Who gets to define 'older'?

I'm probably showing my age a little bit, but I remember being in elementary school and thinking that all of my teachers were old. In reality they weren't, but they dressed older and very conservatively. So not having any real concept of time and age I thought they were all in their 60s and that seemed ancient. Wow, how times have changed. Styles have changed and people have more choices now in their hair color and clothing styles, not to mention people are living longer and doing more. Nowadays if you are smart you will never try to guess someone's age.

When my kids were in school the teachers all got younger. For that fact, so did the policemen, the firefighters, and the doctors. Maybe it's partly a new reality and partly perception. People seem more active now than when I was younger.

What do they say? 80 is the new 60, and 60 is the new 40? I can't tell you how often I hear people say their age may be one number but in their mind they're still 20 years younger. When I was young the only activities I saw my parents partake in was playing cards. I never saw them do anything active or break a sweat. My mother did play the piano, but always with grace and dignity.

I recently just turned 60, but don't feel like it. My friends say they would never guess that was my age if I didn't tell them - but maybe they're just being nice.

A friend told me a funny story the other day that she was somewhere trying to get some records and a stranger made a comment to her that birth certificates are only online going back a certain amount of time. He said he'd been around a LONG time and knew this for a fact. She asked when he was born and he replied, '1981'. OMG! Seriously? That's the year I graduated from high school. I have news for him, records go back a bit longer than that, lol. He was defining 'older' in a whole new way.

So WHO exactly gets to define 'older'? And who gets to categorize people and label them and what makes them feel qualified to do that? I certainly wouldn't want that responsibility. I'd like to keep my friends, thank you very much.

Do you feel age is just a number? 

Do you let your age define you by someone else's definition?

How do you measure time?

There are many ways to measure time? Maybe you have a techy calendar on your phone or a paper one on your refrigerator. These will certainly help you keep track of birthdays, vacation days, and upcoming appointments. But what about remembering the seasons of your life? Remembering when you experienced the highs and lows?

People experience different levels and stages in their lives. Maybe you're at the place where you measure your life by everything that happened before and after retirement. Before you had a family to raise or when you started re-experiencing life with an empty nest.

Our parents and grandparents may refer to how life was before or after a war. 

A patient may define their journey as before or after their medical diagnosis. 

A young adult may label their accomplishments as before or after their college graduation.

Whatever category you find yourself in it's interesting to understand the perspective you bring to the table. What situations or life events altered your journey?

Almost anyone these days could measure family gatherings or vacations as before Covid complicated life or now when people have resumed many of their activities.

How do you measure your life; what you've accomplished or what your current goals are? 

What stage do you find yourself in?

Show The Real You

You've probably heard the phrases, "Put your best foot forward" and "You only get one chance to make a first impression". They sound simple enough, but are they? They sound like a whole lot of pressure to me. Most people want to do their best and act their best and look their best. Those are things we strive for, but not necessarily how we are on a daily basis or even at a moment's notice.

We fail and try again and again until we get where we want to be. It's important that we let people see both sides of us; the times when we struggle and the times when we achieve. Blend the two sides of ourselves together and we hopefully get a better and balanced (real) version to share. That's the person we want others to see; the relatable and approachable version, the version that is honest.

Sure we all want others to like us, to approve of the things we say and do, and to admire our efforts. But if we're play-acting and putting on a façade we aren't being honest with them or ourselves. Good or bad, weak or strong it's important to just keep it real.

Do you feel comfortable or vulnerable exposing the real you?

It can be daunting at times, but weighs a lot less on your shoulders than putting yourself on a pedestal. There's another saying, "The higher your pedestal the further you have to fall." That doesn't sound fun. My suggestion? Be real, be honest and just be yourself. That's the person you want others to see and admire.

Do you feel you're sharing the real you? What's been your biggest hurdle?

Where Did You Find Your Happiness in 2022?

