and winter ... they are all unique and each bring a splendor all their own. With spring you have the hope of bright colors; green grasses, leaves on the trees, and flowers in the gardens. Then comes summer; no longer a need for sweaters and jackets - just the warmth of the sun on your face. Next comes autumn (probably my favorite season of all); orange, red, and yellow leaves ... the trees resemble a midday fireworks display. Winter, for all the dreariness it can bring with slush and slippery driving, it can also bring pristine sparkling snowy days - a moment when everything is pure, clean, and untouched by mankind.

 

Today it was in the low 70s, blue skies with lots of sunshine, and just a hint of color change on the trees. A perfect day to play hooky and make a run by the cider mill; enjoy some cinnamon-sugar donuts hot out of the oven and some tasty cider, followed by a nice walk on the nature trail. It doesn't get any better than this.

 

Usually my days off are spent running errands and tackling mile long TO DO lists, but then a day like today comes along and you just have to throw caution to the wind and go for it. Just like the different seasons change our weather patterns, our lives also need change from time to time. There is a reason for every season, a time for snow and rain and wind and sun. Our lives are no different. We have seasons too. We have our youth, our young adult transitions with college and work, our married lives and careers, our parenting seasons, and then comes the season that I'm entering ... the one where you're still married, you're still working, you're still a parent, but suddenly you have a little more free time. That's the season when you give yourself permission to take up a new hobby, register for a class, spend an afternoon off working at the library, or taking a mid morning walk at the cider mill with your husband before you both head back to your real world of responsibilities. Like autumn, I think this is going to be a good season for me ... brightly colored and full of creative opportunities.

 

Embrace the seasons outside, as well as the seasons in your life. They all have purpose. What's your favorite season outside and why? What season do your see your life in right now?