Time For A New Normal

This week marks two years since our lives and how we lived them took a drastic turn due to Covid. For twenty-four months we've masked and unmasked, had the option to vaccinate or not, lost loved ones from either Covid or something else, or felt sheltered and isolated. We had to change how we lived our lives. We had to make some pretty tough choices.

For two years we've heard people say, 'I can't wait til things get back to normal'. For some scenarios that would be nice, but I think we've all changed a little during the last two years. Some have dug their heels in, some have isolated themselves even more than what was necessary. Some reached out and made more phone calls to family and friends. Many families have had more meals together.

Pre-Covid many people I knew were always busy, too busy for family, too busy for friends, too busy to stop and say hello, too busy for game nights and BBQs. As we're now adjusting to taking our masks off more and sitting next to people in church and restaurants and movie theatres, we need to take a minute and reflect. As we move forward now with baby steps it's a golden opportunity to decide what we want our lives to look like. Do we want to go back to the old NORMAL when we always found ourselves too busy and packing too much into our days? Do we want to make sure going forward we incorporate more ME time into our schedules? 

If I've learned nothing else during the last two years it's that it is very easy to get overwhelmed, overworked, and overstressed. I need to make sure I don't ignore the mental health signs and put myself right back on the treadmill of life that I so desperately wanted a break from. Now I will make sure I make time for reading the new library book, painting the new canvas, and listening to a new playlist. I'll continue to reach out to my kids and grandkids more often whether by texting or calling or driving out for the monthly outing filled with hugs and new memories.

What have you discovered about yourself over the last two years? 

Something new that calms and rejuvenates you? 

Something you didn't make enough time for before but will now?

Can you repeat that?

Are you more of a talker or a listener? Whichever makes you feel more comfortable is fine, as long as you're doing it for the right reasons. Some people are gifted listeners, they're able to serve as a sounding board for other people. Sometimes people are trying to work through something, whether it's a situation or a problem they're trying to solve or they're in a creative mode. Often they need to talk through the scenario to get their thoughts out and get them organized. They may not need you to give them the answer, they may already have it; but listening to them can help them through the process.

On the other hand some people prefer to do all the talking and don't really want to hear any other opinions, especially when they may differ from their own. These people are usually convinced that everyone else agrees with them and if they do enough of the talking and no one can actually answer they must be correct, right? Well, not always.

Are there times when you're not happy with a situation or an outcome? Do you wish things would have gone differently? The big question is, did you ever speak up and voice your opinion? The thing is that no one can speak for you with generic statements like, 'Nobody does that anymore,' 'Everyone prefers it this way.' Just because someone makes a statement like that doesn't make it true. 

If you disagree with someone or a situation you need to find your voice and then be brave enough to put it out there so it can be heard. If you don't you'll continue to be bothered by choices that others make on your behalf. Openly disagreeing with someone else can be hard, especially if you're someone who doesn't like conflict or needless drama.

Don't like a political candidate, then make sure you exercise your right to vote during a next election.

Don't like an idea someone is presenting, then step up and join a committee so you can be part of a solution or a compromise.

Dig deep and find your voice and then make it known. Who knows, maybe someone will listen and say, 'That sounded interesting, can you repeat that?

When is the last time you voiced your opinion and had a positive response?

It's A New Year

So here we are; a couple of weeks into a new year. Does 2022 seem any different to you so far compared to 2021? Not too much, huh? We made it through the Christmas and New Year's holidays. Hopefully you had a little down time, some family time, some time to recharge and re-evaluate, and some time spent just for you. 

New Year's is a good time for reflection. How did you fare in 2021? Did you accomplish some of things you set out to do? Did you do some planning for your future; perhaps some career goals, relationship goals, or health related goals? Realize that any goals you set for yourself are long-term. We're only 2 weeks into the new year, don't expect to have set the world on fire just yet. Allow yourself some grace (or maybe a lot). Goals are journeys and journeys are achieved one step at a time. Don't be in a rush. Don't think that just because we put a new, clean calendar on the fridge that we should have everything done or on its way. We have lots of time ahead of us. Take your goals and chop them up into smaller goals; less pressure and more achievable.

Maybe 2022 won't be the year you get the promotion you were hoping for, or win the lotto, or start the new business you've been dreaming about ... but that's okay. Maybe 2022 will be the year the Covid pandemic finally ends, maybe we'll quit using the term 'getting back to normal' (since many of us have forgotten exactly what that was), maybe we'll decide on a new normal that we like better - one that has a better life balance, maybe we'll plan the family reunion that kept getting postponed ... lots of maybes.

It's only January, perhaps our focus right now should just be about discovering our course and taking the first step - whatever that looks like for you.

I wish you a new year filled with less stress and anxieties, better sleep, some home cooked meals, and more time with family and friends (whether that be in-person or phone calls or texts). Find what works for you right now but make an effort to stay connected. One of the worst side effects of the pandemic that I've seen has been self-isolation. We want to be smart, we want to be careful, but we also can't get too comfortable being alone. It's human nature to need other people. When someone invites you to lunch, go! You can pick a time that is less crowded and still be smart and careful about it. We have to remember that we still need to live. We still need to nourish our souls with companionship and laughter. We can be serious and human at the same time. It's all about good choices and balance.

