The Technological Chain Letter

When I was a young girl, maybe age 11 or 12, my friends and I would get chain letters. Ours were handwritten and sent through the mail with a postage stamp. We generally only got mail on our birthdays from out of town relatives, so getting something in the mail was a big deal. I did write to a pen pal during the 5th grade, a student from another school in another state (a class project of sorts), but that was the only mail I would get. It's exciting when you're 11 to walk out to the mailbox and come back with something with your name on it.

 

My, how things have changed. We didn't have cell phones or computers when I was younger, so we communicated by writing letters, talking on the phone (the kind with a cord attached to the wall in the kitchen with absolutely NO privacy), or we knocked on someone's door and then sat on the front porch.

 

Today is very different. On any given day I can get a 'forwarded' email with an inspirational story that I am invited (or gently coerced) into sharing with my friends. There's usually the promise of good fortune or prayers sent my way, but ONLY if I share. Then there is the subtle hints toward guilt if I don't; 'I know which of my friends will share this and which ones won't' or 'If you're not ashamed to share this ...'.  Really? I lead a very busy life, like most everyone. I may have time, at some point, to read through your email, but it may take a week and then what? I've missed my deadline, so now I am doomed to live the next 10 years with bad luck?

 

On most days I love my Facebook account; I get to read what my family and friends are up to, celebrate their happy moments and accomplishments, and feel connected. What I don't like is the political rants, the way technology has made it too easy for people to be bullies and say whatever mean things they want to people they know and people they don't know and hide behind cartoon photos and fake names. But, if I'm being totally honest, I also do not care for the posts that generally have a sincere message, but then attach that good message with a double dose of guilt; 'copy and paste this to your timeline for 1 hour' or 'I know which of my friends will read all the way through this message and then care enough to share'. I would much rather read your thoughts, applaud your efforts for sharing, and then form my own opinion; but the second an ultimatum is attached I will lose interest. Hopefully this doesn't make me a bad person. I will still read your message, consider your beliefs, and most likely support your cause if I agree, but most times I will not share it to my timeline or forward it to my contact list. That is my opinion and my choice, as it is yours for posting in the format that you do.

 

Will you still consider me your 'Facebook' friend if I don't? I hope so. I would hate to think that our friendship was structured around ultimatums and guilt.

 

How do you feel? Do you tend to share posts and emails that you receive, and if so why? Do you tend to send the posts asking for support? I understand that exposure means everything when you are trying to share news or support a cause. What topics are you most likely to share?

 

In a respectful and productive way, please help me understand.

Try Changing Your Perspective

We can always remind ourselves to try to think positively, to view the glass as half full, and that we have enough to worry about today without thinking about tomorrow. For many, these can just be words; words that we tell ourselves over and over again, but unless we start believing them will mean absolutely nothing.

 

I am certainly not one to give advice; my life isn't perfect and I can openly admit that I rank up there among the best of worriers. It's my nature. It's in my genes. It's what I can do with my eyes closed while multi-tasking on six other things. Of all the things I think I do pretty well, this isn't one that I am proud of.

 

So I won't give advice. I won't pretend that I know more than you. I certainly won't try to convince you that I have all the answers. What can I do? I can keep trying. I can keep listening to my pastor's sermons on Sunday mornings. I can listen objectively to conversations and see what little nugget of wisdom I can learn and try to apply to my own life. I can see what works and what doesn't and NOT give up.

 

I have a great life! I have a loving and devoted husband, I have awesome kids, an amazing daughter-in-law, the most beautiful granddaughter in the world (and I don't think I'm biased at all, lol), and a second granddaughter due to arrive in a month. I have my health, people tell me I look younger than my age, and I have a job I like and think I'm pretty good at. I have a lot going for me, but I'm human. I still worry ... a lot, about many different things. But at the end of the day I can either worry myself sick (which isn't good for me or anyone else) or I can try to change my perspective; every day and every other hour, if needed.

