When A Little White Lie Is Not So Little

How many times as a kid did you tell a 'little white lie'? Maybe it was about something as trivial as whether or not you had hopped the fence to get the ball out of your neighbor's back yard or whether or not you had spent as much time on your homework as you claimed you did. You may have thought the topics weren't all that important and you weren't hurting anyone, so why did it matter?

But little white lies aren't always so little. They matter more than you may think. Whether you are a child or a teenager or a young adult or a supervisor at work ... guess what? Lies are still lies. And the more you tell them without thinking about them, the easier it becomes for you to do. 

To me when you tell a little white lie it says you're being lazy and taking the easy way out. Maybe you don't have the answer and don't want to admit it, so you lie about it and convince yourself it's okay. Maybe you don't want to put in the needed time or discipline for something so you lie about it because you don't want to be judged (like if you cheated on your diet). Maybe you come up with excuses for why you don't get some things done. When a professional misses a deadline and makes excuses for why they weren't prepared for the meeting, they're telling a lie. Big or small, they create inconveniences for the other people who were counting on them. They make other people wait needlessly and put them in a position to have to pick up the slack to cover for them. Not very professional, for sure.

I think what some people tend to forget is that little white lies are as transparent as saran wrap. People can usually see right through them. You are basically being rude to the other person and not fooling anyone, except maybe yourself. Never a good thing. Not only are you being rude, but you're being disrespectful which only makes you look bad. Reputations can be tarnished quickly and your integrity will be questioned.

I'm not trying to be the judgmental one here and say who's right and who's wrong or when it's okay to tell a lie and when it's not. I suppose if you have to choose, think about whether your lie will hurt someone's feelings needlessly or whether your little white lie will come at a cost to someone else (especially business related). If someone asks you, 'What do you think of my new haircut?' Think about it; if you don't find it super flattering, don't be blunt and hurtful, maybe soften the blow with a more generic answer of 'Wow, what a change!'. You aren't telling a lie, you're just being considerate.

The next time you find yourself about to tell a needless fib (and we ALL do occasionally), stop and ask yourself 'Why?' Why do you need to? Do you really think you're fooling anyone? Will it be worth it?

Just remember, one small change can move mountains. If you change how you think about yourself and show yourself the respect you deserve, others will surely follow suit.

When was the last time you felt hurt or disappointed because someone lied to you and you knew it as soon as the words left their lips? 

Words Have Power

Words are crucial. I've always said that words, no matter how big or how small, how simple or how extravagant have an enormous amount of power. Words can build a person up just as easily as they can tear someone down. Words can be encouraging and yet words can be destructive. It's great when people take the time to actually think about what they're going to say before they open their mouth.

You've heard the old saying, 'Think twice, speak once'? How true is that? Many times people tend to speak out of reflex; kind of a spur of the moment thing. That's not always good. You could blurt out, 'I love you!' and that would probably be a good thing. But when you speak out of hurt emotions; hatred, grief, or especially jealousy ... well, that's when things can be said that you look back later and maybe wish you hadn't of said them. Words though are like that tube of toothpaste in your bathroom. Once it's out of the tube, you can't shove it back in. Once you choose to say something, good or bad, it's out and you can't get it back. 

You might inadvertently say something mean to someone without intending to. Maybe you're just getting the emotions out. Maybe you think it'll somehow make you feel better. Maybe you're actually trying to have the other person hurt like you're hurting. Sadly, none of these scenarios are beneficial. You won't feel better and being nasty to someone else for no reason won't improve a thing.

The world has been a stressful place lately; people are sick, people are having marital problems, people are experiencing financial burdens, people are looking for jobs, etc. It's normal to look for a reprieve from all the sadness and stress, but not at the expense of other people. It's kind of like the behavior of a bully; you tear someone else down a little in hopes of building yourself up. In the end the bullies only expose themselves for who they really are.

In the midst of all the sadness around us, try to use your words carefully. Take the time to notice people and tell them something nice. Tell them you like their smile. Say 'thank you'. Tell them, 'blue is really your color'. Tell them something positive, something uplifting, or something hopeful. Trust me, we all hear our share of the negative words every day (on the news, on the radio, or in conversation with people). Hearing something positive and just knowing that someone noticed us in a positive way can be really uplifting.

When's the last time you said something nice to a stranger?

When's the last time you said something nice to someone you know?

When's the last time someone said something either 'nice' or 'not so nice' to you? 

How did it make you feel?