Getting Back To What Makes You Happy

We all recognize the things that stress us out or make us feel uncomfortable or unhappy. But how many of us actually take the time to look at and discover the things that rejuvenate us, inspire us, or make us smile? We are often caught up in doing things for other people and being responsible that we tend to forget about ourselves. That would be me, for sure. By the time you get done dealing with a never-ending pandemic, all of its rules and guidelines that change daily, striving to keep everyone happy at work or home, doing grocery shopping and meal planning, taking care of your children (or your elders); that's when we have an epiphany and realize we're tired, overwhelmed, underwhelmed, or we're plain burned out. Not to worry, these feelings can be temporary.

I did the best I could to deal with my stress and new anxieties this past year, but some days it definitely felt like an uphill battle. I realize I am not the only person who has felt this way, but that doesn't stop you from feeling alone in that moment. Sometimes, my biggest hurdle has been looking for the beauty in the moment, then stopping to give myself permission to embrace it. Thank goodness my boss and his family got a new dog and have allowed me to spend time with him a few hours a week at the office. Can you say unconditional love? That golden retriever has been a true life saver.

I've always been a planner, scheduler, list-maker, and organizer. These traits alone could make anyone tired. Then I plan ahead and book a weekend retreat for a month later so I can be sure I have all my ducks in a row and everyone will be taken care while I'm gone. Only then do I give myself permission to try and focus solely on myself. It's a tough nut to crack, for sure.

Lately my approach has been to try to be spontaneous (ha). (I'm honest enough to not say "try to be more spontaneous" because that would mean I already know how to act in the spur of a moment. That's not my strong suit.) I have begun to realize that there are moments when a good opportunity presents itself and that's when you have to ask yourself, "Can I make this work? I need this." Make that needed effort and try. If it works out for you, that's awesome. If it doesn't, then at least you gave it a shot and will have a better idea of how to make it work the next time.

About a week and a half ago, my daughter mentioned an event she wanted to attend on Mackinac Island (our favorite place for mother-daughter trips). My first thought I am embarrassed to say was jealousy. Hey, I wanted to go, but immediately shot myself down that I couldn't do it. Heck - she hadn't even invited me, it was her idea. So I smiled and said, "That sounds like fun. We've never been there to see the autumn colors." To which she replied, "Do you want to go with me?" My heart fluttered a little and I started compiling the usual list of reasons why I couldn't. I thought about it for a couple of days and thought, "No, I want to do this and I should do this. This is exactly what I have been striving for - to appreciate the moments more." I worked it out and here we are! On this magnificent island, listening to the hooves of the horses and the horns of the ferry boats. Today we walked, we ate, we had some good conversation, we read a little, she went to her event this evening, and tomorrow we will venture home.

I've come to realize that feeling anxious isn't a sign of weakness. Discovering what makes you feel grounded and happy (even for a moment) is a sign of strength and awareness. These are my baby steps to feel more leveled and to take better care of my mind and body.

What steps have YOU taken? 

What have you discovered makes you happy?

Spread A Little Joy

Some days are hectic and you find yourself taking a much needed break with a little social media for a distraction; Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. Then there are days when you hit a lull in your schedule and you turn to social media to pass a few minutes while you're waiting for an appointment. Either way social media can drag you in. Maybe you just cruise the Internet to check the baseball scores or read the latest Covid numbers, it's entirely up to you. Social media though, like anything else in life, has it's pros and cons. There are YouTube videos that can explain anything from installing a light fixture, fixing a leaky kitchen faucet, to opening up a kid's stroller (don't judge me but I looked up this video when my oldest granddaughter was a baby and I was watching her - let's just say the strollers today are WAY different than when my kids were babies). There are also going to be letdowns with social media; bad stock reviews, disheartening headlines, and trolls that post unnecessary comments on just about anything. Suddenly people declare themselves both judge and jury on topics they know absolutely nothing about.

So how do we direct the social media we take in? By learning to make important choices for ourselves. We choose what we want to read or watch. People will always post negative items and simply justify it by saying, 'If you don't like it, don't read it.' True enough, that choice is on us. Sometimes those choices can be difficult though. You may not want to 'unfriend' someone right now because they may need you (or vice versa) someday, but you can choose not to comment and add fuel to their fire. 

Choose to follow the sites that make you healthy, happy, and want to see or hear more. If nothing else, it will help to create a balance for you with the pros and the cons.

I've come across a few Facebook groups that I chose to follow because when I contribute something it will be positive, the posts I read are mostly uplifting or give me productive ideas, and I've had the opportunity to meet people that inspire me. Choose sites that talk about things you like to do or always wanted to do, but lacked the motivation.

