Finding Just The Right Words

Lately I know a lot of people who are going through 'STUFF'; that's right ... I used capital letters, the stuff is that big and daunting. When you see people (family, friends, co-workers) dealing with the big stuff: divorces, health issues, finances, career choices, responsibilities of all kinds ... it gets overwhelming. Our shoulders were never meant to carry the weight of the world on them (just ask my massage therapist); I know that sounds dramatic, but some days it can feel that way.

When we see people we care about distressed from worry, lack of sleep, and lack of appetite, we in turn worry and empathize with them. We want to fix it or at least make them feel a little better and a little less alone. Sometimes we're too close to people or a situation and we don't know the right words to give them the comfort they need. Or maybe we've said the words before and feel somewhat redundant in saying them again. We don't want what we say to become cliche' or no longer genuine.

Perhaps at times it can be easier to share hope or strength with a stranger. You don't know them but can see and sense that they are overwhelmed or sad. When you don't know them or their situation there are no expectations, no judgment from you or from them. Sometimes a kind gesture or word from a stranger can give you hope and encouragement, because you receive it as just that ... a no strings attached, non-judgmental act of kindness. You feel noticed and not invisible.

We're not always able to fix things the way we'd like for other people. We can't always erase their pain. But there are still things we can do. We can put our phones down when taking a walk. We can take the time to start a conversation with the person we're standing next to in line. We can compliment someone for the color of their blouse or the pattern of their Vera Bradley purse, lol. Just something to remind the other person that you noticed them. Sometimes the casual conversation with the hairdresser or cashier or waiter can feel liberating because it is natural. For that moment we are living 100% in the present. We aren't thinking about the To Do list, the bills that need to get paid, the laundry that is piling up, or whether or not we'll hear back from the job recruiter. Often that spontaneous interaction with a stranger gives us permission for that moment to be present and hit the 'off' switch temporarily for everything else.

Next time you don't think you can find the right words to share with someone, just be in the moment. Look around you; take notice of the weather or the dog that just walked by or the music that was playing in the fast car that drove by with the windows down. Start a conversation based on what is around you and find a way to include the other person; 'What kind of dog is that?' 'Man I wished just once I could drive a car like that ...' 

You being present for someone else (a stranger or someone you know) can give them the reprieve they may need. Think about it and see what difference you can make for someone else. You might be surprised to see that you get something positive out of the moment too.

What Do You Daydream About?

There is a journal type of book called, "300 More Writing Prompts". My son and daughter-in-law gave me a copy of one larger book, then my daughter gave me this second one. The books are full of ideas, questions, and prompts to get a writer's mind going. A question will be presented followed by plenty of room to journal and jot down creative thoughts and answers (or at least that is the goal, lol). It's a nice tool to get my thoughts brewing.

I recently started scanning through the pages and came across this little nugget to ponder over ... 

'When you close your eyes, 
what do you daydream about?' 

I had to stop and think about this one for a while because, truth be told, my mind is usually on overload. I always have enough going on in my brain; responsibilities, calendars, schedules, stresses, and worries. Sadly, I don't often give myself permission to daydream. But this time I did. What did my daydream look like? Well, I felt an amazing sense of peace. I could hear the soft rumble of the waves on a shore or my wind chimes were gently singing in my backyard. A window was open and a gentle clean breeze was coming into the room. I think I was barefoot, lol. My shoulders felt light, my neck wasn't stiff, my head didn't hurt, and things felt slow ... just sort of relaxed. My mind was clear; I wasn't thinking about anything in particular or planning anything. Hmmm, either that was one heck of a daydream or I had died and gone to heaven. The only thing missing was a puppy or a horse. 

Life can be busy enough all by itself; agendas being dished out to us, deadlines getting moved up, adding a page 2 to our To Do lists, bills coming in the mail that need to be paid, people that need our care, lawns that need to be cut ... you name it. We can easily get so busy or even overwhelmed that we feel we don't have any time leftover to actually go places or do things, but we shouldn't be too busy to at least daydream. Going to that fun, quiet, or energetic place in our mind that makes us smile on the inside costs nothing and doesn't even need to be added to the schedule. Daydreams are free, flexible, and can be just the invigoration we need to get ourselves over the next hurdle or around the next bend in the road.

