What is your current season?

It's nearing the end of September; the kids are back in school, summer feels like it is winding down, and you can start unpacking your sweaters. Weather-wise, we're finishing up summer and gearing up for autumn. The leaves will soon be changing colors, some people have already been putting up their Halloween outside décor, and your favorite hobby stores are beginning to  display their Christmas stock.

Calendar seasons are one thing - just follow the dates posted on your fridge. I'll admit I'm not ready for colder weather, but I am ready to pull the summer flowers (all the red and pink and purple) and replace them with colorful mums! I am ready for oranges and yellows. I'm ready to walk in the crisp air and stop by the cider mill. But I also don't want time to go too fast because we all know that after autumn comes cold and snow and sometimes ice!

There are also the different seasons in our lives, depending on our ages. There's our teenage years, there's the college days, and the years of independence. For many there are the years of parenthood, the years we spend building our careers, and the years we work toward empty nests and retirement. There were the years we were caregivers to our mothers or fathers and all that it entailed. 

If someone were to ask me what season I am currently in I would have to say the season of floundering and discovery. I've always been the type of person to work toward the future, to make lists, and plan ahead ... often forgetting to savor the moments of today. My heart knows I need to find a better balance, but my mind tends to get in the way and make things more difficult than they need to be.

My husband and I are parents to two adults and grandparents to four awesome grandkids, we're empty nesters, we're no longer caregivers, and we both still work full time. Somehow we're just as busy now as we always have been, but we do try take some time for ourselves. We each have hobbies that we find intriguing, creative, and relaxing to us. But truth be told some times we can go weeks before we are able to carve some time out of our responsibilities to make time for ourselves. That is my goal for this week. We both had a really busy month of August and so far September hasn't seemed to slow down any. You get to the point that you're not just physically tired, but you're also mentally drained.

I am finally taking a couple of overdue days off. Of course I plan to finish cleaning out my summer flower gardens and get into the autumn spirit with fall décor including mums and pumpkins. I always try to do the MUST DO'S first so I won't feel guilty about doing the WANNA DO'S. Pathetic I know. My fun plans? Some reading, some shopping, and some painting. Hopefully a little ME time will get me back on track and feeling re-energized once again.

Hopefully my season of floundering and feeling a little lost and off kilter will lead the way to a better season filled with hope and joy and rest and contentment.

What season do you find yourself currently in? 

Is it what you thought it would be or is it different somehow?

No Place For Judgement

Has anyone ever accused you of being judgmental? Have you ever inadvertently shamed someone? Everyone, including you, has feelings. Many people will try to hide their emotions; others display them front and center for the whole world to see. Do they really want everyone's input or do they just like the attention they get? Good or bad, maybe they need the attention to feel validated or noticed.

I know this is a big topic and can cover a pretty broad scope of situations. Let's break down a few examples. 

• Have you ever had someone point out something you're wearing and suggest that it might not be appropriate? Unless you're required to wear a uniform for your profession or you have an expected written dress code, then their opinion of your attire may be just that ... their opinion.

• Have you ever felt 'shamed' by things people have said to you for being too tall or too short or too heavy or too skinny? Or too emotional? People don't need to point out you're too old or too young for this or that; that's your business. Often our ages are just numbers on paper; if your mind and body tell you that you can still do something, then do it. Dance like no one is watching!

• If you're like me you may find that you judge the people driving on your right that speed up and then wait til the last minute to merge left into your lane in front of you (like they didn't see the sign with the arrow a block behind you). I don't know their story. I don't know if they didn't see the sign or never drove on that street before. But I can assume and that what gets me in trouble.

I have a fear of going to the dentist. It's a legitimate anxiety; my heart races, my skin gets very blotchy, and I get clammy. It only takes one bad experience for anyone to develop a fear of something. Maybe a dog bit you when you were six and were getting off the school bus; it would be legitimate for you to feel uneasy around dogs you don't know. It certainly doesn't help when a dog's owner belittles your fear by saying, 'Oh, don't be afraid. Fido never bit anyone. He's very gentle with most people.' The fact that Fido weighs 100# and is straining his leash while barking at you might be deterring you from believing them.

My dentist retired a while back and I needed to find a new practice. I finally took the step and made an appointment with a new one. It went fine, mostly because they didn't judge me for not having been to a dentist in a while. They acknowledged my fear for what it was and tried to support me so I could have a better experience. It doesn't mean my dental anxieties have magically disappeared, but it was a good first step toward regaining some trust.