I say GO FOR IT! Make 2022 the year that you want or 'need' it to be.

Any plans you want to share? Might inspire the rest of us.

Remembering 2021

This is the time of year when we either recap our year or make resolutions (or some may say 'empty promises') for the upcoming one. For many, either task can be daunting. But looking back at the last 21 months in general has been an overall dud with Covid and the many changes it brought into our lives. If we look hard enough though amidst the chaos there will always be the pearls of goodness mixed in, those are the things we need to focus on.

I can certainly acknowledge the loneliness, sickness, lack of financial security, relationship strains, and uncertainties that came with Covid for many people. There's no denying the by-products brought on by the pandemic. But there has also been goodness. There's been in an increase in quality family time spent together, dinners and conversations together around the table, new found hobbies, clean closets, and probably an increase in the sales of sweats and yoga pants.

What did my 2021 look like? That's a tough one. I witnessed a lot of loss this year for myself and others. I lost a neighbor at my office (the one who brought me tomatoes and flowers from his garden), I lost a dear friend from my small group who always lifted our spirits, I lost a long time co-worker who was a friend and a fill-in father figure, I lost a brother-in-law who always let me sample the turkey first on Thanksgiving and sneak veggies onto his plate, my mother passed a few weeks ago, and most recently a family friend ... two of these were as a result of Covid. Neverless Covid did dictate to us how and when we were allowed to grieve.

Amidst the unexpected sadness that came each time, 2021 was also the year I completed three paintings and started a fourth, completed reading 14 books (a big accomplishment for me), had a healthy flower garden, welcomed a beautiful, healthy grandson into our family, and worked harder than ever to keep my head and my heart in a good place. 

It's been a year of changes and challenges for a lot of people. Will I make any resolutions for 2022; lose that dreaded 10#, travel more, start writing my book? Definitely not! I will, though, try to continue to build on the foundation I have been slowly building for myself; one that includes taking better care of myself, both physically and mentally. After that, who knows. Maybe 2022 will bring an end to Covid, a delayed family reunion, a little more writing, and better sleep. Whatever comes my way will be a blessing and I will embrace the opportunities for what they are.

How about you?

How would you summarize your 2021?

Do you make any resolutions and if so, what will you hope to accomplish in 2022?

How do you deal with life?

It's the beginning of November; I could be blogging about the easy topics like 'should they be playing Christmas music on the radio yet?' or 'is it too soon for Hallmark Christmas movies?'. But that would be too easy. Tomorrow we change our clocks back 1 hour for Daylight Savings Time. The stores are decorating for Christmas sales even though it's not Thanksgiving yet. For some of us our internal clock starts ticking away that we need to start our holiday lists, write out our Christmas cards, and begin planning our social get-togethers.

Somewhere in the midst of all that we also need to deal with our life today; the ups and downs, and dealing with the lingering questions we're seeking answers for. My question for you is 'how do you deal with life'? Do you talk to other people about what's on your mind or do you hold it all in because you don't want to bother anyone? I think I tend to hold things in (with a few exceptions). When you're in a group conversation I sometimes feel like I don't want to change the subject or interrupt. There's always a part of me that wishes someone else would break the ice for me with something like, 'What's new?' Those two simple words can be the door that opens or the easiest way to start a conversation. But know that if you express those two words you need to be prepared to stick around long enough to hear the answer. When you don't and they are just two words that flow as an automatic response, you're not doing anyone any favors. Trust me, it's easy to tell when someone means them versus when someone asks you but they're also already two steps away and have moved on to something or someone else. This is the time to not just talk the talk, but also to walk the walk. You know the old expression that 'actions speak louder than words', right?

Do you feel comfortable reaching out to people when you need a sounding board or just to vent? That can be a tough one. No one wants to appear vulnerable, but we also can't always figure things out on our own. Sometimes a fresh objective view is just what we need.

I'm no expert, but I know what it feels like to have heavy shoulders. It's important to lighten the load when possible. If you don't have that special person (a spouse, a child, a parent, a friend, or a therapist) that you can bounce ideas off of, then you need to find that go-to person - even if it means you have to take the first step. People can be pretty good listeners when they know they are needed, but they also are not mind-readers. Give yourself and them a chance. You may be surprised.

Who has been your biggest supporter and best sounding board?

Something else to keep in mind ... don't expect others to be there for you if you can't make the time to be there for them. Life is a two-way street.

Getting Back To What Makes You Happy

We all recognize the things that stress us out or make us feel uncomfortable or unhappy. But how many of us actually take the time to look at and discover the things that rejuvenate us, inspire us, or make us smile? We are often caught up in doing things for other people and being responsible that we tend to forget about ourselves. That would be me, for sure. By the time you get done dealing with a never-ending pandemic, all of its rules and guidelines that change daily, striving to keep everyone happy at work or home, doing grocery shopping and meal planning, taking care of your children (or your elders); that's when we have an epiphany and realize we're tired, overwhelmed, underwhelmed, or we're plain burned out. Not to worry, these feelings can be temporary.

