Do you spread yourself too thin?

We all have things that we wish we could improve upon; the way we eat, the way we exercise, the way we handle stresses, maybe the way we react in relationships, or the way we do our jobs. At the same time, we all have some things that we do really well. Maybe you're great with your hands; saving you money on household or auto repairs (that's a HUGE thing, I know because my husband is great at making repairs around our house). Perhaps you are great with little kids. I know people who have a green thumb and have glorious gardens that show off their dedication. I know people who are musical, artistic, make others laugh, or are great listeners.

Sometimes being good at something can cause you to spread yourself too thin. Maybe people know how great you are with little kids so they're always asking (or expecting) you to babysit theirs. Maybe you have a hard time saying no, so you always say yes to help them out, but find that you don't have a lot of time left over for the things you want or need to do. 

My son used to have a pick up truck, which often led to people wanting him to tow things, move things, etc. for them. It became more of an expectation, rather than a friend helping out another friend. He had a big heart and always wanted to help everyone else so he would say yes, but when he needed something suddenly they were too busy to reciprocate. 

Sometimes people are great at their jobs; some people even make things look easy. How often does someone at your job ask you to cover for them and do a project because they know you'll get it done faster? Have you ever had someone in your department out sick or on vacation and suddenly others think they'll just drop all of that person's work load on to your desk to do besides your own? That can be really frustrating and overwhelming at the same time. It's great that think you're more than capable, but would also be helpful if everyone worked as a team and divided up the tasks more evenly so that no one person felt that way.

There are a couple of basic questions to ask yourself ...

1) Are you good at something and want to share it with others? There's certainly nothing wrong with that. It's good to find joy in giving our time and talents to others.

2) Do you have a hard time saying no to people? Is it because we want people to like us or appreciate us? Do we sometimes feel that if we say no, maybe they won't?

3) Do you set boundaries for yourself? Do you make sure you leave enough time for yourself?

It's great to have a talent. It's good to want to share that talent to help other people. It's wonderful to have a giving heart and think of the needs of others. But you don't want to spread yourself too thin. If you don't carve out some time for yourself at the same time then you can't give your best to anyone. The biggest thing to remember is to create a healthy balance. If you do that then there will be enough of you to take proper care of yourself and still have enough left over to see to the needs of others.

Where do you find in your life that you spread yourself too thin?

Finding Just The Right Words

Lately I know a lot of people who are going through 'STUFF'; that's right ... I used capital letters, the stuff is that big and daunting. When you see people (family, friends, co-workers) dealing with the big stuff: divorces, health issues, finances, career choices, responsibilities of all kinds ... it gets overwhelming. Our shoulders were never meant to carry the weight of the world on them (just ask my massage therapist); I know that sounds dramatic, but some days it can feel that way.

When we see people we care about distressed from worry, lack of sleep, and lack of appetite, we in turn worry and empathize with them. We want to fix it or at least make them feel a little better and a little less alone. Sometimes we're too close to people or a situation and we don't know the right words to give them the comfort they need. Or maybe we've said the words before and feel somewhat redundant in saying them again. We don't want what we say to become cliche' or no longer genuine.

Perhaps at times it can be easier to share hope or strength with a stranger. You don't know them but can see and sense that they are overwhelmed or sad. When you don't know them or their situation there are no expectations, no judgment from you or from them. Sometimes a kind gesture or word from a stranger can give you hope and encouragement, because you receive it as just that ... a no strings attached, non-judgmental act of kindness. You feel noticed and not invisible.

We're not always able to fix things the way we'd like for other people. We can't always erase their pain. But there are still things we can do. We can put our phones down when taking a walk. We can take the time to start a conversation with the person we're standing next to in line. We can compliment someone for the color of their blouse or the pattern of their Vera Bradley purse, lol. Just something to remind the other person that you noticed them. Sometimes the casual conversation with the hairdresser or cashier or waiter can feel liberating because it is natural. For that moment we are living 100% in the present. We aren't thinking about the To Do list, the bills that need to get paid, the laundry that is piling up, or whether or not we'll hear back from the job recruiter. Often that spontaneous interaction with a stranger gives us permission for that moment to be present and hit the 'off' switch temporarily for everything else.

Next time you don't think you can find the right words to share with someone, just be in the moment. Look around you; take notice of the weather or the dog that just walked by or the music that was playing in the fast car that drove by with the windows down. Start a conversation based on what is around you and find a way to include the other person; 'What kind of dog is that?' 'Man I wished just once I could drive a car like that ...' 

You being present for someone else (a stranger or someone you know) can give them the reprieve they may need. Think about it and see what difference you can make for someone else. You might be surprised to see that you get something positive out of the moment too.