It's that time of year when many set goals for themselves, define their vision for the new year, or even make their proverbial resolution. Is that what you do? I used to, til I decided I was putting way too much pressure on myself and basically setting myself up for failure. Our mindset going into a new year should be a positive one, not one filled with unneeded stress.

So what will my approach be this year? Great question. I think I will begin by simply reflecting. What positive (and negative) things were in my life during the last 12 months? What things kept me up at night with worry or what things did I find myself looking forward to for the next day? I dealt with the death of a parent, my routines as a caregiver changed, my goals changed, and some of my priorities. I will always be about lists, and adding more to my plate, raising money for causes that mean something to me, and trying to create a better life balance. Like every other year some things I succeeded at and some times I failed miserably. But with every failure is the reminder that I put myself out there and I tried. With every failure also comes knowledge and growth.

For today I will reflect on what things made me happy during 2022. I had meaningful conversations with both of my adult children, I hugged and played with my grandchildren, I took walks and held hands with my husband, not to mention our cheap date nights when we got a carryout and ate McDonalds in a parking lot and just enjoyed each other's company and talked about our day. I found time to work in my flower gardens, paint my pictures (adult PBN, I think I'm addicted), and read a lot of books from the library. Sure there will always be things I wish I had done differently, like not dwell so much on the past and what could have been or let people get under my skin over things that I just found irritating.

Going into 2023 I will continue to strive for a healthier life balance. We are true empty nesters now after 30+ years and that takes getting used to. What we always did in the past for holidays is now just that; the past. Going forward it's about finding what works in any given year. I need to learn not to have things so set in stone in my mind, but rather be more open and accepting to the ways things are now. Traditions can be difficult sometimes; maybe it's about developing new ones but still keeping a few of the old.

Where do you stand today as you reflect on 2022?

What were some of your highs and lows?

Where do you see yourself heading in 2023?

Why is it so hard to be still?

Have you noticed all the noise currently in the world? It's Election Day here for us which means our last days and weeks have been filled with a lot of hatred and arguing; it's everywhere. It should be a sign of democracy working, but instead it's become about who can spread more negativity. It's in the yard signs, the television ads, the billboards, the Internet, the news, the memes, and social media. Whatever happened to people respecting each other's differences? That seems to be a concept that has been lost amidst the chanting of 'I'm right, you're wrong'.

Somehow I think I have gotten way off track. What I wanted to write about today was discovering why it is so hard to be still. When we're still, we can appreciate the quiet; we can hear our inner thoughts better, we can let ourselves just be and get physically and mentally recharged. But some of us, myself included, have a very difficult time being still. We feel like we always need to be doing something; that if we allow ourselves to be still we are acting as though we've finished everything and have completed all of our responsibilities. It's like in order to be still, we have to give ourselves permission to be lazy. In actuality, being still is a good thing.

I took some time off this week to assist someone who needed a hand for a few days. I thought I could help by doing some of the routine things for them that they shouldn't do. The balance of the time we find ourselves sitting on the couch feeling like we should be doing something. We've watched some British Baking, some Pixar short clips, caught up on last week's episode of Survivor ... we even went so far as to start rewatching the very first episode of Survivor from over 20 years ago. We've tried to distract ourselves with things so we won't do anything physical, therefore encouraging rest and healing. We may be letting our bodies rest, but our brains are putting in overtime. We both did an absentee ballot for today so we wouldn't wouldn't miss out on that responsibility, but life still goes on outside the four walls of where we are.

This morning I awoke to total quiet, and not wanting to disturb anyone else I just sat still and listened for over an hour. There was the banging noise of the garbage truck emptying the dumpster in the parking lot at 6:00 a.m. and the automatic cat feeder dispensing at 7:00 a.m. But I did have time to think and reflect on some things; the healing for the person I am staying with, the many people we've lost this past year (relatives and friends), and the process and effects connected to our election today. Being still can be as simple as trying to look past everything that is being thrown at us and allowing ourselves the freedom to choose what we want to focus on for the day. Yes, it can be hard to be still, but so worth it if you can actually achieve it.

