Where does the time go?

Where does the time go? How many times a day do you ask yourself that simple question? How many times have you not been able to discover the answer, lol? 

As adults, many of us will reflect back and recall how simpler times were when we were younger. There weren't as many distractions, not as many responsibilities. Although, the responsibility part just comes with age. Our kids will probably say the same thing in 20 or 30 years. 

When I was a kid most families were a one-income family; meaning mom was usually there to fix you lunch on a summer day. We would go outside to ride our bikes and play as soon as the breakfast dishes were done. We would come home at lunchtime or call home (from a landline) to see if we could stay over at a friend's house. We played OUTSIDE all day; if it rained we played games under the covered front porch or in a fort in someone's backyard. Sadly, I hardly ever see kids outside riding their bikes anymore. Somewhere along the line kids found it more interesting to stay in and play video games and watch Netflix (please note I have nothing against Netflix, but everything should be in moderation). And sadly, many parents seem fine with that. But I can also admit that things are different today than when I was a kid. A lot of families have two incomes (although, some are lucky to work from home) which means that time needs to be divided differently.

Time is a funny thing. It can creep by at a snail's pace or it can go by in the blink of an eye.

I often find myself wondering ...

• When did my kids grow up to be adults? I can look at their baby pictures and feel like it was only yesterday.
• Has my family really lived in our house for nearly 20 years? That's the longest I've EVER been in one place.
• Have I really been at my same job for 17 years? It sure doesn't seem like it.
• When did the grey hairs start being the norm? (that's an obvious one, lol ... after my kids made it through their teenage years and college)

Some days I find myself wishing things could slow down a bit (okay, a lot). It seems like we grow up thinking things will be better when we're older, then the responsibilities smack us in the face and we work ... all the time. We're always planning for our future, so much so, that it's easy to forget to stop and smell the roses (or you fill in the metaphor). There comes a point you have to say, 'What the heck.' Take that vacation. Read that book you've been putting off. Work on that hobby you never have enough time for, but is supposed to help you relax and sleep better. Write that book or run that race. None of us have guarantees on how much time we have left on this earth to do anything, so we need to start making the time.

Take a 5 minute break, grab a cool drink, find someplace quiet where you can actually hear yourself think, put your phone away, and decide what you don't want to miss out on. Then, make it happen!

What have you not had time to do, but really want to?

What would you tell yourself?

I took some time off this week for some prescribed R&R. That, I'm founding out, is a tough nut to crack. I am more used to being on the go; being productive, tackling my To Do lists, and planning ahead ... always planning ahead. I've tried to do a little reading, have watched more episodes of Fixer Upper and Property Brothers than I care to count, and having been watching You Tube videos of some of my favorite songs. The last part has been fun; I listen to the music and then pull up and study the lyrics, breaking them down to their foundation. Gosh, I LOVE when people write great songs!

This afternoon's favorite selection? Dear Younger Me by Mercy Me. The song talks about reflection and the wisdom that can only come with time and experience. The question that comes to my mind though is what would you do with the wisdom you've acquired IF you had a choice? What would you want to share with the younger version of you?

Would you tell the younger you all you think you did wrong to save yourself the pain and the struggle OR would you tell the younger you to embrace the struggles and the challenges because you know they will build your character? Yes, these are the tough questions. Would you go back and try to smooth the way for yourself or would you encourage yourself to fight the big fights and take on the big challenges?

Everyone's answers to these questions will most likely be different; not because our views are necessarily different, but because our pasts and our challenges are personal. They run deep to our core. Sometimes we don't even share them with our friends, let alone our younger selves.

What nuggets of wisdom would you share with the younger you and why?

Can you ever really be prepared?

Are you a planner? Do you save for your retirement? Do you bring a detailed list with you to the grocery store? When you got married did you have a life plan; how long you would wait before you started a family or bought your first house? Many of us can relate to these scenarios. We have good intentions and we try to plan, but a thing called 'life' tends to get in the way.

It can be as simple as we may have dreamt too big too soon. Sometimes we really don't understand all it will take to get from point A to point B. Perhaps we don't understand everything that will be involved; the time something will take, the dedication, and what it will cost.

Have you ever tried to plan for a loss? If you found yourself caring for someone who was sick you may have had a little glimpse of what lied ahead and tried to prepare yourself. Sometimes we don't get any time to prepare. We tell someone goodbye in the morning as they go off to work not realizing that they might not come home that night. Life has a tendency to throw us curve balls without any warning. When that happens all we can do is react and then give ourselves permission to adjust later.

