Blogging Is Cheaper Than Therapy

I am sitting at my laptop for the first time in more than 2 weeks. Why, you ask? Because to blog I want to be creative. To be creative means I have to be able to successfully organize my thoughts into something meaningful. To organize my thoughts means I've got to clear out a whole lot of junk swirling around in my head to make room for the creative parts to cultivate. And to do ALL of that sometimes takes the right moment, not being too tired, not being too distracted, not being too overwhelmed or overwrought, and perhaps even the right lighting or music playing in the background. Setting the stage for success can be mind boggling.

We all have dreams of how we WISH our lives could be; dreams of being retired and traveling, dreams of pursuing a goal, dreams of being able to spend more time with family and friends, dreams of being financially independent, or dreams of thinking that we're making some small difference in the world. The thing about dreams though, is that we get to define exactly what they mean for us and how we're going to try to achieve them.

I've worked my whole life planning for the future and even planning for just tomorrow; trying to make sure everyone else's lives are running as smoothly as possible and always doing whatever I can to help them attain their dreams. There's nothing wrong with that unless, in the process, I lose sight of myself and my own dreams. As a spouse and a parent you do whatever you can for your family, whether that's your children, grandchildren, or your parents. You give up a lot so that they can have a little more. That's all part of the cycle of life. We do for others because we can and we sometimes settle for whatever is leftover for ourselves. While it can be looked upon as leading a very charitable life, it can also be disheartening at times. When we give and give and give and suddenly wonder one day why it seems like things are no longer appreciated, but rather expected we have to wonder exactly when we let ourselves become so consumed with living through other people's lives. At what point did we allow ourselves to feel guilty for doing something or looking after ourselves?

I am sorry to say that I may never know the answer to that one, but I can say that recognizing the issue and identifying it is the first step. While I will continue to be there for my husband, my family, my friends, my co-workers, my church family, and any stranger I come across that I might be able to help ... it is also well past the time that I begin to pay more attention to taking better care of myself (physically, emotionally, and spiritually). Will that mean that others may get a little less 'me'? Perhaps, and if so, they may need to adjust (and I'm sure they will). For now I will strive to sit down at my laptop more than once every two weeks; after all blogging is way cheaper than therapy.

Letting Go of Fear

Fear is an overwhelming emotion. It can slow us down. It can completely immobilize us. It can make us lose sleep. It can stress us out to levels we never knew existed. But what constitutes fear? Who gets to define what scares us and what doesn't?

 

According to dictionary.com ...

FEAR (noun) a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

 

Well, the definition alone is intimidating. Some people have medical phobias. A phobia is a type of anxiety disorder. It is a strong, irrational fear of something that poses little or no real danger. There are many specific phobias. Acrophobia is a fear of heights. Agoraphobia is a fear of public places, and claustrophobia is a fear of closed-in places. Some people are afraid of spiders (that would be me), some are afraid of failure, and some are afraid of commitment. The list is endless. But there are fears of things imagined or non-existent and then there are fears of more realistic things; losing a job and not being able to provide for your family, battling an incurable disease, and terrorists.

 

Every day we read headlines in the newspaper and online about physical attacks, road rage, and robberies. Then the BIG stuff hits like 9/11 and the Paris attacks. Devastating things that bring today's realities front and center. So, how do we cope? What can 'we' do to prevent something from happening to us or our loved ones? Unfortunately, the answers are probably limited as much of our lives is out of our control, BUT we can try to stay positive. We can be aware of our surroundings and not do stupid things that purposely put us in harm's way. We can be knowledgeable and not live our lives in ignorance. Sticking our heads in the sand and thinking that we are untouchable is ignorant to the 10th degree.

 

Will I live my life in fear? Some days; but most days I will try to do good and live my life with good morals and values, continue to live in God's word and help others, and hope to set an example for my children and future generations. Will I be successful? I can't say. I can hope and have faith and for today that will have to be enough.

 

What fears keep you up at night?

The Snow Ball Effect

The quickest way to alienate a friend or put people on the defensive is to spread an unfounded rumor. Some would refer to it as 'stirring the pot', others might suggest that the instigator is merely trying to build themselves up (for whatever reason) perhaps justify some choice that they'd made. Regardless of the motive, it's never perceived as nice (or even of good taste).

