Where Did You Find Your Happiness in 2022?

It's that time of year when many set goals for themselves, define their vision for the new year, or even make their proverbial resolution. Is that what you do? I used to, til I decided I was putting way too much pressure on myself and basically setting myself up for failure. Our mindset going into a new year should be a positive one, not one filled with unneeded stress.

So what will my approach be this year? Great question. I think I will begin by simply reflecting. What positive (and negative) things were in my life during the last 12 months? What things kept me up at night with worry or what things did I find myself looking forward to for the next day? I dealt with the death of a parent, my routines as a caregiver changed, my goals changed, and some of my priorities. I will always be about lists, and adding more to my plate, raising money for causes that mean something to me, and trying to create a better life balance. Like every other year some things I succeeded at and some times I failed miserably. But with every failure is the reminder that I put myself out there and I tried. With every failure also comes knowledge and growth.

For today I will reflect on what things made me happy during 2022. I had meaningful conversations with both of my adult children, I hugged and played with my grandchildren, I took walks and held hands with my husband, not to mention our cheap date nights when we got a carryout and ate McDonalds in a parking lot and just enjoyed each other's company and talked about our day. I found time to work in my flower gardens, paint my pictures (adult PBN, I think I'm addicted), and read a lot of books from the library. Sure there will always be things I wish I had done differently, like not dwell so much on the past and what could have been or let people get under my skin over things that I just found irritating.

Going into 2023 I will continue to strive for a healthier life balance. We are true empty nesters now after 30+ years and that takes getting used to. What we always did in the past for holidays is now just that; the past. Going forward it's about finding what works in any given year. I need to learn not to have things so set in stone in my mind, but rather be more open and accepting to the ways things are now. Traditions can be difficult sometimes; maybe it's about developing new ones but still keeping a few of the old.

Where do you stand today as you reflect on 2022?

What were some of your highs and lows?

Where do you see yourself heading in 2023?

Why is it so hard to be still?

Have you noticed all the noise currently in the world? It's Election Day here for us which means our last days and weeks have been filled with a lot of hatred and arguing; it's everywhere. It should be a sign of democracy working, but instead it's become about who can spread more negativity. It's in the yard signs, the television ads, the billboards, the Internet, the news, the memes, and social media. Whatever happened to people respecting each other's differences? That seems to be a concept that has been lost amidst the chanting of 'I'm right, you're wrong'.

Somehow I think I have gotten way off track. What I wanted to write about today was discovering why it is so hard to be still. When we're still, we can appreciate the quiet; we can hear our inner thoughts better, we can let ourselves just be and get physically and mentally recharged. But some of us, myself included, have a very difficult time being still. We feel like we always need to be doing something; that if we allow ourselves to be still we are acting as though we've finished everything and have completed all of our responsibilities. It's like in order to be still, we have to give ourselves permission to be lazy. In actuality, being still is a good thing.

I took some time off this week to assist someone who needed a hand for a few days. I thought I could help by doing some of the routine things for them that they shouldn't do. The balance of the time we find ourselves sitting on the couch feeling like we should be doing something. We've watched some British Baking, some Pixar short clips, caught up on last week's episode of Survivor ... we even went so far as to start rewatching the very first episode of Survivor from over 20 years ago. We've tried to distract ourselves with things so we won't do anything physical, therefore encouraging rest and healing. We may be letting our bodies rest, but our brains are putting in overtime. We both did an absentee ballot for today so we wouldn't wouldn't miss out on that responsibility, but life still goes on outside the four walls of where we are.

This morning I awoke to total quiet, and not wanting to disturb anyone else I just sat still and listened for over an hour. There was the banging noise of the garbage truck emptying the dumpster in the parking lot at 6:00 a.m. and the automatic cat feeder dispensing at 7:00 a.m. But I did have time to think and reflect on some things; the healing for the person I am staying with, the many people we've lost this past year (relatives and friends), and the process and effects connected to our election today. Being still can be as simple as trying to look past everything that is being thrown at us and allowing ourselves the freedom to choose what we want to focus on for the day. Yes, it can be hard to be still, but so worth it if you can actually achieve it.

How are you at being still? Are you good at it or do you fight it, tooth and nail?

What's the last self-discovery you made when you were still?

