Getting Back To What Makes You Happy

We all recognize the things that stress us out or make us feel uncomfortable or unhappy. But how many of us actually take the time to look at and discover the things that rejuvenate us, inspire us, or make us smile? We are often caught up in doing things for other people and being responsible that we tend to forget about ourselves. That would be me, for sure. By the time you get done dealing with a never-ending pandemic, all of its rules and guidelines that change daily, striving to keep everyone happy at work or home, doing grocery shopping and meal planning, taking care of your children (or your elders); that's when we have an epiphany and realize we're tired, overwhelmed, underwhelmed, or we're plain burned out. Not to worry, these feelings can be temporary.

I did the best I could to deal with my stress and new anxieties this past year, but some days it definitely felt like an uphill battle. I realize I am not the only person who has felt this way, but that doesn't stop you from feeling alone in that moment. Sometimes, my biggest hurdle has been looking for the beauty in the moment, then stopping to give myself permission to embrace it. Thank goodness my boss and his family got a new dog and have allowed me to spend time with him a few hours a week at the office. Can you say unconditional love? That golden retriever has been a true life saver.

I've always been a planner, scheduler, list-maker, and organizer. These traits alone could make anyone tired. Then I plan ahead and book a weekend retreat for a month later so I can be sure I have all my ducks in a row and everyone will be taken care while I'm gone. Only then do I give myself permission to try and focus solely on myself. It's a tough nut to crack, for sure.

Lately my approach has been to try to be spontaneous (ha). (I'm honest enough to not say "try to be more spontaneous" because that would mean I already know how to act in the spur of a moment. That's not my strong suit.) I have begun to realize that there are moments when a good opportunity presents itself and that's when you have to ask yourself, "Can I make this work? I need this." Make that needed effort and try. If it works out for you, that's awesome. If it doesn't, then at least you gave it a shot and will have a better idea of how to make it work the next time.

About a week and a half ago, my daughter mentioned an event she wanted to attend on Mackinac Island (our favorite place for mother-daughter trips). My first thought I am embarrassed to say was jealousy. Hey, I wanted to go, but immediately shot myself down that I couldn't do it. Heck - she hadn't even invited me, it was her idea. So I smiled and said, "That sounds like fun. We've never been there to see the autumn colors." To which she replied, "Do you want to go with me?" My heart fluttered a little and I started compiling the usual list of reasons why I couldn't. I thought about it for a couple of days and thought, "No, I want to do this and I should do this. This is exactly what I have been striving for - to appreciate the moments more." I worked it out and here we are! On this magnificent island, listening to the hooves of the horses and the horns of the ferry boats. Today we walked, we ate, we had some good conversation, we read a little, she went to her event this evening, and tomorrow we will venture home.

I've come to realize that feeling anxious isn't a sign of weakness. Discovering what makes you feel grounded and happy (even for a moment) is a sign of strength and awareness. These are my baby steps to feel more leveled and to take better care of my mind and body.

What steps have YOU taken? 

What have you discovered makes you happy?

It's A New Day

Remember the Bill Murray movie called 'Groundhog's Day'? He played a reporter who woke up every day to the same day ... the day that just kept repeating itself. For many of us, that's what it feels like lately. We've been staying home and staying safe now for more than 4 weeks. The routine is becoming very familiar; as is the daily dinner menu, the layout of the furniture, and the clothing we are wearing. About the only thing that is changing is the length and color of our hair (since the hair salons are all closed).

There have been moments when I've been glued to my social media to make sure my friends and family are doing well. Sadly there have also been moments when I am saddened and disgusted with the things people post (people I know and people I don't know). I get it. People are anxious. They are feeling antsy. In a world where we are blessed to make so many of our own decisions and choose our opportunities, many people feel 'stuck' suddenly being told what to do, where to go, what to buy and not buy, what's considered essential, that they cannot work, etc. I think, for the most part, people understand the severity of the Covid-19 situation and understand that flattening the curve is really about the only recourse we have right now. It's important that we each do our part to the best of our ability. But criticizing each other, critiquing people you'll never meet in person, and judging others doesn't help anyone's situation. Hiding behind your computer screen and typing in all CAPS and emojis, behind your locked doors doesn't make you smarter than the other guy ... it only makes you a bigger online bully (in my opinion).

Let's all take a much-needed step back and take a deep breath. Many people are now lucky enough to be working from home, but maybe they are stressing out about the self-discipline that takes (not to  mention if their spouse is now working from home too). Then there are people who are not working, but are having a very difficult time working through the government's computer systems to file for unemployment, etc. Maybe through no fault of their own they're getting rejected in the systems and trying to navigate the unwanted and unasked for scenarios. Then there's the fears and anxieties that the pandemic itself throws at us. We are all human and all deal with stresses and anxieties (and for many ... depression) differently. But let's remember to not add any unnecessary fuel to the fires. 