Rumors generally stem from insecurities; most of which are ignorant exaggerations of some sort. They often appear to be of the snowball variety; like the small snowball that starts to roll down the hill when pushed gaining much momentum as it rolls along. Rumors are often started when someone eavesdrops or makes an assumption. The rule of thumb is ... if you're going to eavesdrop, you'd better be prepared to listen in on the 'whole' conversation. You might find that you didn't really hear what you thought you did. Many rumors could easily be avoided if people would just ask their questions directly, rather than choose to stand in the shadows and see how havoc unfolds.

Generally I try to share an upbeat thought in my blog posts, but every once in a while I choose to just share an observation or two. We all watch as the world continues to spin, sometimes we're just too busy or blind to notice all that is in front of us.

I suppose there is still something positive to find in this post; the thought that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. We'll never  be able to control the behavior and actions of other people, but we will ALWAYS have the power and the choice to behave well ourselves and be a beacon of light for ourselves and others. When you see a situation that could easily get out of hand (especially if you're in any way a part of it), stand back and stop. Breath. Listen to the whole conversation. Look at the whole picture; the big picture. You might be surprised by what you actually see.

The Choice Is Up To You

Making choices is tough business. It doesn't matter if you're 12 years old and trying to choose between a sleepover at Suzie's house or going to the movies with Debbie. Someone will undoubtedly have their feelings hurt. Then you get a little older and perhaps you're dating that special someone or you're newly married. The holidays roll around and you're torn whether to be with your family or your new extended family. Perhaps you're from a divorced family and now you have even more families thrown into the equation. You want to please everyone, but that's nearly impossible. Maybe you're an adult and trying to choose a career path; do you stay with the steady and reliable or do you go out on a limb with nothing but faith and a gut instinct to try something new? If you're in high school or college you may be faced with social choices every day. Do you follow what everyone else is doing or do you hold on to your values?

 

There are so many choices these days. Sure, there are the less stressful choices like what to have for breakfast and which clothes to wear to work. You probably won't lose any sleep making those decisions, but with other choices you will. A lot of us, these days, have to make the BIG decisions. There are relationship choices, financial decisions, care options for our parents, etc. No one ever said life would be easy, but it's still worth it. Just remember, while YOU ultimately need to make your own choices - that doesn't mean you can't bounce ideas off of other people. Sometimes just hearing yourself talk through the different scenarios will help you come to your own conclusion.

 

Good luck! And if you need a good ear to listen, you know where to find me.

Don't Hide Behind Your Words

I am a blogger. I consider myself a writer; perhaps not a published author, but a writer nonetheless. I always think about the words I use very carefully. I'll write. I'll edit. I'll write some more and occasionally I will scrap the whole post and start over. If I'm not comfortable speaking the words to your face (which is WAY different than speaking them behind your back), then I certainly will not write them. I choose not to hide behind my words, although many will. Just read a 'Dear Editor' letter some time. Many writers (but not all, I'm sure) will write to vent, with nothing more than a personal agenda. Read an online article and if you have the stomach for it venture to the end and read some of the viewer comments. It constantly amazes me how many people write from ignorance. Whether it's the person writing the article or those commenting on it; BOTH need to get their facts in order first before they write anything. Writing in a public forum gives you a responsibility; one that should not be taken lightly.

Sure there are things called 'Freedom of Speech' and 'Freedom of the Press', but I believe those were put in place to protect people NOT to give them a free platform to hide behind. There's a big difference.

 

If you have an opinion ... great, good for you. If you can choose your words carefully it's important to share your view with those you think would benefit from hearing it. It works both ways. I've read well-put-together articles only to have readers bash the content and the writer then go off on completely unrelated tangents of their own (I suppose because they now think they have a platform). It's crazy. At the same time I've read articles where someone chooses to hurl unfounded insults and accusations only to put people on the defense. What gives someone the right to force people to have to defend themselves from pure nonsense? It's a waste of everyone's time and energy and for what? Because someone had a personal vendetta or agenda or bad day?

 

My suggestion to you (and you can take it with a grain of salt if you like) is to think twice and speak or write once. Once the words are written or spoken, they are gone. You can back pedal all you want, but the damage is already out there for all to see.