I did the best I could to deal with my stress and new anxieties this past year, but some days it definitely felt like an uphill battle. I realize I am not the only person who has felt this way, but that doesn't stop you from feeling alone in that moment. Sometimes, my biggest hurdle has been looking for the beauty in the moment, then stopping to give myself permission to embrace it. Thank goodness my boss and his family got a new dog and have allowed me to spend time with him a few hours a week at the office. Can you say unconditional love? That golden retriever has been a true life saver.

I've always been a planner, scheduler, list-maker, and organizer. These traits alone could make anyone tired. Then I plan ahead and book a weekend retreat for a month later so I can be sure I have all my ducks in a row and everyone will be taken care while I'm gone. Only then do I give myself permission to try and focus solely on myself. It's a tough nut to crack, for sure.

Lately my approach has been to try to be spontaneous (ha). (I'm honest enough to not say "try to be more spontaneous" because that would mean I already know how to act in the spur of a moment. That's not my strong suit.) I have begun to realize that there are moments when a good opportunity presents itself and that's when you have to ask yourself, "Can I make this work? I need this." Make that needed effort and try. If it works out for you, that's awesome. If it doesn't, then at least you gave it a shot and will have a better idea of how to make it work the next time.

About a week and a half ago, my daughter mentioned an event she wanted to attend on Mackinac Island (our favorite place for mother-daughter trips). My first thought I am embarrassed to say was jealousy. Hey, I wanted to go, but immediately shot myself down that I couldn't do it. Heck - she hadn't even invited me, it was her idea. So I smiled and said, "That sounds like fun. We've never been there to see the autumn colors." To which she replied, "Do you want to go with me?" My heart fluttered a little and I started compiling the usual list of reasons why I couldn't. I thought about it for a couple of days and thought, "No, I want to do this and I should do this. This is exactly what I have been striving for - to appreciate the moments more." I worked it out and here we are! On this magnificent island, listening to the hooves of the horses and the horns of the ferry boats. Today we walked, we ate, we had some good conversation, we read a little, she went to her event this evening, and tomorrow we will venture home.

I've come to realize that feeling anxious isn't a sign of weakness. Discovering what makes you feel grounded and happy (even for a moment) is a sign of strength and awareness. These are my baby steps to feel more leveled and to take better care of my mind and body.

What steps have YOU taken? 

What have you discovered makes you happy?

Spread A Little Joy

Some days are hectic and you find yourself taking a much needed break with a little social media for a distraction; Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. Then there are days when you hit a lull in your schedule and you turn to social media to pass a few minutes while you're waiting for an appointment. Either way social media can drag you in. Maybe you just cruise the Internet to check the baseball scores or read the latest Covid numbers, it's entirely up to you. Social media though, like anything else in life, has it's pros and cons. There are YouTube videos that can explain anything from installing a light fixture, fixing a leaky kitchen faucet, to opening up a kid's stroller (don't judge me but I looked up this video when my oldest granddaughter was a baby and I was watching her - let's just say the strollers today are WAY different than when my kids were babies). There are also going to be letdowns with social media; bad stock reviews, disheartening headlines, and trolls that post unnecessary comments on just about anything. Suddenly people declare themselves both judge and jury on topics they know absolutely nothing about.

So how do we direct the social media we take in? By learning to make important choices for ourselves. We choose what we want to read or watch. People will always post negative items and simply justify it by saying, 'If you don't like it, don't read it.' True enough, that choice is on us. Sometimes those choices can be difficult though. You may not want to 'unfriend' someone right now because they may need you (or vice versa) someday, but you can choose not to comment and add fuel to their fire. 

Choose to follow the sites that make you healthy, happy, and want to see or hear more. If nothing else, it will help to create a balance for you with the pros and the cons.

I've come across a few Facebook groups that I chose to follow because when I contribute something it will be positive, the posts I read are mostly uplifting or give me productive ideas, and I've had the opportunity to meet people that inspire me. Choose sites that talk about things you like to do or always wanted to do, but lacked the motivation.

Here are a few Facebook groups I follow. They may not be your cup of tea, but there are surely ones out there that will work for you.

• Addicted To Mackinac Island (my absolute favorite place for vacation time)
• My Paint By Numbers Support Group (for those of us who have discovered the joy of adult paint by numbers ... great new hobby)
• Creative Gardening (people sharing pictures of their DIY home gardens; everything from color and plant suggestions to making accent pieces)
• 8:28 Photography (a young lady I had the pleasure of meeting a few years ago for some professional headshots directed her photography business into focusing on newborn and maternity photo sessions. HER WORK IS AMAZING!)

You can follow sites from your favorite author, musician, chef, travel group, or business; not to mention there are ones for horse lovers, cat lovers, dog lovers, etc.

When you have so many positive choices available at your fingertips, try not to dwell on the negative ones. It's just not worth the aggravation.

What are some of the sites you choose to follow that help you center yourself, relax, or feel inspired?