I'm still feeling the relaxing effects my wind chimes and bare feet had on me when I thought about them.

When you close your eyes, what do you daydream about?

It's Easy To Get Paranoid

There are those days when we can only manage to keep up with what is going on in our own lives. Sometimes there just isn't room for anything else. On days like that, please don't ask me to 'remind' you to do something the following week. I'll be doing good to get to bed that night. Lol, there was a night just last week when my day had been long and my mind was already on overload, that when I got up in the morning I realized I had never managed to put my pajamas on. Lucky for me the shorts and t-shirt I was wearing were apparently REALLY comfortable.

Yes, sometimes there is only enough room in our heads (and our hearts) to focus on what we are presently going through. Our brains can't process much else. On days like these it can be easy to get a little paranoid, probably because we are too tired and too overwhelmed to see past our own two feet. We aren't always able to look at the entire scene around us or even fully hear (or comprehend) the words that are being spoken to us. 

Someone may ask you something and you find yourself thinking, 'Why are they asking me that? It's none of their business.' Other times you may have so much on your mind that you think it's about to overflow. Someone you know walks by and doesn't say anything to you and you think to yourself, 'Why aren't they asking me how I am doing? Don't they care? Or do I really give off the image that I have it all together?' 

The truth of the matter is that we are all human. It's easy and natural for us to be consumed with what WE are going through. But guess what? Other people are going through things too. They, too, are consumed with their own lives. I don't think it's that we don't care enough about each other or what we are going through, but rather we are all just as busy as the next person. We can't let ourselves feel alone or disregarded. We can't expect people to know when we want to talk and when we want to be left alone. We can't expect people to read our minds. We need to be our own advocate. If we need some space then it's okay to ask someone, 'I'm sorry I'm exhausted and am really not up to conversation right now, can we try again another time?' If we can't hold our thoughts in any more and really need to talk to someone, then we need to initiate the conversation. It's okay to call, text, or email a friend and say, 'Do you have some time that we could talk? I'd really love the opportunity to get some things off my chest and maybe bounce some ideas around with you.'

None of us should be expected to handle everything on our own. The burdens can become way to heavy if we insist on shouldering them alone. Don't allow yourself to become paranoid or agitated or feeling lonely. Remember that the world does not revolve solely around us, there are other people out there too. When you need someone reach out or reach up. You never have to be alone.

Choose To Be Positive

This morning I listened to a podcast that talked about when we feel that life is unfair. For some people that could be just about any day of the week. Others seem to have the golden life without ever experiencing complications or little bumps in the road ... or at least that's how we choose to perceive them to be. The thing is; you never REALLY know what is going on in someone else's life until you walk in their shoes for a day. They may have us all fooled into thinking they have no stresses and everything is going their way, when in reality they may be having to make some really serious decisions and life isn't quite as cozy and perfect as they would have us all think.

You see, everyone gets dealt an unfair hand once in a while. No one's life is perfect. No one gets a pass. The difference is in how we handle what we are dealt. Do we wallow in it and let the situation or circumstance dictate to us how we will let it affect us? Or do we choose to overcome it? Don't get me wrong, some of life's curve balls can't be taken back and we don't always have the power to change them. Someone will get a cancer diagnosis that is not treatable. Someone will be stuck in an abusive relationship where someone takes charge and leaves the other person feeling vulnerable and helpless. Someone will lose their job leaving them wondering how they will keep a roof over their head or food on their table. Some situations will require us to be humble and ask for help. Some situations will require us to do some heavy soul-searching and digging deep for inner strength.

Sometimes we have things happen that we feel are unfair, but all we can do is accept them and try our best to deal with them. We get to choose whether our proverbial glass is half empty or half full. Our attitude is sometimes the only thing we will have control over. When someone wants to remind you of the possible half empty version, tell them 'No thanks!'.

