Do You Hold Back?

Have you ever wished you could say or do EXACTLY what you wanted? I'm sure if we gave ourselves that freedom, some of us could easily get ourselves into trouble. They say we should think twice and speak once; probably good advice. IF in some situations, brought on my anger or frustration, we said the first thing that came to mind it could potentially make things worse. But let's say we're talking about those minor inconveniences, the ones that tend to make our blood boil or the little hairs on the back of our necks stick out.

Have you ever been driving in traffic and things were congested and moving slow and you REALLY needed to get some where so you wouldn't be late? Did you ever wish you could 'hover'? You know ... like the space age cars in the old cartoon 'The Jetsons? How cool would that be? You could cruise right along, miss all the pot holes, and glide right above the stop lights.

Maybe you've always had the inner desire to pull someone over and make a citizen's arrest because they didn't use a turn signal when switching lanes multiple times or they insisted on throwing their trash and cigarette butts out the car window. I've noticed a pattern that I tend to complain often about non-courteous drivers; sorry if that offends anyone. Sometimes I sincerely wish I could say out loud what was going through my head, but in today's day and age we need to be careful. You never know when someone's going to stop and pull out a gun because you honked at them. So ... we grin and bear it. It's sometimes safer that way.

Maybe people's lack of sincerity and follow-through bother you. The people who don't finish the job, or disregard deadlines, or walk through life with a haphazard attitude.

Oh, if I could only tell people what I actually thought, my shoulders would probably lower 2" all by themselves, but that's what keeps my massage therapist in business. (lol)

There's a book that suggests we shouldn't sweat the small stuff, but then who gets to define which issues are big or which ones are small? I'm sure everyone has their own unique and personal list.

So, here's my question of the day:
Which do you do better? Grin and bear it? Or not hold back? Good or bad, have you ever gotten yourself in a situation where you wished you had re-do? Perhaps said something you later regretted?

Do It Today

Some blog posts are lengthy and full of explanations and overflowing emotions. Others not so much. Some, like this one, will be short, direct and to the point. Yesterday I had a day filled with mixed emotions; experiencing both some ups and some downs. During the day my husband and I volunteered at a local food pantry and helped to package 30,000 meals. Following we were admittedly a bit tired, but feeling good like we had done our small part to contribute to something bigger; something good. Later in the evening we received the sad news that the son of a good friend had died unexpectedly in a car accident. Our emotions went on an immediate downward spiral.

Death, especially when unexpected, is devastating to those left behind to try and figure out the 'why's' and 'what if's'. There are no warnings and no time for righting any wrongs. Life is fragile, it is complicated, and it is most surely unpredictable. Our friend may never know exactly what caused his son's death and he may be left unsure whether or not he'd said 'I Love You' enough times, but the one thing we can know is that once today is gone so is our opportunity for second chances.

 

If you want to offer forgiveness or, for that fact, accept it ... do it today.

If you want to tell someone they're special ... do it today.

If you want to make a difference, no matter how insignificant you might feel it is ... do it today.

If you want to change the world (or at least your little corner of it) ... do it today.

 

There's a saying that suggests you should never put off till tomorrow what you can do today. Maybe there's more truth to those simple words than we realize. Maybe we shouldn't overcomplicate things. Maybe we should consider today for the true gift that it is.

Look At The Big Picture

This morning on TV I heard that no one won yesterday's huge Powerball lottery jackpot bringing this Saturday's drawing to an estimated $360 million. Wow! What would you do with that kind of money? Of course, that all depends on whether or not you would actually buy a ticket. You know what they say, "You can't win if you don't play." The humorous part of the report was when the news anchor asked the weatherman if he'd buy a ticket. The younger weatherman squirmed and said, "Powerball? Isn't that the game that costs $2 for a ticket rather than $1?" My husband and I looked at each other and laughed, because we've both had that same response before.

I'll admit I have bought a few tickets over the years, but I'm usually the one standing in line to buy a ticket for the $200 million prize who only buys ONE ticket. The guy behind me has his $20 bill ready in his hand, laughing at me asking, "Ha! You're only buying one ticket? You'll never win." My response is always the same ... they're only going to pick one set of numbers so I'm either going to win or I'm not. I can always find something else to do with my other $18 or $19.

I've heard people actually say that they won't bother to buy a ticket unless the jackpot is immeasurably big, because a smaller jackpot of say $10 to $20 million isn't worth their time. Hmmm, so basically they must already have that much stashed away and they're doing fine? (lol).

So IF you were to buy a ticket and IF the odds were forever in your favor and IF you actually won ... what would you do with the money? Would you travel? Would you buy a new house (if you do I know a great Realtor I can refer you to)? Would you pay off all your bills? Would you share your new-found wealth with family and friends? Would you invest in the future of your church? Would you donate to a charity or two? Would you start a scholarship fund? The possibilities are endless.

