You Can't Always Take It Back

There's been a lot of controversy and ill feelings in the news lately; as if it isn't usually that way. Sure there are politics, but that could be a topic for a blog post in itself. We've had reports of teenage drivers being killed on the road because someone crossed over the line and hit them head on in their lane. And we've had sad reports of a firefighter being intentionally run down on the road while collecting donations for a charity. These were both serious, life-altering incidents that can't be taken back.

While I'm certainly not trying to compare useless words to the accidents I mentioned, words are one thing that we DO have control over. Nowadays people seem to hide behind their freedom of speech amendments in order to say whatever they want, as if it somehow gives them a pass to behave carelessly. Case and point; recently 2 co-hosts of the TV show 'The View' made careless comments about a Miss America contestant who wore her scrubs and gave a monologue for her talent portion of the competition. Needless to say the co-hosts' comments were misinformed, needless, and completely uncalled for. Nurses and viewers across the U.S. responded unfavorably resulting in the 2 co-hosts giving an on-air apology. The thing about apologies is that when they're only given once someone is confronted (and most likely pre-written by someone else) they don't tend to come across as believable. Many media reps have said before that even 'bad publicity is better than no publicity'.

Words are final; once they're spoken you can't always take them back. Everyone, especially those in front of a camera or on a platform, should be knowledgeable of what they say. Bashing or belittling others has always been the tact of a bully in order to make themselves feel better. While I do write a blog I understand that with the words that I choose to write comes a certain level of responsibility. My only hope is to share my viewpoint in a respectable way, nudge readers to think about consequences and choices, and slowly edge my little corner of the world into a more peaceful state.

My prayers go out to the families of those involved in the deadly car accidents; those whose lives were forever changed because of the avoidable actions of others. I cannot change what happened to them, as I cannot change a lot of things in this world. However, I (and you) CAN make a difference with our own words and actions. I am always reminded of the quote, 'Think twice, speak once.' If I still get it wrong, shame on me for missing the opportunity.

When You Find The Tables Have Turned

There's a saying about not judging someone until you've walked in their shoes for a day. There's a lot of wisdom there. It's easy for all of us to say, 'They could lose the weight if they really wanted to.' 'They could quit smoking if they had more will power.' 'They should be more positive, they're always so grumpy.' 

If life were only that simple then anyone could do IT, right? That's what we like to think until we're the one who's struggling to lose the 10# or trying to kick the bad habit. We're only human. It's natural for us to get frustrated with other people when we don't know or understand the 'why' or the 'why not' of a situation. It's when we actually take the time to ask and then listen that we'll have a chance of understanding what is behind the problem or the disappointment.

I understand that it's difficult and frustrating to stand by and watch someone move backwards or self-destruct, but disappointment and frustration are REAL emotions so I'm guessing that it's o.k. to feel and experience them. We want to help people help themselves. Nobody wants to stand by and watch someone falter, but sometimes people have situations that are beyond their control because of health, age, etc. In most situations our attitude is about the only thing we do have some input in. If given the right opportunities most of us can find a positive in any negative. We lose someone, but we're thankful for time we did have with them. We watch someone deteriorate from who they used to be, but we're thankful for the times when we see a light in their eyes and they remember our name. We stand by and watch someone abuse themselves, but are optimistic when they finally find their rock bottom because only then will they be able to fight their way back.

There will always be negatives in the world; that's practically a given. BUT there's always the hope for a positive. The other night I was feeling stressed as I sat with someone in the ER. I texted a friend and she reminded me that someone she works with is always looking for the positives in a situation. It's tough when they're referring to you and you realize you need to focus and look a little harder. I guess sometimes it comes back to the basics and it's about nothing more than perception. Is the glass half full or half empty? Personally, I like to think I'm more of a half full kind of gal.

The next time you find yourself unknowingly starting to judge someone - TURN THE TABLES. Stop and watch, then ask questions and stick around long enough to hear the answers. You might be surprised to hear the answers are different from what you thought.

Have you been looking for the positives lately?