'You Tube' To The Rescue

We like to feel that we 'know it all'. Just observe anyone who refuses to stop and ask for directions, lol. OK, maybe that's not fair, but I remember when I was a kid (in the dark ages before computers and cell phones) when my dad would rather drive around in circles for an hour instead of stopping and asking for directions. For some reason it was if to ask for directions he had to turn in his 'man card'. Who knew that egos could be so fragile?

Life is so much easier these days. We have cell phones with GPS, we have onscreen navigation built right in to our vehicle's dashboard, and we have portable Garmin systems. We really don't have any excuse to get lost; leaving our pride intact.

If we don't know how to do something, the answer lies only a few clicks away. Here's my 'case & point' examples. Recently I stayed with my son and daughter-in-law to care for my new granddaughter for a week. The night I got there I asked for the basic 411 tutorial; where are the diapers, changes of clothing, bottles, burp cloths, the house phone, the TV remote control, the WiFi password, and the spare house key. Just the basic necessities to get me started - in time I would find the food, the dishes, and the silverware drawer.

My son informed me as he headed off to work the next morning that they left the car seat base in the garage just in case I wanted to go somewhere with my granddaughter. Unless it was an emergency I didn't have any reason to leave. I was enjoying the 1-on-1 cuddle time with her. However, by midweek the weather had improved and the sun had come out. A perfect afternoon for a stroll around the neighborhood with the baby stroller. One big problem. I studied the stroller in the garage from every angle, tried every latch, and every handle ... I could NOT figure out how to open the stroller. Seriously, it couldn't be that hard. I'd seen moms do it in the parking lot one-handed. Google to the rescue!! I checked the make and model, grabbed my cell phone, and typed in 'How do you open a 'blah-blah-blah' stroller.' Instantly I was connected with a handy dandy You Tube video and discovered the 'hidden' handle that released the stroller. We were on our way! Woohoo!

Two days later I thought I would help them out and tidy up the house and empty the trash. The diaper pail was full! Oh no! Here we go again. How do I open the lid? Answer ... grab my cell phone and ask Google for help. I felt like such a hip grandma. So accomplished. Later my daughter-in-law informed me that it took her 3 tries before she finally emptied the diaper pail as well. 

So much had changed in the 20 years since I cared for an infant. Technology had made some great improvements; the car seat, the stroller, the diaper pail, and 'yes' ... even the You Tube videos that explain how to use them.

Life is good! Life is about progress! Life is about protecting your pride!

When is the last time Google and a You Tube video came to your rescue?

Challenge Accepted

For those of you who know me well, you know I live by my To Do lists. I like to think that I control the list, but often I think the list controls me. I don't think that the list necessarily defines me, but it does carry a certain amount of power in what my stress level and attitude will be for any given day. Ironically, it is me who writes the list - so wouldn't that mean that 'I' have the power to alter the list? Wouldn't I have the power to lessen how long the list is if it begins to overwhelm me? Wouldn't I have the power to decide if something is actually important enough to be list-worthy?

 

So why do I (or anyone else for that fact) feel the need to write lists?

• Is it because I'm forgetful? Not too often.
• Is it because I want the satisfaction of seeing things crossed off the list in order to feel accomplished? Maybe.
• Is it because I'm OCD? Not really, although I suppose that depends on who you ask.
• Is it because I like things done a certain way or by a certain deadline? Most definitely!

Bottom line ... I suppose I create the issue that sometimes stresses me out. The world is a busy, busy place. We all have LOTS of responsibilities and just not enough hours in the day. Often we write our lists in the morning in order to better schedule our day and our time. In the morning the list may seem very doable and very realistic. I think I'm doing myself a favor to help keep myself on track and away from stress, but then 'life' happens. A child gets sick, your car gets a flat tire, you get stuck in traffic getting from point A to point B. Suddenly your well-defined list gets put on the back burner because you have enough sense to know that sudden life obstacles come first. My priorities are clear, but my willingness to let go of the list sometimes becomes a separate issue.

 

So here is my challenge for me (and for you); let go of the list for 1 whole day. See what happens. I'll bet the world will not self-destruct. Worse case scenario is that tomorrow's list is a bit longer and needs a little tweaking. Perhaps on that 2nd day we need to take just a moment and see what can actually come off of the list.

 

I'll accept the challenge. Will you?