You'll never see me taking a wad of cash to a casino or even buying $20 worth of lottery tickets at one time, but YES I will still buy that occasional $1 ticket that gives me a chance to do some extra good in the world. I've had this recurring dream where I'm actually able to go an auto repair shop, sit in the waiting area and observe, and then discreetly go up and pay the bill in full for the young mother who's bouncing a baby on her lap and looking nervous about whether or not she'll be able to afford the repairs for her broken car.

I'm certainly not one to cast the first stone or judge anyone. I'm not going stereotype about the kind of person anyone is or isn't if they buy a ticket. I'm merely a person who likes to make people and situation observations. Nothing more ... nothing less.

Unintended Good Deeds

Yesterday the lower half of Michigan was targeted with a thick white blanket of snow. News reports said this storm was the 3rd worst in the Detroit Metropolitan area's recorded history. At least we have a record to show for the 17" my driveway received during the 24-hour period. Today I was blessed with a compassionate boss though who said, "Stay home and stay safe." Churches don't usually get 'snow days'; actually this was only my 2nd in the last 13 years.

Wintry snowfalls like this one tend to bring out different sides of people; for some it brings out the impatient side ... the side that wants to drive too fast or too recklessly ... the side that convinces themselves that for some reason their time is more valuable than everyone else's. But, if you slow down and observe, you will also notice those whose compassionate sides emerge with an almost radiant glow. They are the ones who take the time out of their already exhausting day to help dig out the stranded motorist or help snow blow the neighbor's driveway.

Yesterday at church my husband leaned over and told me that he had observed someone doing an unintended good deed. A woman headed out to the parking lot to clean her car off. Once it was clean she went to get in and realized it was NOT her car. It was the same make, model and color ... except hers was parked a few spaces away. With the snow coming down, such as it was, it was an honest mistake. She then proceeded to her own car and began the clean off process all over again. Clearly, it could have been an inconvenience for her, but at the same time it turned out to be an unintended good deed. Whoever the first car belonged to got a huge blessing when they went to leave.

Tonight my husband and I drove the 30-minute drive to help our daughter out who lives on a college campus. Her car was buried under more than a foot of snow and needed to be moved so they could plow the parking lot. Needless to say, she now has a shovel of her own and her car is tucked away nicely in the covered parking structure. In the process, though, we joined together as a family to dig out another young female student whose car was also snowed in. I don't mention this to pat ourselves on the back, but rather to point out that we don't always need to search out ways to help our fellow neighbors ... opportunities will present themselves to us when we aren't looking.

Whether it's a snow storm or an ordinary day, be observant of the opportunities that can turn into  unintended good deeds. Those can be the best ones!

What's the most recent unintended good deed you were blessed to witness?

Throw Your Fears Into The Fire!

This may easily be one of the longest blog posts I have written to date. Bear with me though and read through to the end. I think it will be well worth your time.

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Everyone has fears that they deal with. Perhaps yours is health or finance related or you fear never being able to fix something you regret. Do you ever wish you could just leave it behind and move forward?

We all go through different seasons in our lives - it's part of 'the journey'. I've had more seasons than would fit in a calendar year. My parents divorced many years ago leaving in the aftermath a young girl of 12 full of questions, uncertainties, insecurities, and yes ... even fears. Fears of what would happen to me, how would I grow up, and what would my future look like.

As an adult (at 42) I was a wife and mother of two when I was diagnosed with an aggressive breast cancer. I went through a lot of treatment, but I was lucky. I survived and am now 8 years cancer free! That doesn't mean that I didn't have my share of fears along the way; the fear of having surgery, the fear of the chemo not working, and the inevitable fear of the cancer coming back some day. I am blessed to say that since that time many fears have been erased ... gone ... history! My fears of not seeing my daughter graduate from high school ... gone. The fear of not seeing my son graduate from two colleges ... gone. The fear of not being there on my son's beautiful wedding day ... gone.

We tackle our fears head on. Sometimes we're successful and sometimes we're not. Sometimes it's coming across inspiring real life stories that gives us the extra push we need to get over our own hurdles.

This week I learned of an amazing woman, Heather Von St. James. Nine years ago when Heather was 36 she was diagnosed with mesothelioma; a rare cancer caused by exposure to asbestos. She had been exposed to the asbestos as a child. Heather had just given birth to her daughter, and during the most exciting time in her and her husband's lives, she was given just 15 months to live. Heather's surgery was scheduled for just 2 days prior to her daughter turning six months old. After surgery to remove the affected lung, pleura (the lining around the lung where the cancer was), the left half of her diaphragm and lining of her heart, and her sixth rib Heather began her journey towards survival. Mesothelioma is by far one of the worst cancers to have to deal with and has a latency period, sometimes up to 35 years. That's just crazy! Part of every person's journey is learning how to create something positive in the aftermath of a devastation. Whether that be an illness, the loss of a loved one, or the uncertainty of whether or not you'll have a roof over your head or a next meal to eat.