Taking A Break

Often we can feel overwhelmed and tired. Sometimes we feel there just aren't enough hours in the day. We all have responsibilities; can't think of anyone I know who doesn't. We make lists and we prioritize because we know we'll never get it ALL done in a day and sure enough we'll forget to do something. So we rewrite the list the next morning and start fresh. It's an inevitable cycle; one that is hard to avoid. But there are times when either our mind or our body says, 'Hey, that's enough. I need a break.' That's when we need to stop and listen. Our mind and body are strong enough to get us through each day, but they're also wise enough to tell us when we need to slow down and recharge.

It's difficult to just flip a switch and say 'I'm off til Wednesday'. How many times have you been on vacation and it's literally day two or three before you start to relax and enjoy the moment? The first few days are about packing, unpacking, making plans, getting to your destination, etc. Day three rolls around and you sleep in a little and start to feel relaxed. Hopefully your vacation is at least 5 days so you can enjoy it.

I realized the other day that it's been two months since I blogged. Shame on me, but I don't blog to fill a quota. Sure, I set goals for myself but in the end I blog when the feeling is right and I can be present in the words. The last two months have been filled with work, gardening, weeding, watering the garden, cleaning up the garden, etc. You get the picture. Writing, like anything else, has its seasonal moments. When we have more daylight in the summer months I don't hang out in the house much unless it's raining or a grey day. Now it's nearing the end of September and I have the itch to clean out the gardens and put the mums and pumpkin decor out. October will fly by and then we'll be decorating for Christmas and trying to get the outside lights up before it snows. Time just moves by too fast these days. Someone just informed me that Christmas is three months from this Sunday! Please don't shoot the messenger.

This week though I am taking a break. I'm cutting myself some slack and giving myself grace. Do I already have next week's To Do list set? Mostly, lol, but at least I'll feel better equipped to handle it. I'm going to take a few days and recharge (mentally and physically). 

When's the last time you gave yourself permission to take a break?

Were you successful in feeling recharged and motivated?

What does your happy place look like?

Everyone needs a happy place. A place where you can find peace and relaxation. A place that brings back fond memories or makes you smile. A place that lowers your blood pressure. For some people their happy place might be an exotic destination that they travel to, their cozy home that makes them feels safe, or heading to their cottage up north. A happy place doesn't even have to be a 'place', it could be more about the scenery or activity.

For some it might be reading a good book by the pool, drinking their morning coffee on the deck while the birds sing, or weeding in their garden where they visibly see the results of their efforts. It could be taking a walk in the evening or listening to your favorite throwback music and dancing around in your living room. For me that would be anything disco! Don't judge.

For some taking a drive with no particular destination in mind could be relaxing and adventurous. How about going to a theatre to watch a movie that takes you to another place and through someone else's story?

Yes, everyone needs a happy place. More importantly, everyone deserves a happy place.

For me, I love going to Mackinac Island. As soon as I have locked my car and set foot on the ferry and the island is in my sights I begin to feel at ease. When I arrive at the dock it's all about the sights, and smells, and the feeling that I get. For a couple of days I will walk and walk and walk. There will be no stop signs or flashing stop lights. There will be no cars with honking horns. There will be lots of people watching and horse watching and dog watching. There will be strolls on the waterfront and looking for interesting rocks. There will be a picnic lunch on the lawn at the park staring out at the marina. There will be breathtaking sunsets and taps played at 10:00 p.m. from the fort on the hill. And I will wake up in the mornings with the window open and the sounds of horse's hooves clip-clopping on the street.

What does your happy place look like? 

Are you being still or doing something?

How does it make you feel?

Is it summer yet?

Technically summer doesn't begin until June 21st, but how do you gauge the seasons changing for you? Does it feel like summer because yesterday was Memorial Day and near 90 degrees? Is it because the kids are getting anxious for school to be ending soon? Do you have your pool prepped for the warm weather? Are your flowers planted? Did you get your first taste of a sunburn this past weekend trying to do it all?

My kids are no longer in school, but I did play outdoors and take a sunny walk with my grandchildren. I did outdoor work and got some sun on just one side of my body (I guess I was facing the shrubs longer than I thought with the sun settling on my shoulders). I watered my flowers, read a bit on my patio, listened to an outdoor band, and took a slow walk on a board walk by the water in St. Clair, MI.

Suddenly the month of May has gone by in a blur and tomorrow will be the start to the month of June. In my mind the summer consists of three short months (June, July, and August). Why is it though that back in the winter it seemed like it would take forever for summer to arrive? Now that it's here it will fly by just as fast as spring did. Is there a way to slow down the clock? Oh, there are some days when I wish that were possible.