Have you ever tried to prepare for a blessing; a child on the way perhaps? You do your research, you read your books, and you listen to the free advice from everyone around you. Then the baby arrives and maybe you don't feel like you're ready. Don't worry. Your parental instincts are there, and the rest will come with time and experience.There are people there to help if you let them. The saying , 'It takes a village to raise a child' has more merit than you think.

Sometimes, the scene can play out simply by trying to get a lot of extra work done so you won't feel as guilty taking some personal time off. I know I fall into this category. I put the responsibility on myself to try not to inconvenience anyone when I am not at work. Although, cramming 60 hours worth of work into a 40 hour week probably isn't the healthiest of ideas. All you manage to do is wear yourself out before you take your time off. I've known people who could just clock out and say, 'Bye, see you in a week.' I wonder what their secret was.

I guess my question today is 'Can we ever really be prepared?' More importantly, should we even put that pressure on ourselves to try? Truth be told, we will do our best; sometimes we will succeed and sometimes we will fail. But that's okay.

What kinds of things do you plan for? 
What kinds of things would you rather go with the flow with?

Dreams Don't Expire

It's Never Too Late

For more than the last week I have been watching bits and pieces of the 2018 Winter Olympics. Like anyone else, I have my favorite events to watch; snowboarding, skating, and downhill skiing. Some events I pass on; not because they aren't interesting, but because I just don't get them, lol. I don't understand the logic or the thrill the athletes get. But that's the thing. Who am I to judge whether something is good or bad, when my ONLY expertise is that I know nothing about it? I would never say it's stupid or a waste of their time, just because it isn't something I would want to do. If they have the talent and the desire I would encourage them to keep going.

Dreams come in all shapes and sizes and they don't come with an expiration date. Is there something you've always wanted to do or accomplish, but it hasn't come to fruition yet? What is holding you back? Is it timing? Is it not having enough time? Is it financial backing? Is it motivation? Is it because you have other responsibilities to take care of?

Are there people who try discourage you? Do you they give you comments like, 'You're crazy to do that at your age? 'Why would you want to do that?' or 'You know, 9 out of 10 people fail at that so why would you even bother?'

To succeed at anything we need to push ourselves and not give up. We need people to support and encourage us (even if they think we're crazy for trying). Don't let other people determine your successes and failures; it's YOUR future. What's the worst thing that can happen? You try to achieve your dream and it doesn't pan out quite the way you always imagined? But guess what? Succeed or not, YOU have to live with your own conscience. YOU will be the one that knows whether you gave up because it was easier not to try. YOU are the one that will need to live with your choices. 

Yes, whether you succeed or not isn't the real issue; the issue is that you shouldn't give up on yourself. You shouldn't let society dictate to you what is an acceptable goal and when we are allowed to pursue it. If you're married or single, have kids or not, have a job or are currently unemployed, you still have every right to pursue your dreams. Sure, there are times in our lives when we're younger that perhaps we may have more energy to try something super athletic, but in 2010 I attempted to walk in a 3 day 60-mile fundraising walk. I was in my middle 40s at the time, did months and months of training, and was passed up many times by people on the route who were 30 years older than me. The didn't give up. They inspired me to push harder and instead of thinking, 'Can I do this?' I started to think,  'I CAN DO THIS!'.

What is your dream? Are you still trying to grasp it? How can we help you get there?

For The Love of Valentine's Day

My husband and I have a tradition of buying each other a card on Valentine's Day. Some years the cards have been more serious, some have been mushy, and some are silly. After 35 years of cards it can be difficult to find something unique. Going out on Valentine's Day for dinner was one of our first dates (I think it was actually our third). It turned out to be a make or break kind of date. I was overwhelmed; fancy restaurant, charming guy, falling snow, cool music, etc. He thought I wasn't interested and wasn't going to call me afterward. So what did I do? I waited a week and I called him! Needless to say, we had a fourth date and a fifth.

Valentine's Day for us can be pretty casual. We don't need to buy each other fancy gifts or go out for an expensive dinner. For us, we usually end up with a pizza and kicking back to just enjoy each other's company.

Don't get caught up in the Hallmark and candy side of the holiday. If you plan to celebrate at all, make a card (or buy one without all the bling), go for a walk, hold hands, and just enjoy the moment. Do something that feels special for you.