Turning The Negative Into A Positive

Everyone has experienced a negative person at some point in their lives. Some people don't mean to be negative in their attitude, they just can't seem to help themselves. Other people come across as having a negative outlook because of something they've experienced. Perhaps they're lonely, or insecure, or even scared.

If you're a parent your child at some point was afraid of not having any friends, being bullied at school, or worried about missing you when you went out to dinner and left them with a babysitter for the first time. They might have been afraid and tearful the first time you left them at the doorway to preschool or sent them to camp. They may have been overwhelmed their first year of college staying in the dorm and having to do their laundry on their own. Our children grow up and will undoubtedly learn from their experiences and mature along the way. They will have their moments of feeling like they can't do it without you, but they will. They'll surprise you and they'll surprise themselves. They'll learn to notice the positive things in life. They'll learn to discard the negatives that can pull them back.

Then there are the people who can have you reaching into your cupboard for the biggest bottle of Tylenol you can find to try and curb your mounting headache. Some people (no age requirement) can be just plain cranky. Some can be exhausting. You have to dig extra deep at times to try to turn their negatives into positives, but it's worth it to keep trying. Don't let them rain on your parade or dim your light. Show them (over and over if needed) that there are positives in every situation. Sometimes, depending where a person is at, it's hard for them to find a bright spot. Help them find it; point it out. Doesn't matter if it's big or small; they all count.

With perseverance and a strong will you can help others find their positives. Your light will shine a little brighter and they'll start to notice. Your positive attitude might even rub off. Consider it a life experiment.

Are Good Manners A Lost Cause?

Whenever writers blog, at least speaking for myself, we tend to have certain topics that we're passionate about (good or bad) and ironically we find ourselves talking about topics we've already written about before. Not sure exactly what that conveys about the topic or even myself as a writer. I've written about etiquette, my views on morals and values, and about choices having lasting effects.

I feel that one of the necessary qualities for anyone hoping to be a good writer is to be a good observer. If you are a good people-watcher and a good listener it could make for better real-life observations and add more truth to your writing.

Case and point; this weekend I went to a local eatery with my husband. We were there for approximately 45 minutes. During that time I watched and I listened. I observed some strangers being polite and personable. I also observed people discarding trash from their car doors into the parking lot. I saw people drive into the parking lot going way too fast and park diagonally across 2 parking spots. And upon my exit I had a young man walk directly in front of me, open the door and let it go in my face only for him to exit the 2nd outer door and thank the stranger who held it open for him. Both the stranger and I looked at each other and said, 'Seriously?'

I am not naive enough to think that our world is perfect, nor do I believe that everyone has the same ideas about morals. So what do we do when we see common manners falling by the wayside like a lost art form? Do we judge? Do we put blame on the parents who raised them? The people I observed were mostly early 20 somethings. They weren't 12 or 15 or even 18. These were young adults; our future.

I'm certainly not suggesting that everyone in their 20s is rude, because that would not be true at all. But I am wondering what future generations will look like, because if we lead by example and we teach what we know is there a point where it becomes too late for some to learn?

What do you think? The media is generally all too quick to point out the negative stories. What have you observed to be some positive situations where you think our young generation has hope?

Getting Back On The Bike

It's as easy as 'getting back on the bike' can be a metaphor for life; meaning if we get back in the practice of doing something we've been used to doing then everything will fall back into place. What do you think? Is it as easy as that?

A few weeks ago my daughter and I went to Mackinac Island. What goes with being on Mackinac Island? Walking, horses, fudge ... and yes, riding bikes. No cars are allowed so if you want to get anywhere on the island you either walk, take a horse & carriage ride, or ride a bike. I hadn't ridden my bike at home all of last summer and this summer I'd only been on it twice, but guess what? On the island I got back on the bike and I rode ... and rode ... and rode some more. Once on the seat with my backpack and water bottle in the front basket and the wind in my hair it was as if I'd been riding all my life. It was familiar and it felt right.

So what other areas in our lives would we like to get back to? For me it's blogging and working in my flower beds. The last few weeks have been busy; lots to do and just not even time or energy to do it all. Tomorrow I hope to tidy up the flowers, but tonight I will blog. Tonight I will get back to putting my emotions and my life moments into words and hopefully paint a picture on my computer screen, but with words rather than with brushes and colors.