Here are a few Facebook groups I follow. They may not be your cup of tea, but there are surely ones out there that will work for you.

• Addicted To Mackinac Island (my absolute favorite place for vacation time)
• My Paint By Numbers Support Group (for those of us who have discovered the joy of adult paint by numbers ... great new hobby)
• Creative Gardening (people sharing pictures of their DIY home gardens; everything from color and plant suggestions to making accent pieces)
• 8:28 Photography (a young lady I had the pleasure of meeting a few years ago for some professional headshots directed her photography business into focusing on newborn and maternity photo sessions. HER WORK IS AMAZING!)

You can follow sites from your favorite author, musician, chef, travel group, or business; not to mention there are ones for horse lovers, cat lovers, dog lovers, etc.

When you have so many positive choices available at your fingertips, try not to dwell on the negative ones. It's just not worth the aggravation.

What are some of the sites you choose to follow that help you center yourself, relax, or feel inspired?

Don't Let Anyone Dismiss You

We all have a lot on our minds these days; our health, Covid, finances, relationships (new and old), growing responsibilities ... you name it. It's obvious that no two people are the same; we look different, we think different, and we have different priorities and opinions. But who is to say that I am right and you are wrong or vice versa? We each have different needs and function in unique ways that suit us. No matter how much some people might like to lump others into categories for their own convenience; young or old, educated or not as much, chic or frumpy, well to do or struggling from week to week ... well, we each know what is playing through our minds at night when we can't sleep.

Whatever you are dealing with, thinking over, weighing the pros and cons for, or even daydreaming about ... learn to own it. Don't let other people define you or sway you away from thinking what you think or feeling what you feel. Learn to own your own bubble, your worries, your stresses, your happiness, your dreams, your sadness, and your doubts. Your emotions and goals and battles are all yours; they aren't there for others to dissect or dismiss.

When someone doesn't want to understand your point of view or even bother to ask yet they still like to categorize parts of life with dismissive comments that make you wonder if what you're feeling is valid, they are truly the ones who are struggling. As they are trying to suggest that other viewpoints are invalid or silly, I think they're just trying to establish support for their own point of view. They may or may not be doing it purposely, they may not even realize how their words and actions are affecting other people. We'd be giving them much more credit than they deserve if we let them think they had that kind of power over us.

Stand tall, remain firm, trust yourself and take on each challenge that comes your way with a renewed sense of positivity. You matter and so do your opinions; we're all entitled to them. We just need to remember that it's fine to share your opinion when someone asks for it. If you're going to try to persuade people to be more like you just because you think you're better, then you're going at it for the wrong reasons.

When's the last time you felt like someone was trying to dismiss you?

How did you handle it?

Feeling Overloaded Lately?

Many people are starting to experience the most recent changes of the Covid-19 pandemic. For the past fifteen months we've had many restrictions here in my home state of Michigan. We've worn masks in public, many of us have gotten the vaccine, and we've had capacity limits wherever we went ... not too mention the various restrictions of work, church, and school environments.

This past week I have been experiencing my most recent change. I've had my vaccine so I've started going into public places without wearing my mask. Yikes! That was a BIG step toward adjusting to life after being mandated for more than year to wear one. I'm probably a little late showing up to the party, so to speak, as others have been dining inside restaurants and going maskless for a while. I was feeling paranoid and waiting for either lightning to strike or someone to yell at me with an accusatory voice judging me for my actions. I had to remind myself that being able to resume some normality in my life was why I made the choice to be vaccinated in the first place and yet here I was still feeling anxious.

In the last four days I have been inside a funeral home once (with people I didn't know), inside two different churches for two different funeral services (with some people I did know), inside a restaurant without wearing a mask (with a large group of people), to an indoor family gathering, and inside a grocery store without a mask.

What did I experience? The good, the bad, and the in between. I saw people's faces I haven't seen in a long time, I hugged family and friends, I laughed a little, I cried a lot, I slept very little, and I experienced what I call socialization overload. I haven't been around that many people for quite a while. At times I felt like I was jumping into the deep end of the pool without a life jacket. Not a good feeling, but just like being in the pool as soon as you get used to the temperature of the water and start to tread with your legs your confidence starts to return,

What have you experienced during the pandemic (or as we're coming out of it) that felt different?

What have you learned about yourself?

Learning To Be Still

Do the noises in your head ever get so loud that you can no longer hear yourself think? Not to worry, I'm not losing it, but there are nights when my brain seems like it's on overload. We tend to replay the events of our day in our mind. We re-listen to a conversation over and over, word by word. We wonder about what we could have done differently or better. We plan ahead. We make mental lists. Don't even get me started about the nights when insomnia has settled in and lets you know that it's not going anywhere and you won't be getting any sleep any time soon.

