The Value of Structure

Some people are free spirits; they are able to live their lives one day at a time and one moment at a time. They prefer it that way. There are days I wish I could be more like that, but I don't think that it's in my DNA.

 

There is something to be said for structure; schedules and lists (as long as you don't get too consumed with them). Being able to remain flexible though, when necessary, is key. For me, meeting deadlines is crucial. I'm too hard on myself when I miss them, because I worry that I've left someone else waiting. I understand the value of time, both mine and theirs. I don't like it when I have to wait on someone else, so I try to keep it mutual. Working with a schedule keeps me accountable. I am expected to work 40 hours a week at my job and I always meet that requirement. At the same time I am thankful I work with a wonderful group of people that can be supportive when something comes up that requires me (or any of us) to be flexible.

 

I know this may sound a little old school, but I firmly believe that there is value is respect, in honesty, and in expectations. Our children are taught at an early age that their homework has deadlines and it's important to meet them. We teach them as teenagers when they get their first part time job that it's important to arrive at work on time and give their responsibilities all of their attention. It's considerate when you're sent an invitation to send the RSVP back on time. We all have deadlines and should respect each others.

 

This past week someone in my immediate family broke their hip, had extensive surgery, was hospitalized for over a week, and just transferred to a rehab facility. They have a long road ahead of them to hopefully get back to where they were, but their life just changed in some very dramatic ways. While in the hospital they received a lot of one-on-one attention, they were catered too, and taken care of in every way. Literally everything was done for them. That all changes this week. They will now face a new environment packed full of structure. They will be gotten out of bed. They will be worked with at physical and occupational therapy (every day). They will be required to sit in a chair for designated amounts of time each day. They will eat their meals at scheduled times. All of this won't be done to be controlling or rigid, but rather to provide the structure they need to heal and get stronger. Yes, there will be tiring days ahead (for her and others), but there is value in structure.

 

How do you deal with structure? Do you find yourself establishing the structure and trying to run the tight ship, whether at home or at work? Or do you have a free spirit and just 'go with the flow'? Which do you prefer and why?

Don't Jump On The Band Wagon

The news over the last week has had sadness, madness, and mixed emotions for many. The recent massacre in a Charleston church left many feeling bitter, afraid, and anxious; not to mention confused. Confused about how they should try to practice what is preached, forgive what seems unforgivable, and find the ability to return to their house of worship and hold tightly to their faith.

In the midst of a chaotic moment such as that there was the news of the Supreme Court ruling for same-sex marriages. The media, including Facebook, was riddled with rainbow-infused photos to show support for the ruling;  as well as bitter statements made for both sides. I read what I thought were well-thought out comments and I read ignorant ones (on BOTH sides).

How I feel about the topic is basically nobody's business but my own. If asked I will share my opinion (one-on-one), but I will never purposely try to persuade you or force my opinions down your throat. I believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I do NOT believe that it gives people the right to be disrespectful. How some people can cry about others mistreating them and being disrespectful when they readily bash anyone who doesn't agree with them is beyond me. Tearing others down in order to build them self up does nothing; at least nothing productive.

Everyone can find a source to quote, a study, or even a scripture verse to back up their way of logic if they look hard enough. Why? Because every written word is left open to interpretation. Trust me ... I was assigned to the 'negative' side on my high school debate team. I found it difficult to be persuasive of things I didn't personally believe in. I would never make a good defense attorney (no offense), I just don't have it in me to defend something my heart and beliefs aren't into just because someone tells me to.

So what is my point? Only to be careful with your words and your actions. Don't be too quick to jump on the proverbial band wagon because it's easy and it has momentum. It takes much more courage and character to hold strong to your own beliefs. Don't be misled and don't be part of the problem; that's too easy.

When Do You Give In To Paranoia?

I've noticed that no one is completely immune to feeling paranoid. People may like to pretend they have thick skin and they can handle just about anything, but what do you do when you begin allowing the negative thoughts to creep in?

Have you ever experienced 'knowing' things that people didn't realize you knew and 'heard' things said about you when they didn't realize you were around to hear them? In cases like these paranoia (to some extent) may be justified; but unless you're willing to do something about it - either file it in the 'useless baggage' file (that's when you have to consider the source), let it go, or learn to deal with it you won't be healthy and won't be able to move forward.

I've found that sometimes confronting people doesn't accomplish anything other than creating more tension. You need to ask yourself whether or not it's worth it. If someone (friend or foe) was speaking negatively about you before will putting them on the spot change anything? Probably not. If they thought so little of your feelings before, more than likely confronting them will only give them more to talk about. There's a saying about not being able to 'change a leopard's spots' or 'adding more fuel to the fire'.

