When You Know More Than You Ever Wanted

There are times in our lives when we strive to know more. We want to be smarter. We want to be more organized. We want to be able to compete with our peers. We want to be our best and do our best. Anything worth being a goal is going to take work; hard work. That work may be mental, physical, or spiritual. We'll need to put ourselves out there. We may need to do a ton of research and learn, and we'll need to learn how to apply our newly gained knowledge.

 

But sometimes we're put in situations that we don't want to be in. We're dealt a new hand of cards that, to be honest, leaves us feeling vulnerable and completely out of our comfort zone. We aren't sure how to act, how to move forward, what to think, and what not to think. We simply don't want to be in the situation we are now forced to be in.

 

Maybe you find yourself going through a divorce. Years ago when you said, 'I do', you thought it was forever. Now you're running a household by yourself, raising a family, going back into the workforce, and trying to sleep at night amidst all your new worries.

 

Maybe you've just lost a loved one. Perhaps you knew it was coming, but maybe you didn't. Maybe when you kissed them goodbye that morning you didn't think it would be the last time. Now you're trying to plan a funeral and figure out not only how you're going to attempt to reorganize your life, but how you're going to wake up each morning to a bed that's now half empty.

 

Maybe you've just been diagnosed with a disease. You had your life going pretty good. You had plans. You had goals and ideas. Now all your plans have changed. Instead you're feeling sick, you're going through treatments, and you're taking time off away from your job, your schedule, and things you wanted to do with your family.

 

Maybe you're caring for an aging parent. Hopefully you've been fortunate enough to have a good relationship with them before all of this happened, so now you're working together as a team to make things better or least as comfortable as possible for them. But maybe you haven't been that lucky. Maybe you've had a strained relationship for years and now you're in a position to try to help this person, but they don't want your help.

 

Most people, if they're being honest, have dealt with ups and downs in their life. No one's life is perfect. We'll try to live responsibly, productively, and hopefully humbly. We'll focus on our own lives, our families, and our responsibilities; but we'll also try to get through the less than perfect times. We'll be afraid, we'll often feel uncertain, and we'll definitely feel frazzled ... a lot. We'll search for the strength we need from God and our families. We'll learn what we need to learn and when. We'll have many sleepless nights and perhaps a few more grey hairs. But in the end we'll get through it and discover that we know more than we ever wanted.

 

Someone recently gave me a book to read. On the back cover it says, 'You'll get through this, whatever "this" is.' I'm going to hold on to that.

Challenges: How Can We Help and Should We?

In my last post, I talked about the different forms of challenges; the ones we take on ourselves vs. the ones that are dumped on us. Dealing with any kind of challenge can be stressful, whether it’s a good challenge or a bad one. Some people prefer to wear their superhero cape and put the weight of the world on their shoulders, without getting any help from anyone; others not so much. Some people tend to think that any kind of a challenge or change they’re dealing with is theirs and theirs alone. Often they withdraw away from friends, family or any support that is available. We can’t force people to let us help them.

For the times when people are willing to let us in what can we do to help? How can we help them lessen their anxieties? I don't think anyone enjoys seeing other people suffer. I am certainly not an expert or a doctor; I’m merely someone who is observant. What works for some won’t always work for others. These are simply my observations.

1 – Lending support and positive encouragement is a good thing, but don’t constantly put the person on a pedestal. They’re human and they will occasionally fall (we all do) – building them up so high could result in an unsuspecting fall.

2 – Give people the space they need to process whatever it is they’re dealing with. Don’t try to solve their situation or overcome the challenge for them. For it to work they need to accomplish that themselves.

3 - Be a good listener – follow their cue and hope that when they’re ready to talk they’ll let you listen. Sometimes people can answer their own questions in time. Often they just need to talk it through out loud.

4 – It’s o.k. if it’s not you that can help them through whatever they’re dealing with. Don’t be afraid to suggest someone else you think may connect better and be able to give them what they need.

5 – Know when to walk away. If someone is dealing with a challenge that doesn’t involve you and you cannot help them, it’s o.k. to back off. Hopefully when the time is right and you can help, they will let you.

What has your experience been? When have you been able to help someone through a challenge they were facing? Or if the shoe were on the other foot, how did someone help you?