We WILL get through all of this and hopefully come out stronger in the end, both mentally and physically. But we need each other to lean on. We'll all have our stronger moments and our weaker ones, so let's be thankful for the support systems we have. Remember to reach out and send that extra text or email, or better yet make a phone call. Check in on each other. Not everyone has the same support system you do.

Yesterday may have been rough, but today? It's a new day and we can pray that it will be a better one.

How are you doing?

How are you coping?

Creating A Distraction For Yourself

It's hard to know what to write about when the world seems off kilter right now. Daily press briefings from the Covid-19 Task Force, press briefings from the state governor, schools closing down for the remainder of the current school year, how do people apply for temporary unemployment, etc. Questions ... everyone has questions. How long will people be working from home (assuming you're able to)? How do you get a Covid-19 test if you think you are symptomatic? Will the grocery store have what you need when you venture out of your home to go?

A lot of these questions don't have answers right now. So what do you do to keep your mind (and your body) busy while you are 'staying home to stay safe'?

I've been seeing A LOT of social media ideas ...

• post a picture of a landscape without you in it
• post a picture of a beach
• post a picture of your dog
• post a photo of you and your oldest child to see if you look alike
• play the 'I spy camera roll' game
• post the 8th photo from your phone gallery

The list is endless, with new ones popping up every day. Once we get past all of this (and we will!), we'll know more about each other than we ever thought possible. When we get past all of this (and we will!), let's post a photo of our clean cupboards or the new hat we're wearing to cover up our long overdue haircuts, lol. Things are serious enough, so I am purposely trying to keep it lighter here.

If you're looking for a hands-on project, try checking out Rainbows Over Michigan on Facebook and look through all the colorful and creative projects people have done with their kids. They ARE amazing! Decorate your window, your front door, or even your sidewalk!

What helps you relax and keep your mind busy these days? 

Hobbies? 

Taking a walk? 

Cleaning up the yard?

A Game of Highs & Lows

Last week I went to church for Palm Sunday and in the context of the sermon the childhood game of 'sharing your high and low for the week' was mentioned. It may have started out as a kid's game and progressed into a traditional ice breaker game for adult meetings and small groups, but it's also a great way for us to keep our perspective (at any age). At the end of every day or even just once at the end of a busy week stop and ask yourself what your 'high' and 'low' point of the week was. We may have weeks when everything seems like a 'high'; as well as there are times when we feel like our lives have hit rock bottom. It's important to find a balance. There's always a high of some sort; a child's laughter, a blue sky, or your favorite athletic team winning a game. Find a high and use it as a foundation. Consider it a seed, acknowledge it and watch it grow and bloom. Embrace your highs when you have them, but at the same time learn from your lows.

 

I was lucky to have had plenty of highs this week ... my health is good, I have a roof over my head, plenty of food to eat, a family that loves me, faithful friends, and I went to an impressive concert last night. My lows? I really need to learn how to deal with my stresses; computers that don't work, dealing with minor inconveniences (because that's all they are), handling my nerves, and trying to find more hours in a week. I admit it and I know I'm a work in progress, but I AM working on it.

 

What's been your high and low so far for the week?

Challenges: How Can We Help and Should We?

In my last post, I talked about the different forms of challenges; the ones we take on ourselves vs. the ones that are dumped on us. Dealing with any kind of challenge can be stressful, whether it’s a good challenge or a bad one. Some people prefer to wear their superhero cape and put the weight of the world on their shoulders, without getting any help from anyone; others not so much. Some people tend to think that any kind of a challenge or change they’re dealing with is theirs and theirs alone. Often they withdraw away from friends, family or any support that is available. We can’t force people to let us help them.

For the times when people are willing to let us in what can we do to help? How can we help them lessen their anxieties? I don't think anyone enjoys seeing other people suffer. I am certainly not an expert or a doctor; I’m merely someone who is observant. What works for some won’t always work for others. These are simply my observations.

1 – Lending support and positive encouragement is a good thing, but don’t constantly put the person on a pedestal. They’re human and they will occasionally fall (we all do) – building them up so high could result in an unsuspecting fall.

2 – Give people the space they need to process whatever it is they’re dealing with. Don’t try to solve their situation or overcome the challenge for them. For it to work they need to accomplish that themselves.

3 - Be a good listener – follow their cue and hope that when they’re ready to talk they’ll let you listen. Sometimes people can answer their own questions in time. Often they just need to talk it through out loud.

4 – It’s o.k. if it’s not you that can help them through whatever they’re dealing with. Don’t be afraid to suggest someone else you think may connect better and be able to give them what they need.

5 – Know when to walk away. If someone is dealing with a challenge that doesn’t involve you and you cannot help them, it’s o.k. to back off. Hopefully when the time is right and you can help, they will let you.

What has your experience been? When have you been able to help someone through a challenge they were facing? Or if the shoe were on the other foot, how did someone help you?