Personally, I'm trying to work on the 'learn to deal with it' approach, because truth be told I've never been too good at the 'let it go' theory. When I feel the negative thoughts trying to stronghold my mind I TRY to be proactive (TRY being the key word). In the summer I will work in my garden, I will take a long walk, or I will make a trip to my 'therapy place of choice' - the library. I blog, I think, I listen to soothing music, and I try to talk the negative thoughts right out of my head. IF people are treating you unfairly, for whatever reason, they don't deserve for you to be worried and stressed. It only creates a nasty 'win win' scenario for them.

What do you do to not give in to the paranoia?

Thanks for Listening (Again)

Sometimes I try to think of something new and fresh to share with you. Sometimes I'm inspired and often I like to go back into my archives and see what I may have shared before. Many of you have been devoted readers for quite some time and I'm happy to say many of you are new to my blog. Below is an entry I wrote back in October 2009 when the idea of blogging was VERY new to me. Sometimes 'new' isn't always better, sometimes it's just new. I thought this entry was worth sharing again.

Thanks for Listening

‘Turn your ear to listen to me …

Be my rock of protection, a fortress where I will be safe.’

~ Psalm 31:2

Autumn is officially here. The trees are slowly displaying their brilliant shades of oranges, reds and yellows; and yes … I think it may be nearing the time to turn our furnaces on (if you haven’t already). Autumn is a good example of the changing seasons, but it can also be a reminder for us of how our lives (like the weather) also change throughout the year.

It used to be that there were lots of people who were older than me and who knew so much more than I did. Nowadays, it seems like there are so many more people younger than I am. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like I have near as much wisdom as my elders seemed to have had when I was 10, 20, 30 or even 40. There is a small group of people that I do go to for advice – my husband, my sister, a co-worker, and a few select friends who will always remind me that they are merely ‘a phone call away’. In my current season (or this stage in my life) I often find myself just wanting to say what’s on my mind. I’ll convince myself that I’ve thought the situation through and the possible solutions. I’ll even convince myself that I have all the answers and don’t need anyone’s advice. The results, however, never seem to be what I thought they would. I find that what I really needed was the opportunity to talk with someone else … or better yet ‘VENT’. I’ve learned that most people will be willing to listen to your problems or concerns for a while, but eventually when your problems become repetitive they’ll unintentionally tune you out. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve known people in my life who when I saw them coming I would try to avoid them or discourage their conversations, because I either felt uncomfortable listening or just didn’t have the time or desire to listen to their newest variation of their woes. They are good reminders to me about keeping my own attitude and conversations positive.

But while it may be important to try and keep a positive outlook, it can also be just as important to have that safe opportunity to talk to someone you trust and be able to vent (without the fear of being judged over how you might be feeling). Venting, however, should NEVER be used as a ploy to try to persuade your ‘listener’ to go along with your argument or way of thinking. There should always be mutual respect. My favorite listeners are my husband and a few special friends. If God gave out gold stars for good deeds, these people would have plenty.

I came across a health website this week where a woman’s blog was being featured. She was a fibromyalgia patient who talked about the need to be able to vent when she wasn't feeling well. She needed to be able to openly admit that she hurt and was in constant pain, without someone telling her that she was complaining.

I don’t think anyone would disagree that this past year has been a rough one for many people. We all know someone (if not ourselves) who has had to deal with something big this year. For some it’s been their health, losing or trying to hold on to their job, personal family struggles, finances, or yes … even their faith.

Each of us needs to be able to vent when we need it. More importantly we all need to have someone who is willing to listen; someone who won’t judge us, try to tell us what is right or wrong, how we should be feeling, how we should act or what we should say. A good listener won’t give you preachy advice. They won’t say ‘I know how you feel’. Mostly they will just listen, really listen. They will ask you just enough questions to get you to open up about what’s really on your mind, and then they’ll let you do all the talking. In return, when they really need to talk, we can try to do a good job in the reversed role and be just as good and patient at listening, always remembering the mutual respect.

My advice to you … find a few good listeners with whom you can feel safe to let things out. Have a private conversation. Then, return the favor. I certainly don’t mean to sound like Pollyanna, but if I've learned one thing as I've gotten older it’s how to be a better listener. When you really stop to think about it, isn't that what every human being wants … to be listened to and affirmed?

Thanks for listening.

‘Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others.’
~ Proverbs 12:15