How are you at being still? Are you good at it or do you fight it, tooth and nail?

What's the last self-discovery you made when you were still?

Taking A Break

Often we can feel overwhelmed and tired. Sometimes we feel there just aren't enough hours in the day. We all have responsibilities; can't think of anyone I know who doesn't. We make lists and we prioritize because we know we'll never get it ALL done in a day and sure enough we'll forget to do something. So we rewrite the list the next morning and start fresh. It's an inevitable cycle; one that is hard to avoid. But there are times when either our mind or our body says, 'Hey, that's enough. I need a break.' That's when we need to stop and listen. Our mind and body are strong enough to get us through each day, but they're also wise enough to tell us when we need to slow down and recharge.

It's difficult to just flip a switch and say 'I'm off til Wednesday'. How many times have you been on vacation and it's literally day two or three before you start to relax and enjoy the moment? The first few days are about packing, unpacking, making plans, getting to your destination, etc. Day three rolls around and you sleep in a little and start to feel relaxed. Hopefully your vacation is at least 5 days so you can enjoy it.

I realized the other day that it's been two months since I blogged. Shame on me, but I don't blog to fill a quota. Sure, I set goals for myself but in the end I blog when the feeling is right and I can be present in the words. The last two months have been filled with work, gardening, weeding, watering the garden, cleaning up the garden, etc. You get the picture. Writing, like anything else, has its seasonal moments. When we have more daylight in the summer months I don't hang out in the house much unless it's raining or a grey day. Now it's nearing the end of September and I have the itch to clean out the gardens and put the mums and pumpkin decor out. October will fly by and then we'll be decorating for Christmas and trying to get the outside lights up before it snows. Time just moves by too fast these days. Someone just informed me that Christmas is three months from this Sunday! Please don't shoot the messenger.

This week though I am taking a break. I'm cutting myself some slack and giving myself grace. Do I already have next week's To Do list set? Mostly, lol, but at least I'll feel better equipped to handle it. I'm going to take a few days and recharge (mentally and physically). 

When's the last time you gave yourself permission to take a break?

Were you successful in feeling recharged and motivated?

What does your happy place look like?

Everyone needs a happy place. A place where you can find peace and relaxation. A place that brings back fond memories or makes you smile. A place that lowers your blood pressure. For some people their happy place might be an exotic destination that they travel to, their cozy home that makes them feels safe, or heading to their cottage up north. A happy place doesn't even have to be a 'place', it could be more about the scenery or activity.

For some it might be reading a good book by the pool, drinking their morning coffee on the deck while the birds sing, or weeding in their garden where they visibly see the results of their efforts. It could be taking a walk in the evening or listening to your favorite throwback music and dancing around in your living room. For me that would be anything disco! Don't judge.

For some taking a drive with no particular destination in mind could be relaxing and adventurous. How about going to a theatre to watch a movie that takes you to another place and through someone else's story?

Yes, everyone needs a happy place. More importantly, everyone deserves a happy place.

For me, I love going to Mackinac Island. As soon as I have locked my car and set foot on the ferry and the island is in my sights I begin to feel at ease. When I arrive at the dock it's all about the sights, and smells, and the feeling that I get. For a couple of days I will walk and walk and walk. There will be no stop signs or flashing stop lights. There will be no cars with honking horns. There will be lots of people watching and horse watching and dog watching. There will be strolls on the waterfront and looking for interesting rocks. There will be a picnic lunch on the lawn at the park staring out at the marina. There will be breathtaking sunsets and taps played at 10:00 p.m. from the fort on the hill. And I will wake up in the mornings with the window open and the sounds of horse's hooves clip-clopping on the street.

What does your happy place look like? 

Are you being still or doing something?

How does it make you feel?