 

When I am stressed or find myself frustrated about something I have to do, rather than tell myself 'I HAVE to do (insert blah, blah, blah)', I need to learn to rephrase my action and say 'I GET to do (blah, blah, blah)'. Will this work every time? Perhaps not, but it might help me regain my perspective. Yes, lately I find myself inundated with paperwork and responsibilities for me, my immediate family, my extended family, and my job. BUT I need to remind myself; I HAVE a job. I HAVE a family to worry about. I HAVE a roof over my head; so what if the wind took down three big trees in my yard last week ... they didn't fall on my house or anyone else's. I can worry about my son's health or my daughter finding a job after graduation, but guess what? I can't wish my son's discomfort away and I can't send in a resume' for my super-talented and qualified daughter (but if anyone wants to hire a soon-to-be-graduate with a lot of knowledge and great people skills, please give me a call).

 

In the end, I can continue to try to make each day better than my last. I can try to create a better balance for myself (whatever that looks like). I can remind myself daily to change my perspective and make my shoulders lighter.

 

Maybe you have a nugget of wisdom for me? How do you keep a healthy and positive perspective these days?

The Battle Of The What Ifs

With everything that is going on in today's society; competitive job markets, political unrests, health scares, economic statuses ... it is no wonder that the average person is left to deal with worry and anxiety. Stress isn't a new word, by any means. People, young and old, have been dealing with it for generations. People worry about their their incomes, they worry about the rising costs of a college education for their children, they worry about the price of health insurance, utilities, about the strength of relationships, and about practically everything else.

It was only a week ago that my pastor targeted his sermon about worries. How by worrying about tomorrow today, we were basically wasting our time because God had a plan and there was enough worry for today without worrying about the future too (I'm paraphrasing, of course). I find comfort in knowing that God has a plan for my life and those I care about, but He also made me the way that I am. He gave me a set of gifts and talents, which I attempt to use as wisely as I can. But I am also a natural born worrier, a mediator, a wanna-be Wonder Woman who seems to think it is expected for me to have answers and solutions to everyone's questions and problems at any given time. With that self-imposed responsibility, though, comes tension headaches, stiff shoulders, countless sleepless nights, worry lines around my eyes, and bouts of unexplained tears. I want to convince myself that I am strong and can deal with anything (and most times I can), but sometimes I am humbled and reminded of my humanness. No one else expects me to have it ALL together ALL of the time, well some may, but I am only one person.

I have a tattered small piece of paper taped to the rim of my computer screen at work that says '...God will never give me more to handle than he knows my shoulders can bear.' I read it several times a day to try and help me keep an even perspective.

Most days I am a 'glass is half full' kind of gal, but we all have our moments of doubt when the WHAT IFS start creeping their gloomy heads in to our days and dreams at night. What if our friend loses their job? What if the college students we know don't get jobs after graduation? What if we don't meet our deadlines and quotas at work? What if the price of health insurance continues to rise more than it already has, HOW will be be able to pay for it? Worse, what if someone gets sick and we actually need to USE the insurance, how will be afford to pay the deductibles?

Trying to keep the glass half full is a lot of work; it is no wonder we have sleepless nights, nauseous stomachs, and headaches. Study after study has shown that anxiety can give us physical symptoms; being 'sick' of the stress and the worry is more real than you know.

So, what's the perfect answer? I wish I knew. Continue to take life one day at a time, I suppose. Continue to do the best that we can using the tools we presently have. We'll never be able to get 30 hours in a day or 8 days in a week. We need to be able to slow down long enough to hear ourselves think; to temporarily block out all the things that may be overwhelming us. We need to set boundaries for ourselves and pray that people will respect them for what they are. We need to find an inner peace that allows us to take the 'being perfect' pressure off of ourselves. We need to trust God more that He really won't give us more to handle than He knows we can deal with.

What if we could say NO once in a while when we were asked to add something to our already overflowing plate? What if we forced ourselves to take 20 minutes out of our already busy day to focus on us? What if  we learned, a little at a time, to trust that everything could turn out okay? What if we packed the Wonder Woman lasso and golden cuffs back into the Halloween dress up box and stopped thinking that we needed to wear them every day?

Personally, I'd love to try focusing on these WHAT IFS instead. 

*Disclaimer ... this blog post is my twenty minutes of ME time for today. Trying to use my own advice. 😉