What are your plans for the summer? Sadly if we don't make the plans now it'll be September in the blink of an eye and once again we will miss out on all those wonderful summer events and outings we thought we would participate in. Make the time! Take the walk outside after dinner. Read on your patio instead of on the couch. Take the trip you've been thinking about. Visit the parks, the lakes, the train depots, the gardens that inspire you, and your family. You can't get the time back once it's passed you by so make the most of it now.

I know it's hard. There are always schedules, work responsibilities, and To Do lists; but the truth of the matter is that those things will never go away. There will never be the perfect time. There won't always be a next year. Just listen to news. As difficult as it sometimes is, try harder to live in and appreciate the present. I know this is hard for me, but I'm realizing that it's time to appreciate and value the present even more.

Is it spring or not?

I feel like we've had several seasons of weather over the past week. We had two days on the weekend that were near 80 degrees. We had blue skies and sunshine. I'm back to wearing socks today as it is currently 45 degrees. We are at the end of April and we're ready for a little consistency here. The flower bulbs are up and standing tall; the daffodils and the crocuses. The buds are popping out on the flowering trees. People are out taking walks and just this afternoon our resident Canadian Goose in the parking lot at my office hatched four eggs. Many of the signs of spring are here, but just not all on the same day.

I don't know about you, but not only am ready for some warmer temperatures in the 60s and 70s but I am also mentally ready for some positive signs that the seasons are moving forward and not just teasing us with their brief presence.

Spring brings a sense of rebirth, rejuvenation, motivation, inspiration, and sometimes freedom. The freedom to venture outside and take a walk and talk to your neighbors again. The cold and drab weather of the winter tends to keep us harbored up inside our warm and cozy homes. It's time to get back out there and reconnect; with nature and with people.

How does spring inspire or motivate you? 

Do you like to ride your bike on the trails at the park? 

Do you like to work in your garden? 

Do you enjoy drawing chalk masterpieces on the driveway with your grandkids?

Spring will finally show us all its glory and then suddenly it will be summer. I'm not in a hurry, but I certainly wouldn't mind more than two consecutive days of warmth and sunshine. Not wearing socks or a jacket can do wonders for our mental health.

What's your wish?

I had a birthday this week. With that celebration came the annual ritual or option of blowing out a candle and making a wish. I thought about it for a moment and figured, why not? Suddenly the candle is being set into the frosting and the lighter is getting prepped. Instantly all kinds of thoughts swirled through my head. Is this wish supposed to be for something serious; good health, financial security, an end to pending wars and Covid? Or should it be more lighthearted and for something fun? Should I wish for good things for those around me for things they've been working towards OR should I allow myself to be selfish and think solely of me? 

I know; you're probably thinking 'it's your birthday, of course it should be about you'.

Does this wish have to compare to a New Year's resolution? Probably not, because resolutions require goals and agendas and motivation and usually A LOT of hard work.

A wish should be more of a gift, perhaps a gift you simply give to yourself. Maybe you'll get what you wish for and maybe not, but nothing ventured nothing lost. Maybe it's simply about giving yourself permission to think outside of the box, to step out of your comfort zone, and to simply GO FOR IT ... whatever IT is for you.

In that split second that seemed to drag into ten in slow motion, I decided to wish for something different. Nothing tangible or measurable; but something more like courage. I wished to tap into my inner creativity and challenge myself to try something new. Something I had thought about and envisioned doing, but then my head would overthink each step. I wished for the courage to just let myself try. If I fail that's okay, at least I tried. But if I don't try how will I ever know whether or not I was capable of doing it?

What is IT for me? What was my wish about? I'm not sure I'm quite ready to share that part. I will give it a try and then share my results; good or bad.

What will you be wishing for when it's your turn?

Time For A New Normal

This week marks two years since our lives and how we lived them took a drastic turn due to Covid. For twenty-four months we've masked and unmasked, had the option to vaccinate or not, lost loved ones from either Covid or something else, or felt sheltered and isolated. We had to change how we lived our lives. We had to make some pretty tough choices.

For two years we've heard people say, 'I can't wait til things get back to normal'. For some scenarios that would be nice, but I think we've all changed a little during the last two years. Some have dug their heels in, some have isolated themselves even more than what was necessary. Some reached out and made more phone calls to family and friends. Many families have had more meals together.

Pre-Covid many people I knew were always busy, too busy for family, too busy for friends, too busy to stop and say hello, too busy for game nights and BBQs. As we're now adjusting to taking our masks off more and sitting next to people in church and restaurants and movie theatres, we need to take a minute and reflect. As we move forward now with baby steps it's a golden opportunity to decide what we want our lives to look like. Do we want to go back to the old NORMAL when we always found ourselves too busy and packing too much into our days? Do we want to make sure going forward we incorporate more ME time into our schedules? 