I've had a blessed week with the arrival of my first grandchild; a beautiful baby girl named Jane. What better motivation to get back on the bike? Stay tuned ...

But first, what would you like to get back to?

Are Your Dreams Vivid?

I've heard some people say that they dream dreams SO clearly they are sure they have a special gift; that they are able to 'see' things other people can't. I'm not saying they're right and I'm not saying they're wrong. Sometimes I think I dream pretty vividly and with LOTS of detail. Sometimes I'll remember even the tiniest of details and other times not so much. Some nights I'll wake up swinging my arms around and not have a clue of what I was dreaming about.

Dreams can be fascinating and they can also be terrifying. We can dream happy dreams that motivate us and give us the courage we need to 'GO FOR IT' (whatever IT is). As well, we can have nightmares that scare us so badly they make us a bit more cautious and less willing to take needless risks. Maybe you were driving last week and had a close call with another driver. Maybe you considered texting when you knew you should pay more attention to your driving, then you had a dream that you crashed your car into another car. Perhaps your dream (or your subconscious) was giving you some insight into the possible consequences of your actions and maybe giving you a second chance.

Dreams can sometimes help us sort out things we're contemplating or stressing over. Sometimes we just need to hear ourselves talk or role play. Given the right scenario and some quiet time without distractions we can take a walk through our own subconscious and get things back on track. If it works, it works - no one has to know but us.

Then there are the insomnia nights when we find ourselves thinking too hard and too long and about too much, that we force ourselves to lay awake with our minds going a million miles a minute. I have nights like those occasionally and trust me, they are exhausting. They usually have me begging for sleep (with dreams or without).

What are your dreams like? Do you dream often? Do you dream in black & white or in color? One-dimensional or 3D? Do you solve things when you sleep? Have you ever had a premonition when you slept?

Stop, Watch and Listen

We all know that schedules can get crazy, overwhelming, and a bit out of hand at times. The truth of the matter is that we tend to create most of our own stress. We take on more projects than we know we can handle, because we don't want to say 'No'. We try to play superhero and do it all. We work, we parent, we take care of aging parents, we take care of our homes, and we try to reach out and volunteer. If you're like me, you feel guilty at times about taking a couple of days off for yourself (o.k. - I hope I'm not the only one that struggles with that.)

 

Last week I took one day off of work and managed 3 days away with my daughter for some R&R, some mother-daughter conversation, some grueling exercise, a lot of fresh air, and a good deal of people-watching. It was good to get away, to have a change of scenery, to do something different, to not watch the clock, to not answer the phone, and to not hear honking horns (at least while we were on Mackinac Island).

 

So what did we do? We walked A LOT. We rode bikes A LOT. We talked A LOT. We ate good food (but not too much). We people watched; that can be a sport in itself. And we talked to people ... total strangers. While waiting for dinner at an outdoor pick up window we talked to a retired Army guy from Kentucky. We learned a bulk of his life story (at least the part since 2002) in under 3 minutes. He talked about his desire to tour around the U.S. with his wife and about many of the places he'd been. He talked about wanting to DO as much as they could now that he was retired.

 

We talked with a young woman working on the island in the Biddle House (built in the early 1800s). She wore a dress from the period and talked about the origins of the house, the family that lived there, and what a typical day would have been like for them. Then we talked with 'her'; about her summers, her job, and about the quilt she was working on (the pattern, the size, how long it would take them to complete one, etc.).

 

Asking people 'How are you?' and getting the automated reply, 'I'm fine' is easy. It takes more effort to have a REAL conversation; to ask real questions and give real answers. It's interesting, it's fun, and it's educational. We already know most everything about ourselves. It's more fun to actually stop, watch, and listen to other people. We can learn so much, and not just about them. We can learn things about ourselves; the level of our compassion, our interests, and our level of creativity.

 

Embrace the moment. Take the vacation. Hug your kids. Have a real conversation. Give it a chance. I guarantee you it'll be worth the effort.

 

What was the last thing you learned from a conversation with a stranger? Was it something about them OR you?