Yesterday I was looking at cards and came upon two other shoppers doing the same. We all took turns reading the cards and then flipping them over to look at the price. When did a good Valentine's card go up to $7.99? Oh my! One gentleman looked and looked and finally chose THE CARD he wanted and then grinned and proudly said, 'I'm getting the $8.00 card! You ladies have a nice night.'

I laughed and told the other lady that after 35 years it was getting more and more difficult to get the right card. She said, 'Wow! 35 years? That's awesome. I've only been married for four years. I think that's great you still buy each other cards.'

Who knew that standing in a store looking at an aisle of over-priced pink and red greeting cards could be an opportunity for three strangers to bond and have a real conversation?

In the end I picked out my perfect card (never mind what I paid for it, lol) and will tell my sweetie tomorrow that I love him, like I do every morning and every evening.

What will your Valentine's Day look like?

When You View A Talent As An Obstacle

Those that know me know that it is in my DNA to be organized, a list-maker, and a planner. I cannot help it, it is what I do. I've always been about being on time (although for me to be early is to be on time and to be on time is to be late, lol). I think and over think about lists, deadlines, and the consequences. I have a sense of tunnel vision; I look at deadlines as the big picture and everything that must be accomplished in order to get there. For years though I looked at my skill set as being a weakness.

I've had previous bosses come to me with a vision, a project, or a goal. Their gift was to be the visionary, have the idea of what they wanted to achieve. My gift was to look at all the details and things that would need to be done in order to make it happen. But as soon as I would start to remind them of the deadlines they would say, 'Whoa, you need to relax and learn to just go with the flow.' What? Were they really serious? Did they have a magic wand that I was unaware of? Would the results they were expecting mysteriously just fall in to place without any effort? Highly unlikely. 

After dealing with several bosses that thought that way I started to think there was something wrong with me; something wrong with my desire to get results. But guess what? There wasn't anything wrong with the way I thought or my process. Without my skill set a lot of their visions wouldn't have come to the fruition they did and the goals would not have been met when they wanted. I am all about being part of a 'team'. A good team sees and appreciates the strengths and skills of each member. A good team is a puzzle, but when a piece is missing it is not complete.

I spent a lot of time soul searching, looking at my skills, and finally being able to appreciate them for the asset they are. The way I see it, God made me the way that I am. He gave me the tools I needed to do the things I do and the desire to want to use them for good. I decided it was wrong for anyone to have a God-given talent and then to waste it. 

Learn to embrace your character and your talents. Everyone's are different which is what helps make the puzzle complete. We need each other. We need to appreciate each other's talents. There are things I know I cannot do at all and then there are tasks that although I try I can admit I am not very good at, which makes me appreciate other people's talents that much more.

What is one of your strongest talents? 

Do people appreciate it or make you feel weird about it just because it is different than theirs?

Have The Conversation

A conversation is a dialogue made up of at least two voices. Ironically, though, some people think it is about one person mentioning a topic and then someone else speaking A LOT. The second person will start out by sharing their point of view and then it's like a 'snowball down the hill' effect. They talk, then talk some more, then keep talking until the eyes of the first person start to glaze over. It tends to gain momentum as it goes. It's normal for all of us to feel passionate about certain topics, but that doesn't necessarily mean that we know what we are talking about or that we even have our facts in order. We could just be sharing our opinion disguised as fact. Yet, the inner seasoned debater can come out in all of us. We're determined to persuade the other person that our opinion is the right opinion and they should share it.

Want to know what I mean, just watch or listen to any political talk show. The seasoned anchor will do their darnedest to convince you that their point of view is the only one that matters. Now whether the opinion shared is actually theirs or their bosses remains to be determined. But that's neither here nor there.

The thing about real conversations is that if executed correctly we can actually learn more by listening than by talking. A little give and take and equal talk time can teach both parties a lot. If we only want to hear ourselves talk and never listen to anyone else we may as well just have a solo monologue in our car. Then we know we'll never have to argue because the only one listening is us. BUT, if we actually want to discover something about our character and more than just the answer to the topic, we should make a conversation more like a chess match ... make your point (or move your chess piece), then hit the buzzer, then sit back, then wait for a thought out response, wait your turn and then go again. What a concept, huh?

It's okay not to know it all. Take a chance and have the conversation. In the end, you may learn something new.

Do you have those people in your life that like to dominate the conversation? 

How do you handle it?