If I've learned nothing else during the last two years it's that it is very easy to get overwhelmed, overworked, and overstressed. I need to make sure I don't ignore the mental health signs and put myself right back on the treadmill of life that I so desperately wanted a break from. Now I will make sure I make time for reading the new library book, painting the new canvas, and listening to a new playlist. I'll continue to reach out to my kids and grandkids more often whether by texting or calling or driving out for the monthly outing filled with hugs and new memories.

What have you discovered about yourself over the last two years? 

Something new that calms and rejuvenates you? 

Something you didn't make enough time for before but will now?

Can you repeat that?

Are you more of a talker or a listener? Whichever makes you feel more comfortable is fine, as long as you're doing it for the right reasons. Some people are gifted listeners, they're able to serve as a sounding board for other people. Sometimes people are trying to work through something, whether it's a situation or a problem they're trying to solve or they're in a creative mode. Often they need to talk through the scenario to get their thoughts out and get them organized. They may not need you to give them the answer, they may already have it; but listening to them can help them through the process.

On the other hand some people prefer to do all the talking and don't really want to hear any other opinions, especially when they may differ from their own. These people are usually convinced that everyone else agrees with them and if they do enough of the talking and no one can actually answer they must be correct, right? Well, not always.

Are there times when you're not happy with a situation or an outcome? Do you wish things would have gone differently? The big question is, did you ever speak up and voice your opinion? The thing is that no one can speak for you with generic statements like, 'Nobody does that anymore,' 'Everyone prefers it this way.' Just because someone makes a statement like that doesn't make it true. 

If you disagree with someone or a situation you need to find your voice and then be brave enough to put it out there so it can be heard. If you don't you'll continue to be bothered by choices that others make on your behalf. Openly disagreeing with someone else can be hard, especially if you're someone who doesn't like conflict or needless drama.

Don't like a political candidate, then make sure you exercise your right to vote during a next election.

Don't like an idea someone is presenting, then step up and join a committee so you can be part of a solution or a compromise.

Dig deep and find your voice and then make it known. Who knows, maybe someone will listen and say, 'That sounded interesting, can you repeat that?

When is the last time you voiced your opinion and had a positive response?

It's A New Year

So here we are; a couple of weeks into a new year. Does 2022 seem any different to you so far compared to 2021? Not too much, huh? We made it through the Christmas and New Year's holidays. Hopefully you had a little down time, some family time, some time to recharge and re-evaluate, and some time spent just for you. 

New Year's is a good time for reflection. How did you fare in 2021? Did you accomplish some of things you set out to do? Did you do some planning for your future; perhaps some career goals, relationship goals, or health related goals? Realize that any goals you set for yourself are long-term. We're only 2 weeks into the new year, don't expect to have set the world on fire just yet. Allow yourself some grace (or maybe a lot). Goals are journeys and journeys are achieved one step at a time. Don't be in a rush. Don't think that just because we put a new, clean calendar on the fridge that we should have everything done or on its way. We have lots of time ahead of us. Take your goals and chop them up into smaller goals; less pressure and more achievable.

Maybe 2022 won't be the year you get the promotion you were hoping for, or win the lotto, or start the new business you've been dreaming about ... but that's okay. Maybe 2022 will be the year the Covid pandemic finally ends, maybe we'll quit using the term 'getting back to normal' (since many of us have forgotten exactly what that was), maybe we'll decide on a new normal that we like better - one that has a better life balance, maybe we'll plan the family reunion that kept getting postponed ... lots of maybes.

It's only January, perhaps our focus right now should just be about discovering our course and taking the first step - whatever that looks like for you.

I wish you a new year filled with less stress and anxieties, better sleep, some home cooked meals, and more time with family and friends (whether that be in-person or phone calls or texts). Find what works for you right now but make an effort to stay connected. One of the worst side effects of the pandemic that I've seen has been self-isolation. We want to be smart, we want to be careful, but we also can't get too comfortable being alone. It's human nature to need other people. When someone invites you to lunch, go! You can pick a time that is less crowded and still be smart and careful about it. We have to remember that we still need to live. We still need to nourish our souls with companionship and laughter. We can be serious and human at the same time. It's all about good choices and balance.

I say GO FOR IT! Make 2022 the year that you want or 'need' it to be.

Any plans you want to share? Might inspire the rest of us.