Whatever you are dealing with right now, know that there WILL be people in your corner ready to support you and lend you a hand or a shoulder to cry on when you need a release. There will also be people who you thought were there for you, but really aren't. And that's okay. It's sad and unfortunate, but ultimately it's okay. We can't tell other people what to feel and we can't always expect them to know what we need if we don't tell them. There may be times when we point blank tell them and they still won't understand; that we cannot change.

I hope that today and every day when you are facing an unfortunate circumstance or a question that needs answered, I hope that you can dig deep and choose to face it with a positiveness that comes from having faith. The faith of knowing that you don't have to go through anything alone. The faith of knowing that there are people who care about you, and the faith that in the end everything will be okay.

When you are faced with a sinking feeling and a weighed down heart, choose to be positive. It won't fix everything, but it will remind you that you are stronger and more resilient than you think. And that is no small thing ... it is pretty darn MIGHTY.

What are you currently go through and what can we do to lighten your load a bit?

Treasure The Memories

Lately I've been or know people who have been to a lot of funerals; for family members, fellow church members, and friends. Funerals can be tough. While for some we can see them as someone finally being at peace and no longer physically suffering, they can also catch us by surprise and leave us wondering why someone had to be taken from us so young and with so much life left to live.

We attend funerals and want to be there emotionally for our family and friends, but don't always know what to say. To a grieving person, they may not want to hear, 'They're in a better place now', because truth be told they would rather that their loved one was still here with them. I was at a funeral not too long ago when the wife of the deceased said, 'He looks good. It's the best he's looked in weeks.' I think it gave her a small sense of comfort to have her husband looking peaceful. It gave her a positive image and a good memory to hold on to. It truly doesn't matter what you say, it's just important that you are there for those who need it.

Bad memories can be haunting for some people and difficult to let go of. The weight they carry with them can be overwhelming, even many years later. Good memories though should be treasured. Sometimes amidst the sad and bitter memories, a positive nugget can be found. When you are able to find that one, you should hold tight to it and carry it with you.

When I was younger (around 11 or 12), my parents were fighting and going through an ugly divorce. In the midst of that I had a best friend named Julia. I would spend as much time as I could with her and her family. To me, her family was like something out of a story book. Her mother was a school teacher and her father was a school principal. What I remember most was them having fun as a family; laughing, having dinner together, and making time in the summer to go to their cottage on a lake. The summer they invited me to go with them for a week was like a little slice of heaven to me; like going to summer camp. I laughed at the breakfast table with them, went on daily hikes and scavenger hunts along the railroad tracks with my best friend, and learned how to water ski on the lake. It was the longest and shortest week of my life; it was like I had traveled to another place (a happy place) and didn't want it to end.

Funny that today as I am preparing for another funeral at my church next week, I thought about Julia and her family. I was reminded about the good times and memories we created. Julia and I lost touch when I moved and went to a new school, but I never forgot about her friendship or the amazing gift I felt her family gave me that week. When you are child caught up in the stress and complexities of a family divorce situation, a peaceful week away with a friend and their family can give you hope. Hope for a brighter tomorrow, hope for a different scenario for your own future. Funny thing is, I don't know that Julia or her parents ever really knew what an impact that one week had on my life.

Hold on to those special memories; especially when they resurface and remind you of the goodness that people can share. Those memories are such a gift. We never know when we are impacting someone else's life in a positive way. Anything and everything we do can affect someone else; if not today then maybe years from now. Open your heart and share the goodness. You are more of a blessing to those around you than you may ever realize.

What's a special memory that you hold close to your heart?

When We Ignore The Signs

Some things in life are predictable; that most times we will buy a losing lottery ticket, at some point our fast food drive thru order will be incorrect, you'll undoubtedly get stuck some time in traffic behind a school bus or a cement truck, and yes ... you'll forget that the sun shines just as brightly on a 60 degree day as it does on an 85 degree day.

