Show The Real You

You've probably heard the phrases, "Put your best foot forward" and "You only get one chance to make a first impression". They sound simple enough, but are they? They sound like a whole lot of pressure to me. Most people want to do their best and act their best and look their best. Those are things we strive for, but not necessarily how we are on a daily basis or even at a moment's notice.

We fail and try again and again until we get where we want to be. It's important that we let people see both sides of us; the times when we struggle and the times when we achieve. Blend the two sides of ourselves together and we hopefully get a better and balanced (real) version to share. That's the person we want others to see; the relatable and approachable version, the version that is honest.

Sure we all want others to like us, to approve of the things we say and do, and to admire our efforts. But if we're play-acting and putting on a façade we aren't being honest with them or ourselves. Good or bad, weak or strong it's important to just keep it real.

Do you feel comfortable or vulnerable exposing the real you?

It can be daunting at times, but weighs a lot less on your shoulders than putting yourself on a pedestal. There's another saying, "The higher your pedestal the further you have to fall." That doesn't sound fun. My suggestion? Be real, be honest and just be yourself. That's the person you want others to see and admire.

Do you feel you're sharing the real you? What's been your biggest hurdle?

When A Little White Lie Is Not So Little

How many times as a kid did you tell a 'little white lie'? Maybe it was about something as trivial as whether or not you had hopped the fence to get the ball out of your neighbor's back yard or whether or not you had spent as much time on your homework as you claimed you did. You may have thought the topics weren't all that important and you weren't hurting anyone, so why did it matter?

But little white lies aren't always so little. They matter more than you may think. Whether you are a child or a teenager or a young adult or a supervisor at work ... guess what? Lies are still lies. And the more you tell them without thinking about them, the easier it becomes for you to do. 

To me when you tell a little white lie it says you're being lazy and taking the easy way out. Maybe you don't have the answer and don't want to admit it, so you lie about it and convince yourself it's okay. Maybe you don't want to put in the needed time or discipline for something so you lie about it because you don't want to be judged (like if you cheated on your diet). Maybe you come up with excuses for why you don't get some things done. When a professional misses a deadline and makes excuses for why they weren't prepared for the meeting, they're telling a lie. Big or small, they create inconveniences for the other people who were counting on them. They make other people wait needlessly and put them in a position to have to pick up the slack to cover for them. Not very professional, for sure.

I think what some people tend to forget is that little white lies are as transparent as saran wrap. People can usually see right through them. You are basically being rude to the other person and not fooling anyone, except maybe yourself. Never a good thing. Not only are you being rude, but you're being disrespectful which only makes you look bad. Reputations can be tarnished quickly and your integrity will be questioned.

I'm not trying to be the judgmental one here and say who's right and who's wrong or when it's okay to tell a lie and when it's not. I suppose if you have to choose, think about whether your lie will hurt someone's feelings needlessly or whether your little white lie will come at a cost to someone else (especially business related). If someone asks you, 'What do you think of my new haircut?' Think about it; if you don't find it super flattering, don't be blunt and hurtful, maybe soften the blow with a more generic answer of 'Wow, what a change!'. You aren't telling a lie, you're just being considerate.

The next time you find yourself about to tell a needless fib (and we ALL do occasionally), stop and ask yourself 'Why?' Why do you need to? Do you really think you're fooling anyone? Will it be worth it?

Just remember, one small change can move mountains. If you change how you think about yourself and show yourself the respect you deserve, others will surely follow suit.

When was the last time you felt hurt or disappointed because someone lied to you and you knew it as soon as the words left their lips? 

Keeping HOPE in the Big Picture

There are days when I scroll through the Internet headlines and am amazed (and appalled) with what I read. Stories about thieves who are arrogant (and stupid) enough to post their illegal endeavors on Facebook, video clips of professional athletes playing like schoolyard thugs, and politicians ... well don't even get me started on the public behavior of politicians. 

I fully support an athlete being caught up in the moment when they score a touchdown or a goal, hit a home run, or make a game-winning basket. When emotions are real you can tell, but when a touchdown is scored and a pre-choreographed silly dance is performed in the end zone it is obviously premeditated. It comes across as arrogant and showboating; definitely sets a different tone. They're grabbing the spotlight and hoping their fans will boost them up another level to a higher podium. Although, you know what they say? The higher the podium, the further you have to fall.