Out of Heather's real-life journey came an event called Lung Leavin' Day. This year will be the 9th Lung Leavin' Day Celebration! Heather and her husband wanted to find a way to celebrate the day her lung left. As Heather said, "One doesn't usually celebrate a surgery, but being who we are, we decided we should. The main idea of writing fears on a plate and smashing them into a fire during Lung Leavin' Day came from my sister, who had done firewalking. In firewalking, you write your fears on a plank of wood, throw it in the fire, and walk across it -- very symbolic. But instead of wood, my husband and I came up with the idea of a plate. Plus, we figured not too many people really want to firewalk. From there the tradition was born."


The purpose of the holiday is to encourage others to face their fears. Each year they gather around a bonfire in their backyard in Minnesota with their friends and family. They write down their biggest fears on a plate and smash them into the fire. They celebrate for those no longer with us, for those who continue to fight, for those who are currently going through a tough time in their life, and most importantly, they celebrate life! Heather added, "The celebration is not just for cancer survivors or warriors, it's for everyone. Each individual has a fear to overcome. We even get the kids involved! We give paper plates to the little kids and let them write things they are afraid of too, so they can throw their plates and fears into the fire. My daughter Lily has a lot of great memories from past celebrations and looks forward to it every year as well."


Heather's journey hit a chord for me. While my cancer was completely different than hers I still felt a connection. My oncologist who got me through my entire treatment and 5-year post op was diagnosed with mesothelioma at the end of my 5 years. He was my age and within months he was gone, leaving behind a wife and family. My husband and I owe my life to him and my surgeon. We can't bring him back but we can celebrate him, his dedicated work to others, and his family. We can celebrate Heather and other people willing to fight and conquer their own fears.


Please join them in taking a moment on February 2nd to be thankful for the simple things, and all that life offers. Of course, not everyone can be at a bonfire, so they've made it easy for us. They've created an interactive page mesothelioma.com/heather/lungleavinday that further explains the full story of their special day.


If you've never shared one of my posts before I urge this to be the one.

For more information on Mesothelioma,
it's causes and her treatment check the links below ...

http://www.mesothelioma.com/asbestos-cancer/

http://www.mesothelioma.com/treatment/

Where do you get your wisdom?

We gather our wisdom from going to school, from the books we read, from the people we hang out with, and from the conversations we partake in. Sometimes it's simply a matter of observing, actually being willing to listen, remembering, and not taking anything for granted. A nugget of wisdom can come from anywhere; from something a stranger once said in passing, from an inspiring Internet story, from a Sunday morning church service, or from the lyrics of a song we heard on the radio while driving to work.

I've hit (and surpassed the age 50 mark), have adult children, ailing parents, a full time job, and an ever-present desire to learn and grow. Who has the right to tell you you're too old to learn something new? Just last week I signed up for my first Instagram account (theflowermom). Feel free to follow me (lol). I know a man in his 90s who still drives and is on Facebook. I occasionally read a blog written by a local elderly man who does an AMAZING job of relating and answering current questions from readers of all ages using his experience from the past. No matter how much and how fast life progresses, some things never change. There will always be core values, integrity, honesty, humbleness, and compassion. Those are things that grow and progress, but don't need to be 'new and improved'.

I am always ready and willing to admit that I am a work in progress. I can admit that when I was very young I thought ALL parents, teachers, and neighbors were old and over the hill. I thought there wasn't a single adult who could possibly understand anything that I might be going through. On the other hand I didn't have many adult figures in my life willing to mentor or guide me. I thought I had to do it all on my own. I did o.k., but looking back I sincerely wish there had been that one older person I could talk to, listen to, and learn from. Growing up in a separated family, with no aunts or uncles or cousins or grandparents in the state made it difficult to find that person. I understand that I cannot go back and change the past, and if I did then I might not be the person that I am right now.

My hope for people today (of any age) is that they would be open-minded enough to listen, to observe, to appreciate, and to reciprocate. Be willing to talk to people, but more importantly - be willing to listen. Nuggets of wisdom don't just fall from the sky, they need to be sifted through so the good ones can come to the top of the pan gleaming with hope and promise. Be appreciative of those who have been there for you and equally important ... be that one person for someone else.

 

Growing up, or even today, do you have that one person you can go to?

RELAX & REPEAT

We all need a place where we can relax, recharge, and rejuvenate. As of late I've been working on a special project; I've been creating a space for myself where I can revitalize my mind  ... a retreat of sorts. We all face the pressures of everyday life. We are all unique and while our stresses and trigger points may be different, we share a common bond that we search out that 'special' place that allows us to regroup.

Sometimes that's all we need; a place that we find soothing where we can take 5 minutes and block everything else out. Not everything is bad, mind you, but at times clearly overwhelming. Perhaps your ride home in traffic was stressful, perhaps your dishwasher decided to take it's last breath, maybe the kids were way too loud and rambunctious today, or maybe you haven't been feeling up to par. Whatever you need a small break from look for that quiet place where you can just be.

If you don't have a special place yet, make one. Even if it just means closing the bedroom door for a few minutes to be alone or taking a walk outside. We can't always be about the GO and GO FASTER. Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to SLOW DOWN and TAKE A BREAK. It's o.k. Trust me, everything else will still be there when we decide to reopen the door. 

What's your retreat space look like? What helps you regain perspective after a long day?