What do you do? Do you get up and take a walk around the house in the dark hoping to reset? Do you wander into the other room and read on the couch or turn the TV on for a distraction? Maybe get a drink of water?

For me, this happens more often at night, but there are also days when my head is spinning from storing up too much information at one time. I find that I need to search for the quiet and learn to be still. Sometimes it's the only way to clear my head. Where I work we have a memorial garden behind the church building. It's a great place to sit on a bench and watch the squirrels run around and listen to the many birds chirp their afternoon songs. It can be just the distraction I need. I need to seek out the quiet. It's only then that I'll be able to take a deep breath and listen to myself breathe. I need to learn to be still more often and try to block out the noise and the distractions. I know my heart and my gut will guide me and I trust those instincts (well most of the time anyway), but I also know that I need to be able hear my own internal voice.

If you're feeling a little overwhelmed (and who isn't at some point?) then make some purposeful time for yourself. Be selfish. Take a walk. Go for a ride in the car. Sit outside and just close your eyes and feel the warmth of the sun on your face. Give yourself permission to take a time out. You'll find the right time or place where you can find your stillness and then you'll be able to hear what's most important.

Where do you find your inner peace?

Is it a place or something you do?

Are People Losing Interest?

It's been more than a year since everyone's lives changed dramatically due to the Covid pandemic. Our schedules and daily routines changed, where we work from changed for some (now the make-shift home office or dining room table), what we wear while we work changed (forget the khakis - it's all about jeans and leggings and t-shirts), our eating habits changed (with the occasional treat of picking up a carry out), and some of us saw some different numbers appearing on our bathroom scale. 

We've learned to adapt and adjust when necessary. We had to temporarily quit doing some of the things we always liked to do; social gatherings, going to church in-person, birthday parties, etc. Some things are starting to return to our routines, but slowly and in ways that seem a little different. Restaurants can offer indoor dining, but with a 50% capacity. We still wear face masks where required. We've started going back to church with socially distanced pews, but we miss sharing the peace and giving hugs ... but we'll get there.

As things have changed we have to wonder how much WE have changed in the process. I've heard it said that once you do something OR not do something for three weeks it becomes a habit. It makes you wonder if people will get too used to their new routines and the dos and don'ts that were thrust upon them. Will they lose interest in the things and people that once meant so much to them? Will previous extroverts now become introverts because it's easier? Or will we understand that the changes were merely choices we were forced to make and be willing to go back to our previous 'normal'?

Right or wrong, I have now had both doses of my Covid vaccine and waited out my two week post-shot period. I'm sure that the first time I meet up with other friends who are also vaccinated without a mask will seem a little apprehensive and risky; kind of like taking the leap into the deep waters of the pool. We'll just have to hold our breath and do it to get past it.

I have faith that with time we will get past it and remember our former selves. It's the only choice I have because I refuse to adapt to a 'new normal' with no timeline. I want more than that for all of us. We deserve more than that. I will continue to make the best choices I can for myself and my family and hope that it will be enough.

What is the biggest thing you've missed during the pandemic?

Have you resumed doing anything specific and how was it for you?

Don't Pretend To Be An Expert

Some days our world seems a little crazier than other days. I wish I knew the answer to the big WHY questions. Why is the pandemic still going? Why aren't things back to normal? Why are some companies having a hard time hiring employees? Why don't some people want to work? Covid has become the convenient excuse when we don't have a good answer. Why are gas prices going up? ... must be because of Covid. Why are we encouraged to still wear masks in public? ... must be because of Covid. Why does it take longer these days to build a new house? ... must be because of Covid.

We are constantly dealing with unknowns, lots of questions, and often misdirection ... from the media, from our leaders, and even the people we know. We can ask Siri anything we want to know anytime we want to know it. We have technology at our fingertips, which for some reason seems to make us think we're suddenly experts on everything. Either that or many people have stayed at a Holiday Inn Express and feel a lot smarter (at least that's what the commercials suggest).

Information is a good thing when we use it in proper context and do our research, but when we only tap the surface and then run with the information we can become an unnecessary roadblock. A lot of people have become too quick to offer their advice and sometimes to total strangers who never asked for their input. Opinion is one thing, but offering up self-defined lines of what is right and what is wrong is something else entirely.

Just a suggestion; research the Internet all you want and begin building your information foundation, but before you begin offering up free advice to other people imagine walking in someone else's shoes for a moment and then decide if your 'advice' will be welcomed and well received or not. If it's the latter, then it might be best to keep your 411 on the downlow for a while.