Letting Go of Fear

Fear is an overwhelming emotion. It can slow us down. It can completely immobilize us. It can make us lose sleep. It can stress us out to levels we never knew existed. But what constitutes fear? Who gets to define what scares us and what doesn't?

 

According to dictionary.com ...

FEAR (noun) a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

 

Well, the definition alone is intimidating. Some people have medical phobias. A phobia is a type of anxiety disorder. It is a strong, irrational fear of something that poses little or no real danger. There are many specific phobias. Acrophobia is a fear of heights. Agoraphobia is a fear of public places, and claustrophobia is a fear of closed-in places. Some people are afraid of spiders (that would be me), some are afraid of failure, and some are afraid of commitment. The list is endless. But there are fears of things imagined or non-existent and then there are fears of more realistic things; losing a job and not being able to provide for your family, battling an incurable disease, and terrorists.

 

Every day we read headlines in the newspaper and online about physical attacks, road rage, and robberies. Then the BIG stuff hits like 9/11 and the Paris attacks. Devastating things that bring today's realities front and center. So, how do we cope? What can 'we' do to prevent something from happening to us or our loved ones? Unfortunately, the answers are probably limited as much of our lives is out of our control, BUT we can try to stay positive. We can be aware of our surroundings and not do stupid things that purposely put us in harm's way. We can be knowledgeable and not live our lives in ignorance. Sticking our heads in the sand and thinking that we are untouchable is ignorant to the 10th degree.

 

Will I live my life in fear? Some days; but most days I will try to do good and live my life with good morals and values, continue to live in God's word and help others, and hope to set an example for my children and future generations. Will I be successful? I can't say. I can hope and have faith and for today that will have to be enough.

 

What fears keep you up at night?

Making the BIG Decisions

Every day we are faced with decisions; what time do we need to get up, how much travel time should we allow to get to our job, what should wear, or should we plan a vacation? But these are all routine, not necessarily life changing decisions. The BIG decisions are the ones that will change ours or someone else's lives; have you had too much to drink to get behind the wheel of a car, is it really ok for you to be texting while driving, should you stay in a harmful relationship, or how do you help a troubled child or an aging parent?

The BIG decisions are the ones that you will lose sleep over; the ones that will make you second guess your every thought. So how do we make those decisions? How do we know when our decision is right? Those are tricky questions and won't always have a definitive answer. We may not know that our choice or decision is right, but we do the best we can. We think the situation through, we ponder the endless possibilities and solutions, and then we pray. We pray for strength. We pray for clarity. We pray for hope. And we pray for patience and understanding; for ourselves and everyone else involved.

 

As usual, I don't pretend to have all the answers. When I see people struggling with having to make an important decision all I can is be supportive and be a sounding board. Sometimes just having someone listen can be helpful.

 

What was the last BIG decision you had to make? How did you manage?

What is it about this time of year?

What is it about this time of year that has our emotions on a roller coaster? One minute we're up and excited and the next we're crashing down out of control.

The season is undoubtedly busy; it has it's share of hustle and bustle and pressures. There are the highs that we've grown to expect ... festivities with friends, twinkling lights, decorations, tasty and fattening foods, and Christmas tunes. But then there are the lows; the ones that have people spiraling at times from stress and overwhelming moments.

I'm sure there are many explanations; different for everyone. There are those who are feeling blue because the Christmas season will be different this year due to a divorce or separation, the loss of a loved one, or even not having all your children home for the holidays. It's understandable that many, given their current situations, will find it harder to feel merry and bright. There are the many college students who are anxious and overwhelmed with getting through their final exams and scrambling to pack to come home for a few weeks in between their semesters. And then there are the pressures at work to try to fit 60 hours worth of work into 40 so that your To Do list will be manageable and allow you to take that much-needed time off over the holidays.

It goes without saying that there are those unmentioned expectations during the season; whether to send out Christmas cards, bake cookies, host a holiday gathering, shop for those special gifts, and 'yes' ... even whether or not to decorate a tree. You may think it's the 'other' people in your life that are applying the pressure when it reality it's probably you. We all tend to push ourselves too hard and expect too much; whether it's to please us or the other people in our lives is a question that only we can answer.

The bottom line is that we get get choose what is most important to us; it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks. Our lives all have different seasons. My Christmas this year will be different than it was last year AND probably different than it will be next year. I decorated my tree and I chose to send out cards, but I'm going to support a local cookie walk this weekend allowing myself to bake only one batch myself. That's right, 'I' get to choose what's most important to me. Once we give ourselves permission to do that we can start to lesson some of the pressure and perhaps enjoy more of the 'highs' of the roller coaster.

What are some of your priorities this year?

That One Recurring Dream

Do you have that 'one' recurring dream that you've dreamed for years? It may vary a bit each time, but it's always so similar and familiar. My dream involves me being a waitress. I can visualize the customers sitting down at the table. I can tell you their exact orders, and I can picture myself walking to the kitchen to turn the orders in, fixing their salads, and filling their drink order. Then the dining room usually gets busy and things get chaotic. My heart starts to race and my hands get clammy and I have to start telling myself, 'You've had nights like this before. You've got this.' Eventually I start trying to convince myself that it's just a dream and it's not real. 

I can go months or even years without the dream and then when I least expect it - it comes back in full force and vivid color. Why do you suppose it happens? I usually try to attribute the stressful dream to something I ate for dinner or the fact that I've probably got too much on my mind. 

You do need to realize that I'm not just pulling this scenario out of my overactive imagination. I actually worked in a restaurant all through high school and into college. Perhaps that time in my life was busy and a bit chaotic and a little stressful, but truth be told I WAS A REALLY GOOD WAITRESS. I actually liked serving people and enjoyed the job. Here's a secret (which I guess is no longer a secret if I share it), I actually met my husband when I was a waitress in college. It was near the end of my shift, he came in, I waited on him, we talked, he asked for my number, I gave it to him (o.k. ... I actually already had it written out just in case he asked for it or I was feeling exceptionally assertive). My point is that not ALL of my waitress memories are bad. We were actually married nine months later and we'll soon be celebrating our anniversary of 30+ years.

So what's your recurring dream? What do you find brings it on? More importantly, how are you able to turn it off?