Finding Just The Right Words

Lately I know a lot of people who are going through 'STUFF'; that's right ... I used capital letters, the stuff is that big and daunting. When you see people (family, friends, co-workers) dealing with the big stuff: divorces, health issues, finances, career choices, responsibilities of all kinds ... it gets overwhelming. Our shoulders were never meant to carry the weight of the world on them (just ask my massage therapist); I know that sounds dramatic, but some days it can feel that way.

When we see people we care about distressed from worry, lack of sleep, and lack of appetite, we in turn worry and empathize with them. We want to fix it or at least make them feel a little better and a little less alone. Sometimes we're too close to people or a situation and we don't know the right words to give them the comfort they need. Or maybe we've said the words before and feel somewhat redundant in saying them again. We don't want what we say to become cliche' or no longer genuine.

Perhaps at times it can be easier to share hope or strength with a stranger. You don't know them but can see and sense that they are overwhelmed or sad. When you don't know them or their situation there are no expectations, no judgment from you or from them. Sometimes a kind gesture or word from a stranger can give you hope and encouragement, because you receive it as just that ... a no strings attached, non-judgmental act of kindness. You feel noticed and not invisible.

We're not always able to fix things the way we'd like for other people. We can't always erase their pain. But there are still things we can do. We can put our phones down when taking a walk. We can take the time to start a conversation with the person we're standing next to in line. We can compliment someone for the color of their blouse or the pattern of their Vera Bradley purse, lol. Just something to remind the other person that you noticed them. Sometimes the casual conversation with the hairdresser or cashier or waiter can feel liberating because it is natural. For that moment we are living 100% in the present. We aren't thinking about the To Do list, the bills that need to get paid, the laundry that is piling up, or whether or not we'll hear back from the job recruiter. Often that spontaneous interaction with a stranger gives us permission for that moment to be present and hit the 'off' switch temporarily for everything else.

Next time you don't think you can find the right words to share with someone, just be in the moment. Look around you; take notice of the weather or the dog that just walked by or the music that was playing in the fast car that drove by with the windows down. Start a conversation based on what is around you and find a way to include the other person; 'What kind of dog is that?' 'Man I wished just once I could drive a car like that ...' 

You being present for someone else (a stranger or someone you know) can give them the reprieve they may need. Think about it and see what difference you can make for someone else. You might be surprised to see that you get something positive out of the moment too.