That last part about the strength of the sun would be for me. I spent my long Memorial Day holiday doing yard work; planting flowers, planting shrubs, getting our yard ready for summer. By the time Memorial Day came around I was exhausted. I woke up Monday morning determined to NOT do anything that involved physical labor. I opted to treat myself to sitting out on my patio listening to my wind chimes, watching the birds frolic in the birdbath, reading a new book, and just sitting there feeling the warmth of the sun on my face. The last month has had a lot of rain and grey skies; it's been gloomy to say the least. I think I truly forgot what an afternoon in the sunshine felt like. The temperature was only in the mid 60s, but the sun felt warm and the clear sky looked like hope ... hope that the gloomy rain might be behind us and hope that there was a promise of an approaching summer.

So how was my afternoon? It was grand. It was relaxing. It was quiet. I finished my book (something I don't often have the opportunity to do). It was everything I hoped it would be and more. Sadly, a few hours later I realized I had totally ignored the signs; the ones that should have been obvious to me. I'm still Irish and fair skinned, with more than my share of freckles. The sun on a clear 65 degree day was going to be just as powerful as a full out summer sun. Today my arms and legs are as red as a lobster. It will fade, but will I have learned my lesson? Gosh, I hope so.

Things happen when we ignore the signs. When a speed limit sign says 55 mph, it's more than a suggestion. When we go 70 mph in a 55 mph zone, we are asking for trouble. When we eat a food that we know will bother our stomach or we are allergic to, we are ignoring the signs and asking for something to go wrong. And yes, when the sky is clear and the sun is bright, we are asking for discomfort if we don't properly prepare ourselves. Obviously I needed to apply more sun screen than I did. Obviously I needed to pace myself more than I did. I really needed to pay attention to the signs. My only excuse was that 'the book was REALLY good', lol.

I will be uncomfortable for a few more days, but hopefully I will pay better attention the next time.

When is the last time you ignored a sign? 

What was it? 

Did you learn from your mistake?

You're Worth 39 Cents

Do you ever feel guilty for spending money on yourself? Do you ever contemplate whether or not a purchase is necessary or even too extravagant? Or do you never think about it and just say to yourself, 'I'm worth it!' Everyone is undoubtedly different in this respect.

As a general rule I never buy anything for myself that isn't at least on sale. Maybe I held on to the habit from when I was a mother of young children. I would always save what I didn't spend on myself so I could spend it on them. There was always the hockey equipment that needed to be replaced, or the new dance shoes and costumes ... which later became braces ... which later became musical instruments ... which later became college tuition. Don't get me wrong, I always wanted to put my family first; that's what I chose when I decided to become a parent.

Even after these expenses were no longer on the table, good or bad - the habits remain ingrained in my brain. Occasionally I will splurge on a manicure, but most often I paint my nails myself. I pay to get my hair cut professionally (because I stink at it lol), but I choose to do the color myself (at least for as long as I am able to, plus I like the color). I can afford these things, but some habits die hard I suppose.

Last week I went for a massage. I do this once a month, but at first I had a really hard time convincing myself to do it. At least until my husband reminded me that I needed to look at it a different way. As a 13 year breast cancer survivor I still deal with some long term effects of lymphedema in my right arm. It will never get any better, but it can be maintained to some degree by keeping the lymph fluid flowing (that's where the massage comes in). The physical therapy office where I go for it runs a special 4x a year; buy one massage and get the second one at 40% off. The receptionist asked me how many specials I wanted, to which I replied, 'Just one'. I know I will use them and I could afford to buy more, but I can't bring myself to justify purchasing more at one time for them to sit idly in the drawer waiting to be used. Silly, I know, especially since I WILL use them. The funny part was that when I told this to the receptionist she laughed and said, 'I know exactly what you mean. I went to a KFC once for the $5.00 box special because I wanted a pot pie with a drink and a cookie. I asked to get a lemonade. The cashier said it would be a 39 cent upgrade.' I said, 'Did you get it?' She replied, 'Yes, but sadly I contemplated for at least 10 seconds whether I should, but then decided I WAS WORTH IT.'

The moral of this little story? You ARE worth it! You are worth the 39 cents and a whole lot more. 

I am still a work in progress and probably always will be, but I'm beginning to learn that it's okay to splurge on me once in a while. 

What is something you choose to go without?

What is something you allow yourself to splurge on?

What helps you make the choice?