Whatever happened to humbleness? Whatever happened to being appreciative for a God-given talent? Of course, to be fair, I have seen award shows and heard people thank 'God' for getting them where they are and then I have to wonder if these are the 'same' people I read about on the Internet and see on the covers of grocery store tabloids. Where was God in their life when they were caught doing something less than ideal? People need to remember that with fame and exposure comes certain responsibilities. Whether they want to be or not, they are now in a position to influence other people (for good or for bad).

As parents, we try to teach our children about morals, values, the importance of being honest, and conducting ourselves with integrity. We do what we can, but in reality we can't be with our kids 24/7 (and then there is the whole debate about at what age you quit referring to them as your 'kids', lol). The way I see it, when you become a parent you are a parent for life; not until the day they turn 18, get dropped off to college, or get married. Sure, as our children become adults they will need to make adult decisions on their own about their finances, relationships, employment, etc. But as a parent, you should always be there to offer an ear to listen or just be there for them to ask advice or bounce ideas off of. While it's true that it takes a village to raise a child, we can't leave all of our mentoring to the people they're around; the people they read about or see on TV, the people they go to school or work with. We can hope though that we've given them enough of a solid foundation that they'll be able to tell the difference when people start giving them advice. We can all give advice from the couch and tell people what we think is best for them, but until we actually walk a day in someone's shoes or REALLY listen to their story we may not truly be helping.

So, where does that leave us? With HOPE. HOPE that our toddlers will learn to walk without too many bruises. HOPE that our teenagers will be safe when they get behind the wheel of a car. HOPE that our young adults won't get their hearts broken as they begin to have relationships. HOPE that everyone (not age specific) will make smart decisions about drinking and drugs. HOPE that our college grads will be blessed with jobs when they graduate. HOPE that we'll all remember to let God into our lives and our decisions. Having HOPE reminds us that none of us have to face anything alone.

Angels Of The Season

December can be a very busy (and overwhelming) month for a lot of reasons. Many people embrace the Christmas holiday that falls in December ... many will thrive on the true meaning of Christmas, rejuvenate their spirits with the lights and decorations, rekindle relationships with family and friends, and dig deep into their inner soul to focus on what REALLY matters. But don't be fooled... for many December is just another month on the calendar, a month that brings an earlier darkness to our days, colder temperatures, occasional snowy roads, and often a lot of sadness and feelings of being alone.

The last week I've been busy with work, bringing my daughter home from college, a little Christmas shopping and gift wrapping, a staff Christmas party, playing cards with friends, hearing the news of my son's engagement, and regaining some physical strength after battling a cold for 2 weeks. Needless to say, blogging got bumped down a few notches on my list of goals.

 

I've had a lot on my mind and have felt the urge to blog several times this week, but choosing the right topic isn't always easy. I need to write from my heart. I can't force the words, if I do they won't be real and you'll know the difference. So what did I do? I asked my readers for suggestions. I got 3 responses. A) Weddings and about being a MOG (mother of the groom), B) How to stay calm during the holiday prep season, and C) Write about the angels of the season. I thought about each of the recommendations. I haven't fully come to the realization yet that I'll be a mother of a groom, so I'm going to take that one slowly. I'm certainly not one to guide others about how to stay calm, because truth be told that's a strength of mine that comes and goes with the seasons. So I opted to tap into the wonderfulness of the angels of the season.

 

Angels come in all shapes and sizes. They don't usually announce themselves and say, 'Hey, here I am! Look at me and what I can do!' No, they do the opposite. They do nice things for strangers, they don't want any attention, and they show up when they're least expected. They could be the stranger  that shovels your driveway for you without being asked, the friend that made you a pot of chicken soup when you were sick, or the neighbor you hardly know that invites to attend a holiday church service just when you're feeling alone and the pressures of the season. Yes, angels can be strangers or friends or even family. They're angels because they don't think of themselves, they think of the moment and what can they do to make someone else's day just a little brighter. Angels help us rebuild our strength, they brighten our spirits, and they warm our hearts. You can thank an angel when you meet them, but even better you can take what you've learned from them and pay it forward by being there for someone else. I had an angel once and her name was Laura. She was my Chemo Angel. She was special, an inspiration to me, thoughtful beyond a doubt, and an all-around nice person. I like to think I took some of what I learned from her and paid it forward. That's the BEST and most honest 'thank you' I think you can give someone.