The thing is that we should do things that are positive because they are right. We don't walk in other people shoes and we certainly don't know everyone's back stories. If someone asks for help, do what you can but don't judge or shame them for being in a position where they needed to ask for help. Maybe it took them a week to work up the courage to ask for help or maybe it took them a year and half to make the dentist appointment. 

Unless you wear a black robe and sit in a judge's chair and have a gavel in your hand and the law on your side, you really don't have the right to judge anyone.

Choose your actions and your words carefully. What's the saying about a tube of toothpaste? Words are like toothpaste, once they're out you can't put them back in the tube.

Just something to think about?

When have you felt judged or shamed?

How did it make you feel?

Who gets to define 'older'?

I'm probably showing my age a little bit, but I remember being in elementary school and thinking that all of my teachers were old. In reality they weren't, but they dressed older and very conservatively. So not having any real concept of time and age I thought they were all in their 60s and that seemed ancient. Wow, how times have changed. Styles have changed and people have more choices now in their hair color and clothing styles, not to mention people are living longer and doing more. Nowadays if you are smart you will never try to guess someone's age.

When my kids were in school the teachers all got younger. For that fact, so did the policemen, the firefighters, and the doctors. Maybe it's partly a new reality and partly perception. People seem more active now than when I was younger.

What do they say? 80 is the new 60, and 60 is the new 40? I can't tell you how often I hear people say their age may be one number but in their mind they're still 20 years younger. When I was young the only activities I saw my parents partake in was playing cards. I never saw them do anything active or break a sweat. My mother did play the piano, but always with grace and dignity.

I recently just turned 60, but don't feel like it. My friends say they would never guess that was my age if I didn't tell them - but maybe they're just being nice.

A friend told me a funny story the other day that she was somewhere trying to get some records and a stranger made a comment to her that birth certificates are only online going back a certain amount of time. He said he'd been around a LONG time and knew this for a fact. She asked when he was born and he replied, '1981'. OMG! Seriously? That's the year I graduated from high school. I have news for him, records go back a bit longer than that, lol. He was defining 'older' in a whole new way.

So WHO exactly gets to define 'older'? And who gets to categorize people and label them and what makes them feel qualified to do that? I certainly wouldn't want that responsibility. I'd like to keep my friends, thank you very much.

Do you feel age is just a number? 

Do you let your age define you by someone else's definition?

How do you measure time?

There are many ways to measure time? Maybe you have a techy calendar on your phone or a paper one on your refrigerator. These will certainly help you keep track of birthdays, vacation days, and upcoming appointments. But what about remembering the seasons of your life? Remembering when you experienced the highs and lows?

People experience different levels and stages in their lives. Maybe you're at the place where you measure your life by everything that happened before and after retirement. Before you had a family to raise or when you started re-experiencing life with an empty nest.

Our parents and grandparents may refer to how life was before or after a war. 

A patient may define their journey as before or after their medical diagnosis. 

A young adult may label their accomplishments as before or after their college graduation.

Whatever category you find yourself in it's interesting to understand the perspective you bring to the table. What situations or life events altered your journey?

Almost anyone these days could measure family gatherings or vacations as before Covid complicated life or now when people have resumed many of their activities.

How do you measure your life; what you've accomplished or what your current goals are? 

What stage do you find yourself in?

Show The Real You

You've probably heard the phrases, "Put your best foot forward" and "You only get one chance to make a first impression". They sound simple enough, but are they? They sound like a whole lot of pressure to me. Most people want to do their best and act their best and look their best. Those are things we strive for, but not necessarily how we are on a daily basis or even at a moment's notice.

We fail and try again and again until we get where we want to be. It's important that we let people see both sides of us; the times when we struggle and the times when we achieve. Blend the two sides of ourselves together and we hopefully get a better and balanced (real) version to share. That's the person we want others to see; the relatable and approachable version, the version that is honest.

Sure we all want others to like us, to approve of the things we say and do, and to admire our efforts. But if we're play-acting and putting on a façade we aren't being honest with them or ourselves. Good or bad, weak or strong it's important to just keep it real.

Do you feel comfortable or vulnerable exposing the real you?

It can be daunting at times, but weighs a lot less on your shoulders than putting yourself on a pedestal. There's another saying, "The higher your pedestal the further you have to fall." That doesn't sound fun. My suggestion? Be real, be honest and just be yourself. That's the person you want others to see and admire.

Do you feel you're sharing the real you? What's been your biggest hurdle?