 

Who has been your angel this season?

What's On Your Mind?

What's on your mind? That's a great question, but don't ask it of someone if you're not willing to be quiet and listen to what they have to say.

My daughter turned 16 last week and I found myself reflecting ... reflecting on the early years of both of my children. I thought about the special things that I did with each of them. My son is now 25 and out on his own. He's smart, he's strong, he's handsome (I can say that unbiasly, of course, since I'm his mother), and as much as I don't care to admit it ... he's an adult. I remember when he was little (maybe around 2 or 3 years old). I would take him to a local mall. We weren't really shopping for anything, I'd just walk and let him ride along in his stroller. We always seemed to end up at the Little Caesar's in the food court. We'd share a slice of pizza and just 'people watch'. It wasn't anything fancy, just some quality time spent with each other.

When my daughter was born her brother was in 5th grade, so while he was in school she and I would run errands. I remember how she would smile and be happy and win over anyone we came across. When we'd go to the grocery store near the house, the deli clerk would always ask if she wanted a slice of cheese. Sometimes she would get one, but she usually always had her eye on the grapes. The produce manager would be putting fruit and veggies out and I would bag a bunch of grapes. He'd always see her eyeing them, so he would offer to go wash some off for her. It got to the point where some days he'd be watching for her. As soon as we'd get to the deli, the deli clerk would offer her cheese and he would pop up out of no where and say 'She doesn't want your cheese! My grapes are better!' He'd already have a little bunch of grapes washed for her. Her face would light up (and so would his).

Now years later I watch my daughter as she's growing into a beautiful young woman. She's witty, she's caring, and she has a natural beauty where she can go without makeup and jewelry (her choice) and wear anything and look like she ought to be on the pages of a catalog. She's very strong mentally (probably stronger than she gives herself credit for) and has formed some definate opinions. I'm so proud that both of our kids have managed to form solid morals and values (certainly not for a lack of effort from my husband and I).

Over the summer she had to read 2 books for her Honors English class. When school started last week she said they were having a discussion in her English class about the books they'd read. One of the books that she read was 'Into The Wild' (I think that was the name). It was a true story about a young man who chose to leave his high paced materialistic life behind and head out into the wilderness. The ending wasn't the greatest because he died, but she expressed to her teacher and the class that she could relate with some of the things that he felt. She doesn't like the sterotypes in today's society. She doesn't like the sense of people feeling pressured or feeling the need to conform with what everyone else is doing. And (having nothing to do with the book) she told the class she didn't like some of the college representatives that have come into her junior and senior high schools. In the 8th grade she had a college representative come in and ask her what her interests were. She told her she was more of an artsy person ... that she likes writing and music. She plays SEVERAL instruments and has both ability and a passion for her music. The college representative said 'That's great, I'm sure we've got some great classes that would really help you. First I'd suggest an extra math class and perhaps getting on the science fast track.' With an astonished look, my daughter asked, 'But what does that have to do with music?' The lady replied, 'Nothing, but math and science are where the future is.'

Obviously the college representative had very strong opinions on the matter (or perhaps those of her school). The sad thing was she didn't hear a single word my daughter said when she asked her what her interests were. It goes back to the original question. 'What's on your mind?' Never, never asked a question if you don't fully intend to listen to the answer. It doesn't mean that you have to agree, it just means that you should make the honest and sincere effort to truly listen to what is being said.

The unfortunate thing is that so many people, adults and children alike, have opinions, but for whatever reason give up sharing their opinions because somewhere along the way someone told them that their opinion didn't matter. That couldn't be further from the truth. Everyone has something to say and everyone should be heard. Of course there is always a time and a place for everything, there's the matter of being respectful towards others, and there's the concept that if you can't say anything nice perhaps you should keep your opinion to yourself. So the next time someone asks you what you think, think about your response first, think it through (ALL the way through) and if you think you can share it without hurting anyone, then share it.

So what is on your mind today?